A Girl my friend liked now likes me.

[Beachead]

My apologies in advance for this long-winded post. I hope you guys take the time to read it and tell me what you would do? I would be very greatful.

 

So here are the people involved in this story.

 

Girl A - my female friend

Girl B - Girl I was being set up with

Guy A - My friend

 

I met Girl A at this event I was performing music at being that I am a musician. Only spoke to her twice or so online after that event but she is a fan of some of the music I've produced and uploaded online.

 

A few days ago, she messages me asks me a random question about what my music actually meant because one of her friends (Girl B) had been going through a rough time this year having being broken up with by a guy she had dated for 3 years long distance. So, (Girl A) had decided to send her some of my tunes, since they were known to be relaxing, and turned out, (Girl B) loved them. (Girl B) had made a very astute observation about how there was something real deep and emotional about my music which aroused my curiosity. Also, (Girl A) had told me how she had mentioned how nice and easy to talk to I was. Apparently (Girl B) had said, not too many guys are like that, he must have been heartbroken a few times.

 

(Girl A) continued describing (Girl B) saying she has a big heart and that she puts her friendships before her. Many of my closest friends had described me like this as well in the past.

 

So now I was completely interested in talking to this girl.

 

So fastforwarding, (Girl A) adds me and her friend into the conversation and leave us alone to talk.

 

Everything was going well, and I realized I might be intersted in her until she said.

 

"I know where I've seen you before. Yea we spoke a little bit at that concert you had performed at at few months back"

 

I was confused. She continues..

 

"You're (Guy A's) friend."

 

That's when I realized, this girl was the same girl my good friend, (Guy A), had been really interested in for a good year. I had even given him advice about it. We both knew, she wasn't interested in him, because she was always making it difficult for them to meet up, and they never ended up going out. Until a few days ago, I didn't know her at all, aside from speaking to her briefly when (Guy A) had introduced us at an event a few months back. But, I had forgotten her name and how she looked like and had put it out of my mind. I didn't even realize whom had caught my attention because I didn't know whom I was being set up with..and that is bizarre and frustrating.

 

I decided the best way for me to end this was by trying to overwhelm her with all my problems. Atleast this way, when she heard all of my crap, she'd leave and I'd know it wasn't meant to be and thus, unbothered. But when I told her about my health issues, relationship issues, family issues and their cumulative effect on my ability to perform in school and that I was 27 now and unsettled because of my stupidity.

 

It didn't work.

 

Instead, she was ok with it and understood my situation with life and thought that despite all of it, I had a good life plan and that she understood that this whole thing between me and her and my friend put me in a hard place to make a decision. Then gave me her number and told me to call her I ever decided what to do.

 

This has never happened to me. But I feel like I'll ruin my friendship with my good friend if I pursue. How would you deal with this?

 

Please help.

Edited July 31, 2014 by Beachead

[jeffmeyers]

So girl B is the same girl your male friend was interested in, but you and your male friend knew it was hopeless and it went nowhere, not from a lack of trying on your end to make it work out for him.

 

Hmmm, I can see it's delicate, but your male friend doesn't own her and it seems he knew he couldn't have her, all of this is an "old" story. I think it depends on how much you want to pursue her and if you go forward with it, your best course of action is to inform him about it, not asking him for his permission but to prepare him for it. It's better than announcing she's your GF or withholding the information as long as possible until he comes to find it out much, much later. The deception would be especially damaging.

[Reels]

Girl B is out of the frame now?

[Beachead]

Girl B is out of the frame now?

 

You mean with my friend? I haven't heard any further stories about her since last year and he has been talking to other girls for awhile now. I think he came to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to happen but can't be too sure.

 

I just don't want to disrespect him. He's been a good friend of mine for years. So obviously, I have to talk to him if I want to pursue this, but it's just a question of, will he understand? Would you? If the situation was reversed, I would be ok with it provided I had sufficient time to deal with the rejection unless she was an ex of mine. That would be an entirely different matter.

Edited July 31, 2014 by Beachead

[Beachead]

So girl B is the same girl your male friend was interested in, but you and your male friend knew it was hopeless and it went nowhere, not from a lack of trying on your end to make it work out for him.

