losing the will to live

[pappa k]

It's been 4 months since my break up. I'm completely over my ex. But I'm so lonely that I don't want to continue living anymore. I've been shot down by every girl I've tried talking to except one. I took a girl on a date it went great but I've been trying for 4 weeks now to set up a second date and she always has a excuse for not being able to. She never texts me and when I text her she barely replies back. She says she is interested in dating me but it doesn't seem like it when she does stuff like that .

[Zahara]

You have a child. It should motivate you to want to live to see her through her years. Instead you want to end your life because you haven't found someone 4 months since your break-up? Your child should be your center and if you are finding it hard to focus on what's relevant and good in your life rather paint your life black because you're feeling a hole in your soul (lonely) and trying to fill that with a woman, maybe it would be a good time to see a counselor.

 

Lonely? Do you have friends? Family? Join a meetup and start meeting people and involving yourself in activities. Make friends. You're only 24. I don't understand your rush to find someone. Sometimes it is a good thing to just be alone for awhile after an ending, even when you're over that hurdle.

 

I hope you are seeking help with your drinking problem.

 

There is lots to do in terms of changing your life around before you start seeking out someone to share it with.

Edited September 30, 2014 by Zahara

[pappa k]

Did counciling didn't help. Am on anti depressants they don't work. I hate feeling like this. I'm so lonely. Everyone has someone besides me in my circle of friends. I love my daughter very much and would love to see her grow up. But the pain is getting to be too much. I want to be happy again with someone but I guess it's not in the cards for me. I get to be alone forever. May as well kill myself now and get it over with

[pappa k]

I've made new friends many of which are women but they aren't interested in me. I tried asking them for help meeting new women but they either have no girl friends or just won't help me

[preraph]

You need to keep going to therapy. If you're feeling suicidal, you should just check into the ER and tell them. You can't let yourself be this way. You must take care of your child. So go take care of yourself so that you can do that.

[pappa k]

What is the point. I love my daughter but I'm a ****ty dad. My ex boyfriend is probably way better at it. I don't want to be alone forever so might as well give up. No one would ever want to be with me. Every girl I have ever liked has broken my heart. I'm never going to find someone.

[Zahara]

Therapy requires long term commitment and effort. A few months doesn't do much if all you're looking for is a quick fix. If you are depressed and your meds aren't working, then go back to your doctor or find a different doctor. If you are feeling suicidal, call a suicide hotline and see if you can get admitted.

 

When I say friends -- I mean of the same gender. There is no need for you to have women friends when your motive or intent is to possibly be more than friends. It is not in your best interest.

 

If you are a ****ty father, then it seems that this is all you would like to be. It all boils down to CHOICES. You are making the choice to be a ****ty father. There is no excuse for that.

 

You whine and moan about women not wanting you but how can anyone find you emotionally and mentally attractive when you don't even love yourself? You want it but you are not willing to work for it. Nothing comes easy. And relationships require commitment and effort. If you can't even invest that in yourself, what can you possibly offer a woman?

 

Until you make a conscious CHOICE to change your life around, nothing much changes. There are no quick fixes, and suicide isn't one of them either.

Edited September 30, 2014 by Zahara

[travelbug1996]

You will not be happy with a relationship until you learn to enjoy the company of yourself. If you don't love, value and honor yourself, no one else will. You will exude neediness and desperation. You have to be good to yourself.

[pappa k]

I've never loved myself. So basically I should just get it over with. Therapy is worthless and the meds are too. I'm just going to kill myself

[Zahara]

I've never loved myself. So basically I should just get it over with. Therapy is worthless and the meds are too. I'm just going to kill myself

 

It's unfair for you to come on a forum and make such a declaration. We cannot reach out to you and help you other than just words on a screen. You cannot say you will attempt suicide and expect people to just sit back and wonder what is transpiring in your corner of the world. It's selfish. If this is a cry for help, I would suggest you call a suicide hotline and let them talk you through what you are feeling.

 

Therapy is worthless because you do not want to put the effort and commitment into it. If one therapist isn't working for you, you find another, and if that one isn't a fit, you find another. It took me several tries before I found one that fit and helped me. If medication A is not working, you go back and see your doctor and seek alternatives.

 

If you choose not to make the effort, then no amount of therapy or meds will help you. Half the battle won is you putting forth effort and commitment and WANTING change. Self-pity and self-deprecation is you playing the victim and that works for no one.

[Zahara]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/475952-suicide-hotlines

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've never loved myself. So basically I should just get it over with. Therapy is worthless and the meds are too. I'm just going to kill myself

 

So tell us what it is you need from us on LS?

 

You're obviously reaching out. People are giving you very sound and thoughtful advice but you're dismissing them one by one for one reason or another.

 

You are basically telling us that the only way you will ever be happy or feel like living is if you have a girlfriend. That's a tremendous pressure you're placing on one person. Perhaps that's what they sense in you and why you're not successful at the moment.

