To say something or not..

[dawnr0]

So almost two weeks ago I had a fwb situation get weird.. long story short: we dated a few years back, have been friends ever since with the occasional messing around. We messed around and he told me he felt guilty because he had gone on a first date with a lady he met in a dating site. We ate dinner and talked and I told him not to feel guilty.

 

I left and I thought everything was OK. I didn't hear from him for a week so I shot him a message to try and get some small talk going. He either sent disinterested replies or none. So I waited 2 more days and called him on his weirdness. He apologized, admitted the weirdness was his fault and stated that was Not trying to make things difficult but he felt guilty and That's just how he felt. We talked a little more via text and over the phone. On the.phone he told me twice, "It is what it is." And that he just needed some time.

 

Now that it's been three days, and I've been thinking about it, his statement makes me angry. I kinda felt like my feelings don't matter when he said that. Maybe I'm reading too much into it or over reacting?? I've always been there for him when he's needed me. The last couple of months we have spent quite a bit of time together and talked a lot. Now it's nothing. Hurts my feelings AND makes me angry for him saying that to me.

 

Now, should I send him a message stating how what he said has made me mad? Or should I just drop it beause it doesn't really matter anyway and he'll talk to me when he's ready?

Edited August 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pleasant Surprise]

I think you're expecting too much from a friends with benefits relationship. If he decides to walk away from it, it shouldn't bother you. If you have feelings, then it isn't fwb. It's not healthy to do that to yourself.

 

I think you need to reflect on what it is exactly that you want from this relationship.

[Beachead]

Dawnr0,

FWB are tricky situations if both parties haven't established what they are looking for from it. Sounds to me you may have had some feelings for him which is the cause of your heartache.

 

When he said he felt guilty, he meant,

 

"I like this woman more and I want to see where it goes but I need to stop talking to you because we're complicated and it'll ruin this for me. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

 

He probably might but don't wait for him. Don't contact him either. You did your part.

 

I understand how you feel.

 

You were in a routine with him. He ended that routine so there's a void. You have to now try to fill that void with a new routine instead of dumping anger and sadness into it. Work on yourself. Maybe a take on a new job, start some volunteer, travel, pick up some new hobbies, meet some new people etc. Time will start to pass by faster and faster and this will begin to get easier and easier and suddenly you'll find yourself no longer bothered by it.

 

In otherwords, try to move on.

 

Goodluck

Beachead

Edited August 2, 2014 by Beachead

[dawnr0]

I think you're expecting too much from a friends with benefits relationship. If he decides to walk away from it, it shouldn't bother you. If you have feelings, then it isn't fwb. It's not healthy to do that to yourself.

 

I think you need to reflect on what it is exactly that you want from this relationship.

 

 

Well Isn't a fwb situation usually just sex and nothing else? I thought we had a decent friendship, too. We'd meet for dinner and drinks and watch a movie. But perhaps he was asking me to do these things because he was lonely.. we always had a good time. I was probably always too available though.. either way I'm sad. And mad that he's acting like this. I've never been this way with him.

[Pleasant Surprise]

Yup, that's what it is. I'm saying that it sounds like you may be starting to become a bit attached to this guy. It sounds like he may be interested in this person he is dating so he feels almost as if he's "cheating." I think it's best to respect his decision and give him some space. If all you guys really are is friends, you wouldn't want to sabotage his chances of being in a happy relationship, right?

 

It's also possible that he has feelings for you and is starting to realize it now that he's seeing someone else. This may be the reason for his guilt. Maybe he feels that he's been lying to you under this "just friends" thing.

 

It just seems that these types of things usually result in one party developing feelings for the other because sex is a very intimate act. I wouldn't worry too much, but definitely give some thought to this.

Edited August 2, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise

[dawnr0]

Dawnr0,

FWB are tricky situations if both parties haven't established what they are looking for from it. Sounds to me you may have had some feelings for him which is the cause of your heartache.

 

When he said he felt guilty, he meant,

 

"I like this woman more and I want to see where it goes but I need to stop talking to you because we're complicated and it'll ruin this for me. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

 

He probably might but don't wait for him. Don't contact him either. You did your part.

 

I understand how you feel.

 

You were in a routine with him. He ended that routine so there's a void. You have to now try to fill that void with a new routine instead of dumping anger and sadness into it. Work on yourself. Maybe a take on a new job, start some volunteer, travel, pick up some new hobbies, meet some new people etc. Time will start to pass by faster and faster and this will begin to get easier and easier and suddenly you'll find yourself no longer bothered by it.

 

In otherwords, try to move on.

 

Goodluck

Beachead

 

You're exactly right. Funny how you usually know the answer but need an outsiders point of view for it to really sink in.

 

And I probably shouldn't make it super easy for him when I do hear from him again, eh?

 

I think what bothers me the most is I wouldn't treat him this way..

[dawnr0]

Wish I didn't feel this way.. Wish the hurt and anger would go away.

[Reels]

I don't think that he is interested in you anymore, so basically you are just wasting time if you are still expecting anything from him.