In a rut, any ?

[Brooke02]

It's been 1 month since my BU of 9 month relationship. I feel like I'm in a rut that I can't get out of. I don't feel like doing anything, my hobbies aren't enjoyable anymore. I have hardly no friends. My day is the same every day.. I wake up disappointed every morning remembering what I'm going through. Can't hardly get out of bed. I miss him as my friend, I miss him so bad, I feel like I have nobody. How do you get past this point? I'm crying less but constantly thinking about him. Nothing has meaning, I feel empty.

 

This was my first relationship after a divorce 2 years ago. I was with my ex husband since I was 16, I'm 39. I'm not sure I even know how to be happy by myself. It's hard to meet new people for friendships when your my age, at least it is for me. I've never really had a lot of friends, a relationship always did more for me than friends.. But maybe I'm wrong. I have my kids 50% of the time, so the other half I'm completely alone. Being alone all weekend sucks.

 

Just wish I could move on with life and have some meaning. Has anybody else felt like this?

Just wish this would all be over already, I want to be happy but I don't know how.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Brooke02
Error on title, meant any advice?

[Dontfindme]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear that you feel stuck in this rut - but trust me this is a matter of perception. Most people feel this way after a relationship. But you need to actively make changes to get out (of this self-imposed rut). You can't expect to just wake up one day, and find everything changed for the better.

 

What is it that you're doing to better yourself? What sort of activities have you taken up? How are you trying to bring more meaning into your life?

 

You should never depend on someone to take up all your time, and give your life meaning. I have made this mistake plenty of times, and now I'm learning to do things for ME. So, the next time someone breaks my heart, I'll still have all of my activities, and my life really, to hang on to.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I agree with Dontfindme. It sounds like you made this RS the center of your world. We're all guilty of that at some point. You had a life before this RS, you'll get it back.

 

I totally get feeling like you're in a rut. I'm right there with you. It feels like you'll never enjoy anything again and that the future is just...grey. But it isn't. The future is now a wide open horizon of possibilities. Scary, I know. Best advice, don't date for awhile. Get back to you, find your center and yourself. You have to learn to be happy with your own company and satisfied on your own before getting into a new RS. Relationships don't define you, you define you.

[melodicintention]

You get past this point by ceasing to seek approval from the outside. I was there, 10 years ago. Today, I''m no closer to a relationship with a man, and totally whole and complete within myself regardless the fact that I haven't had a serious relationship since 2004. I did this by diving into my interests. Now I'm a fantastic vocalist and musician and moved to LA all alone with no friends to pursue a dream I didn't realize I had when I was with my last SO. Couldn't have gotten to this point of success in a relationship, and certainly couldn't have gotten here longing for a failed relationship.

 

If you want to get out of the rut, you need to begin some self discovery and introspection. You are searching for love from the outside, and that's hard to find, so you need to begin to seek love from the inside and you do that by pursuing your interests. Take some classes, join a group, get on meetup.com and make some new acquaintances. If you continue to wallow in this pit you will not get out. Pick up an old hobby you had from back whenever, or try something totally off the wall that you'd never normally do.

[Brooke02]

Thank you for your ideas & advice. I think I'm just lonely & bored. I do have hobbies, knitting, painting, scrapbooking.. Just haven't felt like getting into them yet.

I do agree with the loving yourself & being happy on your own... Having your own life... This helps inbetween. I wasn't with my ex 24/7, we didn't live together but this is good for the when your apart.

 

I had a good day today, only one 10 min crying session on my way home from work. And that was over regret for things I did/didn't do in the relationship. But overall better day today. Hopefully the rest of the week stays up, even though I know it's a roller coaster.

 

I'm not gonna date until I'm ready, like before this relationship I will know when I'm ready.

 

Thanks again!