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Rough weekend


Kid_Charlemange

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Kid_Charlemange

My ex has me blocked on FB -- a year ago, she cheated on me, but for whatever reason, she decided to make me the bad guy and blocked me on FB, blocked my phone number, even disconnected me on LinkedIn. Childish.

 

Of our many mutual friends, most are ambivalent, and a few have completely sided with her -- even though I let it go months ago, they still avoid me, don't invite me to group events, etc.

 

That's fine. I'm a big boy.

 

This weekend a big bunch of them entered a home-made boat into a charity race. About 20 other friends posted pictures. My ex was one of the rowers. And she looked great.. as always.

 

I couldn't have gone even if I'd known about the event, as I had other plans.

 

Still. I look at those photos, and can't help but think "Yet another fun time. She and I used to do stuff like that." And it's true. We always, always had fun together.

 

I feel like a schmuck for being frustrated. She was not a good person, she treated me like crap and refused to take any responsibility for it. And she acts like a teenager about it all to this day. She's wrong. I am not beating myself up.

 

But dammit... if she's so wrong, why did all my so-called friend shrug off her actions. "She was out of your league, man," one of my closest "friends" told me after far too many beers, "You had to know this was gonna happen. Count yourself lucky that you had her for as long as you did."

 

They say that forgiveness is the final act of love. And I long ago forgave her. And I should be pleased that she is happy in her life now; to my knowledge, she's not dating anyone, but is continuing to do a random hookup when she feels like it. Her career is going great and she really looks happy in the photos. Why can't I be glad for her?

 

Why am I being so petty -- I keep saying "Wait a second. She cheated on me. She broke my heart. She humiliated me in front of my friends. Why does she get to be happy?" A stupid way of thinking, I know. But I can't erase it from my brain.

 

Life isn't fair. I know that. I just can't seem to accept it.

 

What I need to do, is find a new job in far off city, leave and never look back. But that's easier said than done.

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I had a lot of time on my hands so I wanted to see how many times you wrote "she" - 18 times.

 

Stop focusing on her.

 

You're the only person holding her accountable for her actions. As great as your friends may have been, they were never as invested. It sucks that they picked sides, and the cheater got away with all the friends, but sometimes that's just how it is.

 

I know that sometimes these things can just get you down - but remember, SHE is not worth it. You're lamenting over a cheater, remind yourself that. She doesn't deserve your lamentations.

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Kid_Charlemange
I had a lot of time on my hands so I wanted to see how many times you wrote "she" - 18 times.

 

Interesting. I wrote "I" 18 times as well.

 

You're the only person holding her accountable for her actions. As great as your friends may have been, they were never as invested. It sucks that they picked sides, and the cheater got away with all the friends, but sometimes that's just how it is.

 

Yeah. It does. And I know, in my brain, that there is nothing I can do about it. I've drifted further and further from these people in the past six months. It gets uglier and uglier -- yet, from what I can tell, I did nothing wrong.

 

I know that sometimes these things can just get you down - but remember, SHE is not worth it. You're lamenting over a cheater, remind yourself that. She doesn't deserve your lamentations.

 

I'm much more upset about the lost friends.

 

Just feeling pretty down this weekend. I'll never be as happy as the people in those photos I looked at this weekend. And that sucks.

 

On a completely unrelated note, I guess my pistol is clean enough; no reason to clean it again. Yet I sure feel that urge...

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Sorry about that, I shouldn't have counted. I read too much into it unnecessarily.

 

Losing friends due to a relationship ending sucks - I've recently lost several myself. But you can definitely be as happy as those people, if not more. Also - something to keep in mind is that everything looks so much happier in photos than they actually may be.

 

All the best, I hope it gets better for you.

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Kid_Charlemange
But you can definitely be as happy as those people, if not more.

 

Actually, I can't. All of them have good or even great jobs. All of them are married, in great relationships, or young/attractive enough to have all the attention of the opposite sex that they want.

 

I am none of those three. And never will be.

 

All the best, I hope it gets better for you.

 

Thanks. I think in about an hour it's all going to get a lot better.

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Actually, I can't. All of them have good or even great jobs. All of them are married, in great relationships, or young/attractive enough to have all the attention of the opposite sex that they want.

