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Do The Feelings Ever Go Away Completely?


LakersFan81

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Need to rant for a second. Gonna try and keep it as short as possible, but that might be hard!

 

I am 3 months out of a 5 month relationship. The girl I dated throughout college left me, and I wasn't expecting it at all. I loved her more than anything, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. This is the toughest thing I have ever gone through. She left me like I never mattered to her, and ignored me when I tried contacting her the first couple weeks after the breakup. Haven't heard from her since. It's just hard to contemplate how someone I was with for over 5 years, and she called me her best friend, other half, etc, etc, is completely fine with me out of their life a couple days after telling me all those things.

 

I have done all the things recommended to get over her. Setting goals, working out, going NC, finding new hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc, etc, but I just feel like I will never be 100% happy again, and find someone like her again. I'm 25, and lots of people are already married/having kids. I realize I am still young, but I feel like I will be alone forever. I know everyone feels like this after having their heart broken, and I know I need more time to heal, but some days like today, it's tough.

 

I know time heals all, but I just needed to rant. I'm at about 6 weeks of NC. It still blows my mind that I haven't heard a single word from her, and I wonder if I ever will again. She seems completely happy without me in her life. Ask anyone that knew us, and they thought we would be together forever. It was completely unexpected to me.

 

Just needed to get that out of my system so I don't cave in, and try contacting her. I know she'd ignore me anyways, but it drives me insane when I think of how things ended. I may sound dramatic, but how do I ever trust someone again? I mean we did everything together for 5 years, and talked all the time, and everything seemed great, and then she's just out of my life.

 

Definitely learned a lot of life lessons from the relationship though, and just have to continue to work on myself. I just wish I could know for sure that the feels will fully go away, and I won't have to think about her anymore one day. The emotions aren't as strong as they were right after it happened, but certain things still aren't the same without her doing them with me.

 

Thanks for listening.

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What keeps me going is: 1) Accomplishing all my goals, and 2) Reading success stories of getting over an ex on here.

 

Some days like today when I am feeling down, I just need to be reinforced that I can have a success story one day as well.

 

I never thought I would be heart broken over a girl. I always thought I was some "tough guy" and would never be depressed over someone leaving me, but I was definitely wrong. Love hurts.

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I'm better than I was 3 months ago, but I just feel like I will never be 100% happy again. Just need to get those thoughts out of my head.

 

Today has been a struggle because I dreamed about her throughout my sleep last night, and I haven't had a dream about her in weeks, and so it brought the feels back this morning.

 

I still can't get over that she's out of my life, and just acted like I mattered none. She didn't even cry when we met up to talk in person about it.

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I am very sorry you are going through this. Bottom line, IMHO, if things are truly as the picture is painted OP would never had left. What I am saying is even though you were blindsided in retrospect there are always signs even if you didn't see them...and that isn't meant as a judgement. With that said, people that bail without communication/disappear I consider selfish cowards. Dumpers can certainly mourn and hurt at the end of a relationship just as the dumpee but there are times when they just move on and dispose there ex like garbage. I'd also say when it is that clean of a cut it is because a) the relationship was a disaster, abusive and they are free or b)they are completely infatuate with a new person.

 

The feeling can last a long time. How long depends on the individual, how it happened etc. But most folks do love again and it can be as good or better.

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I thought I'd never get over my ex wife of 6yrs.. But 11yrs later she's not even a thought. I truly don't think of her at all and we have a child( I have custody). Was with my current ex for 10years off/on and I know that, in time, my memory of her will fade as well. If i let it.

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I am very sorry you are going through this. Bottom line, IMHO, if things are truly as the picture is painted OP would never had left. What I am saying is even though you were blindsided in retrospect there are always signs even if you didn't see them...and that isn't meant as a judgement. With that said, people that bail without communication/disappear I consider selfish cowards. Dumpers can certainly mourn and hurt at the end of a relationship just as the dumpee but there are times when they just move on and dispose there ex like garbage. I'd also say when it is that clean of a cut it is because a) the relationship was a disaster, abusive and they are free or b)they are completely infatuate with a new person.

 

The feeling can last a long time. How long depends on the individual, how it happened etc. But most folks do love again and it can be as good or better.

 

Oh, now that I have had a couple months to think about everything, there were definitely signs.

