Orwell1991 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I broke up with my ex-girlfriend almost 4 months ago. It was a messy break-up, she had a condition called vaginismus which means she found sex painful, so we were'nt able to have intercourse. I was with her for around 1 and a half years and I'm 23. We were so sweet together and I loved her. It wasn't entirely the vaginismus which made things difficult, it was the limited drive on her part to do alternative things to me. I would satisfy her in spontaneous ways and was clearly into it, but, while she could be into it sometimes, she would do things to me infrequently and wasn't as passionate about it. After a long time of this imbalance and the condition which made sex impossible, I told her i was sexually frustrated. Instead of empathising and saying "what can I do to help?", she told me it was 'out of the blue', i had no reason to be frustrated, it was bad timing to bring up the issue because she had work to do, etc etc. I felt angry because I had stuck with her through a condition that maybe a lot of guys wouldn't be able to deal with, and we were sweet and loving to each other. So the whole thing ended in an argument. I miss her, I don't want her back but I'm thinking of getting back in touch with her on a casual friendly basis, not anything serious. I just want to be able to look back on my romantic relationships and not see resentment in the aftermath of every one. On the other hand I'm worried that I'd start bring up this argument again, because a part of me wants her to admit she was wrong and made a mistake/wants me back, and for me to say no. Its confusing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 No. Do not break NC. You can look back on past relationships and not see resentment without revisiting them. Beyond that, you have clearly stated that you have an ulterior motive in wanting her to admit her error so that you can reject her. Stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orwell1991 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 No. Do not break NC. You can look back on past relationships and not see resentment without revisiting them. Beyond that, you have clearly stated that you have an ulterior motive in wanting her to admit her error so that you can reject her. Stay NC. I think it was a mistake to say that I want her to want me back so that I could reject her. Not sure why I said that honestly. Perhaps the first part a bit though, that I would like her to at least empathise a bit more with how I felt. But I think I would be happy to just hear she is happy and doing well, and perhaps that she misses me a bit, without it coming to much more than a general friendliness. Maybe even ending at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I think it was a mistake to say that I want her to want me back so that I could reject her. Not sure why I said that honestly. I'm guessing that you said it because you meant it. Perhaps the first part a bit though, that I would like her to at least empathise a bit more with how I felt. But I think I would be happy to just hear she is happy and doing well, and perhaps that she misses me a bit, without it coming to much more than a general friendliness. Maybe even ending at that. IMO, wanting to hear that she misses you means that you are emotionally invested. This raises the potential that you could be hurt if she doesn't miss you or empathize with you. Again, I would stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
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