enchanted771 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) I know this is a stupid question but, its hard when you fall for someone and then you realize that they were just playing you, lying to you, manipulating you. This guy pretty much made himself out to be what I wanted. Made me promises, lied to me, etc. And if you question him he will just drop you like its nothing. Finding myself dwelling over it and dissecting conversations over and over where he made it seem like he wanted more than a friendship. I know he was using me, and I know I deserve more but I find myself dissecting every single convo. He also made it seem like he wasn't seeing other women which I know is BS. He knew I was a one man woman and he clearly wasn't. Didn't want to be tied down etc. Now I find myself obsessing over it. Even stalking his facebook profile where he adds 30 people from across the globe. Yes I know I am just torturing myself by doing this, but old habits die hard. I haven't tried to text him or anything but I feel so confused about all of this. PLease no flaming I feel worse enough as it is. Depressed, unable to move on, etc. I know I have to for my sake. Bottom line is I feel in love with him and he just used me for months because I allowed him to. Now summer is here and he can care less. Edited July 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Moved to Coping and add paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
WhatASituation Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 No flaming, OP but I'd suggest cutting all ties with this one. I've been in a similar situation and it's SO hard to sever all ties but time really does heal all wounds. It doesn't seem like a healthy situation for you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 No flaming, OP but I'd suggest cutting all ties with this one. I've been in a similar situation and it's SO hard to sever all ties but time really does heal all wounds. It doesn't seem like a healthy situation for you at all.its not at all which would make you think I would run and never look back. I just allowed him to stay in my Life too long and now I'm paying the price. Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant Surprise Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 its not at all which would make you think I would run and never look back. I just allowed him to stay in my Life too long and now I'm paying the price. It sounds like you're just extremely comfortable with having your ex in your life, like everyone else. In this case, you've identified the issues with your "relationship" (which didn't seem official) so you're naturally just healing. And thinking about that person seems to be part of the process. Additionally, it always helps me to have gotten something out of the relationship. Instead of thinking about how crappy you feel, think about what the relationship taught you and how to use that in your next one. Don't look back, you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
perduetseul Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I know this is a stupid question but, its hard when you fall for someone and then you realize that they were just playing you, lying to you, manipulating you. This guy pretty much made himself out to be what I wanted. Made me promises, lied to me, etc. And if you question him he will just drop you like its nothing. Finding myself dwelling over it and dissecting conversations over and over where he made it seem like he wanted more than a friendship. I know he was using me, and I know I deserve more but I find myself dissecting every single convo. He also made it seem like he wasn't seeing other women which I know is BS. He knew I was a one man woman and he clearly wasn't. Didn't want to be tied down etc. Now I find myself obsessing over it. Even stalking his facebook profile where he adds 30 people from across the globe. Yes I know I am just torturing myself by doing this, but old habits die hard. I haven't tried to text him or anything but I feel so confused about all of this. PLease no flaming I feel worse enough as it is. Depressed, unable to move on, etc. I know I have to for my sake. Bottom line is I feel in love with him and he just used me for months because I allowed him to. Now summer is here and he can care less. How long did you date? Did you love him? It's not stupid, not at all. You need to count this as a blessing. Seriously, put your obsessive feelings aside just for a minute and try to see this one as an outsider, as if it happened to a friend... You need to know that you are far better off without him in your life. If you are a one-man person and what you want is a relationship, it isn't going to be with him! So the sooner you stop your sabotaging behaviors like the Facebook-stalking, the sooner you can move on and find someone who wants a serious relationship with you. You move on by focusing on your present and future and letting go of the past. Another thing... The truth hurts and is very hard to see, digest and accept. I get from your post that somehow you knew he was kind of a player... So for the next time, open your eyes and listen to yourself and face the truth. Don't put the blinders on ever again! Link to post Share on other sites
