Single Status. Why does it hurt?

[SadNLonley]

The past 5 months I had it in my head that me and the ex would get back together so i never really thought about being single. I still kind of had it in my head that i was with him.

 

Now that he made it quite clear last week that we will not be getting back together, I've let that go, but now the status of being Single hurts me. I dont know why. I know lots of people who have been single, live their days just fine, and are happy with it. For some reason the idea of saying that Im single concerns me that someone may think something is wrong with me and wonder why i cant get a man.

 

That on top of the fact that i put out an online profile and not gotten much from it makes me feel even worse.

 

Anyone else bothered by that stupid feeling?

[Drez]

because media/society have brain washed us into thinking we need a wife, 4x4 car, house and 2.5 children to be considered a 'sucess'

[mammasita]

I don't know your backstory, but I'm going with your ex left you. That said, you did yourself a disservice by not allowing yourself to move on sooner.

 

Sure, being single sucks.....sometimes.....but it's pretty cool sometimes too.

 

Occupy your time with friends, family and hobbies.....doing that will make things easier. We've all been there.

Edited April 24, 2014 by mammasita

[smileforelena]

coming from a relationship, the concept of being single doesnt just feel strange it seem strange because we became used to being with someone. i can relate to you because i felt that way right after the BU and the fact that the ex dumped me for someone else really affected my self esteem and confidence. then i felt like im in a contest to prove that i can find someone to show him off. i had to fight that feeling because at the back of my head i knew that i will only mess up myself more. but 8 months (i fell off NC wagon so many times so its been a struggle) i realized i can live without him or being with anybody. i started to enjoy what i got involved in to be distracted in the beginning and being alone has been teaching me that it is actually good to be able to talk to yourself and hear yourself. being alone is allowing me to really dig deep and see what im made of.

[SadNLonley]

coming from a relationship, the concept of being single doesnt just feel strange it seem strange because we became used to being with someone. i can relate to you because i felt that way right after the BU and the fact that the ex dumped me for someone else really affected my self esteem and confidence. then i felt like im in a contest to prove that i can find someone to show him off. i had to fight that feeling because at the back of my head i knew that i will only mess up myself more. but 8 months (i fell off NC wagon so many times so its been a struggle) i realized i can live without him or being with anybody. i started to enjoy what i got involved in to be distracted in the beginning and being alone has been teaching me that it is actually good to be able to talk to yourself and hear yourself. being alone is allowing me to really dig deep and see what im made of.

 

Just like you, i feel like i need to prove i can find someone else. He did. Problem is I can't and it hurts my self esteem. While we were together I had a few guys ask me out. Now that Im single, nope no one. I need to let it go because it really is just messing with my mind. I need to release him from my head. Easier said than done. As for living the single life, I get that its not so bad. I've done it now for 10 months. I know I CAN live without a partner. I just really dont want to. Im sure now that I really want someone it will never happen. Thats how it works ya know. lol

[Jiivy]

I think there's a lot I be said for real companionship. There's a level of intimacy you get with a partner unique to romantic relationships, and I don't blame people for wanting that - not at all, hell, that's a healthy thing to have!

 

As easy as it is to acknowledge that relationships are great - they've got to enhance you, not complete you...it's akin to the age old question, "do I miss my ex or simply a relationship?"

 

Given the chance at a fulfilling relationship, most people would take it. I don't believe that it's something you can force however. I'm really starting to believe this whole detachment theory...

 

You only get it when you don't idolise it, chase it or specifically go looking for it!

[AlphaC]

The past 5 months I had it in my head that me and the ex would get back together so i never really thought about being single. I still kind of had it in my head that i was with him.

 

Now that he made it quite clear last week that we will not be getting back together, I've let that go, but now the status of being Single hurts me. I dont know why. I know lots of people who have been single, live their days just fine, and are happy with it. For some reason the idea of saying that Im single concerns me that someone may think something is wrong with me and wonder why i cant get a man.

