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Is My Counselor Listening?


Cupid's Puppet

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Cupid's Puppet

I understand she is trying to help me move on, but I feel like I never get the opportunity to get my thoughts out loud. I say "I miss him", and before I can go on, she's like, "Have you tried internet dating?" I say "he was the best guy for me", and she's like, "Really? There are billions of men in the world and you think this one guy was the only chance you had?"

 

I'm starting to feel like no one understands me. I blew my chance to have an awesome guy for a lifetime, and people are like, "Well, he wasn't perfect. You're still young." Yeah I know that. Doesn't change the hopelessness and despair I have. I just want to withdraw from society at this point. Let me just go through the motions until nature ends it for me.

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Perhaps your right... but from out of the blue when you least expect it, there my be your chance again at finding mr right.

 

There are opportunities to find peeps everywhere and even more easier now with online services. Some times you find them right under your nose when your just messing around minding your own business.

 

I know I was ready to give up and knowing I am an odd one that just does not fit in well. Low and behold I found a soul mate. and it was one of them things were if I had not been around on that day, we would not have bumped into each other online.

 

It was under the most challenging and lengthy circumstances, and being blind to each other, going from txt to voice then video. Looking at it many would say why bother. But once you realize what you have cannot be so easily replaced, you find you would have gone through it another time again to keep it.

 

I am sure you feel that way with your relationship you had. I would be a fool to say it is all in your head. But there are others, that may be better than you think. You just have to allow yourself to accept it.

 

You have plenty of years ahead, though the best thing you can do is accept what you had is done with, and allow your self to rebuild what you need. Then go on an adventure, visit a diff state and see diff peeps. The only thing holding you back is yourself.

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You should find a different counselor. The whole idea is that they listen to you and try to help you figure out why you feel the way you feel and to help you move on.

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MrWorkinProgress

This strikes me as a little odd for a counselor. Your friends will always reflexively tell you you'll find someone else, plenty of fish in the sea, etc., which isn't what will help while you're in the grieving process. A counselor is supposed to help you process your feelings so that you can move on in a healthy way when you're ready, rather than force yourself to move on.

 

A lot of therapists are now into mindfulness, which is sitting with your emotions and being okay with them (i.e. right now I'm feeling sad because this person is no longer in my life. It's normal and healthy that I feel sad), and trying to turn every discussion of your emotions to dating seems to me like trying to escape your emotions.

 

I'm going through an extremely painful breakup. My therapist has, on one occasion, said "How do you feel about dating?", which was about exploring my feelings, not encouraging me to date.

 

A therapist or counselor is a relationship, too, and if your needs aren't being met, it might not be the right relationship for you.

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evanescentworld

You sound stuck in a rut.

You want you counsellor to agree that he is perfect and you deserve to have him back, and 'let's work out a formula for getting him to go out with you again!'

 

That's not what she wants for you.

You seem to be discussing this problem with one foot nailed to the floor. Going round and round, focussing on him, how perfect he is/was, and how your life now has no meaning without him.

 

She's trying to pull you out of that mind-set.

She's trying to discuss alternatives and that life neither begins or ends with him. but that there is an entire planetful of people out there you're stubbornly ignoring.

If anyone needs changing dearest, it's you, not her.

 

You have to face that this is dead in the water.

He is not perfect for you, because if he were, he would still be with you.

He wasn't the best guy for you. He was A guy for you - and somewhere, there is another better guy for you.

 

I think she's trying to get you to see other options.

You want to wallow, feel sorry for yourself - and you want everyone else to sympathise too.

 

A break-up of this kind can lay to waste the love and the heart you harbour.

But at one point, you're going to have to face the fact, that the only reason you're tasting mud, is because you keep eating dirt.

 

The diet you're following for yourself, isn't helping, it's keeping you stuck.

 

You need to chew on something else.

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evanescentworld

That said, you sound so sad, I wish I could hug you.... :(

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Cupid's Puppet
This strikes me as a little odd for a counselor. Your friends will always reflexively tell you you'll find someone else, plenty of fish in the sea, etc., which isn't what will help while you're in the grieving process. A counselor is supposed to help you process your feelings so that you can move on in a healthy way when you're ready, rather than force yourself to move on.

