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My Ex-boyfriend came back....


triniechu

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I've made posts on here before about my break-up. It's been about almost 4 months since my ex broke up with me. I moved on pretty fast,I refused to be sad and waiting for him to come back. I am in a new relationship now and I've fallen for this guy.

 

2 weeks ago, I got a text from my ex.....a very lengthy text. Said he couldn't live without me, there wasn't one day thats gone by that he hasn't thought about me, he always planned on coming back but he didn't know when. I told him I've moved on and I'm with someone new. I did tell him that I really still care and love him as a friend. I was willing to keep our friendship. I even told my boyfriend and he was ok with it AS LONG AS he doesn't try anything. So we really did try but he always brought up our past and wanting to be together again. I'm not going to lie but because he kept bringing it up, feelings started to slowly come back. We both always ended up fighting..he kept on fighting to get me back the past few weeks. It was really tough. He told me if we stayed friends he planned on stealing me away from my boyfriend.

 

I had to make a decision. Sadly, I knew that being friends wasn't an option if these were his intentions. We planned on meeting a few days from today, to see how we would react in person and also I really wanted to give him closure. Yesterday, I decided to text him and told him it's not a good idea to meet up and just move forward. I wanted to protect my relationship that I have now. I am happy where I am. So yesterday was pretty shocking for me.....he showed up at my house. He was crying, he had a present for me......I knew this was the time to make a decision. I was numb and I didn't even know what to do. I gave him a hug but it was a cold one. I looked at him and saw it was the guy who broke my heart into a thousand pieces, the guy who threw our love and trust right out the window. He came back, wanted another chance, and wanted me to come back home. I saw how much pain he was in, he told me whatever I decided, he will take the hits for the person he loves the most :(

 

I still told him, I stand by my decision to move on and see where life takes me. We said our goodbyes and it was the hardest thing ever. He did text me again after all that and said he still feels we are meant to be together, that he feels it in his heart. I will always love him and has a special place in my heart. Even if I wasn't with my current boyfriend, I don't even know if I would take him back. He would have to work soooo hard to earn that trust back.

 

This has been quite the roller coaster ride.

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Wow... well done for making the right decision. So glad you found happiness after being treated so badly, i just hope one day i can post something similar.

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Trin, you're a beautiful sweet woman. I'm sure it has been quite the roller coaster ride for you!

 

But you know, you made the right decision. I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't be able to trust my ex again either. Even though I am in fact, single. It would be hard for me too and I'd let him down as gently as I could...well, maybe not. Considering all he's done, I think it would come rather easily for me to just shut the door in his face...but because I'm a better person than that, I'd take the high road and wouldn't be cruel. That's not me.

 

You're a classy lady. Good for you. I hope you and your current boyfriend continue to live happily together!!!

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What a roller coaster ride, indeed. You handled that sticky situation beautifully. You have a strong heart, and you made the right choice. It may feel really awkward, and I know how you feel. It hurts to hurt the ones you care about. But, that was the risk he took.

 

You deserve happiness.

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Feelbettersoon

Your post was one of the first I read when I joined LS during the summer.

 

You stayed so strong when he returned and I think you made the right descion - you deserve to be happy after this roller coaster ride, I hope your current relaionship works out for the best!

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In your original breakup thread you said that you would give him as much time as he needs to figure things out.

 

Barely 3 months later you utterly reject him, clearly forgetting what you said back then.

He didn't even cheat right?

 

Therefore I think it's a strange decision to reject him like that now to be honest. If you'd be single you'd probably have gone for it 110%.

 

If my ex ever comes back, which I doubt. I would give her a chance to prove herself over a longer period of time before taking her back.

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In your original breakup thread you said that you would give him as much time as he needs to figure things out.

 

Barely 3 months later you utterly reject him, clearly forgetting what you said back then.

He didn't even cheat right?

 

Therefore I think it's a strange decision to reject him like that now to be honest. If you'd be single you'd probably have gone for it 110%.

 

If my ex ever comes back, which I doubt. I would give her a chance to prove herself over a longer period of time before taking her back.

 

I don't know her full story but if Trin said she'd give him another chance here, on LS (when she was upset and hurting over the BU) and she didn't actually tell her ex that then that's perfectly fine.

 

When we are emotional we don't think rationally. We use this site to vent (most of the time when we're upset and are only emotionally responsive.)

 

It would be different if she had actually told her ex those things directly. Maybe she did, I don't know but even if she did...feelings change. Dumpers know about that all too well. Why should it be any different for a dumpee? If anything, we have more of a right to quickly disregard an ex and their feelings for us.