 

Hmmm, I can see it's delicate, but your male friend doesn't own her and it seems he knew he couldn't have her, all of this is an "old" story. I think it depends on how much you want to pursue her and if you go forward with it, your best course of action is to inform him about it, not asking him for his permission but to prepare him for it. It's better than announcing she's your GF or withholding the information as long as possible until he comes to find it out much, much later. The deception would be especially damaging.

 

Yea he was very interested but always complained how she was never available. Bad sign in my books, I would have ruled her out but he seemed hopeful so I kept helping him with it. This went on for a good year or so and eventually I think he came to terms with the fact that it wasn't happening around end of last year. Haven't heard anything about her then. Plus, he's been talking to other girls too but I can't be too sure.

 

I don't know anything about this girl and even right now, I feel skeptical. But I'm skeptical about everything since I've had bad runs in relationships and have always put myself out there and been hurt by a few. The last relationship I had was 4 years ago. A lot of the stuff she was telling me seemed like they came from a very genuine place. I'm curious to see what could come of this.

 

But as nice as this is, my priority goes to my friendship with my friend so I have to be considerate and respectful. So I feel like asking him if he'd be ok with it is the respectful thing to do.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your advice was helpful.

Edited July 31, 2014 by Beachead

[tross-el destroyer]

I say talk to you're bro and see if he's cool with it . Chances are depending on how good of friends you are he won't care and give you the go ahead .

[Beachead]

I say talk to you're bro and see if he's cool with it . Chances are depending on how good of friends you are he won't care and give you the go ahead .

 

I sure hope so. Thank you for the assurance!

[Reels]

If he's really good friend, you can talk to him anytime about it.

[CC12]

So I feel like asking him if he'd be ok with it is the respectful thing to do.

 

I disagree. They never even dated. Not that you shouldn't date her if they had actually gone on dates, but I feel that makes it very clear that you don't need his permission. She's not off-limits just because he had feelings for her at some point.

 

Seriously, if you ask him if he's okay with it and he says, "No, it's not okay. Stop talking to her." Then what. Are you really going to stop talking to her because he said so? That would be so unfortunate, to intentionally stop talking to someone who seems pretty cool and likes your music and who is actually understanding of all your problems.

 

And about your problems, next time you want to end it with someone, be a grown up and just end it. Don't try to overwhelm them with all your issues, hoping that they'll get scared and run away. First off, it doesn't always work (as you've learned) and second, that's just such a cowardly and manipulative thing to do to someone.

 

Anyway, all you should do at this point is tell your friend that you met Michelle and that you talked to her a little bit. Don't make it out to be some big romantic thing, because it's not. Don't get ahead of yourself. You only had a conversation with her. If he straight out asks you if you're interested in her, say, "Maybe. I'd have to talk to her more. She seems cool." And try to leave it at that. If he has a problem with it, he'll most likely tell you.

 

Then you can decide whether or not to remain friends with him, because if he seriously wants to stake a claim on someone he basically had nothing with and wants to deprive you of potential happiness, then maybe he's not such a great friend?

[Beachead]

I disagree. They never even dated. Not that you shouldn't date her if they had actually gone on dates, but I feel that makes it very clear that you don't need his permission. She's not off-limits just because he had feelings for her at some point.

 

Seriously, if you ask him if he's okay with it and he says, "No, it's not okay. Stop talking to her." Then what. Are you really going to stop talking to her because he said so? That would be so unfortunate, to intentionally stop talking to someone who seems pretty cool and likes your music and who is actually understanding of all your problems.

 

And about your problems, next time you want to end it with someone, be a grown up and just end it. Don't try to overwhelm them with all your issues, hoping that they'll get scared and run away. First off, it doesn't always work (as you've learned) and second, that's just such a cowardly and manipulative thing to do to someone.

 

Anyway, all you should do at this point is tell your friend that you met Michelle and that you talked to her a little bit. Don't make it out to be some big romantic thing, because it's not. Don't get ahead of yourself. You only had a conversation with her. If he straight out asks you if you're interested in her, say, "Maybe. I'd have to talk to her more. She seems cool." And try to leave it at that. If he has a problem with it, he'll most likely tell you.

 

Then you can decide whether or not to remain friends with him, because if he seriously wants to stake a claim on someone he basically had nothing with and wants to deprive you of potential happiness, then maybe he's not such a great friend?

 

I appreciate the feedback! Thank you.