Lalocket Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 morning my ex broke up with me nearly two weeks ago and i'm struggling to move on or even find happiness in anything right now. i have hardly ever been off work in my life and ive been off for nearly 2 weeks straight..i haven't been able to eat. i have definitely lost my self respect by doing the whole begging and pleading thing as soon as it happened. i went 5 days NC and then broke it cause i had made myself paranoid that he was seeing someone else by looking at his twitter (i know, i shouldnt have done it) and he got defensive and told me no but it was 'inappropriate' of me to ask cause its none of my business. the conversation ended badly with him telling me to leave him alone and yesterday i asked him if he wanted to end things better than we did the night before...well he blocked me from contacting him, whatsapp, texts etc. we still have a place together for another 3 weeks and i have stuff to give back to him and we have bills to sort. i think he is being really immature since i've over the 'getting back together' phase. although if you have ever felt like me, you know deep down you would take them back in a heart beat need something to make me feel happy again, worth getting out of bed for. i can see he is having a GREAT time by his twitter, i need to do the same. how do you find the strength? Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 morning my ex broke up with me nearly two weeks ago and i'm struggling to move on or even find happiness in anything right now. i have hardly ever been off work in my life and ive been off for nearly 2 weeks straight..i haven't been able to eat. i have definitely lost my self respect by doing the whole begging and pleading thing as soon as it happened. i went 5 days NC and then broke it cause i had made myself paranoid that he was seeing someone else by looking at his twitter (i know, i shouldnt have done it) and he got defensive and told me no but it was 'inappropriate' of me to ask cause its none of my business. the conversation ended badly with him telling me to leave him alone and yesterday i asked him if he wanted to end things better than we did the night before...well he blocked me from contacting him, whatsapp, texts etc. we still have a place together for another 3 weeks and i have stuff to give back to him and we have bills to sort. i think he is being really immature since i've over the 'getting back together' phase. although if you have ever felt like me, you know deep down you would take them back in a heart beat need something to make me feel happy again, worth getting out of bed for. i can see he is having a GREAT time by his twitter, i need to do the same. how do you find the strength? Everything you've described about your condition is normal and part of the grieving process. If he is not seeing someone else, he WILL see someone else. It's in the works. If only to detach further emotionally from you. All social media is a projection of what people want you to think about their lives. Commit to NC. It is your greatest friend. Things will get better. Take baby steps. Walks helped me. Talking to people about it until I was sick of talking about it. Consider it a poison that you must get out of your system by only the most pure and virtuous means. Loveshack helped me tremendously. Read other people's stories. It will educate you on how to conduct yourself in interpersonal relationships and the things you should look out for. You will be fine. The first few weeks are the hardest. Follow the advice given to other people in similar situations on this forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I'm sorry if I'm being harsh here, but consider that you've just had the BU for 2 weeks, I have to say that for the next few weeks, there will literally be nothing that can brighten up your mood much. It's just a must phase in the recovery process. But keep in mind that no matter how hard it will be, it will pass and things will be better, just believe it, because it's true After the worst phase ends, you can always find so many things positive to do, like: 1) Release the pain --> Confide in your close friends or family members who you love and trust; Go work out 2) Gradually forget the pain/him --> Do new things, make a list of things which you find entertaining and just do it. Better with new things that you have never done with your ex. It's like replacing parts of your life by putting in new blocks. 3) Recover the self-esteem --> Give yourself some nice breaks, just do the things you enjoy doing. Work on yourself, make plans to 'renovate' yourself to be new better chick 4) Kick him out of your life and mind --> NC is the god here. Stick to it no matter what. If you want, break it several times, you will soon see that breaking it bring much more pain than sticking to it. Cut him off from your social media network if able. Do not stalk him there too. 5) Plagued with good memory, thinking about how good he is and that you will not find someone better, or that you might be not good enough to make him stay --> List down the negative things of him, the reasons why the relationship did not work, list the things you love and confidence about your self.... I can go on and on about them, but keep in mind that a few weeks of pure pain and missing and longing are natural, just trust that it will pass, like it happened with most of us here in loveshack. P.S: About the happy twitter, I think that's why we should not trust social media and what people post there. They will never post the depressed pic or show that they have weakness, so don't pay much attention to what he seems to be there. He might be happy, or he might be suffering too, but it's none of your business, focus on you instead. Gradually, you will reach a point when you don't give a d*mn anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 thank you guys so much, i can't tell you how much your responses helped me and how much this