How can I move on?

[hotchocolate111]

He broke up with me, I was really sad & we go to same university so for a month afterward I came to him crying, he would give me mixed signals, we would hook up, etc. He got really mad and said to leave him alone for now so I left him alone. Didn't contact him for 4 months (summer came and then a few weeks of school passed), then I saw him in the library this semester. Said hi, everything was fine. He asked me how I was, etc. I asked if we were cool and he said yes.

A week later I texted him simply saying "Hi, how are you?" because to be honest I kept thinking about him and I thought at least if we're friends I won't feel so awful about the whole situation. He texted back this long novel saying how he doesn't want to speak to me again, he said "I'm not mad I promise" but trying to be friends last semester didn't work and he just wants to move on with his life and I should too. That I'm okay in his book as long as I don't contact him again and at the end he said "I know this sounds harsh but I don't want to go down the same road again".

I can't explain how or why that text made me feel so completely awful. I didn't know if it was because of how embarrassed and worthless I felt or because I never came to terms with the fact that I'd never speak to him again. I mean really 4 months without contact, I at least thought he wouldn't be so vicious.

I've seen him a few times since then and just acted like I didn't see him and walked by. Since then I've felt truly horrible. I have friends who make me laugh and are awesome but when I'm by myself (which must happen at some point in the day) I feel this overwhelming loneliness and sadness. I just don't understand how he could be so cruel. Its not like I ever did anything to him like cheat on him or physically hurt him or something unforgivable. I was really sad after our break up and expressed this to him several times but I didn't think he would never want to speak to me again. It just makes me feel really bad and I just want to forget about him and I'm trying very hard. I'm in several clubs, very involved in my academics, I exercise when I have time, and I hangout with my amazing friends. But I still have serious emotional problems and we've been broken up for 5 months now and I just need to move on and understand why he is behaving this way so I can find some sense of closure that he will obviously never give me.

 

So why did he behave this way? And how can I move on because I'm like breaking down at least once a day and feel very sad & distracted which is affecting my studies.

[Mr Scorpio]

I'm sorry to say that it sounds like he acted that way because he is uncomfortable talking to and/or being around you. There are all sorts of different reasons that he could be doing that.

 

 

Maybe he is protecting his feelings? Maybe contact with you reminds him of why the relationship ended in the first place.

 

 

I don't think it is necessarily uncommon. I have a strong preference to never have contact with my ex ever again. I think men in particular are prone to compartmentalize things like this.

 

 

Regardless of what his reasons are, the important thing is that you move on. It sounds like you are doing the rights things to reach that goal. Stay busy. Spend time with friends. Study. Exercise.

 

 

When you feel yourself about to collapse into a fit of grief, remind yourself that the only way you'll feel better is by working for it. Allowing yourself to wallow won't help. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.