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No contact progress!


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Sorry, long post..just wanted to get this stuff off of my chest.

 

We've been broken up for 3 months now. We tried being friends (common mistake), didn't work so I initiated no contact after about 3 weeks, and broke it a few times, mostly because we worked together and I couldn't handle it. After 8 full weeks I finally got it together, and I've been NC ever since. It's been really hard, but the raw feeling in my chest has gone away. My big issue now is that I think about her a lot, but I don't want to reconcile..

 

I keep remembering her telling me that "I think you're great, but you're just not the right person". I don't remember her being cold and mean to me, I've forgiven all of that but I can't get passed being "not the right person". If she were to ever reach out to me for reconciliation, I would never be able to forget that. I haven't looked at her facebook in 30 days. Nor talked to her in 30 days. She just quit this weekend, and I'm very happy about that, because now I can totally disappear from her life. I don't hate her but I don't wish to hear from her ever again, yet at the same time..part of me wants to at least be missed.

 

It's hard to think that we were together 2 years, and she doesn't miss me at all, or maybe she did miss me, but she's already over it. I don't understand it, but from my research, that's how it goes with a lot of dumpers. I am so far from over it, I know that because I still get jealous when I think of her with someone else. But I know also, that even when I am over it, I don't want to be friends, or talk to her on any regular basis. I just can't see the benefit. I have some of her stuff in my apartment, and I'm about to move. Am I going to contact her about it?

 

No. I am going to throw it away. It's been 3 months and she hasn't gotten it, she has officially lost her rights to the stuff, and I won't break NC because of it. I am determined to move on from her. I am dating someone else, someone who is probably too young, and not looking for anything serious, but part of me feels like I'm not ready for anything serious anyway. I have a date tomorrow with her, and we're going to go to my apartment afterwards to watch a movie. I'm looking forward to it, and I often think of her instead of my ex.

 

I also lurk on these forums all the time, and I find myself looking at threads that mention their ex getting in contact with them. So I know that part of me, somewhere, hopes to hear from her. If only to get the chance to ignore her, and show her that I truly have moved on. And also just to know that she misses me. I try to stop looking at these kinds of threads, because part of me feels like this is denial, and it could gateway into wanting her back..or is this normal? I know I would like to one day read a text from her that says something as trivial as "How are you doing?", just to know that she hasn't forgotten about me.

 

But why does that even matter? If I'm not the right person, there is absolutely no need for her to reach out to me, and absolutely no need for me to want anything of that nature. I really want to get out of this mindset, and stop thinking about her completely. But it is what is is.

 

I can say, this forum has been an absolute godsend..and I look back at the breakup like: "Wow, breakups aren't that bad..", when in reality at the time.. It was the worst thing I ever went through. I know too, that it won't be the last time that I get my heart broken. Girls have been breaking my heart for a long time, and I become better everytime. For all of those who are just starting NC, for me..after 3 full weeks, I felt 60% better. And that's about where I am now: 60% better. I can't wait to get to 100%, and go a full day without ever thinking of her. Deep down though, I hope she finds that "right person", and I hope she's happy.

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learning_slowly

Usually, you're not the right person because they've found that other person.

 

Imagine if it was the other way round. She was just trying in her own way to protect you from that information.

 

On the plus side she jumped after 2 years. Imagine if it was 5!

 

So try not to waste any more time on the ex. Whenever you think about her, change the thought in to thinking about how you can impress your next partner e.g. Learn a language, obtain a skill or plan a romantic night out. A movie at your flat sounds pretty uninspired?

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I'm not sure she's my next romantic partner, though I'll keep that advice in mind. You are right, it could be worse. No contact is amazing.

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