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Back to square one again.... [updated- more bad days than good!]


spaceboy409

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spaceboy409

This weekend has been filled with tears and a broken heart. Me and my ex have been broken up for a little over two months. In the beginning I felt okay. I enjoyed meeting new people. I even have a few girls that I'm pretty sure want to my girlfriend. I was feeling good until Friday night.....I had waited so long for this day because my favorite band was playing. I even brought along a really pretty girl. While I was out smoking out walks my ex with new boyfriend...immediately my heart shattered seeing her. She looked different and acted like I didn't even exist. I felt so sick I tried to drink away my sorrows which only made it worse. After seeing her again with her bf wrapped around her I had enough and I left early. I felt so sad I literally wanted to die. The next day I woke up sick and miserable but I decided to try to be positive and went about my day. I was playing a concert that night and to my complete shock my ex showed up with her new boyfriend. I instantly felt sick...she told me she wanted to be friends and I told her I just couldnt and walked off....I awoke at 5 am and texted her saying I never want to speak to her again and she replied saying I should come over. Being stupid I did....her boyfriend was there and I cried on her bed and said I had to go....she said she hopes someday we can be friends cuz "she still cares about me" today I woke up so miserable I didn't wanna I've anymore. Luckily I take medication for anxiety or I would prob be doin something stupid. I need help. Why is this girl doing this to me? Sadly everytime I see her I fall in love with her again. She's the most beautiful girl to me even till day....I don't know how much longer I can deal with this pain :( :(

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You did what?????? You went to see her and her BF was there, and you cryed in front of them??? NO NO NO, stop acting like a doormat friend, she feels pity for you now , that's how you want to be remembered? Start NC, and next time you see her with her new bf be glad and laugh because she's his problem now and soon he will cry like you do now.

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I'm so sorry. The fact that she wanted you to come over with her boyfriend there is just plain weird. It sounds like she is incredibly selfish. Who does that to someone who is hurting?! This is a setback though and it will get better. You need to cut her out of your life completely. Block her from everything. You won't ever be able to get over her fully as long as she is using you to boost her ego.

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Believe it or not, I don't think she's a heartless witch. I think she is a nice person who doesn't like being the source of your pain so she's offering all she has left for you: Friendship. Problem is friendship is an empty shell of what you want: a relationship & it's just not enough so being faced with what you can't have makes it all worse.

 

 

Two months isn't that long. Keep yourself busy & keep away from her. Tell her that you thank her for the offer of friendship but it's just too painful & if she ever cared, she will stay away from you.

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go total no contact

 

Maybe its time to try to tap into some of your anger instead of sadness, anger is a good healing tool and a great stay away tool.

 

What kind of girl invites her ex over while her new bf is there? She knows your hurt and she's stomping it down more on you getting her ego boosts off your pain anyone with a brain would know this would hurt you, did you know he was there before you went?

 

He's a rebound btw a toy she's using to flaunt in front of you I cant help but wonder if what she's doing bothers him just as much as it does you.

How cruel.

 

Do not cry in front of her anymore please you just make it known to her that she still has you in every way.

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Smarty Pants

Two months isn't that long. It gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully this is your valley.

 

Maybe stay away from these concerts since you seem to be running into her.

 

Block her number. It can always be unblocked, but until you can handle talking to her without getting upset, it should be blocked.

 

I know how hard it is, but it gets better. I wouldn't concentrate on meeting new girls yet. It would only be a bandaid for your pain.

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spaceboy409

I blocked her number. I know she's just trying to hurt me cuz she knows I'm still wrapped around her finger. It was dumb of me to visit it. It's a huge speed bump and I feel like absolute hell but I'm hoping it will pass. It's like she wanted show off how good looking she was now too. It's a sick game. I'm sleazy a manipulated by it......

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She may be good looking but there's always someone better looking and there's always a better match out there.

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spaceboy409

I just set a reminder 60 days from today to focus on NC. Do you think this new guy is a rebound? It's only been 2 months! And they were dating after a month....