 

A lot of therapists are now into mindfulness, which is sitting with your emotions and being okay with them (i.e. right now I'm feeling sad because this person is no longer in my life. It's normal and healthy that I feel sad), and trying to turn every discussion of your emotions to dating seems to me like trying to escape your emotions.

 

I'm going through an extremely painful breakup. My therapist has, on one occasion, said "How do you feel about dating?", which was about exploring my feelings, not encouraging me to date.

 

A therapist or counselor is a relationship, too, and if your needs aren't being met, it might not be the right relationship for you.

 

This is what I imagined counseling would be like. I leave her office feeling worse than when I went in. I only feel suicidal after her sessions. I'm cancelling my appointment for next week. I'll just continue calling around until I can get someone who actually does the "tell me how you feel/how does that make you feel" act.

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evanescentworld

You can tell us.

And then tell us how you think you can heal, move on and leave behind the awful feelings he has left you with.

Fancy telling you God doesn't think you're right for him!

Bloody cheek!

 

How about God telling him in fact, "You don't deserve her, she's far too good for you!"

 

I bet that was the real message - he probably just turned it round to put himself in a good light!

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Cupid's Puppet
You sound stuck in a rut.

You want you counsellor to agree that he is perfect and you deserve to have him back, and 'let's work out a formula for getting him to go out with you again!'

 

That's not what she wants for you.

You seem to be discussing this problem with one foot nailed to the floor. Going round and round, focussing on him, how perfect he is/was, and how your life now has no meaning without him.

 

She's trying to pull you out of that mind-set.

She's trying to discuss alternatives and that life neither begins or ends with him. but that there is an entire planetful of people out there you're stubbornly ignoring.

If anyone needs changing dearest, it's you, not her.

 

You have to face that this is dead in the water.

He is not perfect for you, because if he were, he would still be with you.

He wasn't the best guy for you. He was A guy for you - and somewhere, there is another better guy for you.

 

I think she's trying to get you to see other options.

You want to wallow, feel sorry for yourself - and you want everyone else to sympathise too.

 

A break-up of this kind can lay to waste the love and the heart you harbour.

But at one point, you're going to have to face the fact, that the only reason you're tasting mud, is because you keep eating dirt.

 

The diet you're following for yourself, isn't helping, it's keeping you stuck.

 

You need to chew on something else.

 

I'm not really looking for that. I already understand I can't "go back home". I know he wasn't perfect, but she is trying to make it like I can do so much better when I see it as he can do so much better.

 

While she is trying to paint him as a commitment-phobe or someone who may have had his own dirty secrets, I try to tell her that my ex was actually a really great guy, and I simply screwed up. It annoys me because I still love and care for this guy I hurt, and I really don't like when people try to put him down to build me up. That is what she does in these sessions.

 

So what I am really looking for is someone I can simply express my thoughts and feelings to and someone to understand these thoughts and feelings I am having.

 

I don't see anything wrong with believing there was one guy for me despite the billions of men in this world. If I didn't suck at life, I would still be with this one guy. I certainly don't want any of the other men in this world. I don't want another man to touch me. I don't want another man to look at me. I don't want another man to talk to me.

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Although what your counselor could be unorthodox, what she's said is very true factually. It may not be what you want to hear, but the world being a bigger place that even your ex had once represented... it's bigger than him with people better than him.

 

There are plenty of other people out there, and until you realize that this guy isn't the 'best' or the 'One'... you'll be stuck in a cycle of Continuous Hell-- of Continuous Suffering that only saps your energies to be frozen in Uninterrupted Time, Unlimited Space, and Boundless suffering.

 

But this hell is reserved for those in the afterlife, who have lived a life of evil! You are not that kind of person, and the worst thing you could do is staying frozen with delusions of what could have happened, and guilt-tripping yourself.

 

Move on! Life will not wait for you, and what you have is time to make things better for yourself. I don't know how old you are, but I wasted a lot of my critical years being stuck in the Void I mentioned above.

