She misses me, loves me...but is seeing someone else?

[EmbeddedCortex]

So what's the deal with this type of thing. Is it just to make herself feel better?

 

My first girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me some 2 months ago (according to her, but 1 month ago according to me). It was a messy breakup, especially after I found out how she was sleeping with someone else, when she said we were going to try to work things out. I'm 27 now, she's 22.

 

I went no contact with her for one month until yesterday. She tried calling me, then texted me saying she was so sorry about how we last parted ways (I confronted her about the sleeping with other guy, and she made fun of me), and how much she misses me and loves me, and how she feels guilty.

 

I called her back and she basically said how she just felt guilty and wanted to check up on me. I took the opportunity to ask her...wtf happened with our breakup...and she said she literally got on Tinder one night, met some guy, they talked for hours on the phone for 2 days, then the next night met up with him and they had sex. Now they're together, he's 25 with a 2 year old kid, families have met, she sleeps at his place and he cooks for her, and he sleeps at her home (literally same bed we used to share), and although she's emotionally vulnerable, she feels content.

 

I told her how she could rebound so quickly and jump into a relationship so fast with some guy on Tinder, WHILE we were trying to work things out. And how a rebound like this is really bad for her, for the guy, and for the kid. I told her how I've gone on a couple dates, but decided not to pursue, because rebounds are bad for both parties. She said all her relationships have basically been rebounds.

 

Told her that I loved her, care for her, and she can still come back. She said...she's emotionally vulnerable, her life is kind of messy right now, and she's attracted to him and he compliments her a lot, takes care of her, and loves her, and cooks for her, practically wants to marry her.... but that she's not feeling as much yet. She said she misses me a lot and thinks about me a lot.

 

Keep in mind, I've been a graduate student living with his parents with not much money, so I couldn't do all that stuff, and she always emotionally abused me a lot for that stuff.

 

So...WTF....why contact me, tell me she misses me and loves me, but is with someone else? Only to make herself feel better, right? I'm so stupid. I told her well I can't be her friend, but I will be open to a romantic relationship if she wants to try again down the line depending on how the rebound goes. I didn't say I'd wait, I said if things work out. =/

Edited July 20, 2014 by EmbeddedCortex

[Giggle]

She wants you to still be there if it doesn't work out. Don't do that to yourself.

[Shields boy]

Feel for you man, must be painfull.

 

Tell her to get lost as she is just using you Incase it does not work out with this other guy. She is just telling you that she loves you, to give her assurances that she can come crawling back to you if it goes tits up.

 

Stay strong and meet someone better in the meantime, so that when she does come crawling back. You can make her suffer like you have.

[EmbeddedCortex]

What sucks the absolute most is that I actually said ok to that! I SYMPATHIZED with her! Ugh!!!!!!

 

God, I feel so incredibly lonely without her, and she just replaced me with some guy on Tinder and then she says she loves me and misses me?!?!?

 

I told her I went out on dates and couldn't even do that, so how could she?!

[Quiet Storm]

She could do it because she felt no loyalty to you. She probably detached emotionally from you before the breakup. She called to ease her guilt (how noble of her).

 

She knows what she did was wrong, but doesn't regret it. She is a selfish person, and you are better off without her. Don't let her come back. She's shown you what she is capable of, do you really want that?

 

You are still seeing her as the person you thought she was, which is why you feel such a loss. In reality, you have lost someone that is not loyal to you, inconsiderate of your feelings, and looking for hookups. When you can accept that, you will begin to see that you dodged a bullet, and will be glad you saw her true colors before you wasted more years with her.

[Haydn]

Don`t stay on stand by my friend. You have options as well. Quietstorm is right, she is not that person you know anymore.

[EmbeddedCortex]

She could do it because she felt no loyalty to you. She probably detached emotionally from you before the breakup. She called to ease her guilt (how noble of her).

 

She knows what she did was wrong, but doesn't regret it. She is a selfish person, and you are better off without her. Don't let her come back. She's shown you what she is capable of, do you really want that?

