Do you truly ever get over the other person?

[dumbass2]

No matter who initiated the break up, do both people really "get over" the other person? Do both or at least one ever lose any type of feelings for the other? I'm at a point where after 4 months I still haven't moved on and got over her and while it appears that she is now moving on. I wonder if she has cleared me clean from her mind or if she still has any feelings. My biggest problem right now is still wondering how she feels and what she is thinking. It is bad for me to do this. I don't every day as I'm doing other stuff, but I'm just wondering if it ever will totally go away. I'm thinking that I will need to have someone else in my life to replace her before that happens. Is that generally the case?

[Mary Oak]

I don't think I will ever "get over" my ex. I hope to love again, and I hope to love with all my heart, but I think I will always feel something more for her.

 

I have realized that it doesn't matter what she feels, my feelings for her are not contingent on her feelings for me. I can't change my feelings, just as she can not. So, don't dwell on what she feels, it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER.

 

"When you love someone, it doesn't really matter if they love you back or not. Having love in your heart for someone is its own reward or punishment, depending on the circumstances." Lisa Unger

 

"If you have to specualte if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don't. It's not that complicated. Don't waste moments waiting or wondering. Don't throw away your time dreamiong of someone that doesn't want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up." Donna Lynn Hope

[Reels]

Not that you will get over, you may miss every time whenever you will find something unavailable that you had from your ex.

[MissBee]

No matter who initiated the break up, do both people really "get over" the other person? Do both or at least one ever lose any type of feelings for the other? I'm at a point where after 4 months I still haven't moved on and got over her and while it appears that she is now moving on. I wonder if she has cleared me clean from her mind or if she still has any feelings. My biggest problem right now is still wondering how she feels and what she is thinking. It is bad for me to do this. I don't every day as I'm doing other stuff, but I'm just wondering if it ever will totally go away. I'm thinking that I will need to have someone else in my life to replace her before that happens. Is that generally the case?

 

 

Of course it's possible to really get over the person. 4 months isn't that long.

 

I don't think 2 years is the norm either, but I've experienced being hung up on someone for a year and change post the breakup. Today? I could care less about him, but at the time it seemed I'd never get over it. I tried rebounding, didn't work...I genuinely had to get over him first before being open to like other people in a real way.

 

The short of it is, don't watch what the other person is doing. It sucks and you can only imagine. The almost 2 year guy seemed to move on immediately and actually had 5 gfs in the time but would keep coming back with breadcrumbs after the first 3. He pretended he was so happy and never thought about me but it wasn't true. However, we never got back together and I'm glad for it. Today I can't fathom being with him and it took me a while to get into a new relationship...I'm currently in a relationship, I dated around, but this has been my first serious relationship since him....but I moved on long before. Give yourself more time and don't get caught up in the appearances of the other person's life.

[dumbass2]

I don't think I will ever "get over" my ex. I hope to love again, and I hope to love with all my heart, but I think I will always feel something more for her.

 

I have realized that it doesn't matter what she feels, my feelings for her are not contingent on her feelings for me. I can't change my feelings, just as she can not. So, don't dwell on what she feels, it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER.

 

"When you love someone, it doesn't really matter if they love you back or not. Having love in your heart for someone is its own reward or punishment, depending on the circumstances." Lisa Unger

 

"If you have to specualte if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don't. It's not that complicated. Don't waste moments waiting or wondering. Don't throw away your time dreamiong of someone that doesn't want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up." Donna Lynn Hope

 

That really hits home. It is rewarding to know that i could feel that kind of love, but then what comes with that sometimes is the punishment in the hurt you feel after you've gone all in with your heart and feelings only to not have it reciprocated in the same way.

[chados]

yes but sometimes it takes time depending on the person. how it happened etc. one thing i can promise is that "the one" isnt always the one. youll notice this when time comes

[love1336x]

Is this your first relationship?

If so, yes you do get over a person.

