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Sometimes I wish I had love but most of the time I pray to be strong enough to live happily without it.

 

My Grandmother (whom I was very close with my whole life) recently passed away. I miss her enormously.

 

I wish I had someone to comfort me. I am not close with any of my family. I know they have love for me but it's from afar. We're not close. No one has called to see how I'm doing. As far as family goes. It just hurts. I feel very lost and alone during this time. I feel extremely vulnerable.

 

It's times like these, I wish I had a man in my life to comfort me, kiss me, hold my hand, hug me, tell me how much they love and care for me and will always be there for me.

 

I'm really missing being in a RS right now, but for all the wrong reasons. /=

Edited by me85
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I am so sorry about your grandmother's passing. Do you have any friends from whom you can draw comfort? If not would you consider a bereavement support group?

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Try not to feel too lonely. Remember that many people here have felt or are feeling exactly the same way, so you aren't completely alone.

 

Do you have any close friends you can rely on? Just someone who will listen to you and allow you to just let off steam?

 

I know it's hard and it doesn't change how you feel right now, but this won't be forever. You'll fall in love again.

 

 

 

*I think you added the bit about your grandmother whilst I was typing, very sorry to hear about that.

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Dear me85

 

Sometimes people find it difficult to express themselves or show love to others for whatever reason and then when the time comes that a crisis happens in their life that they finally realise that there is nobody there to share the pain. Whereas Romantic love is something that a person can experience at the drop of a dime, disciplined love, the love that you need from your family (or other people e.g friends) is not something that can be switched on an off like a lightswitch. This type of love has to be planted and nurtured like a sunflower so that it can grow and hopefully last for a long time. In this regards if you are lacking love in your life through interpersonal relationships then you have to start by giving love. Our very nature as human beings is to give and receive love so if you have none of that then you have to begin with the giving. Once you start to do that then you will see that your life will progressively change for the better.

 

All the best - Bud.

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I am so sorry about your grandmother's passing. Do you have any friends from whom you can draw comfort? If not would you consider a bereavement support group?

 

Thank you. No I don't. I have been considering joining a group, yes.

 

My Grandmother was the only person that was always there for me no matter what and now she's gone. Her memorial is tomorrow. It's going to be extremely awkward because there's a lot of bad blood between me, my father and my siblings. They have caused me much pain, therefore I have never wanted to have anything to do with them. I have very good reason to feel that way too. There is no making amends with them. And I will be standing mainly by myself and I wish I had someone I was close to, to go with me.

 

Friends I had were not friends at all. I had to rid them from my life because they betrayed me and caused me trouble. Including past lovers.

 

I'm not throwing a pity party. I just was hoping others might know how I feel and have the same situation regarding loneliness.

 

I just miss having a close female friend. I have a guy friend who is great but I need the kind of comfort that involves hugging and affection in a non sexual way. This guy friend of mine has a thing for me so I can't really lean on him as I'm afraid he will get the wrong idea. /= It's always harder to talk about emotional issues with guys anyways.

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I have a had a lot of loss through death in the past years. I was able to draw comfort from life long friends. Without that, I think a support group might be your best bet.

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I totally get you me85. Sorry for your grandma.

 

I feel the same. I really want someone now but it's not for the same reasons of when I met my ex earlier this year. It's mostly because I feel extremely lonely after the breakup, I miss having someone I enjoy spending time with. I miss him, specifically, and no one I meet will do. I don't have patience to throw pity parties with my friends about what I'm going through either, so I am mostly suffering alone.

 

Not sure what to do. I am really sad and lonely. And it's not like trying to date other people will help. It takes me years to find someone I'm really into.

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I totally get you me85. Sorry for your grandma.

 

I feel the same. I really want someone now but it's not for the same reasons of when I met my ex earlier this year. It's mostly because I feel extremely lonely after the breakup, I miss having someone I enjoy spending time with. I miss him, specifically, and no one I meet will do. I don't have patience to throw pity parties with my friends about what I'm going through either, so I am mostly suffering alone.

 

Not sure what to do. I am really sad and lonely. And it's not like trying to date other people will help. It takes me years to find someone I'm really into.