 

You are still seeing her as the person you thought she was, which is why you feel such a loss. In reality, you have lost someone that is not loyal to you, inconsiderate of your feelings, and looking for hookups. When you can accept that, you will begin to see that you dodged a bullet, and will be glad you saw her true colors before you wasted more years with her.

 

Yeah, she would tell me for months how she's detaching on purpose...and I kept trying to work on our problems like a normal person.

 

You're right, everyone has told me the same thing, and they are all correct. Family told me NOT to call her back, to ignore her, to block her. And yet, I called her back. I somehow can't bring myself to block this chick from my life, even though she's hurt me so much. Because I ****ing suck at controlling my emotions. I'm so hurt, have been for the past 2 months.

 

Doesn't sink into my head how after 2 years, she could just go on Tinder and have a new boyfriend within 1 month and introduce him to friends and family and sleep over all the time. Jesus. And then she says she loves me, misses me, and thinks about me everyday??? Really? Although she has always jumped from relationship to relationship. It was only in my case, where she had broken up with her ex a year prior.

 

And I say I'll take you back whenever you want?!?! I'm such a loser.

 

I hate hate hate how emotional I have been in this damn relationship and breakup. Granted it has been my first and I WILL NOT make these mistakes again.

Edited July 20, 2014 by EmbeddedCortex

[love1336x]

If you start to date other people and tell her, you'll see how much she will CHANGE and try to get you back.

 

She's want to walk all over you, and have you on the side so she won't be lonely.

[Quiet Storm]

It's normal to have such strong emotions.

 

Part of becoming an emotionally mature person is the ability to recognize what makes us weak or hurt, and to avoid those people or situations. The logical part of your mind must babysit the emotional part. Its one of life's most important lessons.

[EmbeddedCortex]

If you start to date other people and tell her, you'll see how much she will CHANGE and try to get you back.

 

She's want to walk all over you, and have you on the side so she won't be lonely.

 

Logically, I don't want her back. Emotionally, I want her back. I hate this feeling. She was never ever any good to me. Never did anything for me or go out of her way to make me happy. All she did was be selfish about her own needs and complain to me and emotionally abuse for two years.

 

While all I did was try to make her happy.

 

She put in no effort in the relationship, and when she got slightly unhappy, despite all of my hard work, she dumped me and ****ing replaced me in less than a month with a guy from Tinder. Started sleeping with him the first damn night they met.

 

Then she tells me she misses me and loves me and maybe SOMEDAY we'll be together?! WTF is wrong with me.

 

Gotta cut this parasite out....

[EmbeddedCortex]

She'll stay with this guy for a few months at least. I have no intention or interest in interfering beyond having already told her it's a rebound mistake. Honestly, I hope they get married or something.

 

But hey, within 2 days they've slept with each other and within one month they're already practically living together, and have introduce families and everyone gets along just great, unlike in with me...or so she says.

 

Anyway, I just hate myself for always falling for her 'sadness'.

 

Seriously, she's out there with a new guy, drinking, doing drugs, having fun...whatever...while I've been suffering extremely badly. Then she calls me sounds like a victim. ugh.

 

She was shocked when I told her how badly I'm dealing with this breakup. Shows how little she cares.

[FoolishMan]

To be that far into her new relationship and call you to say she loves and misses you is a bit sick IMO. Tell her where to go in no uncertain terms, then block and/or delete her contact.

 

You don't need a woman like that in your life.

[EmbeddedCortex]

Worst part is, I ****ing chickened out during the phone call and ended it on good terms. All that did was eliminate her guilt.

 

Only nice thing she said to me was that I was amazing and any girl would be lucky to have me, and that she missed me so much.

 

And I said I still want her back and lover her, and that she's making a mistake and that my door will be open to her coming back, but I won't wait or stay "friends".

 

Throughout the whole 2 years, all she honestly did was use me as a shoulder to cry on, and even now, she's out ****ing this new dude and living it up, and calls me to sound like a victim and make herself feel better and I ALWAYS enable her because of my emotions.

 

Today I cried on my way to work.

 

I am so ****ing done with her. I have erased every possible reminder of her in my life, because I loved and cared for her like crazy, and she never cared for me, not even during the breakup. I should not have answered the call/text.