 

Don't wait for your knight in shining armor to come and save you. Be ready for him and look proactively! Set things in motion!

 

On another note, I never thought my counselor was enough. Loveshack provided me with a lot of support and anonymity that I needed when I was paranoid about my friends. It saved me a lot of bridges that could have been burned, and I've bounced back to function normally.

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Cupid's Puppet

Everyday people marry believing that the one standing next to them at the altar is the one and only. No one goes to their wedding saying, "There is a planetful of men or the world is so much bigger or there is someone out there who could be better."

 

So I don't really understand why I am being nuts for believing I had a one out of a billion chance at love when millions of people marry for the same reason. They don't marry a planet full of men. They marry one person. They don't believe someone else can complete them. They believe only one person. I feel the same; so I am stuck with this unrequited love. I am simply trying to cope with it at this point.

 

Either the grass is greener or it's not. For me, it's not. I tried the dating advice by my counselor, and it only reminded me more of the good thing I had. That is when I truly developed suicidal thoughts. Oh boy when the well runs dry...

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Everyday people marry believing that the one standing next to them at the altar is the one and only. No one goes to their wedding saying, "There is a planetful of men or the world is so much bigger or there is someone out there who could be better."

 

So I don't really understand why I am being nuts for believing I had a one out of a billion chance at love when millions of people marry for the same reason. They don't marry a planet full of men. They marry one person. They don't believe someone else can complete them. They believe only one person. I feel the same; so I am stuck with this unrequited love. I am simply trying to cope with it at this point.

 

Either the grass is greener or it's not. For me, it's not. I tried the dating advice by my counselor, and it only reminded me more of the good thing I had. That is when I truly developed suicidal thoughts. Oh boy when the well runs dry...

 

Although this rings true, marriage is also sometimes out of convenience, political or purely monetary. In short, many marriages have an economical basis and not just out of love. What factors does one evaluate a potential mate as being the one and only? No one is sure, and it's like stepping into the unknown. That is why I don't see divorce as being uncommon, but in most cases necessary for growth (everyone grows at their own pace). Things might not seem the as way they are and that's just a fact of life.

 

Focus on yourself right now, build up your self-worth and don't be so hard on yourself. There are plenty of single people, and it is the utmost importance that you are comfortable with yourself-- so that you are actively looking but not necessarily beating yourself up.

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evanescentworld

Do you really, really believe him when he told you he thinks God told him to not marry you?

I mean, really?

 

Because that to me is a red flag - and certainly not one in HIS favour.

Of course you see him in a completely different light to the one we view.... And naturally, you know the situation far more intimately - we can know next to nothing, save what you tell us.

But your posts resonate with "He was wonderful, I was - and am - total crap" and I cannot begin to even describe how wrong this view is, for anyone to hold, not only you....

You certainly won't believe this now, but in my view, you damn well dodged a bullet, here.

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Cupid's Puppet
Do you really, really believe him when he told you he thinks God told him to not marry you?

I mean, really?

 

Because that to me is a red flag - and certainly not one in HIS favour.

Of course you see him in a completely different light to the one we view.... And naturally, you know the situation far more intimately - we can know next to nothing, save what you tell us.

But your posts resonate with "He was wonderful, I was - and am - total crap" and I cannot begin to even describe how wrong this view is, for anyone to hold, not only you....

You certainly won't believe this now, but in my view, you damn well dodged a bullet, here.

 

I'm still not sure what to think of that. That was actually one of the toughest things to deal with after the breakup because it left me even more spiritually confused. I started to believe in God and thought I did everything I could do:

 

I confessed my sin to him and God

I begged him and God for forgiveness

I did whatever it took to help him heal

I prayed, went to church, and got into counseling

 

But in the end, I guess it was a little too late. He said I could never love him like he need to be loved. He said he prayed for months about whether he should marry me, and this was his sign he should not. With God in the equation, I am forced to believe he dodged a bullet. I guess that is why I'm not very optimistic of my future and believe he is the one who got away.

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evanescentworld

Do you believe in God?

 

 

 

If so, may I ask, why?