 

I am none of those three. And never will be.

 

 

 

Thanks. I think in about an hour it's all going to get a lot better.

 

What's happening in an hour? I want to make things better for myself too. Let's hear it.

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Life isn't fair. I know that. I just can't seem to accept it.

 

My sympathies.

 

Right or wrong, women are the network power brokers. They can do things with networks (friends are a form of network) that blow the mind. For a man, it's like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Even if she's totally a loser she can manipulate the network to believe you're the loser. In fact, I'm surprised people aren't getting on you for cheating. I've been around enough MW's to see how they spin things. Sometimes it's downright scary.

 

Anyway, I know it's tough being alone but something we have to just grit our teeth about and deal.

 

Hopefully, a couple of good male friends will surface or reconnect and you can begin the moving on process. Like you suggested, sometimes a change of scenery can do wonders.

 

It'll work out.

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Also - something to keep in mind is that everything looks so much happier in photos than they actually may be.

 

This is very true. I attended a party the other day and I was feeling like sh*t. A friend posted pictures on FB, just today, of that party, and I look happy. I can tell you that that was definitely NOT the case.....

 

It says nothing at all.

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evanescentworld

Once upon a time, a kindly old gentleman decided to take his young twin grandsons out for the day. He had no particular plan, but their mother, looking upon this as a treat, dressed the boys up "in their Sunday best",

Their trousers were well ironed with a fine crease, their shoes shone, and their jumpers were smart.

 

off they all went, driving along the country lanes, when Grandfather decided it was a beautiful afternoon, and going for a walk would be pleasant.

He parked the car, and they set off, across the fields, down a familiar and well-worn footpath, taking in the scenery, breathing the fresh country air.

presently, they came to a fork in the road.

"Which way shall we go, Grandpa?" Asked one of the boys.

After an instant's hesitation, the Grandfather declared - "This one!" and they set off along the path none of them had taken before...

After a while, the ground became muddier, the hedgerows more overgrown, and the territory distinctly unfamiliar.

Persevering, they came to a clearing where a stable stood.

The two boys trotted ahead to explore, but very soon, one of them began to bemoan the situation, and wailed in complaint,

"My shoes are getting all mucky with all this mud and manure, they're not shiny any more, and they look awful, mummy will be so angry! And just look at my trousers! All muddy and marked, right up to the knees, and my jumper has threads pulled all over the sleeves, and I look a mess, and this place smells, and I don't know where we are, and it's horrible, why did you ever bring us here, Grandpa? It's all your fault!"

 

Meanwhile, the other twin was running through the stable excitedly, and getting his shoes even dirtier, his trousers even muddier, and his jumper even more tatty.

The Grandfather asked him,

"What on earth are you doing?!"

The little boy cried out excitedly,

"Grandpa, just think! With all this horse-sh*1t everywhere, there MUST be a pony here somewhere!"

 

I cannot ever give you an inkling of an idea of how utterly dreadful and desolate, on paper, my life is right now.

I cannot ask you to imagine it, and frankly, if I told you, you might not believe me anyway.

But it makes your situation look far from the bleak picture you give....

 

But life for me, is definitely not mess and manure.

Life for me, is the pleasure of the possible pony.

 

I'm damned if I am going to permit whatever outside circumstances I encounter, defeat me, get me down, depress me, or manipulate me into playing the blame/envy/resentment game.

Life is too short.

 

Every minute you CHOOSE to spend miserable, is 60 seconds'-worth of good time, wasted.

 

you can't get that time back.

it's gone.

In the Past.

Over.

Finished.

 

Every moment you live, is a minute less, and a minute closer to when you die.

 

For god's sake, quit wasting time moaning about the manure, and find yourself the pony!!

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Kid_Charlemange
What's happening in an hour? I want to make things better for myself too. Let's hear it.

 

I had a plan. But I chickened out.

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Kid_Charlemange

Anyway, I know it's tough being alone but something we have to just grit our teeth about and deal.

 

A while ago I accepted the probability that I will spend my life alone, at least in terms of relationships. It's actually be sort of refreshing.

 

I also thought, "Well hey, now I'll have more time to spend with friends."

 

Hmm. Not so much.

 

It's almost as hard to make new friends at 50+ as it is to get a job at 50+...

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