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Notice of My First Anxiety Attack


WonderKid

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Yes I had one. First of all I wanted to give an RIP for a young lady I knew. I hung out with her once. She was cool. Only 18 and almost due in her pregnancy. About 2 months later she was killed. It still haunts me how she was killed and how I knew her. She was kind and the shyest person. RIP to her ex-BF too. He was killed as well.

 

But I had a breakdown or attack recently. I had dreadlocks for about 5 months. Went through a battle and struggle with them. And going to different stylists. But my scalp never agreed with me. Just scores of dandruff and flakes. I washed my hair. It poof'd up the twists. And I didn't like how it was. And I just lost it.

I ripped my dreads apart one by one with my bare hands.

 

Something just clicked. Because this was a goal I was trying to achieve for myself. My own goal. My own choice. Everytime I try to set a goal for myself, something always holds me back from it. But when other people set goals for me, I can achieve them! It's frustrating!

My mom said my hair was long enough for braids. But I didn't WANT braids. I want what I wanted the first time!

 

Same with dating. I tried and tried so hard. And so hard to improve myself. In the end it just didn't produce a good result--not even a quarter of a good result. Same with my fitness routines.

 

I had planned the new diet I was gonna eat and everything. Next thing you know, my sister's food income was cut by like 90%. So I had to use whatever I had to put food in the house. And that demotivated me.

 

And as I walk around I see things come so natural for others. Even if the guy's dreads look horrible; at least his are locked. So what they argue a lot in their relationship; in the end they still have eachother.

 

It wasn't until I spoke with my dad. He told me to be more patient. Which I am a naturally patient person. But all this just got to me. And if I were to advise people who go through panic or anxiety attacks--or just some mental breakdowns, I say you are not alone. Find someone! Someone to confide in and vent to! I don't care who it is, but find someone.

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