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To those who have been left for another, my gift of empowerment


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My name is Jiivy - and I'm an abandonment survivor

I've been left by my partner of 7 years, in order for her to pursue new things in her life and become a different person...like to go the man who said he loved her 2 weeks before she left me.

 

In the months following, I've been to the darkest places in mind. I've engaged in self-harm, I wanted to end my life and I've been an emotional wreck ever since. But each day I keep up No Contact and read the wisdom I find here on LS, I get a little better.

 

Give back what you get.

Like a lot of vets before me, I wanted to help "pay it forward" for all the love and support LS has given me. So for those of you who have been left for another, or simply just abandoned...know that you're not alone. Some people have the courage to just say "screw you" when their partner does this - I unfortunately don't. I still miss her, I still love her. Most of us that visit this forum are the same. It's hard to let go of someone you loved, particularly when it was sudden, for whatever the reason.

 

Read and weep

But I have here a collection of articles about advice for someone who's thinking about leaving their partner. Some of them are simply words of wisdom from other forum members, but at each link you'll find something in there that shows you - don't blame yourself for it all.

 

Here is my gift to you:

 

When You Are Left For Someone Else | Thought Catalog A short poem for those looking to be uplifted

 

So You're Thinking of Leaving A Good Woman For Someone Else? An advice column highlighting the pitfalls of your ex's thinking

 

To the spouse who is leaving ? Patrick Ward, PhD and another

 

Leaving your partner for someone else a concensus on the morality of leaving one partner for another

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/203267-idea-changing#post2399592 a hardline on change and abandonment from one of our own here on LS

 

Relationship Advice on Vimeo An endearing video about relationships and people.

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Jiivy, thank you for all of these resources. It hurts to read what you have gone through, and I am glad you have made a comeback from the depths of your fog. You have an excellent attitude and have so much wisdom to share. I think we're lucky to have you as a fellow kindred spirit, just trying to take things one day at a time.

 

Thanks, and keep fighting the good fight. :)

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When you are left for someone else, find that old vase you once used to contain your sorrow. Mail it to the one that hurt you. He will need it one day.

 

Will he?

 

Your post was beautiful... It's soul shattering to deal with the loss of someone you loved unconditionally. Especially when they decided to leave.

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It's all about empowering yourself. I don't mean to feed a selfish or angry agenda by linking these - it's really about knowing your self worth.

 

I think that good people are left by others all the time and, I also believe that the majority of us here on LS are really part of that population. I also believe that nobody is infallible. I know I've let people down in my life, including my ex fiancée at times. Whether it's a mistake or not...they made that choice. It's going to hurt, God I can feel it too...but I believe that success in your life is never determined by how you manage good fortune.

 

Really powerful, beautiful people are those that endure the worst of times in the best of ways.

 

Be one of those people. Don't lose that amazing heart we carry inside.

Edited by Jiivy
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itsallmental

Thanks so much for this post. The Vimeo link has helped tremendously. We all have bad days, this has been a particularly hard one for me. If you have any more resources, please post them!!

 

Thanks again, you changed my mood, and brightened my day.

 

Shout out to Tyler Perry :D

 

"some people are seasonal"

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Thanks so much for this post. The Vimeo link has helped tremendously. We all have bad days, this has been a particularly hard one for me. If you have any more resources, please post them!!

 

Thanks again, you changed my mood, and brightened my day.

 

Shout out to Tyler Perry :D

 

"some people are seasonal"

 

I plan to keep updating this with new links as time goes by. Know that being left, for someone else or just for other pastures is never the fault of any one person.

 

My life's direction needs to come from me, for me. I'm grateful that my ex left teaching me one more lesson before she walked out of my life.

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FredJones80
teaching me one more lesson before she walked out of my life.

 

Yes, mine too.. its called : Pain.

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SadNLonley

Love "the idea of changing"

 

I go back and forth with the feelings of my breakup. We didnt even breakup because we didnt love each other. We broke up due to distance. BS I know. Still it hurts when you love someone so much you automatically think something was your fault.

 

Ive grown to realize that there were things about both of us that could have been different, but guess what, thats just how we are. Some of the things that drove me crazy about him i dealt with because I loved him. Im sure he did the same thing.