 

Happiness comes from within. Only YOU are responsible for your happiness NOT another person. You can sit there and poo poo that all you want but it's a fact. You only set yourself up for more hurt and pain whenever you let someone else take responsibility for that.

 

We want to help and those of us that frequent this site care but we can't help you if you aren't willing to help yourself.

 

Hugs.

[pappa k]

I just hate living at this point. I was happy with my ex and now that I'm alone again I feel like I will never be with someone again. I'm just lonely as hell

[Zahara]

I just hate living at this point. I was happy with my ex and now that I'm alone again I feel like I will never be with someone again. I'm just lonely as hell

 

That's because you're dependent on someone else to make you happy. All you worry about is being with someone and clinging to them because you don't know how to be on your own and actually enjoy your independence.

 

If you are lonely as hell, create and expand a social circle. It almost sounds like even if you had a girlfriend, you'd have no life outside of her. You are in no way capable of offering a woman emotional stability when you don't even love yourself. Until you start cultivating your own life, focusing solely on being happily independent and finding value in yourself, you'll always be in these crippling situations.

 

Devaluing your life because you're not with a woman or because you're lonely is awfully shortsighted.

[couchcushion]

Therapy requires long term commitment and effort. A few months doesn't do much if all you're looking for is a quick fix. If you are depressed and your meds aren't working, then go back to your doctor or find a different doctor. If you are feeling suicidal, call a suicide hotline and see if you can get admitted.

 

When I say friends -- I mean of the same gender. There is no need for you to have women friends when your motive or intent is to possibly be more than friends. It is not in your best interest.

 

If you are a ****ty father, then it seems that this is all you would like to be. It all boils down to CHOICES. You are making the choice to be a ****ty father. There is no excuse for that.

 

You whine and moan about women not wanting you but how can anyone find you emotionally and mentally attractive when you don't even love yourself? You want it but you are not willing to work for it. Nothing comes easy. And relationships require commitment and effort. If you can't even invest that in yourself, what can you possibly offer a woman?

 

Until you make a conscious CHOICE to change your life around, nothing much changes. There are no quick fixes, and suicide isn't one of them either.

 

Zahara: it's cool that you're on this thread trying to help a guy out. And you have some good ideas sprinkled in your posts.

 

But telling an obviously depressed person that they CHOOSE to be depressed and that they are "whining" is very, very damaging. Especially telling someone that they are choosing to be a crappy father (if that was you - someone wrote it on here)...not cool.

 

If we all "chose" how we felt, there would be no need for these forums. Every thread would start with "I feel bad/sad/depressed because...". And the first response would be "Stop choosing to feel that way". And that would be the end of the "romantic" forums on Loveshack.

 

We can choose to perform actions, which can help modify our emotions (getting out of bed, working out, socializing, looking for a job, etc.), but for a depressed person it can even be difficult to carry out relatively simple actions which would help improve emotions. Hence, the cycle of depression, and why it's so hard to get out of.

 

Having said this, calling a hotline, seeking out platonic friends, ceasing dating for awhile...all good advice. And it's great that you're engaging with OP.

 

OP: it's only been 4 months. You are a gaping wound, and it adds salt to your wound when you seek romantic female companionship so early on. If you are lonely, socialize platonically.

 

Loneliness is terrible, I totally empathize. But understand that it takes time to build social connection. Took me a couple years.

[Zahara]

I've been in his shoes before and I've been around family members that have suffered with depression. I've seen the ones that sit there and complain and do nothing about it and I've seen the ones fight through it and actually move on from meds and into a better state of mind with therapy. I was in long term therapy after my divorce for severe depression. I sat in the dark for awhile. Then I chose to help myself.

 

I never said he was whining and moaning about his depression. I stated that there was no use whining and moaning about his luck with women if he doesn't make the effort and commitment to get himself better. Nothing changes until he decides to make change. I'm not new to heartbreak, which I almost think that him feeling this way is more so stemming from that seeing that he's just broken up.

 

He's admitted callously to being a ****ty father. If he came here and asked for help because his depression is not enabling him to be a good father to his child, I would empathize. Instead the meat and bones is his inability to find a girlfriend. It leaves me no desire to coddle and I don't wish to do so.

 

At some point, it really becomes a choice.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Zahara

[Yasuandio]

I just hate living at this point. I was happy with my ex and now that I'm alone again I feel like I will never be with someone again. I'm just lonely as hell

 

It is going to take time Pappas K. No way around it. Your girl needs you to get well and be here for her, end of story, done deal.

 

Therefore, the Hot line numbers are on page one. These people are trained to get your head straightened out. We are not trained professionals, here at LS. So, you must call the anonymous help lines, concurrently, during your chats with us. NOW - we need you to honor that advice. Will you do that? YES or NO? That is a simple question.

 

Ok, when you talk to the "crisis" hotline, we need you to report what you learn back to us, so we can support the advice you receive from the Hotline services. It is all free of charge. We are all here for you.