website has given me the advice i need. i managed to get myself into work this afternoon that is a good step and i had my first counselling session yesterday which helped me focus on mindfulness and steps to relax (it's the anxiety in the morning which is killing me the most). however, i've come to the conclusion (yes, from twitter) that he is now dating someone else. it may be a rebound, it may have been going on all along. all i can say is that he was not who i thought he was and it is making this a little easier. is anyone else just absolutely terrified of being single? i feel like people feel sorry for me since all my friends are pretty much in relationships/engaged. i know i shouldn't care what people think cause ultimately he has been the one to break my heart but i do think about that. i'm getting further towards the angry phase which i think is better than the distraught phase - the phase where you still hang onto that tiny bit of hope that have a huge change of heart and realised that they made a mistake. i just think he's a total jerk for leaving me, our flat and dealing with this is such a HORRIBLE way. i know there's never a nice way of breaking up with someone but surely there are better ways than this? L x Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Best thing to do, and as crazy as this may sound is to start accepting and internalizing reality. With that being said, at this point in your life there isn't a lot that will bring up your spirits, and you know what? that's perfectly fine, don't be too hard on yourself and take it as it comes. In due the time with much effort set forth on your behalf the pain will eventually subside and you'll be able to breathe again. Start thinking about yourself and internalize that fact that you are no longer in a relationship. There was life before your ex and there will certainly be life after him. I can certainly resonate with the pain, we have all been there at one point, it's excruciating to the point that you fool yourself into thinking that, that will be your for the remainder of your days. However, life goes on, and nothing remains stagnant absolutely nothing. Life goes on and so will you. Try to be as matter as fact as you can be. I understand you still have a place with him and certain logistics to iron out before you can finally be on your way. From this point forward you are this stand alone unit that needs to fend for yourself. He is no longer part of your life. He will in time become irrelevant. You can accomplish moving on only if you take charge of your life once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I know this sounds ridiculous, I've blocked my ex on Facebook and Twitter etc. but I can obviously still go on his twitter and see his posts. How do you restrain yourself from doing this! Every time I do it, I take a million steps back and miss him like hell even though he left me. I just wish I could have some self control, I know it's none of my business anymore.? Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Well, just take a leave of 1 month from social media, you wouldn't be using it again. I cannot guarantee but you will have that stage, it wouldn't be hard to keep yourself away after that. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Would you consider LoveShack to be social media? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I tend to come here now instead of facebook. It really all is about will power, I came to the conclusion I would cry for hours after looking on his page. I was causing myself pain! I still admit to doing it now and again but in this early raw stage it's not worth it. How long has it been? Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I struggled a lot too because his profiles were all public and easy to remember and view from any computer... I tried several things like removing apps, using a different browser (sort of like a fresh start), disabling my own accounts and getting into other networks/apps to go there instead whenever I felt tempted to snoop... I also wore a bracelet to 'break the habit' haha (it worked). I also agree that coming here instead was great help, especially the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I struggled a lot too because his profiles were all public and easy to remember and view from any computer... I tried several things like removing apps, using a different browser (sort of like a fresh start), disabling my own accounts and getting into other networks/apps to go there instead whenever I felt tempted to snoop... I also wore a bracelet to 'break the habit' haha (it worked). I also agree that coming here instead was great help, especially the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. Mine is public too!! Makes deleting pointless... How long before you were out of the cycle to snoop? Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Around four months after the BU. A lot of things happened in my life (family tragedy, summer and crazy schedules and new fling), I was up to better and dating someone that was amazing and hot and suddenly looking at the profile of a loser wasn't that much fun anymore. It still hurt me and it was still tempting but days without checking up on that just started to fly and turned into months. I did give in one time many months later but surprise, he had abandoned his social media! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I tend to come here now instead of facebook. It really all is about will power, I came to the conclusion I would cry for hours after looking on his page. I was causing myself pain! I still admit to doing it now and again but in this early raw stage it's not worth it. How long has it been? 2 weeks tomorrow since BU. 18 months together & lived together now to complete NC ? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 2 weeks tomorrow since BU. 18 months together & lived together now to complete NC ? Your in the early days! Set yourself a two week goal from now, delete fb off your phone so you only use it when on a computer, while on computer use LS. I remember reading your thread, our situations similar Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Write down everything bad & hurtful that he done to you.. The stuff that makes u mad & everytime u want to look at his social media read the list & bring that anger back then ask yourself "why would I look at his social media & give my attention to him when he done that to me" x Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Feelbettersoon is right delete FB for a week I did it & when I went back on id broken the cycle of checking x I feel 1000x better not looking anymore x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 It's 4.30am and I just checked..only to see he was already with his new girl. Why did I do this to myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Sad26 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I see it a little different way. I don't think you will be able to keep away from checking the social media. I am like that myself. It will reach a point where you will get numb by the updates, and soon it will be. Till then it is pure torture. If I break up with someone I will not post anything on social media, but that's just few of us. We can't expect everyone to behave humanely. take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 I know, I go pretty quiet on social media following any life event. I don't want people to know and I don't want him to know. He knows I will look so he is making his life seem fine. Maybe he is fine. I haven't checked for a while now and I feel better. I don't want to know because I've come to realise that only time will enable him to realise that I was good to him! And this is all too much to ever forgive. He also looked gross in the last picture I saw of him...so that helped Link to post Share on other sites
Sad26 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Good to hear and good luck with keeping the no social media. May be I get some inspiration as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 for gods sake, i just broke the no snooping on social media and have worked myself into an anxiety attack at work. i need to make that list, he doesnt deserve anything from me. Link to post Share on other sites
maybenot Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I am now 3 months post BU, it took me 2 months to delete him from facebook. I cannot say I feel a lot better because of it - but I have no idea how bad I would feel if I had kept him there. Initially, post BU he was coping far worse than I was, signed off work, on anti-d's... Then he suddenly seemed fine and pictures started appearing of him with other women I had never heard of before. My friends kept telling me that I would only delete him when I was ready to let go, and then one day - I had had enough of seeing his cr@p. He is a social media whore and seeing his posts were basically like self torture. Anyway, it was hard because our break up was not because either of us had done anything wrong (it was down to wanting different things from life) or that we argued or cheated or fell out of love. But I had to delete him because I spent so much time looking at his fb page, torturing myself that he had moved on too quickly, wondering who these new women were... And then someone said to me... 'You have 2 choices, you can wonder, you can ask, you can make things up in your head about how well he is, who these other women are... Or you can choose to not give a f@*K and delete him - it is a choice..' And, yes it is hard but it is a choice. And it is a choice you can make. Don't get me wrong, I am still in pain but I would probably be in more pain if I had continued to be his friend on facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lalocket Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 Hi It is nearly 1 month since my boyfriend broke it off with me. We still had a month left on our lease and we both hadn't lived there for that time and moved back to our parents. My parents were great and were helping me sort the flat out so i didnt have to go there often at all. I went there once when he was doing some cleaning and we had a heart to heart about why it wasn't working, he was extremely tearful and hurt by all that had happened but said he didnt see a future for us anymore. that was fine and things ended as 'amicably' as they can for a break up. So last Saturday was the day we had to vacate the flat and he put on his twitter page 'so excited to be moving out of my old flat today ' Why would he be SO nasty and cruel?! I have done nothing wrong in that situation! i asked him to take it down (so broke NC) and he said i 'shouldnt take everything so personally' and 'stop stalking me - you weren't happy there' Horrible and can't understand why he is being so agressive/cruel towards me it has made it so much harder to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Some people attempt to feel better about themselves by hurting others. Breakups are pretty painful so a myriad of emotions are in play. For most, as they gain life experience, they find other ways to cope with pain and loss. Some don't. We're all different. Also, on the other side, you're sensitive to real or perceived language of communication and everything received is couched within the realm of the breakup so even otherwise innocuous statements can be perceived as loaded with emotional, perceptibly hurtful, content. This is one reason why no contact can be a healthy way to deal with a breakup, at least until emotions settle down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 He probably didn't mean it directed about you. He may just have been glad to get the stress of having a place where neither of you were living... just like a step to moving on... Don't take it personally. Why did you want him to take it down? Link to post Share on other sites
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