Do long-distance break ups always result in lack of closure?

[VanessaVanessa]

My break-up with my ex happened while we were long distance. It has been seven months since the breakup but in my mind I always wonder if my process is dragging on because of the fact that our breakup was not face to face. We have had low contact a few times since, but it's a 95% chance that I will never see him agaib since he lives in a totally different country. Even though I technically broke up with him, it felt as though (and still feels as though) he did the breaking up because he seemed so indifferent, inconsiderate and a bit selfish during our last few weeks together. Does this feeling of being broken up with happen in personal break ups too? It has been a year in a few weeks time since I last saw his face and it just seems so crazy. I guess since this was my first relationship it is making me think this way but i don't know for sure. I have been as no-contact as possible for the last 3 and a half months and have been trying SO hard to stop thinking of him.

[lamis]

My break up happened a little over 7 weeks ago, and it also occurred during an LDR phase of our relationship, albeit just 3 weeks after I had seen her and 3 weeks until I would have seen her again.

 

There is definitely some lack of closure/wondering what role the LDR aspect played in it -- I sometimes wonder whether or not she could have dumped me to my face, if she would have rethought her actions if I was actually physically there with her, instead of on a screen. But to be honest, it doesn't really matter, your significant other and mine both decided we shouldn't be in their lives anymore, and thought alone should be reason enough for us to move on and not think about them, right?

 

Also, I think every kind of break up is probably without closure, or at least most of them. Dumpers are usually not completely honest about what they are feeling because they don't want to hurt the dumpee anymore than they already have, and the dumpee is usually still so in love with the other person that no matter what they can't comprehend what happened, because they never would have felt that way. Thus, the dumpee is always left trying to figure out what exactly happened, and has also never really been told the whole truth.

[Itspointless]

My break-up was also ldr, we both live in different countries. Two weeks after we already had a weekend planned, so she offered that I came to talk and I have. It was good to talk but it did not provide closure at all, her medical situation had made her suppress everything about us, that was really hard to swallow. She was distant as hell, emotionally and physically. First she had told me some could be's without any time-frame. When I was with her she did not want to mention anything, as she did not wanted to think about the future and became frustrated the one time I tried.

 

I think the hard part is that you know you probably never will see them again in you life. That is what eats me up, just as the fact that she doesn't tell me her medical progress. I got some crumbs the last few months, but told her that I cant be 'just' friends, as it made me feel awful each time. I never wanted all of this. I gave her a last chance to step up for us ...

[Itspointless]

It doesn't matter whether a relationship is an LDR One or not.

 

Closure comes from your own processing, not from your ex, wherever they may be.

The only person who can successfully give you definite closure - is you.

Thats a sure thing

[d0nnivain]

My break up of an LDR was over 3,000 miles. I never felt anything was vastly different between that break up & others. In some ways it was a bit easier because he wasn't a daily part of my life.

[VanessaVanessa]

It doesn't matter whether a relationship is an LDR One or not.

 

Closure comes from your own processing, not from your ex, wherever they may be.

The only person who can successfully give you definite closure - is you.

 

I do understand that to an extent, it's just that I guess I am trying to hurry up the process when in truth i know it is something that has no time-frame to be dealt with. I guess the thing is that I felt as though if the breakup was more personal then it would make it less confusing to let him go. I sent him a letter about 3 months after the break up and said that maybe we could be friends one day when we are both totally over eachother romantically (he had sent me a few unspecific letters so I decided to reply)... Sometimes I don't even know why i sent that. Like I was sincere at the time but sometimes I think that that would be unlikely situation-at least on my part.