 

Hope to hear some positive, informative knowledge when you feel like getting back on line. Get something good to eat - like Red Velvet Cake, or something really exotic (I ate half a one last night, all by myself). Treat yourself like a king, while you're in pain. That helps a little.

 

waiting to hear from you. Yas and your great support team on this thread.

[Itspointless]

Did counciling didn't help. Am on anti depressants they don't work. I hate feeling like this. I'm so lonely. Everyone has someone besides me in my circle of friends. I love my daughter very much and would love to see her grow up. But the pain is getting to be too much. I want to be happy again with someone but I guess it's not in the cards for me. I get to be alone forever. May as well kill myself now and get it over with

Do not think that being together is the key to happiness. Perhaps for a short while, a relation is also a lot of hard work. So you are the only one of your friends being single at this moment. I can assure you many of them will be single again, unhappily married and stuck with children, or divorced at some point. Really lucky ones will perhaps have found a true partner that can make them happy. Depression is hard I have been there to often myself, but man there is so much to live for. You already have one of the greatest gifts possible, a kid that thinks the world of you. Embrace that love and get out with her and make fun. I promises you at a certain moment you will enjoy life again.

 

A thing to consider -I have written it before on this forum - a suicide of a parent is very very destructive for children as it can cause psychological dysfunctions that children have to endure their whole lives. A real father can never be replaced.

 

Place go back to therapy and work on yourself. You can turn yourself around but you consciously have to make that choice. Do it for you daughter.

[pappa k]

What is the point in doing anything if I'm going to be alone forever with out another person who loves me in a non platonic way

[Zahara]

What is the point in doing anything if I'm going to be alone forever with out another person who loves me in a non platonic way

 

How do you know you are going to be alone forever? "Forever" is a defeatist pattern of thought. You don't even know what you're going to eat for dinner tomorrow. "Forever" is unrealistic and foolish.

 

Change "forever" to "for now".

 

"For now" you're alone but you're going to work on yourself to better your life and hopefully that will one day open up opportunities for you to meet someone. You met your ex didn't you? At 24, you're telling me that 10, 20, 30, even 40 years from now you're not going to meet one person that you'll connect with emotionally? It's irrational thinking.

 

Don't start predicting the coming decades of your future dark and bleak just because the past 4 months have been painful and hard for you. It's shortsighted.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Zahara

[pappa k]

Spending the next 10 20 100 years with out having someone is something I don't want to do. I don't want to be single another day let alone another several years. This is why I don't want to live. I can't stand this loneliness anymore it's not worth the pain anymore

[Yasuandio]

What we want is for you to respond to our posts, please. We ask you from our hearts. We are people just like you. Respond to me, and my thoughts I gave. Do this unto the others too, please. We want to hear your feedback from our ideas. Yas

[Zahara]

Spending the next 10 20 100 years with out having someone is something I don't want to do. I don't want to be single another day let alone another several years. This is why I don't want to live. I can't stand this loneliness anymore it's not worth the pain anymore

 

No one can help you if you don't want to help yourself. You can keep posting over and over, repeating the same defeatist patterns but nothing changes if you do not wish to go through the uncomfortable feelings, deal and manage them by investing effort and commitment in seeking professional help.

 

There are people everywhere who thrive being alone. It doesn't kill you. I've been alone for a long time. Yes, I sometimes wish I could be with someone but I'm happy with my independence so it doesn't cripple me. I have a life outside of that.

 

You need someone to fill your life because you don't see any value in yourself that breeds validation from within. Until you fix that, nothing changes.

 

I'm not sure what else to say that will help you. Lastly, please use the suicide hotlines if you feel you're having a nervous breakdown. It's unfair to keep throwing out ending your life when we can't be where you are to know what's going on with you.

[pappa k]

I have a great fear of dieing alone. I wasn't worried about this before I had my daughter. Now that my ex has left me for someone new, I'm terrified of being alone. I'm afraid that I'll never find someone who loves me. Every girl I meet just wants to be friends with me. I know some people don't mind being alone but I don't and have never have

[Itspointless]

I have a great fear of dieing alone. I wasn't worried about this before I had my daughter. Now that my ex has left me for someone new, I'm terrified of being alone. I'm afraid that I'll never find someone who loves me. Every girl I meet just wants to be friends with me. I know some people don't mind being alone but I don't and have never have

See it as a great opportunity to learn something you couldn't do before. And really I repeat, you are not alone (!), you have your daughter.

 

I can understand that being left made you feel abandoned. It is a terrible feeling, but surely you are a great person and will meet other people that will love you again. Sometimes we have to wait for it, I have been there and I am there again, still I do believe in love. Do not compare yourself with others, almost everybody tries to tell a story to the outside world that is much more glitter than the truth. Make friends and get yourself out in the world, exercise, eat delicious meals, watch sunsets and watch your girl grow. I wish I could say that last part of the sentence.