Dealing With Loss of Intimacy After Break Up

[Christophe]

Despite being in a LDR with my ex-girlfriend and only physically being with her for 3 weeks out of 5 months I really miss the sexual intimacy we shared. Not even the actual sex but just physical contact, holding hands, kissing and just being close to each other. It was such a special thing that we shared and I have never been happier in all my life.

 

I am a 23 year old guy (she was my first girlfriend and my second sexual partner). I miss her a lot. I am starting to come to terms with the fact she is back with her ex in Spain (she is Spanish, I am English) and I deleted her from Facebook today. I still feel very empty without her though. I dream about her often and I never want to wake up. When I do wake up I feel so empty without her in my bed and all I want is to be with her in that moment.

 

I am not the type to just go out and pull girls and have meaningless sex (as much as I wish I could sometimes). Sex to me is meaningful and special between two people who really have a connection like me and my girlfriend did. I am really struggling to deal with this loss of intimacy and knowing that I will never have this again with Andrea. I just cannot imagine sharing that experience again in the future with anyone else. I would do anything to be back with her again, the girl I fell in love with earlier in the year.

 

Do you guys have any suggestions to help coping with this empty, hopeless feeling due to a loss of intimacy. I would appreciate any help you can give. Thanks.

 

Chris

[elseaacych]

The intimacy you miss is both physical and emotional. There's really no way to get over it except to let it go, want to move on, avoid contact with your ex, and then move on in your life to live it to the best you can be, however you envision your best life to be.

 

You don't have to be sexually active to have a fulfilling life.

 

Though, if you feel the need to beat off every now and then, that's perfectly healthy too.

[Itspointless]

Despite being in a LDR with my ex-girlfriend and only physically being with her for 3 weeks out of 5 months I really miss the sexual intimacy we shared. Not even the actual sex but just physical contact, holding hands, kissing and just being close to each other. It was such a special thing that we shared and I have never been happier in all my life.

 

I am a 23 year old guy (she was my first girlfriend and my second sexual partner). I miss her a lot. I am starting to come to terms with the fact she is back with her ex in Spain (she is Spanish, I am English) and I deleted her from Facebook today. I still feel very empty without her though. I dream about her often and I never want to wake up. When I do wake up I feel so empty without her in my bed and all I want is to be with her in that moment.

 

I am not the type to just go out and pull girls and have meaningless sex (as much as I wish I could sometimes). Sex to me is meaningful and special between two people who really have a connection like me and my girlfriend did. I am really struggling to deal with this loss of intimacy and knowing that I will never have this again with Andrea. I just cannot imagine sharing that experience again in the future with anyone else. I would do anything to be back with her again, the girl I fell in love with earlier in the year.

 

Do you guys have any suggestions to help coping with this empty, hopeless feeling due to a loss of intimacy. I would appreciate any help you can give. Thanks.

 

Chris

Isn't it strange how physical distance apparently is so much less a distance than emotional distance. The last time I saw my ex (also LDR) she was farther away than she had ever been. Perhaps also because of her dismissive attachment style, she showed no emotions only logic (like Spock).

 

Be kind to yourself, treat yourself and your body well: eat well, exercise, take hot long showers, cuddle with a pillow or with animals, etc.

 

Good luck my friend.

[Christophe]

This is not specifically about the loss of sexual intimacy just thought I should post here so people know my story. It's kind of a general point about struggling to cope without my ex after the break up and the memories that are so strong in my mind.

 

Today I am not feeling good at all. I deleted Andrea from Facebook on Monday after seeing another photo of her with her boyfriend. She never replied to my whatsapp message and I finally came to the decision to delete her.

 

I felt reasonably okay the last couple of days but today I feel terrible. I feel like I am questioning my decision to delete her even though I know to keep her makes me feel worse when seeing new photos and status updates seeing how happy she is and how great she looks.

