6 months post BU, NC, still missing the jerk

[Bewitched33]

It's been 6 months since the break-up. I've been NC since day one. I've had some good days and met a nice guy who treats me wonderfully. Yet, I can't seem to get the dirtbag ex out of my mind. I'll find myself wondering what he's doing, how his new job and city are treating him, if he misses me. I hate him for what he did to me but part of me still misses the good memories.

 

Tonight I found myself thinking of him and the thought popped into my head that I didn't even know why we broke up. Which is funny because I know exactly why we broke up. (We were together 3 years, the last 6 mos long distance. He took a job out of town and up and left me without any explanation. Didn't tell me about the job or the move. I found out when one of his co-workers asked when "we" were moving. When I confronted him he said it was for us and he'd be back in a year and we could start our life together. But in that year he expected me to wait for him and he'd visit when he could. He however was going to date.) I feel like I'm moving backwards emotionally. I have a great guy who would do anything for me but in the back of my head I still miss my ex. I don't want to ruin anything with the new guy suggestions on how I can get past this?

[Atticus9292012]

I think you might still care too much about your ex to be dating. I think its normal to wonder sometimes how some exs are doing, but devoting that much thought to him might be a sign you're not totally healed. You're not fully present emotionally in your new relationship if you're thinking about your ex that much. My best suggestion is to let it go and try your best to forget it if you want the new relationship to work.

[Reels]

Just concentrate on the new one.

[me85]

Ya, see this is exactly why I have chosen to stay single after my BU.

 

The old me would've have jumped right into another RS after but I'm different now. Older and wiser. LOL

 

It's ok. It happens to people. Thoughts are just thoughts but if you still love your ex in that yearning type of way...then it wouldn't be fair for the guy you're currently with-to stay with him, even if he is so wonderful and makes you happy. If that were entirely true then I promise you wouldn't be missing your ex.

 

Personally, I don't think you should be with either one of those guys. I think you should be single for a while.

[True Gent]

Speaking as a guy who's found it incredibly frustrating lately going on dates with women still hung up on exes. I'd suggest you spend a lot more time completely single, if your ex still plays such a big part in your mind like this.

 

It just isn't fair on the guy you're seeing now.

[maturityassets]

If you really feel compatible with this nice guy, like seriously compatible you don't have to break it off. I started a new relationship with my current gf 3 months after I was dumped (I actually went on a first date with her a couple of weeks after being dumped) and now I've been with her for a year and a half and I'm proud I took a chance. Of course she is special, she had a similar background to me so she really understood me and I knew there was something there.

 

For me though I didn't stop thinking about my ex till sometime this year in all honestly. She was my first love and she was hard to move on from. But eventually one day even the subtle thoughts went away. When I look back I can't believe we were even together with all the red flags in the first place. Just give it time. And with the new guy if you don't see yourselves as extremely compatible since you aren't fully ready, then be single. But trust me, it all goes away. You stop caring and just realize how much you've changed in the time between when you were in that relationship and were you will end up. Best of luck!