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learning_slowly
She's the most beautiful girl to me even till day....

 

Nobody's perfect.

 

Post a photo.

 

I'm sure we could point out her problems. But would it be beneficial?

 

You shouldn't need to do that. You should know her flaws and realise in some way you are better off?

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Always Pondering
I just set a reminder 60 days from today to focus on NC. Do you think this new guy is a rebound? It's only been 2 months! And they were dating after a month....

 

It could be a rebound, it could be her future husband. It could last two weeks, two months, two years, or for the rest of her life. I was in your position once, subconsciously hoping the relationship would fail and constantly "waiting" for the day to happen. It should not matter to you whether or not this new guy is a fling. Trust me, you don't want to make your own poison and drink it.

 

It's good that you've begun to take a step and blocked her number. Take her off social media if you haven't already.

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It could be a rebound, it could be her future husband. It could last two weeks, two months, two years, or for the rest of her life. I was in your position once, subconsciously hoping the relationship would fail and constantly "waiting" for the day to happen. It should not matter to you whether or not this new guy is a fling. Trust me, you don't want to make your own poison and drink it.

 

It's good that you've begun to take a step and blocked her number. Take her off social media if you haven't already.

 

Here here, I'm kind of in the middle. A few days ago i kept thinking that if he broke up with his "new" girl he'd come back running. But why i would i even wait? Do i deserve that? NO! nobody should be waiting around as a secondary option. You deserve better. You need to think about YOU and YOU alone until you heal. Just block her out, reward yourself for every NC milestone (1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month etc...) and you'll start feeling proud of yourself

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spaceboy409

It's day three of NC. It's been hard to focus on work. My friend gave it to me pretty straight the other saying I need to have self respect and live in the now. I want to so bad and I'm trying....

 

She has so many flaws and so many bad memories you'd think I'd absolutely despise this girl yet I'm constantly sick to my stomach with anxiety.

 

How do I stop thinking about her? I have others interested in me and hanging on to someone who doesn't want me anymore. I HAVE to move on this time....

 

Any mental tricks to cope with anxiety naturally would be great.

 

Many recommend exercise but honestly I exert myself so much I feel drained and almost worse it seems. I can't seem to find relief from anything but my anxiety medication but I wanna beat this naturally and become stronger from it.....

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It's day three of NC. It's been hard to focus on work. My friend gave it to me pretty straight the other saying I need to have self respect and live in the now. I want to so bad and I'm trying....

 

She has so many flaws and so many bad memories you'd think I'd absolutely despise this girl yet I'm constantly sick to my stomach with anxiety.

 

How do I stop thinking about her? I have others interested in me and hanging on to someone who doesn't want me anymore. I HAVE to move on this time....

 

Any mental tricks to cope with anxiety naturally would be great.

 

Many recommend exercise but honestly I exert myself so much I feel drained and almost worse it seems. I can't seem to find relief from anything but my anxiety medication but I wanna beat this naturally and become stronger from it.....

 

All of this is normal for 2 months. You have to ride this out and focus on other things. You're in the crazy beginning stage where your emotions are all over the place, so it's okay that to feel this way.

 

With anxiety, I would rationally talk myself down and sometimes have a good cry. The anxiety usually passed pretty quickly once I started reinforcing the truth. Little things would give me anxiety, things that weren't relevant to the big picture, so I would have to talk myself down with logic. Anxiety comes from loss of control or perceived loss right? Remind yourself of what you can control, and it gets better.

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VanessaVanessa
... I was in your position once, subconsciously hoping the relationship would fail and constantly "waiting" for the day to happen. It should not matter to you whether or not this new guy is a fling. Trust me, you don't want to make your own poison and drink it.

 

It's good that you've begun to take a step and blocked her number. Take her off social media if you haven't already.

 

Very true.-

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spaceboy409

Thanks everyone for these responses. While I'm far from cured this board gives me hope I'll someday wake up and not think about her.

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Simon Phoenix

You can do it, but you have to be 100 percent committed to doing it. And once you are, you'll get to where you need to go emotionally in time. It's not going to be easy and you are going to feel like s--t at times, but eventually the s--tty feelings will happen less frequently and be less powerful.