 

Today I feel terrible and it's like all the good memories we had are flooding my mind and overwhelming me. In particular our first trip together when we met in Amsterdam. I cannot help thinking about it and right now I would give anything to be back in that moment with her. I know it is the past now and she seemingly does not care about me anymore but I am really struggling to come to terms with the loss again today.

 

I just feel a mixture of emotions I guess, anger, sadness, frustration, depression and so many more. I know it has only been a couple of days since I deleted her and i want to recover from this yet today is a setback and i really miss her. Any advice guys? I did not want to delete Andrea but it is like a dagger to the heart every time she puts up new photos (plus it makes me angry when I see her with her boyfriend cos they just don't look right)

 

Thank you all again for your helpful comments.

 

Chris

[HeartDesires]

It's normal to have all these emotions Chris, it's part of the healing

process.....chin up

[Christophe]

I know I should not have done but I was just looking at my old FB conversations with Andrea and it is has hit me pretty hard.

The amount of times she talked about 'when we live together' 'you make me so happy' etc etc. I just keep wishing for that girl back again.

 

I know I have to move on but these memories are so difficult because I just think how can she be like that and then feel nothing. She was so certain about us. Less than a month before she broke up with me she was still so certain.

I am sorry to go over this again I know I have regressed today.

 

I miss her very much today and part of me is regretting deleting her from Facebook.

[Itspointless]

I know I should not have done but I was just looking at my old FB conversations with Andrea and it is has hit me pretty hard.

The amount of times she talked about 'when we live together' 'you make me so happy' etc etc. I just keep wishing for that girl back again.

 

I know I have to move on but these memories are so difficult because I just think how can she be like that and then feel nothing. She was so certain about us. Less than a month before she broke up with me she was still so certain.

I am sorry to go over this again I know I have regressed today.

 

I miss her very much today and part of me is regretting deleting her from Facebook.

I cant hardly blame you. I did that for months.

 

You know your story is quit different from mine, I am more than a decade older, the reasons from the woman splitting involved are different, but some things are quit the same. We were both pushed away and there are also some other things I recognize. People often really mean the things they say, please remember that. Although that is not comforting at all, it will be later on as you at least know that it was not fake what you both have shared. Sometimes it is also the case that people want their fantasy to be true as it gives them the means (often unconsciously) to forget their history and in a way their lives for a while. Unfortunately real life always kicks in again and so do people their shortcomings (especially when in stress or feeling low). We are both in love with a fantasy, we like the people Andrea and my ex actually want(ed) to be. The sad thing is that both are not. They are that but also the other faces they have shown to us. You know even now I wished she would return to me, but the trust is ruined.

[Christophe]

5 months on from the break up and this is still an issue for me at times. Like tonight I missed the sex and memories of closeness I had with my ex earlier this year. I can remember it so vividly and I keep thinking recently of the night we fell in love back in January. I miss what we had a lot. It was special and now life seems like quite a struggle at times.

 

I am not actively searching for another girl but I am putting myself into social situations and meeting more people than I did before I met my ex. However I never feel that confident and have not come close to meeting anyone special again yet.

 

It's like I still can not imagine sharing that intimacy with anyone else again. Nobody looked at me like she did before and I have never had that level of admiration and mutual desire from a girl before either. It kind of all feels like a cruel dream now. What I had with her was pretty much perfect.

 

As much as people tell me not to worry and I am still young it's hard to shake off the emptiness I feel a lot of the time. Or that i feel I don't have that spark inside me anymore that first attracted my ex. It's hard to believe (even though it's been proved I am desirable and attractive etc) after being rejected that this is true and that someone one day will be as crazy for me as my ex was.

 

On the whole I think I am getting better. It's taking a long time though and there are times I just wish more than anything I was in bed with my ex. Waking up with her was the best feeling ever.

[Christophe]

Dreamed about my ex again last night for the first time in a while. Woke up thinking about sex with her. Feel quite empty this morning.