Justm3x Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Its been six months since I broke up with my partner of seven years and not one day goes by that i'm not thinking about him, all day and everyday, Everyone keeps telling me i'll get over it but six months on and its not getting any easier. I know he's not thinking about me and i think that hurts the most, that's because he ended up with the woman he was having an affair with. I know i was to blame for some of the reasons we split but i didnt get the chance to put them right..... In feel so low and emotional all the time, when will all this torturing stop and how can i try and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) 6 months is still quite early after a long relationship. It's not at all unusual to feel like you do and the fact your ex is with the one they left you for will really hurt. All you can do is distract yourself and give yourself time - lots of time. Focus more on your interests and hobbies, see your friends/family more, go on days out, give the house a makeover, exercise etc... Do everything you can for yourself, be kind to yourself and treat yourself every now and then. You have to try shifting your mindset away from the person who is essentially a habit now. They played a big role in your life and you have spent years as a duo, it's hard to adapt there are no time limits. Edited September 20, 2014 by True Gent 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thank you... its very difficult getting out, we moved away from family and friends and came to live in a place i dont know anyone... my family and friends are about 100 miles away... im disabled so i cant get out as much as i would like too. I've lost 34lbs in the past few months just from stressing and worrying. I was married for 20 years and i didnt feel anything like this when i left my husband, no one involved we just fell out of love and we are still mates... 7 years and i feel like he's destroyed me... I hate what he's done but i still love him. Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thank you... its very difficult getting out, we moved away from family and friends and came to live in a place i dont know anyone... my family and friends are about 100 miles away... im disabled so i cant get out as much as i would like too. I've lost 34lbs in the past few months just from stressing and worrying. I was married for 20 years and i didnt feel anything like this when i left my husband, no one involved we just fell out of love and we are still mates... 7 years and i feel like he's destroyed me... I hate what he's done but i still love him. I'm sorry to hear you are living far from your family and friends. Even if you can't see them still try making an effort to pick up the phone. Honestly talking about things with the people closest to you is a big help. If you can't get out much due to your disability I'd look towards reading and doing anything you can to keep your mind occupied. Even just watching movies can give your mind an escape route for a while. Also treating yourself can just be the most simple of pleasures like having your favourite food or a new purchase, nothing drastic just little things. Sometimes just watching the birds outside can give you a little perspective on things. The world is still turning - your world is still turning, never lose sight of that. Also healing is not linear, you will have good days and bad days for quite a while. I'm at around 11 months now and I'm mostly very good, but I'm still not fully over it. When you love someone deeply you can't just switch off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I hear you! I ended things with my longterm gf and everyday is hard. Almost like she left me in a way. You just have to re-tune your thought process that use to include them. I just spent my holiday bonus on a trip, mentioned it to a few friends and it's became a party! Actually having something to look forward to is a huge amount of weight lifted. Our ex's aren't living in the past, so why should we? Cheers! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Craft81 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Its been six months since I broke up with my partner of seven years and not one day goes by that i'm not thinking about him, all day and everyday, Everyone keeps telling me i'll get over it but six months on and its not getting any easier. I know he's not thinking about me and i think that hurts the most, that's because he ended up with the woman he was having an affair with. I know i was to blame for some of the reasons we split but i didnt get the chance to put them right..... In feel so low and emotional all the time, when will all this torturing stop and how can i try and move on? It's been 2 1/2 years since my breakup with her.. 7 year relationship, lived together afterwards for 2 years after that... and I'm still not over it... there's other issues involved too.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 That's the hardest thing...we are suffering and they are happy and getting on with life like we didn't mean a thing. I moved away from my family and friends for him and a year later I'm here alone with no friends and struggling while he's living it up in the Caribbean with the new gf. She knew all about me and she carried on without batting an eyelid.. The funny thing is she is a big wig at the Leonard Cheshire disability,knowing I was disabled and had mental health issues, no compassion knowing what I would go through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 2 1\2 years I'm sorry to hear that .... Its a horrible world out there with evil people, its just not in me to be so cruel. I'm just so glad I found this site, I found a post where instead of messaging my ex I could post on there and say what I want, it has helped