Your heart eventually stops feeling that love.

It's been nearly five years since I dated my first love.

I am so happy the fact I'm not with him.

My heart does not bleed for him anymore.

You need to stop feeding into the break up.

The more you feed into the sadness you'll never get any better.

Know that you are in control how you feel And how you react and live.

Let go. There nothing you can do beside let it go and when you do you'll see how much better you feel.

[carhill]

No matter who initiated the break up, do both people really "get over" the other person?

IMO, both can 'get over' each other. My exW and I are an excellent example. I'll never know whether or how much she loved me but I certainly loved her, enough to marry her, and she's a zero in the universe to me now. That means I don't hate her nor love her. Zero. Like the zero of billions.

 

Do both or at least one ever lose any type of feelings for the other?

Depends on the people but it's certainly possible for either or both to 'lose feelings' for the other.

 

IMO, best way to investigate this is to go through a divorce and see how you feel. I never thought I could care less for another human being without despising them. Fascinating discovery. Life is like that.

 

No replacements. Celibate.

[travelbug1996]

You can get over anybody if you focus on reality and not fantasy. It takes time to really know a person. when breakups happen its usually because new information has been revealed. If that new info is embraced (in my case new info being he was extremely passive aggressive) getting over them will be easier.

 

Just stay off fantasy island and you will heal and grow from any breakup.

[guest569]

I go through stages where I don't think I will ever get over my ex. But deep down I probably will.. when I meet a better one. I know people who have gotten over their love of 30+ years and never look back, they are happily single or meet a new love.

[mammasita]

Yes it's possible, VERY possible, it just takes time.

[todreaminblue]

yes you do move on ...i dont know if getting over someone is correct you learn to accept what is...look forward to what could be .....and you strive fro that.....you move forward...and leave what is meant to stay behind that includes feelings...... not that you wanted but that is the way it is and you accept it...you start to find happiness on a different path to the one you thought was yours when it wasnt meant to be......deb

[twin_stars]

Sometimes we don't ever completely get over people or stop loving them. I'm at 12 years and counting for my ex, who was my first love.

[Missy0724]

What is meant by, "get over"?

 

IMO, if an ex pops into your head every now and then, and you can smile, remember the good times, what they, the relationship taught you, that's healthy. If there is a place in your heart where they'll always reside... You're technically "over them", you're ok they've also moved on, you are ok they have their own life, with whomever they choose, you hope they are happy. You will always care about them! This is typically when the break up was mutual, or even though it hurt, you knew it needed to be done, you'd checked out, too. You were not so emotionally invested.

 

Yes, we love different people differently...

 

Then there's the break up where you didn't really want it to end, you were deeply invested. These are the ones that STING. Where you got dumped, you wanted to hang in there and fight. Maybe you shouldn't, but that is what you felt, due to the nature, depth of your feelings and the relationship. Maybe this relationship more intense, "passionate". These seem to be the hardest ones for me to get over... I was married for 20 years and I was over him before we divorced. I just had a recent breakup from 10 month relationship and I'm hurting more from that! It's bc the relationships, the person, the circumstances all so different.

 

But I think if years go by, and you are still "hurting", can't move on, can't love again, feel animosity towards an ex, that is true "not over" someone. And that's not healthy for anyone. Maybe you didn't go thru the mourning period completely? Didn't make amends with that person, either in your mind, writing a letter/journaling, telling them. Getting that closure. Finding acceptance. SO important.

 

I think if you don't...

 

1. Make amends

2. Mourn completely, "stuff it"

3. Forgive yourself

4. Forgive or at least accept other person

5. Know you are worthy and loveable

6. Understand it's all part of your journey

7. The right person may be out there, and when time right, it will happen.

8. But you have to be in right state of mind, truly "over" ex.

 

...you may never "get over" an ex, in a healthy way.