 

We graduated college about 1.5 years ago, and we've been living an hour apart since then, but we were finally getting ready to plan moving in together. I will also admit I stopped doing some of the little things that made our relationship so great, but so did she. Everyone gets lazy at points in relationships. We both got too comfortable.

 

We had some small issues like all relationships do, but I had NO IDEA that they were deal breakers. She constantly told me I was her other half, best friend, etc, etc, and I felt the exact same way about her. The part that is screwing me up is not just her ending things either. It's how she ended them. She texted me she was done, told her friends in person before me, laughed about it through texts with her friends, and was just completely over me when we finally met to talk.

 

I haven't heard from her since. 1 week we're on a date, having sex, snuggling, etc, etc, then celebrating my Mom's birthday the next day, and then a week later, she's out of my life for good. It's just crazy. We talked all day, everyday for 5 years, and how she just moved on so easy is beyond me. It kills me that I was so depressed without her, and she seems like she is as happy as ever.

 

Just gotta keep focusing on myself, and my goals I guess. I just feel like it's gonna be hard for me to get real close to someone ever again.

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Feelbettersoon

I can completely relate to your story, you are not alone.

I was in a relaionship that I was friends with for 10 years, and went out with for two.... I'm 24.

 

Mind blowing how the ex talks about future, thought we were soul mates etc and hasn't shown ONE bit of care since ending it. Not even breadcrumbs.

 

I even met the ex two weeks ago after two months of not talking (minus collecting stuff) and he was so cruel , heartless and cold!

 

I'm trying to figure out how things can be happy, and good and then they act like this horrible evil version of themselves? Like we never mattered?

 

I hope we can one day figure this out

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Depends on the relationship and how long you were together.

 

I was pretty deep with a girl for 9 years and although we have been apart for 6. The feelings are still there.

 

I'm sure if you meet new women they will fade in time.

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Hollywood-Tourist

I can relate to this.

 

 

My fiancé was so cruel in the way she left things with me, she just cut me out her life like I was nothing to her (despite everything she wanted with me and felt about me.)

 

 

It just feels so unreal & the pain is indescribable.......I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

 

 

I don't want anyone else & I just feel completely ruined.

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I can completely relate to your story, you are not alone.

I was in a relaionship that I was friends with for 10 years, and went out with for two.... I'm 24.

 

Mind blowing how the ex talks about future, thought we were soul mates etc and hasn't shown ONE bit of care since ending it. Not even breadcrumbs.

 

I even met the ex two weeks ago after two months of not talking (minus collecting stuff) and he was so cruel , heartless and cold!

 

I'm trying to figure out how things can be happy, and good and then they act like this horrible evil version of themselves? Like we never mattered?

 

I hope we can one day figure this out

 

It really is mind blowing. The thing that keeps me going is knowing I am not the only one going through it.

 

Pretty crazy how you can consider someone your best friend, and do everything together, and have them tell you that you're their best friend, and love of their life too, and then they can be gone just like that.

 

I feel like I will never find someone like her again, and even if I do, I will be too scared to get too close.

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Feelbettersoon

I don't think I too could trust again. After investing so much time and trust with this person so completely blind sight me, what's going to stop the next person doing that?

 

Not a great way of thinking but I can't see myself in a relationship any time soon again

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Lakersfan81,

Yes, the feelings do go away completely in time, and the time varies from person to person.

 

You can't rush the process.

 

Good luck x

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RespectfullyAlone

If you loved this girl, then you may never be free of thoughts of her. I think of all my exes at random times. Probably because that's all I have now, is memories. Some I think of more than others, but what I'm getting at is that you've shared a part of you with them, you loved them. Thus for any normal person who has a heart not made of stone, you will think about them at times.

 

The ONLY thing I have found that eases the pain of remembering past loves, is to find someone even better. Then not only will you be over your exes, you could go months even years without thinking of them, and when you do, it's a flickering moment and it's gone again.

 

But how does one find someone better than all their exes combined!? An impossible task if you ask me.

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I'm really sorry to hear what your going through. I rarely come on this site and post but this one kind of opted me to post a reply and give you some personal insight.

 

Firstly I'd like to say that I was with a girl for nearly 3 years and she did the same sort of thing out of the blue. Lived up her life like there was no tmrw and now has a boyfriend she has been with for probably 8 months. She seems happy which is good for her.

