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Sometimes I get so angry...WITH MYSELF


SerCay

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Seriously, sometimes I wonder HOW ON EARTH I have stayed with my ex bf of a manipulative emotionally abusing moron for 4 whole years :S

 

I must have been blind sided and totally stupid when I entered this relationship because when I think of him now and think of his actions, all I feel is anger! and mostly towards myself :mad:

 

Just today I was reminded of something, his best friend (a girl) had liked his mom's FB picture. I kinda snooped around in her FB and his brother, his mom, and even his brother's GF!!! for christ sake, have this girl in their FB, which means they have met her or have spoken to her, or have had any form of communication.

 

CAN YOU BELIEVE I HAVENT MET THIS GIRL IN THE 4!!!! YEARS WE WERE TOGETHER??????

 

HOW stupid must you be to accept it when your bf's whole family knows this best friend except for you and then accept it when he says and I quote:''if you want to meet her then go meet up with her, I dont need to come I dont like stuff like that''

 

Add: and no there was nothing romantic going on between them, it truly was a normal friend...WHICH MAKES IT EVEN WORSE if you know what I mean

 

 

AAARGGGG I was soooooo stupid

 

rant

Edited by SerCay
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We all hate ourselves whenever we fail at something that is serious.

 

What really matter is, have you learned from this whole incident? You believe that you are not going to repeat this incident again?

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The thing is once someone is lying to you its hard to tell what is real and whats not. For me it was like which one of her friends is she screwing. She deleted everything in her phone all the time and said she liked to keep things neat. That is the number one thing. If someone is deleting texts and FB messages get rid of them. My ex claimed to be just friends with this guy she worked with but they were hooking up... Maybe not dating who the **** knows. The point is you were right to be upset but its not your fault. He was being very secretive and that is not okay in a relationship. I only ever met two of my ex's friends ever and when we did meet it wasn't oh this is my fiance or BF or anything. She would say this is insert name.

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I hear ya. Not to that extent, but I am dealing with, processing anger at my choices with my last BF. How I chose to be with him in the first place, knowing his history, and then when I found out he not over his ex. So much was wonderful about our relationship. He just couldn't give me the one thing I wanted...his heart. Sucks. I stuck it out, waiting and hoping he'd move along, move past HIS anger at her, his past, their divorce. But after 10 months, he still "stuck". After two years, still in therapy every week, talking about her.

 

And I stayed with him, taking sloppy "seconds". Always having a "ghost" in the room, on vacation with us, I "feeling" the tension, feeling him distant, thinking of something else, forgetting things, aloof at times. And finally I could see clearly it was because he still thinking of her. WTF. Yes, SO pissed at myself. I knew. He was honest with me in some ways about it. But in many ways he was not. Like when his mind was obviously some where else. And when he broke up with me, telling me, "I can't love you like you want me to." Oh yeah - OK. You CHOOSE not to love me, because you are CHOOSING to stay hung up on her. So pissed I put aside my boundaries, my values...

 

Learning to forgive myself. We all make mistakes. Well, they actually are NOT mistakes. They are learning experiences, so we don't make same choices again!!! I know I will NEVER put myself in that situation again. I will ask those questions when dating someone... And walk away when I see those red flags.

 

Please don't beat yourself up. We all do silly things when it comes to matters of the heart! And depending on where we are in our life, on our journey, we sometimes don't always make the wisest choices! Everyone does it! Look at this site! You are NOT alone! OK?

 

Things happen for a reason. People come into our lives to teach us a lesson. It sucks they have to leave our lives, too. But that is sometimes a gift, as well. We just can't see it, when we are in pain. But some day that pain will lesson, if we do the work, if we have self reflection, take responsibility for our actions, choices. Which seems you are doing! So many people can't, don't do that! That's awesome you are! So pat yourself on the pat, for that !!!

 

If you are angry, and at yourself, that means you are growing...and that is a GOOD thing!!! Believe that!

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Up until this day he doesn't see what's wrong with being secretive. In the beginning, my ex too was still hung up on his ex. I left him for a couple months when he cheated on me with her.

 

Guess what? we came back together and he was over her, but he still kept taking her calls and taling to her when she called once in a blue moon...I found out about this a year after we got together again..Can you imagine?

And when questioned about it he said: I don't see why it is necessary to hurt her feelings. I know I dont have them towards her anymore...so I just chat with her for a couple of minutes and then we hang up.

 

Never ever ever will I tolerate behaviour like this again in my life. These are the things Im so angry for with myself...I mean, how can a person go on and stay 2 more years with a guy that did the above mentioned???

 

Ok so we all got past this, all of us from ****ty relationship, and I find it strong, those that can see the evil of their partners and then have the wake up call and leave...whether it takes 1 2 3 or 20 years. So so proud of us.

 

What I DONT get......is the tons of people that jump right into another ****ty emotionally abusive relationship...how do they do this? Its a mystery to me..Cuz I sure as hell know I will leave the INSTANT I get a red flag from someone.

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