 

But if you do all the healthy things, make healthy choices, you can move on, and someday, sooner than later, smile or at least feel apathetic when you remember your time spent with another. It all serves a purpose, remember that. And you are no longer together for a reason, or many reasons.

 

NEVER be with someone who shows by their actions, they don't want to be with you. That's self punishment. Life's too short. Heal, so you CAN meet that person who wants you, and with them, there will never be a reason to "get over" you, or you get over them! :-)

[mightycpa]

Sometimes. You never know, and I think a lot of it has to do with how much you actually, truly loved someone.

 

I never fell out of love with my first love. If I see her out and about, I still hide, and its been several years. She looks so beautiful, and my heart fills with feelings when I see her.

 

I woke up one morning and realized I didn't love my second love. Indifferent, as if I'd never loved her. Went to see her just to make sure. Nothing was left. It was nice.

 

Third love, same as second.

 

Fourth? Same as first.

 

You just never know. But you will get used to it, and even if you always feel like that for someone, you can love other people at the same time. The heart's a big place.

 

The other thing to realize is that love is fairly rare. You won't love everybody you date, and in peoples' lives, I read it only comes along a handful of times in most cases. Loving three or four people in your life is most common. If it happened every day, it wouldn't be the big deal it is.

 

What you're thinking about is pretty normal, and actually, that is a sign that you are accepting this as a permanent condition. Try not to dwell on it too much, and just be the kind of person other people want around them. Do that, and you won't have to look for love. It will find you.

[Missy0724]

Very well stated, mightycpa! Great philosophy, and truth. But takes a while to "get" that; that loving different people all part of our journey, and we usually don't understand all that, until we are a bit older, have some experiences under our belt.

 

Agreed - If we are healthy, we have a lot of love in our hearts, for different people, at different times in our lives. We love our parents one way, our friends another, our children another. And our lovers/relationships another.

 

It is healthy and OK to love many different people along this path of life! It makes us learn, grown, find out what we do and do not want, what are true boundaries are, and hopefully at some point, maybe if the timing is right, we will cross paths with that one person who is on the same path, journey as we are, and we want to walk the path together... That is the goal.

 

Break ups suck. I've gone thru one myself. It hurts, it's a loss. Love is a form of addiction. We have to let our brains and hearts empty out all the pain, in healthy ways, and heal. Once we do, we can move on and love again.

 

It is very sad that many people hold on, don't "let go" for whatever reason. When there is so much love out there - if we just stop being afraid, insecure, face our fears, love ourselves... It is possible. Just have to do the hard work! We are all capable of it. With help and support, healthy choices, facing our fears, etc.

 

I know, I've done this! It's healthy to mourn for awhile, to make poor choices, to text, call our ex, want it back, as it was. But we must remember, we are hanging on to "WHAT WAS", not reality. We are holding onto this "idea", the memories of when it was great. It's hard to give that up! Again, IMO, this is where the "addiction" comes into play. The mind is so programmed on that routine, person in our life, the rush of chemicals of when it was good, etc.

 

We must let go of this "fantasy" and face reality. When a person breaks up with us - they have already made that decision, pulled away from us, WAY BEFORE the actual breakup. The decision has been made. Yes, sometimes with time, there will be reconciliation. But that is the rarity. Especially if there has been cheating, lying, things that are difficult to recover from emotionally, resentment has already formed. Some people can truly forgive and move on, get to a better place. But again - rare. We must remember this.

 

Heal, try to be grateful that you had love, even if once in your life. Some people NEVER feel that, or get that opportunity. Remember - if you've loved ONCE, you CAN love again! :-)

 

You just have to make the CHOICE to do so...

[ex-cat]

No matter who initiated the break up, do both people really "get over" the other person? Do both or at least one ever lose any type of feelings for the other? I'm at a point where after 4 months I still haven't moved on and got over her and while it appears that she is now moving on. I wonder if she has cleared me clean from her mind or if she still has any feelings. My biggest problem right now is still wondering how she feels and what she is thinking. It is bad for me to do this. I don't every day as I'm doing other stuff, but I'm just wondering if it ever will totally go away. I'm thinking that I will need to have someone else in my life to replace her before that happens. Is that generally the case?