I always thought that I was so lucky to have her when we were dating and that we would spend the rest of our lives together (we talked about it a lot and I made real life decisions based around that) anyways she left....I was devastated.

 

I ended up doing everything everyone said to do. Reconnected with my friends who I neglected, started working out, got really healthy, focused on university etc etc. But even after 8 or 9 months of not hearing a word from her or seeing her I still had a void left in me. Sure I was doing well but it never went away completely.

 

Then I met this other girl, she was amazing. So much different than the other one. So many things in common so much energy we had so much fun. Needless to say I fell for her so hard. After about 5 months of dating her she left me. She just didn't have the same type of feelings for me as I had for her.

Then I was back at square one.

 

Now that I'm back at square one I have 2 people who have smashed me emotionally. The first one even though I don't have feeling for her and I am genuinely happy about her being happy with this other person there is still a void within me.

 

I strongly believe that people who get their hearts broken never truly get over that person. Even when you don't have any feelings towards them there is always something inside you missing and its just never going to go away.

 

Also a little end note here:

Some people are just built to be in relationships and pour all their energies into them. Even if they have the most amount of friends and family or nice cars or homes or great jobs some people just want relationships because that's what they want.

I'm one of those people and you might be one too.

 

Anyways 3 months is a short amount of time after 5 years but you seem to be doing well. Don't listen to people who say "it will happen when it happens". You have to look and persue relationships if that's what you want.

 

Not sure how helpful that was but I hope you got a little bit of something from that.

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Sorry to hear your still struggling...... im 6 months on after a 7 year relationship and i keep asking the same question as you.... 6 months of struggling everyday, thinking about him and wondering if he ever thinks of me. Its so difficult but being on this site has helped me..... im told it does get easier im still waiting for that day.

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Now that I'm back at square one I have 2 people who have smashed me emotionally. The first one even though I don't have feeling for her and I am genuinely happy about her being happy with this other person there is still a void within me.

 

I strongly believe that people who get their hearts broken never truly get over that person. Even when you don't have any feelings towards them there is always something inside you missing and its just never going to go away.

Getting over it does mean that you learn to live with it. It just becomes another fact of your life and something that made you into the person you are. Of-course thoughts about someone you cared about can sometimes touch you, but when it happens it are brief moments. Even as some of those facts remain a real shame as we had wished other futures at times. Your day to day feelings will go to default at some point. You will feel normal again. Who we are as a person changes all the time.

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Sorry to hear your still struggling...... im 6 months on after a 7 year relationship and i keep asking the same question as you.... 6 months of struggling everyday, thinking about him and wondering if he ever thinks of me. Its so difficult but being on this site has helped me..... im told it does get easier im still waiting for that day.

 

Me too! Everyone keeps telling me things will get better, and it seems like that day will never come. I know I'm only a little over 3 months in, but I just wish I could erase her from my memory.

 

The way she left me is what messed me up so bad. Over 5 years together. Spent my whole time in college with her. She was the girl I wanted to marry. Constantly told me I was her other half, and best friend. Then one day just decides to end our relationship through a text message, and she seems as happy as can be. I have so much built up anger/hate/frustration instead, and I just wish it would go away. Seems like no matter what I do, it will always be there.

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It just blows my mind how you can be with someone 5 years, and talk all day, every day, and just be completely fine without that person the very next day.

 

I know she probably held it in, and prepared herself for it for months, but it's still crazy to me.

 

I'm sitting her miserable no matter what I do, and she is happy with me out of her life. Life doesn't make sense sometimes.

 

I still can't believe I haven't heard from her at all. Not even a happy birthday or anything. I know I shouldn't care, and should focus on healing, but I am left wondering every day if she will ever reach out and try and contact me, or just apologize for how mean she was at the end, or just ask to see how I am doing. Just anything.

 

Makes me feel stupid that I spent 5 very important years of my life with someone that is that messed up of a person. Guess that is just life.

 

I would have never predicted in a million years anything like this would ever happen. I feel like I will never find an amazing girl again, and even if I do, I will be too scared to get close because of this. It sucks...

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It just blows my mind how you can be with someone 5 years, and talk all day, every day, and just be completely fine without that person the very next day.

 

I know she probably held it in, and prepared herself for it for months, but it's still crazy to me.

 

I'm sitting her miserable no matter what I do, and she is happy with me out of her life. Life doesn't make sense sometimes.