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I understand she is trying to help me move on, but I feel like I never get the opportunity to get my thoughts out loud. I say "I miss him", and before I can go on, she's like, "Have you tried internet dating?" I say "he was the best guy for me", and she's like, "Really? There are billions of men in the world and you think this one guy was the only chance you had?"

 

I'm starting to feel like no one understands me. I blew my chance to have an awesome guy for a lifetime, and people are like, "Well, he wasn't perfect. You're still young." Yeah I know that. Doesn't change the hopelessness and despair I have. I just want to withdraw from society at this point. Let me just go through the motions until nature ends it for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You're not alone! I constantly feel like my therapist isn't listening and thinks my problems are petty, almost like she is above them. Have you tried looking into finding a different therapist? I know she is trying to help you, but I see that you really just want to be understood at the same time. Its okay for her to suggest stuff to you, but not to blow off your emotions as if you didn't say anything. She should still address the way you feel instead of changing the subject! I'm sorry you have to go through that, I know it's hard. :( But if you need people to talk to, I'm here and I'm sure plenty of others are here for you on this site! <3

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Cupid's Puppet
Do you believe in God?

 

 

 

If so, may I ask, why?

 

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. I only started to believe in God again to help my ex heal. He said, "God's gonna get the blessing out of this." So I wanted to do things so he could keep his faith and not lose it because of me. I also believe in God sometimes because my ex told me that he needed a godly woman, and that made me feel worse after the breakup because I felt like I would have had a chance if we were equally yoked.

 

Then I asked a pastor what I needed to do and he told me I needed the Holy Spirit. I mean I never thought of myself as a bad person before. I just got tempted so badly I wish I could go back to change what I did. But I don't want to hurt anyone anymore or make more costly mistakes in my life.

 

To sum, I believe in God because I fear a disastrous life if I don't.

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Cupid's Puppet
You're not alone! I constantly feel like my therapist isn't listening and thinks my problems are petty, almost like she is above them. Have you tried looking into finding a different therapist? I know she is trying to help you, but I see that you really just want to be understood at the same time. Its okay for her to suggest stuff to you, but not to blow off your emotions as if you didn't say anything. She should still address the way you feel instead of changing the subject! I'm sorry you have to go through that, I know it's hard. :( But if you need people to talk to, I'm here and I'm sure plenty of others are here for you on this site! <3

 

It just sucks because she's like the only one available for me right now in this big ass metropolis. I have tried going through my job, and they are refusing to let me take advantage of my benefits claiming that I need something long term, and the free sessions they offer are short-term options. Well, the therapist I see does short-term treatment too.

 

This is the kind of stuff that makes me believe I am supposed to suffer. Oh, and to give you an idea of how she changes the subject, I was trying to tell her how everything started and she digressed into talking about hairstyles.

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It just sucks because she's like the only one available for me right now in this big ass metropolis. I have tried going through my job, and they are refusing to let me take advantage of my benefits claiming that I need something long term, and the free sessions they offer are short-term options. Well, the therapist I see does short-term treatment too.

 

This is the kind of stuff that makes me believe I am supposed to suffer. Oh, and to give you an idea of how she changes the subject, I was trying to tell her how everything started and she digressed into talking about hairstyles.

 

 

 

 

CupidsPuppet,

 

That is incredibly DISGRACEFUL and DISGUSTING!!! I can't believe she even has a job. It is her job to listen to you and let you talk! Not interrupt you! And you're not there to talk about hairstyles, unless it was YOU who initiated a conversation about hairstyles!

 

I truly feel your pain. :( It sucks because a lot of these therapists just go to school to be one for easy money, and they really dont have the passion to help other people...and it is COMPLETELY unfortunate.

 

Are you on any meds to help you in the meantime? or do you believe in meds? Not trying to step on toes, because I know some people are so against taking meds.

 

It sucks... I know, it's so hard trying to find a therapist, especially living in a small town like you say you do. I still say you should TRY to talk to your regular dr and ask him to help you find a new one, because this one is obviously doing nothing for you!