 

No. never get-over whether you left or your partner left you. i was never said goodbye from a man, actually i'd left them all (until now ). But never and ever forgot my ex's. Sometimes, especially after a bad date, i find myself to think about my old ex if he were behave like ....., we would be happy forever. (fill the blanks with your base life thoughts) BUT emotions not burns your heart so much as before. You know its a matter of time. If you separated for a month and that was a long relationship maybe your girl feels free (maybe you are too jealous or oblivious that she cant cope with) but sometimes later she will begin to think why you won't still contact with her or think about what are you doing. So if you want her back try to learn her view of life, and change yourself. And think about these changes ok for you? If ok then work on them if not try to forget her and as you say go away. Btw all girls like tough cool guys, this kind of behaviors seduce us you must be the one.

[BridgetGrey]

No matter who initiated the break up, do both people really "get over" the other person? Do both or at least one ever lose any type of feelings for the other? I'm at a point where after 4 months I still haven't moved on and got over her and while it appears that she is now moving on. I wonder if she has cleared me clean from her mind or if she still has any feelings. My biggest problem right now is still wondering how she feels and what she is thinking. It is bad for me to do this. I don't every day as I'm doing other stuff, but I'm just wondering if it ever will totally go away. I'm thinking that I will need to have someone else in my life to replace her before that happens. Is that generally the case?

 

Kinda in the same boat 4 months later sometime a progress and sometime not.

To be honest, I think the hardest thing is just to let go and forget.

I accepted and I know deep down it was one of those situations where the relationship run it course and we both parted to our real lives as long distance and different live stages weighted in heavily ...

However, yeah I do wonder he is 100% over me and I'm just another girl he dated. Sure he cared enough to ask post breakup , but I guess sometime there is always the person that is more attached in the relationship. It maybe be mainly due to live experienced he been with other girls and some dumped him and he was dumped , so he learned how to mange and or me this my first relationship and love.

[Fair]

It's been three years since my break up and I'm surprised to realize I still miss my ex, but then of course a break up is not that black and white... it's not just about losing a man or a woman....a break up isn't just "A" loss, it's a succession of losses. In some cases it means your whole life changes... and I've come to learn that in life nothing gets away un-mourned... people, situations, pets, houses... and sometimes it hurts very deeply to lose even the most unlikely of things...every loss comes with some measure of grieving even though you may not be entirely conscious of it... and a break up can remove a lot from your life as you once knew it... it's a complex thing... so be patient with yourself.

[Sugarkane]

Sometimes a current loss can remind you of previous losses too. Or if you keep having similar breakups like I did.

[jack237]

I've had three long term relationships. Each roughly 4 years long, and the last of which I am still in now.

 

I think there are a lot of factors that contribute to whether one will, and to what extent, 'get over' the loss of someone you loved.

 

Who did the heartbreaking can play a big role. My first girlfriend, the girl who I dated for 4 years, lost my virginity to, all that, I got over. I broke it off with her- I knew she wasn't the one. I was and had been ready to move on. I still think about her sometimes. She's married now with a baby. But no part of me wishes we had stayed together... So when I do think about her, it's more just remembering the good times. I loved her a LOT, I've never felt that same intensity of love again, but she was my first... I also knew it wasn't meant to be forever after 3 years and we started that falling apart phase.

 

My second, who I also did the breaking... I can say I have not fully gotten over, and I often wonder if I ever will. I miss her still, and think about her almost every day. We shared a world. Same friends, lived in same neighborhood, and a lot of that fell apart when we broke up. She got me in a lot of ways. We shared a similar sense of humor, I really miss that.