 

Thank you for sharing how you feel and how much you can relate. That really means a lot.

 

It's just hard. I dated a few guys since my BU but nothing worth while became of it. One guy did catch my eye but of course he turned out to be just a jerk who hurt my feelings so I stopped talking to him.

 

I'm so scared I'll never be close to someone again. I accept that I'll never have the kind of closeness I had with my ex ever again. Because it was truly special and unique in so many ways. I even accept that we are not meant to be and he is happier with someone else.

 

I just wish I had a true friend to lean on right now. Just one. One who really truly cared for me. This is so hard. It hurts so much.

 

I just want someone to talk to.

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What I do know is that there is always someone else that we WILL meet and will be able to fall with. There's no such thing as not falling in love again for someone else, even though it doesn't seem like that now.

 

The problem is the in between times... when we're miserable and lonely and sad and nothing seems to work. Get into some supportive facebook groups and find people to chat with for now. If you live in a big city, meetup.com might be available for you to meet new friends.

 

Meanwhile, we are all "friends" here for each other. Hugs.

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Peacock_Tail

I love and care about you so much and I would like to hug you and talk with you about movies and animals and books and learn how to make our own kite.

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I'm sorry but your post has codependency written all over it. I understand you are going through difficult times in your life, we all have, and are going through them but I reached a point where I internalized the fact that inner happiness is what I want and need in my life. My happiness cannot and will not be contingent and I will not hold anyone responsible for it. You certainly don't need a man to make you happy, you will in due time find someone who will meet and exceed expectations but for now focus on yourself and healing your wounds.

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Hmmm... I never understood the "be happy with yourself before finding a partner". Well I am happy in a way... but there's always something missing. It's not my full potential for happiness if I am single.

 

Not sure I believe in it. And then people call it co-dependency. Just because we would be happy paired up?

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I'm sorry but your post has codependency written all over it. I understand you are going through difficult times in your life, we all have, and are going through them but I reached a point where I internalized the fact that inner happiness is what I want and need in my life. My happiness cannot and will not be contingent and I will not hold anyone responsible for it. You certainly don't need a man to make you happy, you will in due time find someone who will meet and exceed expectations but for now focus on yourself and healing your wounds.

 

And you are as about as deep as a puddle.

 

Are you male or female? I'm guessing male. That confirms what I said in my post to be true then. That it's harder to talk to guys about emotional stuff because a lot of the time guys lack true empathy.

 

Thanks for the swift judgment. Have you ever grieved the death of a loved one you were close to? Have you ever not had friends or family to offer support?

 

Look, for the most part I am happy on my own. I've always been alone and never relied on others to make me happy because I know very well that happiness comes from within.

 

I'm using this site to offer insight to others and sympathize with their needs and it'd be nice giving the particular situation I am currently posting about to receive the same from others as well.

 

Do you mostly use this site to just kick someone when they are down?

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No kidding. It's a human characteristic, as with most animals, mammals, that we are not supposed to be "alone". We seek and thrive on other human contact, love, affection, contact. This is a proven fact. Look at the studies re: babies who are not touched, picked up, given affection. It is a physiological "need" that is in our DNA.

 

I've been on my own since I was 17. I am fine alone. I'm used to it, and can survive just fine like that. I don't LIKE it. It's not my FIRST choice. I enjoy giving love, and receiving love. That is HEALTHY and OK!

 

Yes, we need to take healthy breaks in between relationships, to heal and mourn, be alone to reflect, learn from a failed relationship. Especially our part in the failure, bc a breakup usually involves BOTH participants...None of us are perfect! We have to possibility and ability to be a better partner, and pick a better partner, when we are ready!

 

But who the hell WANTS to be alone for a long time, or forever. That is "cover up" for many people when they say that. To try to prove they are all strong, independent, "I don't need anyone" BS. Because they are actually insecure people. It's called denial and there are plenty of those people walking around... and that's OK. I just don't choose to be around those kinds of dishonest people. And there probably are some people who are ok being alone? Because that works for them, for whatever reason. Maybe they are afraid of being in a relationship, connecting with people, afraid to fail, intimacy issues, etc.