 

You need someone to talk to and vent to who is going to care about your feelings and genuinely try to help you!!!

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evanescentworld
Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. I only started to believe in God again to help my ex heal. He said, "God's gonna get the blessing out of this." So I wanted to do things so he could keep his faith and not lose it because of me. I also believe in God sometimes because my ex told me that he needed a godly woman, and that made me feel worse after the breakup because I felt like I would have had a chance if we were equally yoked.

 

Then I asked a pastor what I needed to do and he told me I needed the Holy Spirit. I mean I never thought of myself as a bad person before. I just got tempted so badly I wish I could go back to change what I did. But I don't want to hurt anyone anymore or make more costly mistakes in my life.

 

To sum, I believe in God because I fear a disastrous life if I don't.

Well in that case, in my humble opinion, you don't believe in God.

A person who believes in God is never as uncertain or as desperate in their "faith" as you are, and they certainly don't believe in God because they are worried about the alternative.

You state you believe in God because you feel it is the right thing to have done, but your faith was an artificial one: one implemented in order to please him and win his heart.

 

As for the Pastor's advice - give me strength - he's as weak and misguided in his advice to you as your therapist is! I do not discount his value in his work: I just think he had no clue how to read you and advise you in the most appropriate way for you.

 

Perhaps in that case, your ex "saw through" your motives. I'm sure he didn't think you were being deceitful.

Perhaps, as someone so entrenched in his religious views, he 'got' that you were doing things for him, not for yourself or God. In which case, it's possible he was right in considering that you weren't a compatible match.

 

But hold the phone - That's not to say you are bad, evil, a sinner or someone unworthy. It just means you weren't idealistically compatible.

And if that's the case, it's an important factor.

 

Some things make people incompatible:

The mismatched desire to have children

The mismatched desire as to which religion to baptise them in

The desire/frequency of sex

The mismatch of religious beliefs

The mismatch of Politics (although this is not as prominently vital as some other matters)

The mismatch of whether to marry or not and when.

The mismatch of who gets to be home-maker, and who gets to work (I have seen this cause rifts).

 

All the above issues can be, and have been deal-breakers.

 

Simply because religiously you did not ultimately meet eye to eye, does not mean that you are an unworthy sinner who MUST have a faith in God at all costs or else you are doomed.

I don't believe in God.

Hundreds of us on here don't either.

I don't fear eternal damnation, even though some Christians would have me believe that's my fate.

That's what they believe. I don't. But that doesn't make me a worse person than them or anyone else.

And it certainly doesn't make you a bad person either. Far from it.

You bent over backwards to accommodate his stance, and tried above and beyond the call of duty, to make him happy.

But it would never have worked, then, or now, or in the future, because if you cannot be genuinely who you are, then the facade will at some point, drop. Sustaining it would be a gargantuan effort, and would perhaps have courted a far greater disaster, had you succeeded in marrying and starting a family.

 

You are who you are; and you should be glad that the next lucky man in your life, will want you precisely as you are - not as someone who will conform to his requirements, in order to fit the mould.

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Cupid's Puppet,

I am sorry for your situation and hope you will be able to resolve things and eventually feel better.

 

IMO your counsellor is trying to help you move forward but isn't going the right way about it. As I understand it a counsellor is there to help the client by getting them to do the spadework.

 

Here's a definition of a counsellor I saw on a counselling website. If you don't think this sounds like your counsellor maybe it's time for you to move forward and find another one?

 

"Counsellors help people to explore feelings and emotions that are often related to their experiences. This allows their clients to reflect on what is happening to them and consider alternative ways of doing things.

 

Counsellors work in a confidential setting and listen attentively to their clients. They offer them the time, empathy and respect they need to express their feelings and perhaps understand themselves from a different perspective. The aim is reduce their confusion and enable them to cope with challenges or to make positive changes in their life where necessary.

 

Counsellors do not give advice, but help clients to make their own choices within the framework of an agreed counselling contract.

 

There is also no clear distinction between the terms counselling and psychotherapy, and both can encompass a range of talking therapies."

 

Good Luck.

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Cupid's Puppet
CupidsPuppet,

 

....

