Some people are destined to bring misery

[ChristinaB]

So after about a year and a half of dating and later, living with my boyfriend, we broke up. In the past year, he brought me a whole lot of misery. Some I knew about - like his cheating on me every so often with his ex but him always explaining to me how I had misunderstood and that he hadn't really cheated.

 

And some things, I've discovered in the month and a half since he walked out my door, met another woman and announced that he's moving (he left to work [he's a trucker] one day and literally, just never really came back). Things like the women off sex sites that he hooked up with, or the fact that he was having a full blown relationship with his ex behind my back, sex with random women in the towns he drove through...things like that.

 

Anyway, I know he's bad news. I know I'm better off without him. He's a rotten individual and the amount of hurt he inflicted upon me and because of his abrupt departure, the hurt towards my 6 year old son, are unforgivable. I don't want him back and I feel like a black cloud has lifted since he left. BUT, why does it hurt so much?

 

He stopped by tonight to grab more of his stuff (he's such a mess that he can't even move all his stuff in one go...he keeps dragging this out). He wouldn't even look me in the eye. He hardly spoke to me. It sounds stupid, but I wonder - is he hurt at all by this or does he truly not give a damn?

 

Everything about him screams passive aggressive and he seems to have zero conscience. I wonder though, is he capable of feeling hurt? Does this hurt him too and is that why he won't even look me in the eye? Or are some people able to walk away that easily?

 

I know it's stupid, but if I knew he was sad about this too, even if he doesn't admit it, I'd feel better. I'd figure he has a heart in there after all - that my ability to judge character isn't as awful as I now think it is. I know nobody here can read his mind but I'm so miserable right now. I'd welcome any thoughts.

[FredJones80]

Why would he be sad? It sounds like he was having his cake and eating it.

 

Don't worry about what he feels, some people are just idiots and will always be.

 

Take care of yourself.

[mangetout]

Hey Christina

I have been in your shoes and its taken me two years to get rid of my cheating ex. I took him back so many times because I wanted validation that what we had together was real. Did he really really love although he cheated? I couldn't let go because I needed constant proof that he did.

It was the wrong way to deal with it. I should have walked the day I found out.

 

 

But I have come to a point in my life where I have had enough. I DONT CARE anymore if he loved, didn't, always will.

 

 

I see him for who he is now. He is MR WRONG! You don't beg and plead to be treated with respect and love from a MR RIGHT. It took me two years to realise that he is not the one. And never was.

 

 

What I see today is a dysfunctional man who wants the security of a family life but cannot commit to one because of his poor boundaries and morals.

 

 

You are grieving the loss of a relationship and not this man.

 

 

One day you will wake up not caring for this man and looking forward to a new relationship. Because this is where I am now.

[No Limit]

Why would he be sad? It sounds like he was having his cake and eating it.

 

But that's just what he's sad about - he lost his cake!

[Mcnulty]

He's a narcissist. His ego will be bruised but he will look for his next fix elsewhere.

 

You have to look after you. he will only bring you misery, tell yourself this truth and know that one day things will be brighter and more hopeful for you.

[me85]

Hey Christina

I have been in your shoes and its taken me two years to get rid of my cheating ex. I took him back so many times because I wanted validation that what we had together was real. Did he really really love although he cheated? I couldn't let go because I needed constant proof that he did.

It was the wrong way to deal with it. I should have walked the day I found out.

 

 

But I have come to a point in my life where I have had enough. I DONT CARE anymore if he loved, didn't, always will.

 

 

I see him for who he is now. He is MR WRONG! You don't beg and plead to be treated with respect and love from a MR RIGHT. It took me two years to realise that he is not the one. And never was.

 

 

What I see today is a dysfunctional man who wants the security of a family life but cannot commit to one because of his poor boundaries and morals.

 

 

You are grieving the loss of a relationship and not this man.

 

 

One day you will wake up not caring for this man and looking forward to a new relationship. Because this is where I am now.

 

THIS GIVES ME HOPE. Great post.

[mangetout]

THIS GIVES ME HOPE. Great post.

 

Oops I wrote that post very fast and I have noticed a lot of typos.

 

But I am sincere in saying that I have finally let go of this man. He walked out numerous times after he cheated although I should have been the one to have walked. Every time he came back, I believed in his charm and let him back in..for him to change his mind and walk out again. OP I relate to your misery!!

 

But This time I have dumped HIM! I don't even care now if he still loves me or not. I don't care if he starts a relationship with a new woman. Poor woman I say!