 

Everyone different! But I don't think anyone honestly WANTS to be alone for an extended time, or forever. What a sad and lonely life... :-( And life's too short! Just have to find the RIGHT relationship! And yes, that may take some time. And that's OK, too. Be patient, be alone for awhile... and maybe when we least expect it, something amazing will happen for us. Keep the faith!

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I understand where you are coming from. There is a fine line between wanting a partner and being unhappy because you aren't in a relationship. I used to be hardcore in my belief that we should be happy alone, but I've changed my views. I think we are simply meant to find companionship with another person. I terribly miss having someone to go home to a night, someone to makes plans with, someone that I can share my day with. I used to think it was a weakness to admit that, but I think I'm human in my needs.

 

I'm not saying I need a man to be happy. I'm not saying that at all, but I think that it's normal to want a partner to share your life with.

 

BTW, JDPT has had a rough go of it, and he's been around here for awhile. He had a lot of good advice because he has been through the ringer. I don't think he was trying to denigrate your feelings, but he simply has a different take on it.

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To be honest, I don't believe in the "you have to be happy alone" phrase at all. Almost every human being, besides nuns or priests and such, crave having a partner and there's nothing wrong with that! No one has ever convinced me otherwise and I've been debating this subject online and offline for a long time. Thanks you to the last posters, because that's such bs.

 

Being co-dependent and craving to be in a relationship (because it's human nature) are two completely different things. Stating that someone is codependent because they feel alone when single is just offensive.

 

I think people should be careful when they throw the "you should be happy by yourself" line, as it really depends on each person's situation. It's not a phrase that can be applied to every single person on Earth, I find it kind of stupid to just throw it in the air like that without knowing the person or their situation.

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Itspointless
To be honest, I don't believe in the "you have to be happy alone" phrase at all. Almost every human being, besides nuns or priests and such, crave having a partner and there's nothing wrong with that! No one has ever convinced me otherwise and I've been debating this subject online and offline for a long time. Thanks you to the last posters, because that's such bs.

If I may. Yes longing for a social bond is inherently human. We have to differentiate here between self-regulation (autonomy) and auto-regulation. The two differ and get confused, see page 22-24: Why Can't I Change?: How to Conquer Your Self-destructive Patterns - Shirley Impellizzeri - Google Boeken Real and healthy autonomy still implies an interactive way of wanting to connect when in need. So being overly independent can be just as unhealthy as being overly needy: people who can't be alone and need others to regulate them because they cant themselves.

 

Also loneliness (young and old people) is overlooked as a serious problem in many countries.

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Itspointless
Sometimes I wish I had love but most of the time I pray to be strong enough to live happily without it.

 

My Grandmother (whom I was very close with my whole life) recently passed away. I miss her enormously.

 

I wish I had someone to comfort me. I am not close with any of my family. I know they have love for me but it's from afar. We're not close. No one has called to see how I'm doing. As far as family goes. It just hurts. I feel very lost and alone during this time. I feel extremely vulnerable.

 

It's times like these, I wish I had a man in my life to comfort me, kiss me, hold my hand, hug me, tell me how much they love and care for me and will always be there for me.

 

I'm really missing being in a RS right now, but for all the wrong reasons. /=

I am really sorry for you me85. Loosing someone as you did is really hard as is being lonely. It is horrible when it seems like you have been forgotten by the world.

 

I do read a theme in your life though that you might want to investigate: 'there's a lot of bad blood between me, my father and my siblings. They have caused me much pain [...] Friends I had were not friends at all. I had to rid them from my life because they betrayed me and caused me trouble [...] One guy did catch my eye but of course he turned out to be just a jerk who hurt my feelings so I stopped talking to him'.

 

I wish you strength for the funeral.

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I used to judge myself very harshly for wanting a relationship, wanting to get married, just wanting a partner to spend my life with. I thought it was a weakness. After my recent breakup, my feelings of wanting a life partner were magnified, and I was very harsh on myself for that. My feelings have evolved, and I think we are simply made for human connection. I'm very lucky to have family and good friends who I can connect with, but it's not the same. There is something different about romantic love and committing your life to someone.