 

The thing Im starting to see is that our time together was just done. Not really anyones fault, but we suited the purpose of us being together and the purpose was over. Im not a real religious person, but Im trying to believe that God/Universe or whatever you want to call it, puts people in our lives for specific reasons. When that reason is done, we move on. I am also hoping that God/Universe has a plan for me in a next relationship and it will teach me new things. I've learned so much from this breakup about myself that I never really thought of before. Not sure I would have found this out otherwise.

 

Things happen because they are suppose to happen. Even if that includes heartbreak. If its meant to be, it will. My suggestion is to literally move on and not force the issue because it just pushes them further away. Let time be on our side, realize that it isn't one particular persons fault, and hope for a better future. I know I am even when im feeling down about the loss of this love.

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flightplan
Love "the idea of changing"

 

I go back and forth with the feelings of my breakup. We didnt even breakup because we didnt love each other. We broke up due to distance. BS I know. Still it hurts when you love someone so much you automatically think something was your fault.

 

Ive grown to realize that there were things about both of us that could have been different, but guess what, thats just how we are. Some of the things that drove me crazy about him i dealt with because I loved him. Im sure he did the same thing.

 

The thing Im starting to see is that our time together was just done. Not really anyones fault, but we suited the purpose of us being together and the purpose was over. Im not a real religious person, but Im trying to believe that God/Universe or whatever you want to call it, puts people in our lives for specific reasons. When that reason is done, we move on. I am also hoping that God/Universe has a plan for me in a next relationship and it will teach me new things. I've learned so much from this breakup about myself that I never really thought of before. Not sure I would have found this out otherwise.

 

Things happen because they are suppose to happen. Even if that includes heartbreak. If its meant to be, it will. My suggestion is to literally move on and not force the issue because it just pushes them further away. Let time be on our side, realize that it isn't one particular persons fault, and hope for a better future. I know I am even when im feeling down about the loss of this love.

 

Well stated. I'm not very religious either which was one reason for my B/U among others. I could blame her BPD as well, but it's irrelevant. Whatever the reason for a break up, I like to think it's a method the universe uses to teach us about ourselves we would otherwise never learn. The pain is a part of a process to force us to face ourselves. Otherwise, we never would. Some, like me, are slow to learn and repeat the same behavior over and over until they do. I don't think it's anyone's fault. IMHO, there's no blame. This person was in my life for reason. We both learned from one another.

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SadNLonley
The pain is a part of a process to force us to face ourselves. Otherwise, we never would. Some, like me, are slow to learn and repeat the same behavior over and over until they do.

 

You are absolutely right. Sometimes it takes you to sit back as a bystander to see you repeat somethings which means you attract the same people. Its learning how to break that habit ( i havent had the chance yet) of being with the same type over and over.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Bumping for great justice! Is a mod able to help me update this with new links?

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A word of perspective from a man who's suffered prejudice as a homosexual. His message is UNIVERSAL and should speak to those particularly who have been the victim of infidelity.

 

McSweeney?s Internet Tendency: Open Letters: An Open Letter to Everyone Who, When My Fiancé Left Me, Told Me it Was ?His Loss.? An open letter by a woman who found strength after her fiancé left her at the altar.

 

Transitionals & Rebound Relationships: What?s on their mind when they?re not over their ex but they?re involved with YOU? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue An outsiders view on the emotional frame of mind for those that have left a relationship & entered a new one (not neccessarily just the dumper!)

 

http://grimgreg.wordpress.com A running blog by a man who's fiancée left him for another man. Not neccesarily 'motivational' all the time, but it's a (usually) daily account of all the things you're likely going through and serves as a great way to see you're not the only one feeling this!

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elseaacych

Great links, Jiivy! I am glad that you are updating this page!!!

 

Natalie Lue has some other fantastic articles regarding those who leave for others, that are wonderful reads as well:

 

Overlappers: When they start a new relationship just before your breakup | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

Rebound Relationships in a Nutshell: Transitionals, Buffers & Why You Should Step Away From The Light When They?re Not Over Their Ex | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

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