[ThorntonMelon]

You'll get through it. Almost everyone here has dealt with this at one time or another.

 

Just remember, she loves how you make her feel, not loves you. She loves how the new guy makes her feel, not him.

 

She will leave a lot of screwed up people in her path. Just remember your value to her is how you made her feel. Over time that sinks in, I promise.

[EmbeddedCortex]

Just remember, she loves how you make her feel, not loves you. She loves how the new guy makes her feel, not him.

 

She will leave a lot of screwed up people in her path. Just remember your value to her is how you made her feel. Over time that sinks in, I promise.

 

This is a very interesting way of putting it, and almost might be dead on. Not sure. Honestly, she made me feel I was the only one she ever really loved, but she definitely didn't looking at her ACTIONS. She already has left some 3 exes besides me in her path. 2 of them are seriously screwed up, especially because they decided to remain friends with her. Even I would tell her to stop playing with these guys. I have to be careful so that this doesn't happen to me months down the line.

 

It kind of makes sense looking back at what she was saying. She was saying how she loved the stuff this new guy does, how he is in love with her and moving fast, how she's attracted to him, but the feeling isn't there completely.

 

It's almost as if she's giving sex to get those actions in return, and then convincing herself that she loves the person....

 

I recall it took us some 3 weeks into dating to first have sex, and that was because of me, I was going slow. She acted very attracted to me at the time, and would have done it way sooner if I'd wanted. But she told me when we did, she already loved me.

[mangetout]

It's normal to have such strong emotions.

 

Part of becoming an emotionally mature person is the ability to recognize what makes us weak or hurt, and to avoid those people or situations. The logical part of your mind must babysit the emotional part. Its one of life's most important lessons.

 

So so true

[EmbeddedCortex]

Granted this was my first LTR relationship at 25 but....

 

Seriously...why text me after 5 weeks of NC and say something along the lines of "I don't know why I call or text you, maybe because I miss you or because I want to make myself feel better.......I love and miss you, and care about you, and I'll have open arms if you ever want to talk..." etc.

 

So I fall for it and call her and basically she just says she wanted to check up on me, then it's a one hour phone call about how her new BF of 5 weeks from Tinder (who also has a small kid) is amazing and practically wants to marry her, and how yet she is still having a hard time in life, but is content....and yet she misses me a lot, and thinks about me everyday, and any girl would be lucky to have me, blah blah doesn't want to get back together yet.

 

And god damn it, I fall for that **** and play the sympathetic card and tell her I love her and **** and want her back. Then she ends with a text "I always loved your last name...maybe someday....I wish you nothing but the best."

 

Seriously, why text me and say you love me and miss me .... THEN when I call, tell me you were just checking up on me and you're seriously dating someone new already?

 

Why keep kicking me and twisting the knife while I'm down?

[Hoosfoos]

Time to cut her off and regain your self respect.

[flitzanu]

"i miss you" does not equal "i want to get back together".

 

i miss my cat when i go out of town, i'm not marrying it when i get back.

[EmbeddedCortex]

But you do come back to your cat. lol

 

But yeah, I hate how people use the word 'love' like that. Please don't use the word love on your ex, it's just infuriating.

 

And yeah, she has no obligation to me, but damn does it hurt to come and talk to me like that AFTER replacing me with Tinder boyfriend she met the same night I saw a movie with her 5 weeks ago.

[EmbeddedCortex]

So my ex and I broke NC last Saturday

 

Today I received a text where she says she saw a psychiatrist and that she has depression and has to go on antidepressants.

 

I have not responded, because she already said she is SERIOUSLY dating a new guy, and I feel like this is just another way of friend-zoning me and getting attention for herself while I'm trying to heal. Is that fairly accurate?

Edited July 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lovebirds]

I feel you man. I wish you strength. It's only been two months. My emotions got a bit better at the 2-3 month mark (although you've read that I'm having difficulties now).

 

I wouldn't respond to her text. It does seem like she wants attention. It's no reason to break no contact.

[StrengthRomantic]

Dude, what the f you want? Same thing happened to me 2 years ago and we were together for 5 years. FORGET ABOUT HER, she BETRAYED YOU. Become more Alpha.