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how to trust again


Babie-Girl

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i know this sounds stupid and naive but even after so much betrayal and lies from one person, i can never come to hate him.... even now when i see him we always smile and laugh with eachother..... if i leave him i will regret it but i also regret staying with him.... when im with him i feel happy and careless.. i would rather be with him than with my own family... we always talk about getting a place together in another country, somewhere isolated, so we can be alone and not be bothered by anyone else..... how can you come to trust someone again when you dont know if theyre telling you the truth..... when im away from him i always find myself thinking about the past, what hes done to hurt me, if he can be the guy i want and deserve... im not saying im a great person but i know that i dont deserve to be lied to or cheated on.... although i am rather stupid and very trusting with anyone..... i just wish i could find the right guy who wont hurt me..... when i see him now, he does seem rather upset about what hes done, this is the first time hes actually taken the blame for himself, he cries or teary eyed every time he sees me, he hugs me tighter than before and more often.... everyone except me sees him only for his strength, his violent side and temper, like hes nothing more than walking fists that will punch anyone and anything... he doesn't want people to see him this way..... but i see his kind caring side, who can love and is soft (a bit like a teddy bear).... even his own family doesn't see this side... and honestly im the best thing to ever happen to him in his life.... everyone hes friends with uses him, talks behind his back, tried pressuring him into things he doesn't want to do, his family doesn't seem to care much for him either......

 

im having trouble coping with getting trust back, i know it will take time and i will have to be patient..... even though when ever he says he wants to change and that hes determined to try his best to stop hurting me.....

how can i cope with my own feelings, i know that the right thing to do is leave him, everyone wants me too but i believe that anyone can change and i said i will always be there for him no matter what... besides i don't really have any friends and my family and i aren't very close, hes been the only one there for me.... i want to be with him even if i dont trust him... im just having difficulty dealing with my thoughts and memories and emotions atm.... i cant talk to anyone and writing it down doesn't help me....

how do you trust someone after being hurt by them so much?

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