 

Both a dumper and a dumpee are entitled to how they feel.

 

Trin is in a new RS. Her ex should respect that just as Trin respected his wishes for needing space...she said "Done!" She doesn't owe her ex anything and vice versa.

Edited by me85
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In your original breakup thread you said that you would give him as much time as he needs to figure things out.

 

Barely 3 months later you utterly reject him, clearly forgetting what you said back then.

He didn't even cheat right?

 

Therefore I think it's a strange decision to reject him like that now to be honest. If you'd be single you'd probably have gone for it 110%.

 

If my ex ever comes back, which I doubt. I would give her a chance to prove herself over a longer period of time before taking her back.

 

But feelings did change in the time we were apart. I honestly didn't expect it to happen so fast. Honestly if I was single, I would really make him work so hard to get my back. Our breakup almost 4 months ago was the 3rd time he doubted our relationship and the 3rd time he tried to break up with me.

 

Back then I felt so strongly for him and took him back immediately. The 3rd time was really a tough one. When we did break up, I wanted so much to take him back because his love and our relationship is what I knew. At the same time, I kept thinking to myself...do I really want to be with someone who is going to keep on doubting what we have?? He told me a few weeks ago he was scared to death of settling down, thats why he broke it off. He's very indecisive about life, love and everything else. But I did give him plenty of chances back then......this time around i felt like he didn't.

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Trin, you're a beautiful sweet woman. I'm sure it has been quite the roller coaster ride for you!

 

But you know, you made the right decision. I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't be able to trust my ex again either. Even though I am in fact, single. It would be hard for me too and I'd let him down as gently as I could...well, maybe not. Considering all he's done, I think it would come rather easily for me to just shut the door in his face...but because I'm a better person than that, I'd take the high road and wouldn't be cruel. That's not me.

 

You're a classy lady. Good for you. I hope you and your current boyfriend continue to live happily together!!!

 

Yes it really was! Thank you so much and i really appreciate the kind words.

 

No matter how much he hurt me, I still felt his pain. I knew what he was going through and I was in the same situation. I'll always care for him and I really let him down easily. When he first called me crying, I was so shocked and upset. I didnt know what was happening. He was very depressed. But I am very thankful for him though because he was the one who always taught me how to be a strong and confident woman. As a friend, I demanded he get up and keep moving forward. I didn't want to leave him that way. Even though we aren't talking now, I still feel we will meet again and we will be friends again.

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Cupid's Puppet

Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks begging, crying, and pleading to your ex will work. They don't want us back, but at least they'll be our friends.

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Lernaean_Hydra
Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks begging' date=' crying, and pleading to your ex will work. They don't want us back, but at least they'll be our [i']friends[/i].

 

This is good advice for anyone. It's just rare it's the dumper doing the begging, crying and pleading.

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I agree! It is very rare. My ex is a very headstrong and arrogant kind of guy.

For the months we were apart I had no idea how sad he was that he broke up with me. I assumed he was fine, having fun, forgot about me and moved on. So I decided to be strong a move on too. It's just a very unfortunate situation that we're in. I know I'm still hurt from what he did to me. But in time, I know we'll meet again and we can work on our friendship. I still treasure that :)

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It would be different if she had actually told her ex those things directly. Maybe she did, I don't know but even if she did...feelings change. Dumpers know about that all too well. Why should it be any different for a dumpee? If anything, we have more of a right to quickly disregard an ex and their feelings for us.

 

Both a dumper and a dumpee are entitled to how they feel.

 

Of course people are emotional after a breakup, bare in mind they aren't only emotional right after a breakup but also at other points far beyond that if they really loved the person (with certain events etc.).

And yes one does make more wrong decisions when one is emotional.

 

 

And no you do not ALWAYS have more right to disregard an 'exes' feelings if they dumped you. That depends entirely on the circumstances. E.g. the reason they dumped you (maybe you cheated, maybe they gave you a million chances).

That thinking will lead probably lead to regret later on.

 

Feelings change, yes. But having a deep love for someone does not change. And that is actually the entire point of my post. If the poster really loved this man, like she said in her original post. Then he won't ever leave her heart.

 

To decide with such strong conviction -within 3 months- that she doesn't want him back. Is farrr too fast.

Based on her orignal post she'd be really happy to get back with him.

 

Of course now she is in a new relationship (which she has been in for less than 3 months). And she already thinks this one is better than her previous one which she posted about.

 

It's farrrr too emotional and rational thinking. And I am just pointing it out.

 

But of course I do understand it to a certain degree triniechu. And I look forward to hearing how this turned out in monthsss/years time.