 

I still can't believe I haven't heard from her at all. Not even a happy birthday or anything. I know I shouldn't care, and should focus on healing, but I am left wondering every day if she will ever reach out and try and contact me, or just apologize for how mean she was at the end, or just ask to see how I am doing. Just anything.

 

Makes me feel stupid that I spent 5 very important years of my life with someone that is that messed up of a person. Guess that is just life.

 

I would have never predicted in a million years anything like this would ever happen. I feel like I will never find an amazing girl again, and even if I do, I will be too scared to get close because of this. It sucks...

 

I know how you feel..... 7 years for me. He left one night to catch a plane we said goodbye, kissed told each other how much we loved each other. I booked my flight to go out and support him in his new job and then ..... it ended... I never got to see him again or even speak to him about what happened. He deleted me from his life within seconds of me sending that email... only to find he was having an affair, he was keeping me to one side incase it didnt work out with the OP..... can you imagine how it feels to open your phone and see a picture of him and the OP on his Viber and she is out there on holiday with him...... I would never have predicted that in a million years either... people are cruel and we are left behind to pick up the pieces.... i feel for you.

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I know how you feel..... 7 years for me. He left one night to catch a plane we said goodbye, kissed told each other how much we loved each other. I booked my flight to go out and support him in his new job and then ..... it ended... I never got to see him again or even speak to him about what happened. He deleted me from his life within seconds of me sending that email... only to find he was having an affair, he was keeping me to one side incase it didnt work out with the OP..... can you imagine how it feels to open your phone and see a picture of him and the OP on his Viber and she is out there on holiday with him...... I would never have predicted that in a million years either... people are cruel and we are left behind to pick up the pieces.... i feel for you.

 

Wow! That is messed up. Hang in there. That sounds even worse than what I had to go through. I can't imagine seeing a photo of my ex and another guy on her phone that she was having an affair with. It was hard enough alone to see the texts with her friends laughing about dumping me, and saying how she was "at peace with it already."

 

A week before we broke up, she told me she was moving down South for 2 months for work. For some odd reason, I just had a bad feeling something wasn't right. She proceeded to tell me I was the love of her life, best friend, and couldn't imagine a world without me, etc, etc. She told me as soon as she was back, we would move in together. We had an excellent rest of the weekend together, and everything seemed completely normal just like they had for 5 years.

 

Well, before I even saw her again, she ended things. Sat there looking me right in my face, and lied that everything was fine, then acted normal all weekend with me. So many messed up people in this world. I will never do that to a girl that I had a long-term relationship with, and talked everyday too. Hell, I couldn't even act that rude to a stranger lol, let alone my significant other.

 

It's just messed up she is happy, and I am sitting here depressed no matter what I do. Life isn't fair.

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Blimey............ the betrayal seems to come so easy to these people, no feelings, no love, no heart and no remorse.... they are despicable people we allowed into our lives and moving on seems impossible because i keep thinking is eveyone like this?

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Itspointless
Me too! Everyone keeps telling me things will get better

I do not dare to tell you that things will get better. I can tell you things will get to normal again. Meaning this situation will get normal for you and the feelings will get flatter. At a certain moment she wont be the dominant factor on your mind any-more and she will fade to the background, other things then will occupy your mind. Also because your mind will get tired of it at a certain point. Another fantastic thing is that we forget, not suppress, but just forget the lively details. As I said before, sometimes we are triggered due to certain things and our brain pulls open a drawer that has been closed for a while. Usually those are fleeting moments.

 

As for people doing incomprehensible things, the truth is sometimes people do things we never will understand and sadly sometimes they do not understand themselves either. And often they are afraid to face the truth of their actions.

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Feelbettersoon
Me too! Everyone keeps telling me things will get better, and it seems like that day will never come. I know I'm only a little over 3 months in, but I just wish I could erase her from my memory.

 

The way she left me is what messed me up so bad. Over 5 years together. Spent my whole time in college with her. She was the girl I wanted to marry. Constantly told me I was her other half, and best friend. Then one day just decides to end our relationship through a text message, and she seems as happy as can be. I have so much built up anger/hate/frustration instead, and I just wish it would go away. Seems like no matter what I do, it will always be there.

 

How did you react after the BU? Did u delete her totally off everything and go NC? It's crazy because I never thought this would happen to me either. Cannot get it out of my head

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