It's been 5 weeks (updated)

[Feelbettersoon]

BU occurred between 2-3 weeks ago. My ex, he ended it with me. Both in our mid 20s.

 

This might be slightly confusing because my sleep has SUCKED the past few weeks.

 

Basically this year has been a whirlwind, and i really need somewhere I can vent my situation. Been friends with my ex since i was a teenager, he always had a crush but I never thought anything of it. We both had small relationships growing up and flings here and there with other people. We weren't best friends but would always chat and reconnect here and there. A few years ago he went through a difficult time in his life (loss) and I don't know how it happened or why (maybe I came into his life for a reason?) but we started to become close, and then this spark appeared. It was fantastic because I never really thought anything of him before. I thought he was a good friend, caring and cool but never had romantic feelings. I couldn't imagine being with anyone better than him now.

 

We started seeing each other for a few months (kissing here and there) and after about 5 months we started going out. We really got along well, and when things were good they were amazing! He was my number one supporter and the best fun to be around. A really lovable genuine guy. We went out for a year and a half till BU. Things started getting ROUGH the beginning of this year when my parents decided to divorce, out of the blue. Arguing began with my bf (now ex) and he kept telling me arguments were becoming too much but i never stopped or listened. They kept happening because I was afraid of my home situation, how sudden it happened and got really insecure and jealous. I became a burden to go out with. He supported me through the split but I don't think i acted as greatful as I should of. I only now see this since the BU happened, i was totally in denial until then. But the BU really hit me hard!

 

Trying NC or maybe LC. Had two meet ups, 1 understanding BU a few days after it and 1 exchanging stuff today. He still says he has feelings for me and that i'm special, he cried too... just the arguing got way to much for him ( he's a chill, easy going guy) and i was obviously very uptight this year! He insisted on being friends because 'i've always been a special person to him in his life'. I asked for him to reconsider his decision about ending relationship and he said no.

 

I'm terrified that this is going to be over for good because we had such a connection, even during exchanging the stuff I feel such a spark i've never experienced this with anyone else. Having this BU has shown me how I was acting, which was totally unacceptable (I'm human and obviously the situation with my parents was going to affect me) but it got to the stage where I just kept being annoying, jealous, needy... which isn't very attractive.

 

I don't know what to do now, I've been keeping busy, seeing friends, working on my own goals, but i also cannot stop thinking about this situation and it has really shown me how much I am in love!

[Reels]

Not really shocking. It is natural because you have deeply admired a person for a long time.

[BridgetGrey]

Been a similar position. My ex were friends and we really got along so well , but the relationship wasn't meant to last mainly due to long distance and our issues ( He is not into saddling and commitment type of guy). What putted the finale nail in the coffin I think mainly the different life stages and I reflected for months to realize even though I wish things were different. However, sometime it is for the best.

 

I advise to let go of your ex I know i been there and I feel ur pain of wanting to be with him , but you have to respect his decision and yourself and let things be. Don't be friends now later after 3-5 months of the breakup maybe things will heal.

[Feelbettersoon]

5 weeks have passed, it was about 6/7 weeks ago that we were on a date and fine...to an extent. Some arguing but nothing worth ending over. If you haven't read about my situation he ended it with me, after 2 yrs. We both in mid 20s.

 

Things defiantly are getting worse, I have not once initiated contact since the BU but, getting stuff back and he messaged me about two weeks ago (he reached out, and was horriblly sour...doesn't make sense). Apart from that nothing!

 

Its unbearable. I have thought a lot about it and realised that maybe I wasn't myself the last few months of our relationship due to external stresses, and have spent the last few weeks trying to improve myself, be less negative and focus on my goals for this month.

 

I find it the hardest to ..

 

-accept it over

 

-there was no consistent reason for ending it with me

 

-he told me when i collected my stuff if we hadn't of argued so much towards the end (i wasn't myself) that things would still be perfect

 

-watch him not care and move on

 

-how does someone who was CRAZY for contacting me everyday during the relationship and years of the friendship before just stop? cold stone stop caring?

 

I think about it all the time, even when I am busy. I've seen my friends, i'm learning a new hobby and working through college stuff. Sometimes I feel like I am going insane as I dream about it most nights, and cannot shift this.

 

I really don't want this to be over. I've been in three relationships in the past (around the same length of time), it sucked but I certainly didn't feel like this. Since breaking up, the absence has really shown me how much I do love him, and want to have a future with him. Hurts that he doesn't feel the same.. He knows my number / where I live if he wanted to reach out.

[hedyo]

I'm almost a month into NC after a sudden break-up. These are some thoughts that have helped me:

 

-Just because your ex isn't getting in touch, or seems cold when he does, doesn't mean he doesn't care. If you had a good relationship and your ex isn't a complete psychopath, he will be missing you. My ex hasn't reached out at all, but I trust that he cares and that our relationship meant something. Why torture yourself when you can't know for sure what they're thinking?

 

-People are free to leave at any time. For any reason. Or for no reason at all. No matter how much you love them, or how much you've invested in the relationship. Yes, this is scary, but it makes it all the more significant when someone chooses to stay.