Good luck with your new RS.

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do not take him back your better off without him. He may be genuine but you can't trust him and let him back in.

Do whatever makes you happy and you seem happier with your current BF who never hurt you.

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It's nice to hear that your story turns out this way :) I had read about your BU before, as it shared many similarities with my BU. But honestly, I did ask "how come she can move on so fast" when I reached the part of you meeting your current BF :) And I kinda understand the point of Justletgo, as I believe if you loved a person (not loved the relationship) deeply, 3 months are too fast and sound almost impossible. But I guess it's just different paces for different people, and maybe, if you would stay in your last relationship, you might be the one that would break it off first eventually. Sometimes we can realize how much we love that person after BU happens, but sometimes, the opposite thing happens, and we find out that we actually no longer love that person that much :) Anyway, hope you have a happy-ending with your BF ;)

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Wow. You made the right decision. You'd never completely trust him again regardless. Kudos to you that he actually wanted you back though - must have been comforting to know.

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I mean even when I started my new relationship with my current BF, I even questioned myself several times if I was moving way too fast. Trust me, I held back a lot with my current BF. But things just bloomed into something amazing and I couldn't hold back anymore. So I just followed my heart and I'm letting the wind take where it takes me.

 

I mean I had nothing to lose. It doesn't hurt to take a chance so I did. Yes people get over breakups differently and different paces. Trust me, I surprised myself that I moved on as fast as I did. But I don't regret anything at all. That breakup has made me a much stronger person and I also met someone who cares and loves me very much. Thanks everyone for the warm wishes. :)

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strong-hearted
I agree! It is very rare. My ex is a very headstrong and arrogant kind of guy.

For the months we were apart I had no idea how sad he was that he broke up with me. I assumed he was fine, having fun, forgot about me and moved on. So I decided to be strong a move on too. It's just a very unfortunate situation that we're in. I know I'm still hurt from what he did to me. But in time, I know we'll meet again and we can work on our friendship. I still treasure that :)

 

my x is the same way, when he left me he was seeing someone two weeks later and that was almost two months ago. I am now thinking the same thing you were thinking before: I keep thinking hes having having a good time being all happy with his new girl posting pictures of them on Instagram (I honestly don't know if he is but I was told he he did) and he just left me all alone and it's hard to move on. he did the same thing as ur x, he threw away 2 years even though he knew we had an amazing relationship I was always there for him and he took me for granted, I still don't know if he will ever come back but I'm still trying so hard to move on and get on with my life as best as I can

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Honestly I'd rather have him move forward and not come back. Knowing that my ex was still hurting, was hurting me as well. It was just such a sad situation we were both in. It was so much unnecessary drama and it hurt me so much to see my ex cry and in so much pain. So no, it wasn't comforting that he came back to me.

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strong-hearted

yeah that's true, honestly knowing how my x is, he would not beg or cry. when I found out he was seeing someone out of anger I texted him saying "I just received a text and it looks like you have moved on, I thought I wanted to be with you but at this point I don't want you back so please don't ever contact me again, good luck with everything" I honestly doubt that he's gonna try to contact me some day he's probably gonna make things work with his new girl it's a pride thing I guess

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For me it was never a pride thing. I did contact him a few times as well asking him to work things out a few days after the break up as. But he didn't want to work things out at all. He wanted to close this chapter of our relationship and explore. So thats exactly what I did. When he came back, it wasnt because of my pride at all, but just that my heart was with someone else now.

 

Even if I wasn't with anyone, I wouldn't take him back so easily and I would totally make him work to earn my trust back. But things are different, so we both need to move on.

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strong-hearted

oh I meant a pride thing for him (my x)

I did the same thing, I would beg him try to keep him from leaving and I would tell him I would change cuz he said he wasn't sure he still wanted to be in this relationship saying how "the fights killed it" for him and that he wasn't happy with me any more. I told him exactly how much I loved him and what he meant to me but he still threw everything away, when he brought me all my stuff back he was acting cold towards me like if he had never seen me before but I still managed to have a big smile on my face even though I was dying inside

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Gosh im so sorry to hear that! *hugs*

I know how it feels! My ex was very cold to me as well during the breakup, there really wasn't anything else i could do about it. So i had to be strong enough to let it go.

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strong-hearted

yeah it feels horrible and honestly I feel like if I had been physically abused by him because of the way he would act before the breakup, he started to reject me when I would try to hug him, he was distant and pushing me away, so after the breakup I started to have nightmares about him and just feel so frightened by him like this is just some type of abuse you know.

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