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I am exhausted,

Evans223

By Evans223,
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Evans223

Evans223

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I am so exhausted.

I don't know what to do or feel anymore.

 

My history can be seen here -

- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/486116-post-break-up-reconciliation-possible

- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/489027-i-got-my-closure

 

Short version is, EXGF broke up with me. It was little over two months back. It was ''mutual'' break up, except it really wasn't. After few weeks I realized I still want our relationship to continue. And she already dated someone new.

I realized NC is my only way. And I broke it only once after three weeks.. We saw each other, had fun, but there was no positive outcome. Said we will be friends.. But I felt bad, so I went back into NC.

 

 

Today she Texted me after 14 days. That she is near my place, if she can borrow our pet for a walk. It throw me into panic mode. So i did not respond. She called me fifteen minutes later and I answered.. I told her she can borrow him. She came, ... with her new BF. I was cold as peace of ice. Gave her the dog and we did not talk much. She returned 30 minutes later. I tried to be calm and relaxed.. We had small talk, he was waiting outside but I saw him. I was nervous and after a while i cut the conversation short. She left.

She told me they are going abroad together for her new bf's friend wedding this week.

 

I feel this was really selfish of her. She could have leave me alone. I should have leave that call alone..

 

I feel anxious again. I realized I still have feelings for her. But I am also angry, exhausted, and tired as hell... I really don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know what I expect of this post. What was this all about?

Appreciate any input on this.

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Justaguy30

Justaguy30

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You are a nicer guy than me, if my ex showed up with her new boyfriend and wanted to borrow my dog for a walk I would not be alright with that. Its kind of disrespectful actually. I mean how would she feel if you showed up at her place with your new girlfriend. Ditch that chick man, keep no contact. My ex is the hugest ahole I have met in a long time but she would never even think of doing something like that. Block her number bro. Maybe she didn't really think about it like that as if it wouldn't hurt you or be disrespectful but it was.

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Always Pondering

Always Pondering

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The problem here is that you cannot be friends with an ex you still have feelings for, which you should have realized in one of your other threads. You're not sticking to NC, so that's completely stalling your healing and making things worse for you. You said it yourself: NC is your only way.

 

There shouldn't have been a phone call and there shouldn't have been small talk at your door. Yes, this was selfish of her.

 

Start today by blocking her number from calls/texts, any social media and don't break NC anymore. If you break NC again, I can guarantee you that a plethora of emotions will come rushing back to you again.

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Zahara

Zahara

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******* move on her part. I don't even know why you agreed to her taking the dog and then she shows up with her BF. Any idiot with an ounce of brain knows that it would be a bad move to show up with a BF and then have the nerve to take the ex's dog for a walk when there are still emotions involved. She's not stupid. Then she dumps salt on the wound by divulging her trip with the BF. Unbelievable.

 

Glutton for punishment, you. Stay NC and let go. There is no friendship. If she has no sense to have boundaries in place, you're going to have to NC so that you can stay fully focused on healing.

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Justaguy30

Justaguy30

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I recently started talking to an ex of mine from like 10 years ago and we dated for four years. Its just now kind of alright for us to be friends with each other. She did marry a guy she cheated on me with though so that was kind of awkward and I still don't like him haha. The thing is it takes years man. Believe it or not she still has feelings for you too she is just masking that by being with someone else. You are the stronger person for not running out and just latching on to some other person. Women I have found almost always run out and find some new guy to help them forget you and normally even if you know it or not is pretty quick. Like days or weeks. People don't like pain and its easier to just mask it. Be strong and forget her. She will try to creep back into your life, she missed you or she wouldn't want to be friends. Don't give her the satisfaction of being buddies. Tell yourself something to help it make sense what ever that is but NC trust me. The only difference between friends and a relationship is physical affection and a title when it comes down to it.

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Evans223

Evans223

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You are right, all of you. Thanks. I f.....ed up.

 

I will not kid myself, I was hoping for reconciliation. And this "friendship" cannot work. When she messaged me, some naive part of me hoped she missed me, and the dog is just an excuse for seeing me. ...how naive could I be. Besides, she loved that dog, I thought it is not right to take it from her. Then again, she has no place in our pack anymore. She chose to leave.

 

I struggle to understand, if this was her demonstration of power. If she wanted to hurt me. If she is just that stupid. Or if she doesn't care and only wanted to see a dog and never thought about it at all.