 

Just yesterday I saw my ex that brought me here in person for the first time in over a year-and-a-half. I've had sporadic contact over text with her during that time, but I went through a nearly six-month NC stint while I was recovering and had another stint that was about that long just because neither one of us had anything to say to the other. I had only been in contact with her twice in 2014 -- a little good-natured trashtalk during the NCAA Tournament (her school took out mine in heartbreaking fashion) and I asked her a question related to her work which she answered. But besides that, no real interaction.

 

While I've been recovered for a long time now, I wondered what it'd be like when we actually saw each other in person again. Because we have close mutual ties -- she's the sister-in-law of my best friend -- the odds of me never seeing her again were slim to none. Anyway, her company was holding a massive gamewatch for the USA-Germany soccer game yesterday where I live. I'm really into the World Cup and her company did it for the USA-Ghana game last week, but I was unable to go because I had a work conflict. Either way, I really wanted to watch this game in this setting (about 5000 people, big TVs, bars, etc.) so I decided to go and meet up with some people. I figured I might see her, but with 5000 people, there was a decent chance our paths would never cross. I was cool either way.

 

Our paths crossed. About 10-15 minutes after I arrived, during the national anthem, I was looking around while standing at attention and my eyes locked on to her and hers did the same to me. She smiled and waved and started to walk over to me. I waved back and walked toward her direction. We had a friendly hug and chatted for 2-3 minutes, just basic catch-up small talk. I then went to watch the game with my peeps and she went back to the coworkers she was sitting with. She said she'd try to get away to come find me during the game, but she didn't and I didn't care in the least. I stayed in my area and watched the game without thinking about her at all.

 

After the game I was walking out to go home and we locked eyes again. She came over to me and we had another brief 2-3 minute friendly conversation. Nothing crazy, just happy the US advanced and I made fun of her for something in a good-natured way. She said that her company was holding another gamewatch for the Belgium game on Tuesday and she'd be there if I wanted to stop by. I said I might, said goodbye, and left.

 

Now I'm sure you are asking yourself "Why the hell did he just waste my time telling this boring story?" I told you the story precisely because it was boring. It wasn't an awesome get-together with a lot of flirting and touching, and it wasn't a tragically bad get-together with a lot of awkwardness and tension. It was just ... normal. I can't speak for her obviously, but I felt no butterflies, no weirdness, no need to project a certain image, no real feelings to speak of. She was just another person -- my feelings were reset to zero. I was actually surprised at how normal and mundane it was.

 

Sure, she still looked good, but she wasn't the mythical being of beauty and awesomeness that I made her out to be when I was at your stage of the breakup. And while I have no idea what she thought of me (I was just dressed in a t-shirt and jeans), I'm sure she noticed the fact that I had lost weight (25ish pounds and counting since January) and that I had a shaggy hairdo going with some natural blonde highlights (I had shorter brown hair the last time she saw me). But even if she didn't, I didn't care.

 

If you stick with this NC thing, you really will get to a point that you don't care. That when she tells you about something she'll be at you won't jump up and down excited like a new puppy. You'll tell her maybe (not to run game, but just because you truly aren't sure what you'll be up to) and leave. And when you get to this point, it will be pretty cool. I mean, I'm sure I'll go Tuesday and I'm sure I'll run into her again if I do, but I don't really care what comes of it. And I certainly won't be going out of my way to flirt with her or give her that type of attention -- I'm on a nice little run in that department and feel no need to break my back to get a certain person to notice me.

 

You'll get to this point to. I know it. You just have to completely cut off the cord from her and allow yourself to move in that direction.

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You may always love a person but getting over the strong emotional feelings is very important~

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spaceboy409

Feeling absolutely miserable lately. Been waking up everyday with no motivation to even go on with my repetitive life....

