I am struggling with the loss of my first love.

[Hippie95]

I met him when i was 13, it was a 14 month long relationship, he was 18. He was extremely abusive toward me (physically), also cheated and isolated me from everyone it was hell. I broke free just before my 15th birthday. 4 years later, last year toward the end of the year, he came back saying he had always loved me and i am the love of his life. I know he had broken up with his former girlfriend of 2 years a few months earlier, and i was sceptical but i still loved him dearly so i gave it a shot. He got my name tattooed on him, and told me he was going to change and be faithful to me. Relationship was perfect for a few months, like absolutely perfect and i can't stop thinking about that. Then things changed, he lost his licence so i began driving him around everywhere, he grew a bit cold toward me and i felt like i was an object in his room no longer the one he loved. He sat in his room everyday playing games and expected me to stay there with him, so i did. Sex became rare, if we did have sex i would have to instigate it.

He rarely kissed me anymore.

 

This is where everything fell to pieces... A friend told me he had met up with the ex (of 2 years), behind my back. I asked him and he got quite angry and denied it. I asked to see his phone and found out that it was true. I forgave him because i loved him. He gave me his Facebook password and blocked her.

Then about 2 weeks later i was severely lonely and depressed even though he was there everyday, it felt like he wasn't. I broke up with him. He changed his password on Facebook (fair enough obviously). I was so upset i sent him a massive message as to why i did this, (feeling unloved, no trust etc), he came to my house (only because i told him too), he was angry at me and we fought but ended up together,, again.

 

Now, 2 weeks ago, He gets a face book message from this ex, which he apparently blocked, obviously unblocked her when we weren't together for the 1 week, and i asked him whats going on why is she messaging you i thought we were working things out?

He then looked at the message, then said "I accidentally deleted it".

So i couldn't see it. I thought this is ridiculous, i have to have some self respect for myself so i left him.

1 week later, he's back with her.

 

I am DEVASTATED. Severely depressed and riddled with sadness, anger and severe guilt finding ways to blame myself.

 

This is the only relationship I've ever had. Ive turned down a lot of people over the four years because i still loved my ex who had moved on.. why am i like this. I Need to move on.

Can i have some input please? Did i do the right thing? thank you.

Edited July 25, 2014 by Hippie95

[Pleasant Surprise]

While my experience with my first love (I lost mine recently too, you aren't alone) was vastly different from yours, I can offer you some advice on what I think you should do.

 

I think you should let go of the short time when the relationship was working out for you and try to focus on all of the negatives. This person deceived you, hurt you physically and emotionally, and overall just did not respect you. Why would you lend yourself to someone who treats you poorly?

 

This guy isn't worth your time, you make the right decision.

[LarryW125]

I'm dealing with the loss of my first love to and let me tell you. It friggin' sucks. I think the best thing to do right now is for you to take some time to yourself and focus on your happiness!

[Reels]

He is simply playing with you and you know it. He's waste of your time. What you have to do is, you have to learn how to ignore him and live without him.