 

Yes NC is the only way. Still, I feel weak, dishonored, disrespected and broken. I do not want to harbor any hope, she is gone. She will never return. But she must think that I am such a weakling.

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Evans223

Evans223

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The only difference between friends and a relationship is physical affection and a title when it comes down to it.

 

That is true, we was friends thru our relationship. Until the Break up. And now, I cannot be her friend anymore. I would hope for more all the time.

Maybe we will be friends after few years. But I do not see that. She was my first love. I will have to deal with it, when the time comes.

 

I believe what you said about her masking her feeling with this new boyfriend of hers (rebound RS?). And that she will try to contact me again. I will have to stick to NC for real this time, it will be hard. Every call of her breaks my balance.. And it is hard to let go of all the false hope I had.

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Evans223

Evans223

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She was there just to show you that she can live without you.

 

Now it is your turn.

 

I get it. But she broke up with me, and she was relieved to be free and single again. So why is there a need for such show?

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I get it. But she broke up with me, and she was relieved to be free and single again. So why is there a need for such show?

She probably believes that you care about her, I am sure you never said to her that "I don't care about you". If you ever had, she wouldn't be showing up.

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Evans223

Evans223

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I don't understand. She knows I care about her, that is one thing I am sure of. But why to show off? She chose to leave me, she has new boyfriend. Why to initiate contact and.. torment me?

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Evans223

Evans223

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Why do I even want her back? I am not able to answer this question..

She had many issues too, the sex wasn't that great, there was no passion. She wasn't very ambitious and had not many plans for future...

Yet I still want her

 

Nostalgia, obsession? Sadness and loneliness? The loss of companion and first love?

 

And what is interesting, she said she is not attracted to her new BF, yet he makes her feel good and she likes him. She knows him for years

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Why do I even want her back? I am not able to answer this question..

She had many issues too, the sex wasn't that great, there was no passion. She wasn't very ambitious and had not many plans for future...

Yet I still want her

 

Nostalgia, obsession? Sadness and loneliness? The loss of companion and first love?

 

And what is interesting, she said she is not attracted to her new BF, yet he makes her feel good and she likes him. She knows him for years

Due to the priceless affection.

 

Well, that maybe not the best answer for you. But I am sure that she is obnoxious.

 

We should not forget that she has lost feelings for you. I don't think that you or anyone else will be convinced that she will find her Mr.Best at this moment, she will have her offenses.

 

It is more obvious that she was not in the position to date, but she did it. I hope you won't make such mistake.

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Evans223

Evans223

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She... yes, she was obnoxious and distant before BU.

But she is always nice to me when I see her, which happened 3 times.

 

I will not date right now. I do not want to selfishly use someone else just for rebound. I need to go thru this as a man.

 

Today is really bad. I have anxiety attacks similar to one right after BU.

And I though I was already stronger.

 

I also think that her new BF will not last. Still, it means nothing. She is gone. And has no feeling for me.

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She... yes, she was obnoxious and distant before BU.

But she is always nice to me when I see her, which happened 3 times.

 

I will not date right now. I do not want to selfishly use someone else just for rebound. I need to go thru this as a man.

 

Today is really bad. I have anxiety attacks similar to one right after BU.

And I though I was already stronger.

 

I also think that her new BF will not last. Still, it means nothing. She is gone. And has no feeling for me.

Yes, she is sloppy and you know that.

 

Maybe she will contact you anytime soon, but I hope you will question her more than before if anything is serious.

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Evans223

Evans223

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So, from information given, do you think there is any hope?

I know I should be patient and move on. And you can't predict future ..

 

But still.. I want to give it another try.

 

Anyway, thanks for all help

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Evans223

Evans223

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Thanks again for help.

I found a way how to be more relaxed.

 

Also, I was thinking when I was calm.

If she was enjoying her new BF and dating. There would be no reason to contact me. When I am dating a girl, I want to spend time with her. The last thing I want in my life is my EX. I would not contact her for whatever reason. Seems she is not over it yet.

 

 

I know her and she is really straightforward.

 

I feel inside, there will be a chance for another try. But it will take some time.

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Thanks again for help.

I found a way how to be more relaxed.

 

Also, I was thinking when I was calm.

If she was enjoying her new BF and dating. There would be no reason to contact me. When I am dating a girl, I want to spend time with her. The last thing I want in my life is my EX. I would not contact her for whatever reason. Seems she is not over it yet.

 

 

I know her and she is really straightforward.

 

I feel inside, there will be a chance for another try. But it will take some time.

Yes, life is certainly huge.

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