 

I think I used to be so hardcore in my belief that we should be okay alone because I was scared to try to find someone. I was scared of failing, so I figured it was easier to make peace with being alone.

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Itspointless
I used to judge myself very harshly for wanting a relationship, wanting to get married, just wanting a partner to spend my life with. I thought it was a weakness. After my recent breakup, my feelings of wanting a life partner were magnified, and I was very harsh on myself for that. My feelings have evolved, and I think we are simply made for human connection. I'm very lucky to have family and good friends who I can connect with, but it's not the same. There is something different about romantic love and committing your life to someone.

 

I think I used to be so hardcore in my belief that we should be okay alone because I was scared to try to find someone. I was scared of failing, so I figured it was easier to make peace with being alone.

I am happy for you that you have gotten kinder for yourself. It sounds like you have gained some great insights. Do not blame yourself to much as this message is also a message we hear day in day out in western society. I understand that in the USA that is even stronger than in Europe with the idea of the American dream. Being able to be independent is great, it is a gift for yourself and a (potential) partner. Seeing relationships for all their merits is I think equally important.

 

Being alone definitely is not the same as being together. I think I have written it here somewhere before. When alone you have to learn to be kind to yourself, to sooth yourself as you miss out on many things: sharing, touching, feeling wanted, etc.

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I totally get it. My ex left me and my dad passed about six months later.

 

It totally sucks. I am pretty much a loner so I had "surface" friends to give me their condolences but no one to really mourn with. I think that may be part of the reason it still hurts so much.

 

I could tell you to find a bereavement group, if that is your thing. It certainly is not for me.

 

I am sorry for your loss. Grieve however you want to. There is not right way. I totally understand wanting to have someone there but if you don't, you can't force it.

 

You can do this alone. You have it in you. And when the grief subsides a bit you can look back and see what you accomplished by yourself.

 

I also think I am a better "me" in a relationship. But we have to dig deep and rely on ourselves. It is really all we have.

 

Good luck friend. Keep moving forward. My mom always says "the living have to go on living". There is a lot of truth in that.

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Sometimes I wish I had love but most of the time I pray to be strong enough to live happily without it.

 

ME85: This above, it really resonated with me and where I'm at in life at the moment.

 

I wish you love, luck and happiness.

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Thank you all for your replies. Especially to Edgy, Missy, Mary Oak & Mcnulty.

 

Itspointless...I do not need to investigate. It is not that I am playing the victim. I was abused by my brothers & abandoned by my father. He is a stranger to me & I to him. & The friends I was referring to were close friends of mine for 6 years who starting talking about me & plotting against me behind my back. When I found out the nasty things being said & done & all the drama involved...I did what anyone would do. I got new friends. Would you not do the same?

 

& the jerk I was talking about...who I was initially interested in dating & even told him I genuinely liked him ... who just played mind games with me, only wanted to hang out late at night...have me always come to him & treated me as if I was just a booty call (but thank God we never actually hooked up) and then stopped talking to me for no reason at all but a month later contacted me twice once at 12:30am once at 1am because he thought I'm just a whore or something...& who really hurt my feelings. So yes, I had very good reason to stop talking to him too.

 

All my life I have been loyal & forgiving of others but it started getting to the point where I realized I shouldn't have to forgive all the time. The people in my life weren't as loyal to me as I was to them. Now I have zero tolerance for disloyalty & disrespect. I still forgive but it doesn't mean I have to continue having a friendship or RS with the person. (I don't regret feeling this way.)

 

I do not regret stopping associating with those who have hurt me tremendously. I made a better life for myself by disassociating with them. I became a much happier person because of it. Some things cannot be forgiven or worked through and most certainly cannot be undone or taken back. Some wounds never heal now matter how you treat it. I have escaped the presence of the wrong people but not the pain they have caused me and may never but that isn't to imply I am unhappy. Life indeed goes on and I laugh, have fun & care for people all the same. I just cannot trust enough to get close to them. I do not choose to be this way, I just am.