And you're not there to talk about hairstyles, unless it was YOU who initiated a conversation about hairstyles!

 

In the middle of my speech, I mentioned that the guy complimented my hairstyle. Then she started asking me all these questions about different hairstyles. She then was like, "Oh never mind, that doesn't matter." I was like, "ya think?" LOL

 

Are you on any meds to help you in the meantime? or do you believe in meds? Not trying to step on toes, because I know some people are so against taking meds.

 

I'm not against them. They just won't give me what I need right now. I would have taken them a week ago because I was struggling to make it through the day. However, things aren't as intense this week. I'm gonna continue to give this thing called time more...well...time.

 

 

Well in that case, in my humble opinion, you don't believe in God.........

 

Trying to believe in God was mostly to help him heal. I wanted him to believe it happened for a reason so he won't hurt as much. I wanted to win his love too, but I also told him I was struggling to believe. I don't want anyone to think I faked like I caught the Holy Ghost lol. I just thought that if I told myself God was real enough times, I'd believe it. I'm still trying. Why? I am scared if I'm wrong, and I am looking for peace.

 

I was alone as a nonbeliever. All my family believes in God and I was in the closet. I've been feeling alone for some years, and this loneliness ended up killing my relationship. Thus, I believe my "non-belief" killed my relationship.

 

 

ETA: And I agree, we were incompatible/unequally yoked so it probably was going to be doomed anyway, which made me justify the act in the first place.

 

Cupid's Puppet,

....

 

Here's a definition of a counsellor I saw on a counselling website. If you don't think this sounds like your counsellor maybe it's time for you to move forward and find another one?....

 

I made an appointment this afternoon with a new counselor. My current therapist absolutely does not fit that definition you provided. Maybe therapy is different from counseling. Whatever the case, I'm trying someone new.

 

 

Thanks everyone! :bunny:

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Evanescentworld

 

To explain the pastor situation, it's like this.

 

Basically, what I did was immoral. I agree with that, and so does the rest of loveshack (hopefully). However, I interpreted the pastor's words like this:

 

When Christians do immoral acts, it is because they "fall short of the glory of God". When a nonbeliever does immoral acts, it's because she is a nonbeliever.

 

I think that is what he was trying to say. Otherwise, why would he suggest I needed the Holy Spirit? Do you see how I am spiritually confused? I don't know if I did what I did because I was young and dumb or because I was a nonbeliever.

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evanescentworld

Please bear in mind this is an open discussion forum. What I write is mere opinion, and purely from my perspective, perception and viewpoint.

It doesn't make me right, it just means I'm voicing a response to a mental stimulus I see before me, in the form of your comments.

 

I am and have been Buddhist for some considerable time. It was a conscious decision to switch from a concerted effort of devotion to, and belief in God.

It just wasn't hanging for me at all, and it went totally against the grain.

I have studied Christianity and the Bible, and was brought up within a religious environment, and have respect for those who devote themselves to a Theistic calling. I do not bring their mental vocation to question, if that is the path they have chosen, and the creed they wish to follow, then I commend them for their faith. But it's not for me.

 

Your situation, however, rings so many alarm bells, it's painful.

So I am going to speak to you as someone who, while having eventually gladly switched paths with nary a backward glance, did give it a great deal of thought and ponder the question for a long time. I gladly took the decision to switch: But it wasn't on impulse; it didn't happen overnight, with the ending one day of my adherence to Catholicism, and my devotion the next, to Buddhism.

So I can see where your dilemma lies, and I can tell you, with all the assurance possible at this point, that you are trying to climb a mountain of marbles, because right now, trying to pinpoint your exact stand on the matter is like nailing jello to a wall.

 

.....Trying to believe in God was mostly to help him heal.

See? Right there. There it is in black and white. "Trying to believe in God".

For him.

It simply won't do.

There is a belief in God.

There is an absence of belief in God.

There is occasional doubt of God's existence - even in the minds of those purportedly devoted to their calling in a prominent and public manner.

 

But there is not attempt to believe in God.

As they say, 'Trying' isn't 'doing'.