 

Enough is enough. He is just a pathetic man

 

Stay strong OP because you did a courageous thing to end it. You are in pain now but you will see you did the right thing eventually.

 

I am sure your ex cared for you but he cares for himself more. You don't want to be with a selfish man like that. You deserve to be loved.

 

There is a man out there who will give you the love you deserve. Always always remember your self worth.

 

I have finally found mine again

[ChristinaB]

 

What I see today is a dysfunctional man who wants the security of a family life but cannot commit to one because of his poor boundaries and morals.

 

 

You are grieving the loss of a relationship and not this man.

 

 

One day you will wake up not caring for this man and looking forward to a new relationship. Because this is where I am now.

 

 

Wow, thank you for that. I think you're right... As I sat in my (much cleaner) living room (my ex cleaned maybe once in the entire year we lived together), I was thinking how lonely and quiet it is here. And that's when it hit me, I think I miss the idea of the relationship more than the guy himself. Kind of hard to miss the constant doubt, heartache and lies. So good call on your part. Btw, I'm glad you're in a happier place now. :-)

[ChristinaB]

 

Poor woman!

 

 

Lol that's what I thought too about his new gf. 16 days after walking out on me, his stuff still at my place, he found the "perfect woman" and declared that he's in a relationship with her on fb. He's 39...but seems to think that after knowing someone for two weeks, he can commit to a relationship. I thought that kind of logic disappeared by the time a person dated a few times in high school.... So he's moving in with her. She'll be in my shoes soon enough.

 

So good for you as well for having the strength to move on, it's tough to realize that some people are just rotten. :-(

[learning_slowly]

Lol that's what I thought too about his new gf. 16 days after walking out on me, his stuff still at my place, he found the "perfect woman" and declared that he's in a relationship with her on fb. He's 39...but seems to think that after knowing someone for two weeks, he can commit to a relationship. I thought that kind of logic disappeared by the time a person dated a few times in high school.... So he's moving in with her. She'll be in my shoes soon enough.

 

So good for you as well for having the strength to move on, it's tough to realize that some people are just rotten. :-(

 

I think it does take some people a lot of time to grow up. I know as I'm only getting there, and it took someone I loved to split with me, to realise errors I had made.

 

Hopefully he will at some stage, otherwise there maybe children brought into this world with his teachings. Count yourself lucky that you never had any joint children.

 

Your ex does sound really distasteful though. Did you use protection? If he was sleeping with that many people there must be a high chance he caught something. Maybe worth getting checked?

[mangetout]

Wow, thank you for that. I think you're right... As I sat in my (much cleaner) living room (my ex cleaned maybe once in the entire year we lived together), I was thinking how lonely and quiet it is here. And that's when it hit me, I think I miss the idea of the relationship more than the guy himself. Kind of hard to miss the constant doubt, heartache and lies. So good call on your part. Btw, I'm glad you're in a happier place now. :-)

 

Thank you Christina. it took a lot of tears and frustration to get to this peaceful place. And you will get there too. Never again will I tolerate such behaviour from a man.

 

 

Give yourself some time and it will be very normal to hear this quiet. You will come to a stage when you will like it. This quiet will be a platform to self reflect and move forward to better things in your life

[mangetout]

Lol that's what I thought too about his new gf. 16 days after walking out on me, his stuff still at my place, he found the "perfect woman" and declared that he's in a relationship with her on fb. He's 39...but seems to think that after knowing someone for two weeks, he can commit to a relationship. I thought that kind of logic disappeared by the time a person dated a few times in high school.... So he's moving in with her. She'll be in my shoes soon enough.

 

So good for you as well for having the strength to move on, it's tough to realize that some people are just rotten. :-(

 

 

He is def rotten to the core and he sounds very immature. Ha! Perfect woman my ass. Wait till the honeymoon stage is over and he gets bored with the tolls of daily life with her. He will cheat on her too. Shame you cant warn her.

 

 

He will prob come knocking at your door! That's what cheaters do.

 

 

This is what my ex did. He cheated on me with an ex. And I was his "perfect " woman by the way. I ticked all his boxes. What a joke of a man.

[jbelle6]

Not much to add that hasn't already been said, but there is no rule saying you can't pack all his crap up and tell him to get it the hell out in one go. If he says no then tell him they will be waiting for him on the porch and you won't be responsible for if they're still there when he comes back or not.