me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 2 1\2 years I'm sorry to hear that .... Its a horrible world out there with evil people, its just not in me to be so cruel. I'm just so glad I found this site, I found a post where instead of messaging my ex I could post on there and say what I want, it has helped me. Loveshack is the best Internet forum I've ever used. I'm pleased you've found some comfort in it, There are many insightful posts here and I think nearly everyone here has been through it or is going through it. You're certainly not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sixandout Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Well it probably doesn't help but you are not alone! I was with my ex for over 6 years and then totally out the blue it was over. About 6 weeks after I moved out I bumped into him with someone else. Unbelievable. The thing I have learnt is that the selfish people belong together and those of us that consider other people should be together. I'm still hurting 7 months on though. Link to post Share on other sites
Justaguy30 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Sorry you are having such a tough time. I too miss my ex and she left me for someone she was cheating on me with. She cheats on him too but that doesn't really help. Its been 8 months here and I am doing better but its still very painful! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 I know I'm not alone, so many unhappy people going through the same pain as me, but i suppose we try and deal with it in all sorts of ways. I dwell on things, that my nature and I'm the worse person for " what if " .... But the lack of compassion from this other woman was like a knife in the heart, her words go over and over in head " I don't know what she is getting all worked up about, people break up all the time, sh*t happens, get over it " What am I getting all worked up about? SEVEN years and betrayal.... that's what im getting worked up about and when you have physical and mental problems, those problems are magnified by a million times, blaming myself for what happened, feeling worthless, the self harming becomes worse and the feeling of wanting to end your life becomes so bad. He was there for me when i went through the worse trauma of my life and he was there to support me and now nothing...... That's what I'm getting myself worked up about and he and she don't give a sh*t..... it hurts so much that this person i trusted for so long doesn't even know i exist anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sixandout Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I know I'm not alone, so many unhappy people going through the same pain as me, but i suppose we try and deal with it in all sorts of ways. I dwell on things, that my nature and I'm the worse person for " what if " .... But the lack of compassion from this other woman was like a knife in the heart, her words go over and over in head " I don't know what she is getting all worked up about, people break up all the time, sh*t happens, get over it " What am I getting all worked up about? SEVEN years and betrayal.... that's what im getting worked up about and when you have physical and mental problems, those problems are magnified by a million times, blaming myself for what happened, feeling worthless, the self harming becomes worse and the feeling of wanting to end your life becomes so bad. He was there for me when i went through the worse trauma of my life and he was there to support me and now nothing...... That's what I'm getting myself worked up about and he and she don't give a sh*t..... it hurts so much that this person i trusted for so long doesn't even know i exist anymore. Crazy isn't. I was saying this to my friend the other week. The whole feeling like I don't exist is actually worse than the break up. It boggles the mind that people can be so cruel. Just take it a day at a time. That's all any of us can do x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I know I'm not alone, so many unhappy people going through the same pain as me, but i suppose we try and deal with it in all sorts of ways. I dwell on things, that my nature and I'm the worse person for " what if " .... But the lack of compassion from this other woman was like a knife in the heart, her words go over and over in head " I don't know what she is getting all worked up about, people break up all the time, sh*t happens, get over it " What am I getting all worked up about? SEVEN years and betrayal.... that's what im getting worked up about and when you have physical and mental problems, those problems are magnified by a million times, blaming myself for what happened, feeling worthless, the self harming becomes worse and the feeling of wanting to end your life becomes so bad. He was there for me when i went through the worse trauma of my life and he was there to support me and now nothing...... That's what I'm getting myself worked up about and he and she don't give a sh*t..... it hurts so much that this person i trusted for so long doesn't even know i exist anymore. You know what, I have come to the realization that some people are not capable of loving truly, thus, it's impossible to expect them to understand the pain one can go through after a BU. The best we can do is to kick those people out of our mind and spend time for those who love us. I also thought about how some women can be like your ex's new gf, and ironically, they seem to have things much easier than us, women who love truly and suffer truly. But I know another thing, that everything comes with a price. We love truly so we have to take the risk of the immense pain, but at least we know true love, for them, they don't feel pain or sympathy, but they never get to understand/have the wonderful feelings of loving truly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 It is usually because you haven't tried anything else for now. He was your first love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 No.. he wasn't my first love, but he was there for me when things almost took a tragic turn for me during surgery 8 years ago. The surgery left me disabled and with mental health issues. I took it for granted that he loved me and we would grow old together, how wrong was I. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Reading your post brought me to years OP. I am so so so sorry you have to go through this...my 6 year relationship just ended about a week ago and I've been in immense pain, but as far as I know there wasn't another woman involved so at least there's that little bit less pain. I can't even imagine how much you must be hurting right now. I just don't get how some people can be with someone for so long and then up and leave for someone else. It's absolutely despicable. And this other woman sounds like a real prize /huge sarcasm/. But, if he did this to you he will most likely end up doing it to her. My ex left his ex wife for me (he told me they were separated for over a year when we met. Uh, nope!) and then he left me for someone else 2 years ago and when that ended up not working out he came crawling back and I stupidly took him back. That's why I'm kind've wondering if another woman might not be involved this time. So, I guess I do know a little bit of what you're going through. I just don't understand why people can't just ball up and be honest and leave before they end up having an affair. Anyway, keep posting and reading the other posts here. I find that when you're at your lowest it really helps to see that your not alone and that there are others who care that you can share the burden of your pain with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justm3x Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) Thank you for your kind words.... its people like you that give me that hope that one day I will wake up and think " im free, i don't love him anymore " but until then i can come on this site and know that people don't think im a sad woman who cant let go of the past. When i met my ex he was separated, but his ex wife was begging for a second chance and if i hadn't been there he would have got back with her. She did nothing wrong, she just didn't fit into his life anymore even though they had a young child and i know now what she went through....... I did actually send her a message on FB and apologised for what i did and asked for her forgiveness. He did to me what he did to her, found a replacement.... but i think the new gf will do it to him before he does it to her... she is having a great life in the UK great job, family and he is now living overseas alone, so they only get to see each other a few times a year.. she is work driven and she told my friend that settling down is her idea of pure hell, the monotony of routine bores her sh*tless..... If i hadnt have ended it I would have been strung along for months maybe even years and she would still have visited him overseas and he would have made the same excuse for not skyping " i have no internet " and i would have been non the wiser.... Im sorry to hear about your situation, no we are not alone and talking or posting i should say does helps..... Edited September 22, 2014 by Justm3x Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thank you for your kind words.... its people like you that give me that hope that one day I will wake up and think " im free, i don't love him anymore " but until then i can come on this site and know that people don't think im a sad woman who cant let go of the past. When i met my ex he was separated, but his ex wife was begging for a second chance and if i hadn't been there he would have got back with her. She did nothing wrong, she just didn't fit into his life anymore even though they had a young child and i know now what she went through....... I did actually send her a message on FB and apologised for what i did and asked for her forgiveness. He did to me what he did to her, found a replacement.... but i think the new gf will do it to him before he does it to her... she is having a great life in the UK great job, family and he is now living overseas alone, so they only get to see each other a few times a year.. she is work driven and she told my friend that settling down is her idea of pure hell, the monotony of routine bores her sh*tless..... If i hadnt have ended it I would have been strung along for months maybe even years and she would still have visited him overseas and he would have made the same excuse for not skyping " i have no internet " and i would have been non the wiser.... Im sorry to hear about your situation, no we are not alone and talking or posting i should say does helps..... I have absolutely no doubt that a day will come and you'll be happy and being free from his memory and the pain. As always, it will just take time and determination to move past this. Did the ex wife respond? There's been times where I wanted to apologize to her, even though it was squarely on my ex's shoulders. He lied to both of us. It sort of sounds like this new woman isn't as in to the relationship as he is? Sounds like she likes to party and I have serious doubts that she's going to be faithful to him. Is it awful that that makes me want to chuckle evilly? Shoe, meet other foot. Don't be suprised that if that happens he'll come sniffing around you again. Don't take him back if he does. He betrayed you in the worst way and I firmly believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. There are exceptions to the rule, but I wouldn't take it the bank that he's one of them. Keep your chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
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