 

-Feelings are not rational. If you try to find a logical reason for why someone feels a certain way, you'll go nuts.

 

-People do not choose who they love/are attracted to. I'm sure if your ex could flip a switch and change his feelings, he would.

 

-Accepting that a relationship is 100% over is hard, so long as the other person isn't dead/married to someone else. It's natural to harbor a little hope, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, so long as you don't put your life on hold. I usually go from "I'm sure he'll realize his mistake any day now!" to "Maybe he'll come back in a few months... I'd better get on with my life in the meantime" to "Huh, why did I even want him back?".

[Reels]

Maybe he is trying to exploit the weak point of yours, but you shouldn't let him.

 

If it is already obvious that he is not going to come back, then it is useless to have any hope. No matter how hard.

[Feelbettersoon]

Thanks for that reply, sometimes people can be harsh (truthful, but harsh) on here and that made me feel a little better. Its nice to know that I am not the only one dying inside right now.

[Feelbettersoon]

Maybe he is trying to exploit the weak point of yours, but you shouldn't let him.

 

If it is already obvious that he is not going to come back, then it is useless to have any hope. No matter how hard.

 

What do you mean exploit me?

 

I haven't contacted him, been active on social media (never really was anyway), so he doesn't really know how I feeling!

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I got the same from my ex... he's fallen out of love with you thats why he's so cold... yes it hurts I know exactly how you feel but thats the long and short of it x Please dont waste a year going over this like I did x

[Feelbettersoon]

I got the same from my ex... he's fallen out of love with you thats why he's so cold... yes it hurts I know exactly how you feel but thats the long and short of it x Please dont waste a year going over this like I did x

 

Why would he reach out to me, and ask how things are, what i'm up to etc, if he was going to be rude / condescending in replying ..... ?

 

I thought replying, was being the bigger person, acting myself and chirpy! But noooo he had to ruin the mood

[Reels]

What do you mean exploit me?

 

I haven't contacted him, been active on social media (never really was anyway), so he doesn't really know how I feeling!

You mentioned that he had contacted you and another thing that he was crazy before, obviously once he would've realized that you probably love him more than he loved you, he found a weak point of yours.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I dont know but mine did at first too around the same time aswell.. I went over and over it in my mind for ages wondering how, why and the only thing that made sense was that he fell out of love with me so I asked him outright.. his reply "I dont love you as much as I did but there are some feelings still there" .. you may aswell remove the last bit as had there still be feelings there he would have stayed.. it was a nice way of saying he isnt in love with me anymore x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

You DONT go cold on someone you love he is trying to get you in the friendzone to ease his guilt you must go complete NC for your own sake and to make him stop and think x

[Feelbettersoon]

I think I'm starting to loose the will to live. It's been a while now since it happened, he ended it and I cannot escape from him.

 

Removed him off social media, today I am browsing as I am in bed and we have too many mutual friends to even remember to delete. Up come pictures of him out and about having fun and I can't even deal.

 

He was the one to ask me out for years untill I decided yes I was ready, previously was hurt in a bad relationship.

 

We lasted two years, he couldn't take that I was going through a bad time this year and had to dispose of me. Untill now iv had sickly hope he made a mistake and just needed to think, seeing those pictures though had pushed me so far down the line. Not only have a lost him but many many friends that it isn't my place to see again, I don't feel ok walking around my area because we lived close. I feel like I can't do anything anymore and that he's dead but still out there having fun and unaffected.

 

I have no idea how to move on and forget because after already experiencing the pain previous in life, I wish I had never got involved. I don't how dumpers can be so cruel and heartless, and I hate to say it but the relationship was great.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm on NC, deleted him, see friends, try to keep busy but he just won't leave my head

[Rick_B]

Treat it like an injury - you would give your leg time to heal after breaking it - don't expect to wake up one morning and everything's fine.

 

Give it the time for you grieve and heal.

[Lani]

Firstly- you don't know he's unaffected. It could all be a front, people deal with things differently.

 

Secondly- get rid of Facebook. (I mean it!)

 

Third- know that this will all work out in the end. Breakups are awful and I know first hand that it can feel like your heart will never be ok again, but time will help heal this. Be gentle and kind with yourself for a while.

 

Chin up

[Feelbettersoon]

I know he was sad the first two weeks, then he said he realised he was happy that he made a good decision, whenever we last spoke. He truly thinks that this is a good thing

[Lani]

I know he was sad the first two weeks, then he said he realised he was happy that he made a good decision, whenever we last spoke. He truly thinks that this is a good thing

 

In time you'll also see it was a good thing.

When one door closes another opens. Give yourself some time to heal, then jump back into your life.

 

I've been there. I know how it can feel, but I promise you do get past this.

 

And I'm serious about deleting Facebook- that place is nothing but toxic!

[Feelbettersoon]

If I could delete it I would but I need it for college, we have a group and we all post in it daily.

 

I can't cope with this breakup anymore though.

 

I have had my fair share of bad events since being a teenager, bad luck I suppose. And as I finally thought I met someone who would be the one and who was so kind and caring who made everything seem like it's be ok again. I slowly let down my guard. I was afraid of being hurt again.