 

I'm perfectly fine with being alone. That's not the issue. I just wish I had one positive male influence in my life. I also wish I had good friends & family here to support me through this difficult time. I've been hurt by everyone I ever got close to, so much so, that now I am heartbreakingly cautious of people, friends and lovers but yet I miss having a closeness with someone. The reason I loved my ex more than any other guy was because the bond I felt with him was the strongest I've ever known. I've never been so close to anyone before him and it's very hard to imagine being as close or closer to anyone else again.

 

The darkness in my life has swallowed me up again. I feel as though my tether has broken and I am drifting into space further & further away from the sun.

 

I'm just ready to really be at peace with myself. I'm tired of just getting by and not feeling truly fulfilled in life. In a few months I'm majorly changing my world and I couldn't be more happy or excited about it but also a little scared and sad because I wish things could've been different with the people I know here. I even wish that some of those people could be a part of my new world.

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Itspointless
Thank you all for your replies. Especially to Edgy, Missy, Mary Oak & Mcnulty.

 

Itspointless...I do not need to investigate. It is not that I am playing the victim. I was abused by my brothers & abandoned by my father. He is a stranger to me & I to him. & The friends I was referring to were close friends of mine for 6 years who starting talking about me & plotting against me behind my back. When I found out the nasty things being said & done & all the drama involved...I did what anyone would do. I got new friends. Would you not do the same?

 

& the jerk I was talking about...who I was initially interested in dating & even told him I genuinely liked him ... who just played mind games with me, only wanted to hang out late at night...have me always come to him & treated me as if I was just a booty call (but thank God we never actually hooked up) and then stopped talking to me for no reason at all but a month later contacted me twice once at 12:30am once at 1am because he thought I'm just a whore or something...& who really hurt my feelings. So yes, I had very good reason to stop talking to him too.

 

All my life I have been loyal & forgiving of others but it started getting to the point where I realized I shouldn't have to forgive all the time. The people in my life weren't as loyal to me as I was to them. Now I have zero tolerance for disloyalty & disrespect. I still forgive but it doesn't mean I have to continue having a friendship or RS with the person. (I don't regret feeling this way.)

 

I do not regret stopping associating with those who have hurt me tremendously. I made a better life for myself by disassociating with them. I became a much happier person because of it. Some things cannot be forgiven or worked through and most certainly cannot be undone or taken back. Some wounds never heal now matter how you treat it. I have escaped the presence of the wrong people but not the pain they have caused me and may never but that isn't to imply I am unhappy. Life indeed goes on and I laugh, have fun & care for people all the same. I just cannot trust enough to get close to them. I do not choose to be this way, I just am.

 

I'm perfectly fine with being alone. That's not the issue. I just wish I had one positive male influence in my life. I also wish I had good friends & family here to support me through this difficult time. I've been hurt by everyone I ever got close to, so much so, that now I am heartbreakingly cautious of people, friends and lovers but yet I miss having a closeness with someone. The reason I loved my ex more than any other guy was because the bond I felt with him was the strongest I've ever known. I've never been so close to anyone before him and it's very hard to imagine being as close or closer to anyone else again.

 

The darkness in my life has swallowed me up again. I feel as though my tether has broken and I am drifting into space further & further away from the sun.

 

I'm just ready to really be at peace with myself. I'm tired of just getting by and not feeling truly fulfilled in life. In a few months I'm majorly changing my world and I couldn't be more happy or excited about it but also a little scared and sad because I wish things could've been different with the people I know here. I even wish that some of those people could be a part of my new world.

I don't know where you got the idea that I was telling you that you are behaving like a victim? I was and am sorry for what you have been trough. It does not happen often but sometimes I notice it is in my disadvantage that I have to speak another language here than my own.

 

I also have experienced some things in my past and work on those already for a long long time. But even now in my mid-thirties I still discover old patterns within me that still lay the ground for further hurt. You can be assured I am not a naive person. But often people - and that is the biggest joke (or secret) - repeat their histories because they never had healthy examples. I know I do.

 

I really wish you the best as drifting through darkness does not sound like a good place to dwell. Therefore I hope that your new world will bring you what you hope for. It is also what I (still) search for.

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