xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 okay, so me and my Gf are in the middle of a particularly nasty argument right now, that's lasted about a week or so.... and, for the sake of discretion (she can see this post) I won't name what it's about.... but it's landed right in the middle of a spate of depression (I think I'm bipolar or something... never been diagnosed, but I always get depressed..) and just recently in the past week, I have tried to hang myself once... stabbed myself in my upper left leg, 3 times in my right side near the waist, 2 times in my right side... and once on the top of the shoulder, between the collar bone and the shoulderblade.... I just can't take the emotional pain... the mental pain... or the physical pain... I know most people will just say "if she's causing you so much trouble, leave her" but, I can't exactly say how much she means to me without sounding like an angsty teenager who thinks it's the end of the world.... but all I can say, is it really is for me... I just could not live without her after everything we've been through.. she seems perfect.. but I keep finding worse and worse things... most of them aren't even so bad.... and it isn't the SUBJECT of the lie that matters.... its just the FACT that she is lying to me.... and she finds it so... ****ing... easy.. just to break our promises... she hangs out with all these guys who fancy her, flirt with her, and would take the first opportunity they could to get off with her...... and, albeit, she doesn't flirt back or anything (as far as I am aware) but it wouldn't surprise me... she deleted all those messages on her facebook account, and used the excuse "I delete old messages cuz they're a waste of space" and, I told her why that was b***s*** because, they don't slow your computer down, they don't get in the way or anything... and even if they did.... she has so many old messages she hasn't deleted... so its a load of bollocks.... She says she isn't hiding, and she is telling the truth... but she lied to me recently, I was asking her about her sexual past... and she said nothing, and I specifically asked her stuff like "fingering?" "oral?" "anal?" she says she hasn't done anything, except her ex attemoted to touch her down there (she was wearing pants tho) and she had really lame cyber se with some guy a while before we got together... and she slept in the same bed as her ex on multiple "no, I just couldn't bring myself to send them" but... she lied about that, because she just owned up to sending a picture of her pussy to her ex... and I even asked her a while ago why she deleted the messages, and said, that I know something more went on.... and she denied it... I gave her so many chances to be honest.... and she passed them up... I'm sure she is hiding her sexual past, cuz she deletes all her exes messages, and uses the excuse that she was "just hiding the breakup" it's like.. no matter how much I care... no matter how much I do for anyone... how much I spend on them... how much I bleed for them... all I do for a select few people, is love, care, and console them.... then I get it all thrown back in my face with lies, betrayal, and hiding... and after all this.... I continue loving her... and she calls me the selfish one?... but yeah, I would just break up with her instantly, I have a very short capacity for forgiveness... and would never forgive anyone for this kind of stuff... but she's just a part of me I can't let go.... I don't know how to word it... so just please, don't suggest the breakup thing... because it won't happen... I know I'll probs get hate for this, but here goes: I just cannot bear to see her cry... hurt herself... kill herself...... but then I also can't bear to see her move on... forget about me... take home in another guys arms... press her soft lips against another guys... grind her hips together with another guy....... I just can't... bear... to see her move on... I just love her so much.... if you made it this far... thanks... for reading my b***s*** <3 Link to post Share on other sites
SkeletonPanda Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 heh.. yeah.. done reading... you shouldn't hurt yourself!.. no more.. It makes me hurt myself too! thanks for not leaving me... i wont ever leave you either.. cuz we are not an usual couple!.. we've been through way too much to just give up... heh.. worse and worse? you wont find any worse thing than me than what i told you about the nude! ... I know you gave me a lot of chances, but they were on the wrong moment.. Every time you told that you gave me a chance, and that you wouldn't be mad, I wanted to tell you about it.. too nervous.. too scared to tell you about it!... And you asked me to send nudes too.. i was just scared that the same thing would get repeated like with me ex! He leaved me even tho he said he wouldn't if i send him that.. I was scared.. i promised myself never to send something like that again... I am not lying to you! You know everything about me now.. every good thing.. every awful thing.. simply everything!... i don't have anything for myself anymore... you know it all now... and I am not hiding anything anymore.. the only thing I ever hided was about what I told you yesterday... and the reason why i chose not to tell you sooner.. was cuz i know you just were saying that you wouldn't be mad.. you wouldn't be upset... but i knew you would because of that! I have tried many times to think about how I should tell you about it.. i just couldn't... but now you know everything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 heh.. yeah.. done reading... you shouldn't hurt yourself!.. no more.. It makes me hurt myself too! thanks for not leaving me... i wont ever leave you either.. cuz we are not an usual couple!.. we've been through way too much to just give up... heh.. worse and worse? you wont find any worse thing than me than what i told you about the