Aqua Fleur Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) And by this I mean.. Has anyone ever made a decision NOT to go back to an ex, when given ample opportunity to, because they feared they might regret it? Or more specifically chose another new relationship over the ex merely because you thought it to be the "safer" option? 2.5 years after my last relationship ended, my emotions are going into overdrive.. I can't stand that my ex had a girlfriend now (his fb profile pic is them kissing ugh) and feel very unhappy in my current relationship- the safe choice!! My "new" boyfriend - we've been together just over two years and withstood multiple attempts by my ex to get back- which I feared were just empty promises or were they??- treats me so well and wouldn't just give up on us so quickly like my ex did. At the start however my ex was lovely, so supportive, my best friend, and that's what I keep going back to in my thoughts.. He was cold at the end.. However I'm wishing that i had accepted any of my exes advances over the years... And not been too scared to give up what I saw as a stable life with my boyfriend? Any insight would help.. Especially stories of getting back with the ex and finding that NOTHING had changed.. I can't eat or sleep and I keep thinking "what if"?? I'd followed my heart to my ex? Now it's certainly too late Thankyou xx Edited July 21, 2014 by Aqua Fleur Numerous typos Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 It sounds to me like you don't think all that much of your current boyfriend if you wish you'd accepted your exes advances since you split. If you were happy with as you say the "new" BF you wouldn't be posting this thread. If you're with him because he's just the safe option then it's not good enough and it's not fair on him or you. Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyWeezy Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I wish my ex would come to your conclusion, about me. Link to post Share on other sites
EmbeddedCortex Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 who broke up with who? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I understand it isn't an easy situation for you. Having said that, if I was your boyfriend and I found out I would be devastated. It does not sound like you should be in a relation with that poor guy or a relation at all at the moment. Let him find another woman who doesn't think of him as the safe option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aqua Fleur Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Trust me, I feel terrible about this whole thing. I've been honest with my bf about not getting closure on that relationship, of feeling like there's unfinished business and he's been so lovely and understanding. Obviously he doesn't like hearing it and I don't say it to upset him or rub it in his face but we've just moved overseas together for work and I don't have my usual friendship group to talk to about this so I find myself having to explain my depressed moods to him. My ex broke up with me, then wanted me back about 4months later, and again a couple more times until about 8mths ago. The second time he tried, I was ready to try with him but when we had the talk, he revealed he'd been seeing someone for a week and wanted to see where that went instead.. Fearing we'd have the same relationship problems we had originally (just fighting over petty things). He later dumped her because "she wasn't me" but the trust damage was done. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Hello Fleur, I think I really get this is a hard situation for you, especially when overseas. Sometimes leaving the past behind is really hard, as we always carry the past with us. What I find a bit of a problem is that you contradict yourself when you speak about getting closure and the next paragraph about that you were willing to try again while being in your new relationship. That has little to do with closure. People on this website always tell closure does not exist and I get where they are coming from. It seems to me that you have a choice to make. I wish you wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aqua Fleur Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Thankyou for all of your replies.. I suppose the only way I could fell I had closure would be to try again and to let our relationship run it's course.. But that's not really likely to ever happen now. I should be happy with what I have.. Is the problem with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Thankyou for all of your replies.. I suppose the only way I could fell I had closure would be to try again and to let our relationship run it's course.. But that's not really likely to ever happen now. I should be happy with what I have.. Is the problem with me? It sounds like you put your ex an a major pedestal. Do you really want a guy who blows hot and cold? If your heart is not with your current boyfriend you should stop for his sake. No one wants to be second choice. As for being happy with what you have, no, you shouldn't unless you are into him. Otherwise it is egoistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aqua Fleur Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Oh god I feel on the verge of breakdown today.. The reason I DIDNT go back to him was because he was hot and cold.. That I'd risk a relationship with someone who is prepared to accept everything about me (with my current bf), with the risk he might turn around and dump me out of the blue again.. But how can I know for sure? I can't. And what if he really was committed to trying again.. I'm certain I would be so happy now.. Argh!! :( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aqua Fleur Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 Also, how do I take him off the huge pedestal I've put him on? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Also, how do I take him off the huge pedestal I've put him on? By acknowledging that he wasn't going to change and seeing that you confused drama and the intensity that drama brought with love. Perhaps you find some truth here: Typical Kinds of Love Addicts You can ask yourself if your current relationship is perhaps 'boring' because the drama is absent? Link to post Share on other sites
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