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Why won't he give up?


ElectricDaisy

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ElectricDaisy

I've never posted here before about my own relationship but I've been lurking a long long time :p I'll try to keep it short.. after a very damaging 3 year relationship, I broke up with my ex 8 months ago (well he broke up with me). It was mostly long distance, after about 5 months together he started to change and became very mentally abusive.. he would constantly build me up to a high place where I'd feel very confident and he'd mention marriage and such, then the next week he'd pull it all back again, verbally bash me and leave me feeling pretty worthless. I decided to stay with him thinking it would pass or that maybe he was just going though a rough time, things only got worse as time went on, but of course by then I was so low and had zero self esteem to leave. He had a string of emotional affairs with girls online while we were together, I know of at least 4 but there was probably more (Im also pretty sure he physically cheated with one girl too). He was an alcoholic and I guess the relationship became quite codependent.. I'd often lend him small amounts of money here and there and on one occassion I paid his monthly rent..admittedly I did this quite willingly at first :confused: but after a while he'd bully me in to buying him cigarettes and things. We finally got into a situation 9 months ago where we couldlive together, which we did.. a month later he decided its not what he wanted and ended it. While we were apart I managed to really see the relationship for what it wasand I haven't wanted to go back to that since. The last 8 months he has emailed at least once a week begging for me back. Most of these I've ignored after my initial response explaining to him that it was truly over, but some of them I have answered in moments of weakness .. he's very talented at making me feel sorry for him.. I have always maintainedthat I don't want to be with him though and that I do not want to be friends or talk, there is never any general chit chat.

 

Anyway, when I ignore him it results in a lot of abusive messages which then change to begging for me again and it got quite scary.. I know thesimple answer is to block his email.. Im not sure how to do that permanately but I did manage to apply a filter so his messages don't go to my inbox.. but now instead he calls my mobile, my mothers house phone and has even asked my brother to persuade me to talk to him again. I have moved on from him, Im even in the beginnings of a new relationship, but I guess there is still some attachment there and I cant seem to completely move on from him even though I know how awful he is.. for example this is one of his more recent messages..

' why do you have to ignore me? why do you ignore me? or treat me like you don't know me and don't care about me? :S it's just ... this is stupid ... let's just work things out, forget your Ukrainian friend ... maybe he means well but he doesn't love you really, because I already do! I did and I still do! forget him ... really, I'm already for you, I mean I have been and I am :) so why can't we work that out? I'm not going to send you home anymore I'm not gonna' fight or flirt or anything else ... I don't have lots of money but ... I mean I'm working on that, if that's the problem? I'm able to make you happy aren't I?

I don't expect a different answer from you anymore, but I just like to hope that maybe you'll maybe forgive me some day and we can be together ... but if not I have to accept that right? I can't be your sucker my whole life and nor will I be anymore, I love you and you don't love me back maybe you don't know how to love ... you're awfully vindictive to me and I assume mostly you're the same to other men your actions toward me say it ... I've been nothing but wholehearted to you since we met and I know you're gonna say oh but you cheated and were mean ... ok, besides that, that's not who I am, I know I screwed up or was angry out of the moment

which I think if you love someone you forgive bad behavior in the name of love ... same as your parents do when you screw up ... they still love you right? same thing applies

 

Am I the only one who thinks thats a little insane? that he can talk like that.. its like he has no reality of what really happened and truly sees himself as a victim and to go from starting the email off asking for me back to then calling me vindictive.. what is that? I really don't know how to move on from this.. I can't seem to completely ignore him.. its been 8 months and I don't want to spend another 8 or even another week like this.. is there any way to get this guy to leave me alone? Hes made some vague comments before hinting at suicide if I don't speak to him.. so I feel responsible to still read his messages..

I know the real answer is to just ignore him, so I guess Im more looking for support than anything. Im sorry for such the long message and I hope its not too incoherent.

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