moniker Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I never posted my story, but the basics: Dated about 8 years, broke up once for several months after 6 years. There was cheating on her end, a couple EA's, one PA just prior to the first breakup (which I found out about after the breakup, but was a main reason for ending things). 4 months since breakup, she ended it again. We haven't had much contact since breakup, just key exchange, etc. She texted me today asking for a favor. She did something and lost some digital content that would be very hard for her to replace. She knows I have copies and can replace easily. I know I shouldn't respond at all, but how do I say I don't want to do her a favor? I know people will say just don't respond, but she'll just ask again. I was thinking "no favors" short and sweet? I could also lie and say that I deleted what she is looking for, but I don't like lying in general. I don't want to be an ass to her, but I'm not close to being over her and I don't want to help. I think i'll feel used if I help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 If she asks again, don't reply again. Block if it gets annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Karma is a bitch. If the content is otherwise irreplaceable to her but not that complicated for you to duplicate, be the bigger person. That kindness should come back to repay you ten-fold. Even though you were the wronged party & still in pain, helping in this instance when you literally may be the only one who can is the right thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Karma is a bitch. If the content is otherwise irreplaceable to her but not that complicated for you to duplicate, be the bigger person. That kindness should come back to repay you ten-fold. Even though you were the wronged party & still in pain, helping in this instance when you literally may be the only one who can is the right thing to do. I agree, sometimes you have to just do what is right. I helped my ex out by dog sitting most weekends for 4 months while she was out of the country. I shared the load with her mum. If I hadn't of done that considering they were once my dogs too, what would that of made me? Even if they've done you wrong, if you're the single only person who can help in a given situation I think it makes you the better person to do what's required. I would suggest keeping it very basic and formal. You don't even need to see her to exchange a USB memory stick or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moniker Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I'll clarify a bit. If the content was like family/kids photos/memories, stuff like that, I wouldn't deny those. This is more like entertainment related media that is not irreplaceable in general but would be very hard for her to replace on her own. Stuff you can't just buy on iTunes or Amazon. My struggle is moreso in the fact that it would be extremely easy to do, toss it on a thumb drive and mail it, but stuff like this content was one of the "perks" of dating me I suppose, she'd ask for something, I'd get it for her. I handled tech related things. I feel like she'd be getting a perk after hurting me. Who I am as a person wants to help her, I help everyone in general but I've always had a weakness for her specifically, I'm too much of a nice guy which could have hurt me overall. Just don't know if it's time to say no. If this was something complicated for me I'd say no for sure, it's the easy act vs what it's going to do to my progress? She asked for a favor, probably assumes she's going to get it, if I just do it what does that make me, after everything? If I was in her shoes I don't think I'd have the nerve to ask for anything. Am I thinking to much in to this? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I can't imagine the balls she has to ask your for a favor after she disrespected and disregarded you that way. Cheated on you multiple times! It's amazing that some people are so oblivious to the hurt and harm they have caused someone, and have no issues reaching out because they want something. If this derails your effort to move on and heal, you are not obligated to help her, and personally, you should have blocked her a long time ago. Even after all that, you sitting back and worrying about how you'll come off (as an ass) based on your response to her is indicative of where you are in your healing. Ignore and block. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Ignore! the relationship is over you're still healing as you said and she just wants something you owe her nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 It's all about her, isn't it? Ignore her. It sounds incredibly petty and selfish to be asking you for these things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Yeah you can be the bigger and better person and do her this one favor. I have done it for others. I can't say that the other parties really appreciated it all that much. You said you were the nice guy. A nice guy or a decent person would help out another person. Would she do it for you? I think maybe you should treat her just as she has treated you. You don't owe her anything. I think that if you are leaning towards doing this for her, maybe make her wait awhile or at the very least ask her what's in it for you to do her this favor? Link to post Share on other sites
Author moniker Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I know I'm not far in my healing. I still can't imagine myself with anyone else. I'm not attracted to other females yet. I haven't seen her in 4 months and we've barely spoke but I still think about her more than I care to admit. I know this isn't about win/lose, I just think I'll feel crappy in a week or something if I give her what she wants. Even though she treated me poorly overall there was a lot of good, and I wasn't perfect boyfriend by any means (no abusive or infidelity though), I think I was an above average boyfriend at worst. I know it's over, just trying to let the hope die. Helping her will do nothing but make her happy (although she seemed happy right away after the breakup, I'm the one stuck). And, she might do a favor for me if I asked, she has no ill will toward me, I never did her wrong, so she'd probably help me if it was convenient for her. She has said she'd love to see me but understands she can't if it'll hurt me. We'd be "friends" right now if she had her way. I'm going to just ignore the request for now and see what happens. I haven't blocked her, I know I probably should but having trouble taking that step. Thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 With your response it sounds like seeing her would crush likely any healing you have done. Good choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I'll clarify a bit. If the content was like family/kids photos/memories, stuff like that, I wouldn't deny those. This is more like entertainment related media that is not irreplaceable in general but would be very hard for her to replace on her own. Stuff you can't just buy on iTunes or Amazon. If it's possible albeit difficult for her to replace what she wants from you, I think you can safely say no. As you concede if it was irreplaceable stuff, you'd give it to her, I think you have your priorities in order. Do whichever will give you more peace. Link to post Share on other sites
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