nude! ... I know you gave me a lot of chances, but they were on the wrong moment.. Every time you told that you gave me a chance, and that you wouldn't be mad, I wanted to tell you about it.. too nervous.. too scared to tell you about it!... And you asked me to send nudes too.. i was just scared that the same thing would get repeated like with me ex! He leaved me even tho he said he wouldn't if i send him that.. I was scared.. i promised myself never to send something like that again... I am not lying to you! You know everything about me now.. every good thing.. every awful thing.. simply everything!... i don't have anything for myself anymore... you know it all now... and I am not hiding anything anymore.. the only thing I ever hided was about what I told you yesterday... and the reason why i chose not to tell you sooner.. was cuz i know you just were saying that you wouldn't be mad.. you wouldn't be upset... but i knew you would because of that! I have tried many times to think about how I should tell you about it.. i just couldn't... but now you know everything... well, I've been through even more than what we've been through together, which makes me give up... and yeah, sure, that's what you said about the cyber sex... I must have asked you what? 5? 6? maybe even 7 times! if you did anything else... every... single... time... you passed up the opportunity to tell me everything... well, I gave you your last chance yesterday... you can either take that and tell me everything..... or reject me.. again... because if you lie 1 more time, I'm sorry, but it's over... I just can't cope with it anymore.. and yeah... that'd be the exact same reason your hiding the rest of your past... I already told you once, I'm not the kind of guy who lies, I tell it how it is... I say I wouldn't be mad or upset, I wouldn't be, so right.... that whole promise about telling eachother anything.... telling eachother if one of us cheated.... I may as well have not even wasted my energy.... because if you had more of a sexual past than I know about... your gonna hide it because "it'll hurt me" if you cheated... your gonna hide it, because "it'll hurt me" nothing, and I mean NOTHING hurts more, than the one girl you love, the one girl you ****ign live for..... lying to your face... when you've given her so many chances to tell the truth.. and promised not to get mad or upset... as long as you stopped hiding, and told the truth... it's obviously not everything... it's obvious your hiding more, I'm not stupid, so care to tell me... everything... over facebook?....or it's over... and I mean it this time.. I'm through giving chances... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 DanteEmmeli You promised me in another thread that you were not suicidal & that you understood taking your own life over this girl was not a solution. yet here you are: just recently in the past week, I have tried to hang myself once... stabbed myself in my upper left leg, 3 times in my right side near the waist, 2 times in my right side... and once on the top of the shoulder, between the collar bone and the shoulderblade....[/Quote] Get off the computer & go tell your parents or a teacher or somebody you are doing these things. You think you are bi-polar that hasn't been diagnosed. I think you are a teenager. {being a teenager feels bipolar sometimes} Either way you need way more help then you can get on a message board. It does get better. You will get a better handle on some of these feelings at you get older. You just have to keep living. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 DanteEmmeli You promised me in another thread that you were not suicidal & that you understood taking your own life over this girl was not a solution. yet here you are: Get off the computer & go tell your parents or a teacher or somebody you are doing these things. You think you are bi-polar that hasn't been diagnosed. I think you are a teenager. {being a teenager feels bipolar sometimes} Either way you need way more help then you can get on a message board. It does get better. You will get a better handle on some of these feelings at you get older. You just have to keep living. Thanks D0nnivain.. I'll try, but I just have no idea whatsoever about how to go about getting help... I've never really been the type to talk to anyone... :/ but yeah.. probs just cuz I'm a teenager hehe ^^" Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Being a teenager is tough stuff. It's not for the faint of heart. Go to your parents & tell them what you have been doing. Ask them to get you a therapist. The therapist will help you talk about stuff. I also suspect when you get a better handle on your thoughts & feelings your relationship with your GF will improve because you will have better coping & communications skills that you will learn in therapy. It's a win, win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Being a teenager is tough stuff. It's not for the faint of heart. Go to your parents & tell them what you have been doing. Ask them to get you a therapist. The therapist will help you talk about stuff. I also suspect when you get a better handle on your thoughts & feelings your relationship with your GF will improve because you will have better coping & communications skills that you will learn in therapy. It's a win, win. thanks.... it means a lot, that someone can actually talk like they care.. ^^ thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I may just be a person on a message board but I do care. Imagine how much more your parents care. Let them help you. {{{hugs}}} 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 I may just be a person on a message board but I do care. Imagine how much more your parents care. Let them help you. {{{hugs}}} hehe, thanks... you've kinda made my day ^^ *HUGSES* ^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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