 

My current girlfriend and I are having problems now. I think it may very well end. I'm not sure how easy it will be. You never really know until it's over over.

 

I think it's important to stay open, keep your heart open. Don't look. Let love find you. Form friendships. I still miss girl number 2, there are some days I would give anything just to talk to her. I think perhaps I'll feel that way until I meet someone who fills that same void.

 

Keep your chin up. Don't get stuck thinking she was the one. You aren't that lucky... If there is a 'one'. You have a 1 in 6 Billion chance in meeting her.

[edgygirl]

I agree with carhill. It took me a few years to get over a guy I married. I thought it would never end. I thought there was no one I could love more.

 

Then one day, poof. I stopped caring about him and his life.

 

After my recent breakup, I casually stalked his facebook to see what he was up to. One of those things that happen when you're at a loss... stalking exes to see if their life turned better than yours

 

I saw his pic... and for the first time... I felt nothing.

 

Funny thing is a couple of months later I stumbled upon him on the street... Of course I felt "something" talking with him after so long. But deep down, I thought to myself how I feel absolutely nothing for him, care zero about him/his life, and would never get back together.

 

Life is funny indeed.

 

I wish nature didn't make us hurt so bad over people... but at least it is cordial in the end as we always manage in the end to forget them

 

You will, too.

 

IMO, both can 'get over' each other. My exW and I are an excellent example. I'll never know whether or how much she loved me but I certainly loved her, enough to marry her, and she's a zero in the universe to me now. That means I don't hate her nor love her. Zero. Like the zero of billions.

[dumbass2]

I think my case is unusual in that it was a short term 5+ month fast paced, intense relationship and I'm in my late 40's. It's been 6 months and I'm still thinking about her.....too much. I'm trying to move on and just try dating the last few months, but I find it very disappointing and frustrating. I think that is part of my problem in trying to get completely past her.

[chados]

but you seem to be doing decent at least. am i right?. ive seen people be so messed up that they didnt enjoy anything in life for months. i hope if that ever happened that youre past it.

 

so with my ex i never thought i would get passed it. then i met someone that i really enjoyed talking to and i just forgot about my ex. the only time i thought about her was when i got scared that it wouldnt work out with this new girl. but then i really understood that i didnt miss the person as much as i missed the feeling of not being alone. now three years later were still together and i never look back.

 

i just woke up one day and told myself to go out there and do my best to find someone. desperate yes but sometimes thats what it takes to get over them. do yourself a favour and start looking. internet is actually extremly common nowadays. maybe you should try.

[artsygirl78]

For me, "getting over" someone means not pining over them anymore, that the thought of them does not cause suffering or pain. Looking back at my serious relationships, including the one that just ended four months ago, it has been a combination of a few things.

 

My first love took me the longest to get over, I think a) because he was the first and b) the things he said to me at the end pushed all my buttons of low self esteem, and it really did a number on me. It took years. But you know what? Now as an adult, with time and experience and other true loves in my life over the years, I can hear from my first ex and be happy for him, feel a sense of "awwww we were such young crazy kids back then", with a few fond memories, and that's it. No pining, no interest or wish to rekindle. The second serious relationship I don't think I was truly in love so it didn't count when it was over, I was the one to break it off and was ready to. The third I was very in love with, and was very sad for a long time after we broke up, but about a year later I was just fine, and when he called me out of the blue, it was sincerely nice to hear from him (I appreciated his apology!) and I really did wish the best for him and did not feel the need for anything more from him. My most recent ex I deeply DEEPLY loved - the most out of all of them - and it is new in the grieving process, but I find myself letting go, healing and moving on. Each relationship is different, each connection you have with someone feels different, so each healing/grieving process will be different - whatever it is, however long it takes, it is OK and it is YOUR BUSINESS. There is no "right" amount of time or "right" way to get over someone. You will be OK and there will come a day when you can think of your ex fondly, if at all, and wish them the best and not feel emotionally attached or missing them anymore!