having a difficult time

[loversquarrel]

It has been a while since I was forced to break up with a woman I had fallen in love with, but even as I move on and have since married I have found myself growing depressed and missing her and can't figure out why. I know part of the problem is that she lives within walking distance from me, but I have been very happy over the past year and recently married in August. It was an extremely happy day for me and I couldn't ask to be with a better person. A little background-

 

My ex and I had been together for about 7 yrs. It was an emotional roller coaster and I had just come off of a divorce, there was about 13 years between us as well, her being younger than me. We started out nothing serious, she was the partying type, drank a bit too much and had some self control issues. Needless to say we stopped seeing eachother for almost a year, then met up again. This time she came off more mature than in the past, I attributed this to her being a little more grown up. Things went well and I ended up falling for her, didn't think I would but I did. We were very much into eachother and enjoyed so many things together, just enjoyed eachothers company, it was fun. A few months go by and sge drops a bomb on me. She told me she was diagnosed with cancer. Pancreatic cancer no less. I was shocked and didn't quite know how to deal, but I grew closer to her.

 

Skip ahead a few months. She had lost a ton of weight, very fast. There were some things that didn't seem right though. She wasn't losing any hair. My friends and family began to wonder if she was telling me the truth. I found out the hard way she had lied to me. I had a lot going on at the time with my kids, trying to get settled in a new house, getting through the divorce, etc. So it was fairly easy for me to believe her, after all who the hell lies about being sick?? With cancer??

 

I confronted her about this. Now mind you, she had met my family, my kids, my friends, extended family and they all fell for it as well. I lost a part of myself. I even went so far asto introduce her to my aunt who was dying of breast cancer at the time, at her request, before I found out it was all a lie. I didn' t know what to do. I should have left her, I couldn' t though, I just wanted to forgive her and be with her, nobody had ever made me feel so good, nor so bad. I ended up staying with her for the next 5 yrs. I know, I was stupid. I now knew she was lying about going to get cancer treatments all this time....I wondered what it was she had really been up to?? I may have forgiven her, but I couldn't trust her.

 

Through all the years I should have recognized some warning signs that I chose to ignore. She had been raped at a very young age, she had been badly beaten in a previous relationship, she lost an unborn child, and she was bulimic (explained the weight loss). She was extremely jealous and would fly into fits of rage at me in public and private, which included her striking me, swearing at me, screaming at me, throwing uncontrollable tantrums, hanging up on me, ignoring me for days. She just couldn't seem to control herself. I know you all think how stupid I must have been to put up with all of this, but sadly I did. I also suffered from emotional abuse in my previous marriage. I think how stupid I was for staying with someone who treated me so horribly. I had to break up with her and it took me 5 yrs to do it.

 

Lately I find myself depressed thinking of the good times we had. I know I painted a monster but when things were good, she was a lot of fun and exciting to be with. She was like my best friend, though I often would ask her why?, why did she lie to me about being sick? She would eventually tell me that needed to get past that, so I tried. When I finally broke up with her, I snapped. The anger in me swelled. We broke up and I bumped into her at a bar shortly after, within days. We spoke, I felt bad and we walked out to her car. She started to get really upset with me, shoved me, screamed at me to the point that someone called the police. I was so embarrassed. Nothing happened, they just told us to go our delegate ways which we did. I then called it quits for good.

 

Fast forward to the present. I bump into her once in a while, but mostly just driving by her. We don't talk. Every time I see her it hurts. I feel anxious and depressed from it lately and I just want it to stop. Please help, this is just the readers digest version, there is so much more but this is all I had time for. I have a good life with a wonderful, attractive woman. I don' t want to think of my ex anymore.

[Reels]

So you have already found a new girlfriend?

[loversquarrel]

Yes, actually I have been remarried and thought I was completely over the ex I was writing about. I can't figure out why I feel the way I do, I guess it just happens.

[True Gent]

How do you feel about your current wife in comparison to your ex?

[loversquarrel]

I love her and know she is a much better person, not just in general but also for me. I know most of the problem with my ex was a feeling of co- dependence, which I don't have with my wife. I feel better with my wife, I am happy with her and I would never do anything to jeopardize losing her. I wouldn't have married her otherwise. I think I just have residual pain from the relationship in general that I thought was gone for good. I think just seeing her triggers me. I am doing better now than a few days ago, but I hate when it happens. It also helped that I was able to speak to my wife about it, she is very understanding and knows about the relationship I had with my ex.