 

That on top of the fact that i put out an online profile and not gotten much from it makes me feel even worse.

Anyone else bothered by that stupid feeling?

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, last week was Easter and Passover, give yourself some time. One thing I learned about online dating is that you must have really good pictures, especially the main / profile one.

 

Doesn't sound like you are even ready to date, take your time, we have all been there. As you get older you will bounce back from break ups in less time. Yes, there will always be MORE Breakups, that's life, nothing is forever, unfortunately. People change all the time, you will too, stay strong.

[d0nnivain]

You will find someone else.

 

You got asked out while you were with your EX because you were happy * vivacious. Now you are depressed & sad. That energy doesn't make you attractive.

 

The world is like Noah's Ark. Society makes you feel bad if you aren't coupled up.

 

There are ways around that with a good support system. Hang out with your friends. Build a social circle again & find reasons to celebrate yourself. When you get your mojo back & stop mourning the loss of your relationship, things will brighten up.

[smileforelena]

Just like you, i feel like i need to prove i can find someone else. He did. Problem is I can't and it hurts my self esteem. While we were together I had a few guys ask me out. Now that Im single, nope no one. I need to let it go because it really is just messing with my mind. I need to release him from my head. Easier said than done. As for living the single life, I get that its not so bad. I've done it now for 10 months. I know I CAN live without a partner. I just really dont want to. Im sure now that I really want someone it will never happen. Thats how it works ya know. lol

 

ironic that we are more attractive when we are actually in a relationship...i agree with you. lol is all i can do. im 32 and believe me there have been days when that number makes me feel like a dinosaur. aside from that imaginary contest i made up in my head (where the theme song is irreplaceable by beyonce ..lol) at one point i allowed the society's "norm" mess up my mind. i had to shake myself to erase these thoughts because at the end of the day everybody's journey is different. i believe that nothing i went through in life happened is wasted. i believe its a boot camp so im prepared for what lies ahead for me. dont get me wrong i desire to be with someone have a family and the white picket fence and i believe that i will have it. and i am here ready for it. jsut trying to be patient. lol

[True Gent]

Getting used to being single after being in a significant relationship is very hard. At my current age of 34 I'm single for the first time in my adult life and living alone for the first time.

 

It takes some getting used to, but you must remember you found someone who you loved once before. There is no way in hell that you'll be alone for ever and you won't fall in love again... Of course you will!

 

Being single has a lot of positives, you get to do everything YOU want to do. You can rediscover who you are as an individual and work out what you really want from a partner. The months following a breakup are ideal for finally taking those rose tinted spectacles off and getting your head straight for YOUR own good.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been kinda hanging on and hoping for so long. I'm almost 6 months into my breakup after my 9 yr relationship and I faced reality early on. It's the best way for yourself to recover and survive, you must accept it as soon as it comes to an end. Now you do realise that it is actually finished you will find you start to feel considerably better as the weeks go by. You'll have ups and downs, no doubt about it. The fact you have finally accepted it's done is a big step though... You can breath a sigh of relief now.

 

Just hang in there and focus on you and your life. Relationships can be a lot of hassle, try and make the most of your (you) time while it lasts... I really do want to find someone else too, but we just have to be patient it WILL happen.

[SadNLonley]

Getting used to being single after being in a significant relationship is very hard. At my current age of 34 I'm single for the first time in my adult life and living alone for the first time.

 

It takes some getting used to, but you must remember you found someone who you loved once before. There is no way in hell that you'll be alone for ever and you won't fall in love again... Of course you will!

 

Being single has a lot of positives, you get to do everything YOU want to do. You can rediscover who you are as an individual and work out what you really want from a partner. The months following a breakup are ideal for finally taking those rose tinted spectacles off and getting your head straight for YOUR own good.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been kinda hanging on and hoping for so long. I'm almost 6 months into my breakup after my 9 yr relationship and I faced reality early on. It's the best way for yourself to recover and survive, you must accept it as soon as it comes to an end. Now you do realise that it is actually finished you will find you start to feel considerably better as the weeks go by. You'll have ups and downs, no doubt about it. The fact you have finally accepted it's done is a big step though... You can breath a sigh of relief now.