 

Some background...Me and my ex have been broken up a little over 2 months. I was doing fine at times, we went three weeks with no contact at one point. She then texted me and I found out she was already living with a new guy and It was very hurtful. I was very broken for a week after that. Soon with no contact after a week I was feeling okay again and started dating a few new girls. Things were looking up. I had gone another 2 weeks with no contact and I even ignored a text she had sent me...

 

This brings me to last week....I see her at a show. She is with her new boyfriend and pretends I don't even exist. Walks right by me not even acknowledging my presence. It was absolutely heart breaking for some reason....so I left early.

 

I ended up texted her angry and sad messages to no avail. The next day she then explained she didn't see me and felt bad and later showed up again where I was gonna be. Again this tore me apart because she was with her boyfriend claiming she wanted to be friends. At this point the two girls im seeing is completely on the fringe cause they see how bad my ex is affecting me....after another mistake of visiting her I sent her a message apologizing that I cannot be friends and very hurt and I wish her the best and the funny thing was I really meant it....

 

Now its been about 4 days with no contact and I've woken up everyday miserable. Absolutely heart broken. I cannot get her off my mind. My family and friends tell me she is nothing and why waste my time but I cannot seem to put this into my head. To me she is still that girl I fell I love in with. As you might have guessed both the girls I was dating have fled and Im right back to square one.....Ive never felt worse honestly.

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First of all, you ROCK because your signature is a lyric from the song "Landslide" written and sung by the one and only Stevie Nicks, who's a member of one of the best bands of all times, Fleetwood Mac.

 

I'm so very sorry you are going through such a hard time and I don't really have any words of wisdom, as I myself have also made the mistake of remaining in contact with my ex who is with someone else. 9 days ago I emailed him that I cannot stay in touch and be "friends" with him. I haven't heard from him since.

 

This month marks both our dating and our break up anniversaries.

 

You will get by somehow, just do things that you enjoy. Depression will suck you into a black hole if you let it. You are already headed in the right direction by initiating NC and coming here to free your thoughts.

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spaceboy409

I found out recently too that it was only a little under three weeks before she had a new boyfriend and basically lived with the guy. They are inseparable now and even got a cat together. I honestly learned most of this from her. I made the mistake of looking at facebook and I almost got sick from sadness. I will reblock in 24 hours cuz I know that was a terrible decision. Im just so sad that she is already so happy without me with someone new. Its like she was so miserable with me and shes finally beginning her life now. I feel terrible...

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I found out recently too that it was only a little under three weeks before she had a new boyfriend and basically lived with the guy. They are inseparable now and even got a cat together. I honestly learned most of this from her. I made the mistake of looking at facebook and I almost got sick from sadness. I will reblock in 24 hours cuz I know that was a terrible decision. Im just so sad that she is already so happy without me with someone new. Its like she was so miserable with me and shes finally beginning her life now. I feel terrible...

 

 

 

I know how you feel. I've been there and am still there in many ways but I promise it will get better. I know it's tough but you're going to have to avoid looking at her, her new bf, her friends, her family up on social sites.

 

I've only looked at my ex's FB twice in 6 months. The last time I looked I saw that he changed his profile picture to him and his new gf (him kissing her on the head.) YUK. I had a HUGE meltdown after quit a while of being and feeling better and back to good. I cried all night long after seeing that.

 

He met her while we were together and left me to be with her and didn't even bother unfriending me before tagging her in posts and talking to her FB just days later, knowing I could see.

 

Who cares!!!!????? I'm so over it. I know I'm a great catch.

You will feel down for a little while but believe me, it does get better. You finally get to the point where you're just tired of feeling miserable.

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spaceboy409

Is it better to just block her number? Part of me wants to be there just in case she ever needs help. I know this is stupid. But yeah I'm at work and I'm really struggling not to think bout her. It's so hard!!!! :(

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Simon Phoenix
Is it better to just block her number? Part of me wants to be there just in case she ever needs help. I know this is stupid. But yeah I'm at work and I'm really struggling not to think bout her. It's so hard!!!! :(

 

Yes, block it. You should have blocked it 15 minutes ago. Her new boyfriend can give her "help".

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