Or as the (in)famous Yoda said, in Star Wars: " 'do' or 'do not'. There IS no 'Try' "

 

I wanted him to believe it happened for a reason so he won't hurt as much. I wanted to win his love too, but I also told him I was struggling to believe.

You cannot make yourself believe in something when your entire Will is screaming in opposition.

And the reason it was screaming and unheard, is because you were besotted by your feelings for him, and thus permitted your desire to mould yourself to his requirements, to completely stifle and suffocate who you really are. The pretence was so obvious to you. You KNEW it was fake, but you weren't necessarily trying to believe; you were doing everything within your power that you could, to convince HIM that you believed. Yet through this lie, you confessed your struggle. And you confessed it, because lying is not in your nature.

 

I don't want anyone to think I faked like I caught the Holy Ghost lol. I just thought that if I told myself God was real enough times, I'd believe it.

And yet, you still fight with this notion, and struggle with it, all the way.

Why?

Because to you, it's just too far-fetched for words. And you know it.

Yet, you are convinced of damnation, if you cannot find a way of opening up to the fantasy of such a belief....

 

I'm still trying. Why? I am scared if I'm wrong, and I am looking for peace.

If you cannot find Peace, Joy and inner Serenity "where" you are right now, then where else do you actually expect to find it?

You seek that which is already within your personal power to have. It's nowhere else, but right here.

 

I was alone as a nonbeliever. All my family believes in God and I was in the closet. I've been feeling alone for some years,

I'm a Buddhist, within a Catholic family. All regular church-goers and worthy and commendable Christians. You could say I'm the black sheep, but does this unsettle me? Do I feel discomfort? Isolation? Abandonment?

Not on your nelly! And my family accepts this lone voice of silent discord, with open arms.

Have you tried talking to your family?

Is there anyone you could actually open up to?

 

and this loneliness ended up killing my relationship. Thus, I believe my "non-belief" killed my relationship.

No. A thousand times no.

You are not responsible for killing the relationship.

You were - are - incompatible. But that's not a blame-worthy situation, because in that case, you may as well say that his non-flexible, rigid Religious outlook and demands, killed the relationship.

He wanted from you, what you could not give. So his demands were just as 'blame-worthy' as your natural inability to come up with the goods.

 

 

ETA: And I agree, we were incompatible/unequally yoked so it probably was going to be doomed anyway, which made me justify the act in the first place.

An act which by now, I hope you see requires no justification. Just acceptance.

 

Evanescentworld

 

To explain the pastor situation, it's like this.

 

Basically, what I did was immoral. I agree with that, and so does the rest of loveshack (hopefully). However, I interpreted the pastor's words like this:

 

When Christians do immoral acts, it is because they "fall short of the glory of God". When a nonbeliever does immoral acts, it's because she is a nonbeliever.

 

I think that is what he was trying to say. Otherwise, why would he suggest I needed the Holy Spirit? Do you see how I am spiritually confused? I don't know if I did what I did because I was young and dumb or because I was a nonbeliever.

You did it because you were hopeful of achieving an end, which did not materialise.

You did it, not because you were 'young and dumb' (certainly NOT the impression I get) or a nonbeliever (which in and of itself is not a sin, no matter how many people may try to convince you it is) but you did it out of Hope.

And unfortunately, his stringent adherence to his faith - dashed your hopes.

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Cupid's Puppet

So I didn't quit on my therapist, and she is back to her old tricks. It is almost hilarious at this point. Today I told her I wanted to read some texts from my ex aloud, and she was like, how about I read them aloud because sometimes you get a different perspective when someone else reads :rolleyes:

 

As she read she was commenting on everything. That was not the purpose I had in mind for bringing in those personal texts. It felt like some coffee chat with a girlfriend over a Cosmopolitan magazine.

 

Now you may be wondering why I continue to waste my money on her. Well she does have some good qualities. While my other doctor allows me to talk and get out my feelings and help me understand my feelings, she is all about seeking ways I can pull out of this depression. So she wants me to be active by having distractions and other activities and not dwell on my emotions.

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