 

I am so weak again.

[Lani]

If I could delete it I would but I need it for college, we have a group and we all post in it daily.

 

I can't cope with this breakup anymore though.

 

I have had my fair share of bad events since being a teenager, bad luck I suppose. And as I finally thought I met someone who would be the one and who was so kind and caring who made everything seem like it's be ok again. I slowly let down my guard. I was afraid of being hurt again.

 

I am so weak again.

 

I'm sorry you've had a tough life.

 

Have you spoken to a professional about how you're feeling?

[Feelbettersoon]

I have yes through the years. I really did get back on my two feet in 2012 and have been ok since then, I was ok befofe we started going out but he really helped me too in many ways.

 

This year a unfortunate family circumstance upset me and I felt like because I wasn't myself he just dropped me. He isn't showing any signs of regret and certainly doesn't feel bad. He's known as a great nice lovable guy and it sickens me how he can do this and for everyone to still think he's great, he obviously isn't.

 

I really wish I could forgot him altogether but if it's not thinking daily, I have dreams. Mornings are the worst.

 

I cannot escape him from my mind, he doesn't know I feel this. Last time we were in contact he said he still thinks of me as a best friend . I really want to tell him I have no interest in being friends, that he's hurt me and I want to forget him

[HereTodayGoneTomorow]

''I have yes through the years. I really did get back on my two feet in 2012 and have been ok since then, I was ok befofe we started going out but he really helped me too in many ways.

 

This year a unfortunate family circumstance upset me and I felt like because I wasn't myself he just dropped me. He isn't showing any signs of regret and certainly doesn't feel bad. He's known as a great nice lovable guy and it sickens me how he can do this and for everyone to still think he's great, he obviously isn't. ''

 

I think there is more to this then you're saying. It seems like this is all about you. You said he has helped you in so many ways. Maybe he just had enough of dealing with your mental health?

 

Sounds harsh but I think there is something you are not seeing here which is Yourself and Your behaviour.

 

It seems like he 'dropped' you because everything was about you.

[Lalocket]

''I have yes through the years. I really did get back on my two feet in 2012 and have been ok since then, I was ok befofe we started going out but he really helped me too in many ways.

 

This year a unfortunate family circumstance upset me and I felt like because I wasn't myself he just dropped me. He isn't showing any signs of regret and certainly doesn't feel bad. He's known as a great nice lovable guy and it sickens me how he can do this and for everyone to still think he's great, he obviously isn't. ''

 

I think there is more to this then you're saying. It seems like this is all about you. You said he has helped you in so many ways. Maybe he just had enough of dealing with your mental health?

 

Sounds harsh but I think there is something you are not seeing here which is Yourself and Your behaviour.

 

It seems like he 'dropped' you because everything was about you.

 

wow ok, that post was unnecessarily harsh. this is scary how similar your situation is to mine (mid 20's, 2 years, known him for 10 years, friends before etc.) and i'm right in the boat with you. it's been 11 days for me now and i can't eat or sleep properly. i found out he is dating already (whether it will last, i don't know but it's heartless) and that was just the nail in the coffin. in a way it was GOOD because i saw him for who he really was, he wasn't this perfect guy who i have imagined having children with and marrying. he was ready to up and leave me as soon as things got hard (i also had a tough year with my own demons, i have depression and this has been a dark year). I won't say i have been the easiest person the last few months, but i recognised there was a problem to him and i was trying to get help..

 

please just remember that you are worth more than this.. i can't say it gets easier cause right now i'm finding it as hard as you but please have strength. he will miss you..guys just have a way of blocking stuff out. but when he is sitting alone in his bedroom and something reminds him of you..he will miss you guaranteed. you need to get into a place where you are happy without him so IF he does come back to you, you tell him to F*** off.

[HereTodayGoneTomorow]

'' (i also had a tough year with my own demons, i have depression and this has been a dark year). I won't say i have been the easiest person the last few months, but i recognised there was a problem to him and i was trying to get help..''

 

 

See this^

 

Don't you see that both of you won't accept responsibility for your own well being?

 

You have depression, which is your problem, not His. Its not fair on someone else to have to carry you.

 

'Trying' to get help and actually helping yourself are two different things. Its like you are relying on external forces to help you. Help yourself.

 

If I had depression, I wouldn't expect a guy to help me through, its not his problem, it would be mine.

[Lalocket]

'' (i also had a tough year with my own demons, i have depression and this has been a dark year). I won't say i have been the easiest person the last few months, but i recognised there was a problem to him and i was trying to get help..''

 

 

See this^

 

Don't you see that both of you won't accept responsibility for your own well being?

 

You have depression, which is your problem, not His. Its not fair on someone else to have to carry you.

 

'Trying' to get help and actually helping yourself are two different things. Its like you are relying on external forces to help you. Help yourself.

 

If I had depression, I wouldn't expect a guy to help me through, its not his problem, it would be mine.

 

 

of course i accept responsibility but if you love someone you help them through the tough times. i certainly would if it's the other way around. you support and help them in any way you can. maybe you & i don't have the same values. my ex couldn't provide that for me but i know sure as hell that i can find someone that will.