 

Just hang in there and focus on you and your life. Relationships can be a lot of hassle, try and make the most of your (you) time while it lasts... I really do want to find someone else too, but we just have to be patient it WILL happen.

 

 

Yes, being single does have its positive side. I just am not sure yet that I like it more.

 

Funny you said you'll find someone else. I was on my drive home from work and thought to myself that I think i lost the last chance for marriage in that relationship. At 43 just not sure it will happen again

 

Only time will tell. I just need to turn my negative thoughts around and feel better. I need to live and enjoy life by myself before I can enjoy a relationship anyway. I just hate the feeling that i could be looked at and wonder why im single. I need to find the attitude that I CHOSE to be single and move one. ugh these feelings really stink.

[Raena]

I'm right there with ya... 43 myself and single recently too. I had no choice in the matter, had to walk away from him. It wasn't how I hoped it'd work out, but it's the hand I was dealt and now I have to live with it. It's so hard to wrap my head around the fact that 8 months ago he and I were talking about getting married and now I'm floundering around trying to figure out what to do with myself.

 

Being single does have it's perks. I get to hog the whole bed, I can leave the tv on all night if I want to, I don't have to cook as much or clean as much and probably many other things that I just can't think of right now. But getting out there and doing things ALONE just depresses me. I don't have many friends that live close by or are able to go do things with me. Most are wrapped up in their own families and don't have time for single girl stuff. It's hard as heck to make friends at this age. Even harder when I'm not a very outgoing person and I enjoy being at home. It's VERY hard to get out and do stuff.

 

I keep hoping that there is still a chance that I'll find a companion that will fit for me but I know that the reality is... I'm 43 with a child to take care of and I probably won't find too many people interested in dating me every other weekend.

[SadNLonley]

 

I keep hoping that there is still a chance that I'll find a companion that will fit for me but I know that the reality is... I'm 43 with a child to take care of and I probably won't find too many people interested in dating me every other weekend.

 

Believe me, I find it VERY difficult. I have 2 kids 1/2 the time. You need to find someone that you like, that your kids will like, their kids will like you, then find time to be together with all the different schedules and kids. Top that with the fact of where are you even going to meet men? Its definitely not the same as when you were younger.

 

Thats part of the reason I loved my relationship with my ex....It all worked with both our families. Too bad it wasnt enough to hold onto until we could all be under one roof. It supposedly ended because of the distance (30 min drive) BS!

 

Anyway, i am with you on the finding someone while you have kids. I know these people are out there somewhere just like us. We just need guidance on where to find them.

[Elle1975]

The past 5 months I had it in my head that me and the ex would get back together so i never really thought about being single. I still kind of had it in my head that i was with him.

 

Now that he made it quite clear last week that we will not be getting back together, I've let that go, but now the status of being Single hurts me. I dont know why. I know lots of people who have been single, live their days just fine, and are happy with it. For some reason the idea of saying that Im single concerns me that someone may think something is wrong with me and wonder why i cant get a man.

 

That on top of the fact that i put out an online profile and not gotten much from it makes me feel even worse.

 

Anyone else bothered by that stupid feeling?

 

I'm in your corner. Kind of, because i get along with myself very well. I'm independent and do things on my own. However I miss being with someone. Just because I get along with myself doesn't mean I don't want to be with someone good to me and I'd be good to him.

 

Same thing happened to me when I tried the online dating. I deleted the account and got my money back. I would just click off most of the profiles. I realized I am not ready to date someone. I'll give it a couple months.

 

You probably should give it a couple months too. You don't want to find yourself still hurting about the ex on a new date. I leave the door open to meeting new singles, but I'm not forcing it.