Shields boy Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Get drunk with a good friend and and just let it all come out. Rant and rave about how much he has hurt you and get it off your chest. Hopefully your friend is a good listener and will offer good advice. You will feel better and ready to let go. Just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 How long did you date? Did you love him? It's not stupid, not at all. You need to count this as a blessing. Seriously, put your obsessive feelings aside just for a minute and try to see this one as an outsider, as if it happened to a friend... You need to know that you are far better off without him in your life. If you are a one-man person and what you want is a relationship, it isn't going to be with him! So the sooner you stop your sabotaging behaviors like the Facebook-stalking, the sooner you can move on and find someone who wants a serious relationship with you. You move on by focusing on your present and future and letting go of the past. Another thing... The truth hurts and is very hard to see, digest and accept. I get from your post that somehow you knew he was kind of a player... So for the next time, open your eyes and listen to yourself and face the truth. Don't put the blinders on ever again! I knew the truth but I was In denial. He knew how to manipulate me, and threw me off by being So affectionate, taking me out on dates, and acting like he was in to me. Now he has other options so he doesn't need me. I don't need him, he didn't do a thing for me but I guess his behaviors gave me hope. I know the truth now and Next time I'll be smarter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Get drunk with a good friend and and just let it all come out. Rant and rave about how much he has hurt you and get it off your chest. Hopefully your friend is a good listener and will offer good advice. You will feel better and ready to let go. Just my 2 cents thank you may need To do that. Idk though alcohol makes me feel worse sometimes. I think the issue Here is me letting go and not thinking about remaining in touch or reconciling ever. I finally blocked him off Facebook. He has officially hit rock bottom. Adding women on fb who make the word trashy look like a saint. I really thought he Had more class but apparently I was wrong and I don't need to see it. Yuck Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 how long did u date him for? u went on dates? did he kiss you etc? wat makes you believe he didnt want more than friends because if i tske agirl out on dates and kiss her it means more than friends Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 6 months. He took me out, kissed me, held hands in public, talked about Taking a vacation together, etc. Guys with character wouldn't but he has none. Link to post Share on other sites
7yearsbroken Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Summer is break up season. The hardest part of grief is the acceptance stage. It took me some time, and I still disillusion myself with stupid ideas. Bottom line is that you deserve someone to love and treat you as you do for them. You should not settle for less. If this person cannot make you happy, accept that he's not the one and focus on bettering yourself without him. You are stronger then you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 Yes i get that. Students are out of college for the summer, etc. But since he has decided to do this, he better stay away. Not come back after summer is coming to an end and his options. I am not a yo-yo. And he cant make me happy because he doesnt keep his word on things. He says one thing, and does another which is a deal breaker for me. Everything is my fault, never takes responsibility, and if i try to talk to him he has a tantrum and doesnt talk to me for like 2-3 days then is acting like a jerk calling me "crazy girl" and then if i get upset he wont want to talk for the rest of the night. I am 7 days NC with him. He doesnt even know we are NC. Our last text ended fine, and then i just stopped texting him altogether. His silence says enough anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 I am posting here so I dont contact "him". Anyways, when does the urge to contact the person stop? I was off yesterday from work and I cant tell you how many times i got that urge. I didnt because I remembered our last convo and I did nothing wrong for him to not get in touch. It was his doing. Anyways, just wondering. I guess because he manipulated me so bad, its hard not to overthink everything in my head and if " i just did this or that" and then start thinking that its my fault and maybe i should take responsibility. I always did that and at first he was nice about it then he just started getting nasty and obnoxious. I wont be treated with disrespect and be fed BS excuses so I knew our relationship had run its course. Also, having a hard time sleeping, and nightmares every night. I am not a meditation type person so I have this hypnosis/relaxation app. What techniques did everyone else use? and how long before this passes? I saw this guy for 6 months so I am guessing its going to take at least half that to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 He's a loser. Just like my "ex". You know what he's been doing? Paying to get noticed on adult friend finder to get the attention to an old chick there. Loser. Stop stalking him. They are broken and never gonna change until they find a bitch who make them suffer as much as we are suffering right now. Then, they'll commit. Just losers and broken people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 He's a loser. Just like my "ex". You know what he's been doing? Paying to get noticed on adult friend finder to get the attention to an old chick there. Loser. Stop stalking him. They are broken and never gonna change until they find a bitch who make them suffer as much as we are suffering right now. Then, they'll commit. Just losers and broken people. yes your right! I saw he added 30 new friends mostly women from across the globe in the matter of 2-weeks. Can you say narcissist? Then last week I signed on to this dating site and I coincidentally saw his profile. I didn't search for him. It just popped up when I was doing quick match so I saw that as a sign. I almost laughed because he acts like He has no problem meeting women when he is out and when he travels and low and behold I see he's full of it. Anyways, he's truly pathetic to have to resort to random chicks to boost his ego. But yeah, better off finding a man who can give Me what I truly do deserve and not settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
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