Feeling burnt out. Emotionally and physically exhausted.

[somedude81]

It's been almost five months since I've been dumped, and while I'm generally feeling better, one thing that has not gone away is the feeling of exhaustion. My emotions feel like they are fried. All I want to do is sleep.

 

Every night my sleep is very poor and I wake up at 3 or 4 am, I'm in bed at 12. When I wake up from insomnia, I won't fall back to sleep if I stay in bed, so I use my computer for an hour or so, then it's back to bed around 4:30-5 am. Then I wake up for real around 8:30 with a headache and a slight feeling of anger. Mad at the world, hating my life, and the fact that I have to get up.

 

I'm fine when I'm on campus from 11am to 3:30pm. When I get home, I get a real bad headache and it feels like my brain is being squeezed or pressed down. I just get a very strong desire to sleep so I take a nap for an hour or so.

 

When I'm at home, I'm very sedentary, and I feel too drained to go to the gym or do a bike ride. I spend all my time online and playing video games.

 

The only thing I looked forward to was the dance classes that I go, though those are now over and I'm extremely bummed that I didn't even spend any time at all alone with a girl, and I have no prospects at all. I really wanted to make some progress with a girl this semester but I know that none of the girls I was interested care about me at all whatsoever.

 

I feel like I failed. I still want my ex back, though my primary emotion towards her now seems to be hatred.

 

My most common daily thought is, "I'm tired." Physically, mentally, emotionally. I just wish I could hibernate.

[lil hoodlum]

It is ok the feelings that you are experiencing. It really does take time to work out/through all of the emotions of rejection/ heart-ache.

 

You are not a failure.

 

You are experiencing something that everyone goes through at some point in time of their lives. There is nothing wrong with you.

 

Keep your chin up, you will get through this.

[Smilecharmer]

Hatred can take a lot out of you. Try to release the anger by doing some running or buy a punching bag as it sounds like you live in your mind and your past so you aren't physically wearing yourself down during the day. More excercise will help with your situational depression too. At some point, you have to make a conscious decision to let her and your past go so you can feel excited about tomorrow's possibilities. You are going to be ok.

[somedude81]

Hatred can take a lot out of you. Try to release the anger by doing some running or buy a punching bag as it sounds like you live in your mind and your past so you aren't physically wearing yourself down during the day. More excercise will help with your situational depression too. At some point, you have to make a conscious decision to let her and your past go so you can feel excited about tomorrow's possibilities. You are going to be ok.

OK, it makes a lot of sense when you say that hatred can take a lot out of you.

 

Somehow I forgot to mention that when I'm home, I randomly scream out her name her shouting I hate you and calling her every bad word I can think of.

 

Yeah, it's very draining. I don't want to be mad at her anymore. I want to move on.

 

I think I should get a punching bag, or something I can hit. I release my anger through acts of violence, which usually comes out by throwing things or hitting walls, or myself

 

Running, walks, bike rides just let my mind go wild and I get really angry.

 

Letting her go is proving to be very difficult. We started dating when I was 31 and she was my first and only GF. I hated being single so I basically feel that for my short time with her, six months, I was in heaven. Now I'm back to this sh*tty world that I don't want to be a part of.

 

I think my mind is rejecting this world which is why I'm so tired.

 

What sucks, is that right now I'm completely exhausted, but I can't fall asleep.

[somedude81]

It is ok the feelings that you are experiencing. It really does take time to work out/through all of the emotions of rejection/ heart-ache.

 

You are not a failure.

 

You are experiencing something that everyone goes through at some point in time of their lives. There is nothing wrong with you.

 

Keep your chin up, you will get through this.

I feel that I'm a failure because I wasn't able to keep her happy, or even see the signs that she wasn't happy.

 

I also feel like a failure that I haven't gotten any girls to like me since I've been dumped. I've met about 10 girls that I really would have liked to date, and I just wasn't able to make anything happen, the fact that six or so already had boyfriends didn't help

[Anela]

Did you ever try SAM-e for depression? You could try chamomile tea to help you sleep, as well - although, whenever I make it, I tend to finally fall asleep before drinking it.

[somedude81]

Did you ever try SAM-e for depression? You could try chamomile tea to help you sleep, as well - although, whenever I make it, I tend to finally fall asleep before drinking it.

My ex was the one to get me to start drinking Sleepy Time tea before bed I've always had issues with insomnia, even when I was dating her, but they've gotten substantially worse once she dumped me. I haven't had any tea in a while because it's been really hot in my apartment this past month. Though I just made a cup now.

 

I've never heard of SAM-e. I'll have to look into it. I'm generally against trying to medicate for depression because I know the real reason why I'm depressed; but at this point anything that can make me stop hating my life is worth a shot.

[Smilecharmer]

OK, it makes a lot of sense when you say that hatred can take a lot out of you.

 

Somehow I forgot to mention that when I'm home, I randomly scream out her name her shouting I hate you and calling her every bad word I can think of.

 

Yeah, it's very draining. I don't want to be mad at her anymore. I want to move on.

 

I think I should get a punching bag, or something I can hit. I release my anger through acts of violence, which usually comes out by throwing things or hitting walls, or myself

 

Running, walks, bike rides just let my mind go wild and I get really angry.

 

Letting her go is proving to be very difficult. We started dating when I was 31 and she was my first and only GF. I hated being single so I basically feel that for my short time with her, six months, I was in heaven. Now I'm back to this sh*tty world that I don't want to be a part of.

 

I think my mind is rejecting this world which is why I'm so tired.

 

What sucks, is that right now I'm completely exhausted, but I can't fall asleep.

 

As she has been your only gf since you were a late bloomer, it isn't any wonder you are having trouble letting go. The euphoria you felt at finally landing someone to share your life with is a big deal. Unfortunately, now that she is gone, you are only hurting yourself by not letting go of her. You know now that you have whatever it takes to get a gf and have a normal relationship so instead of focusing on her, focus on yourself and getting prepared when you meet someone new.

Please don't hit yourself anymore, you are self loathing because you are angry... I imagine you are blaming yourself, overthinking the situation with her trying to figure out what you did wrong, and it is exhausting to have your mind running like that all the time. Right now is a good time to show yourself some love, just because you don't have a gf doesn't mean you aren't worthy of having a happy life. 31 is very young and you might not believe this but most men don't even get married now until they are in their early thirties so you are doing fine just as you are...you don't need to prove anything, because you are a man who blossomed later than some but you are still right where they are as far as big life decisions....college, finding your spouse, thinking about your future.

Can you go to a doctor to see if you could get some time release sleeping pills just until you are through your situational depression? I don't normally tell people to get on sleeping medication, but I seem to recall from another of your posts that you are at university so you need your focus and rest.

Anger isn't unhealthy but if you aren't resting and your mind is still all over the place, it is time to reign it in and start focusing on you. You sound like a really nice guy so I hope everything gets easier for you soon. I hate not sleeping, it really is debilitating. Sorry I am not being very helpful.

[Els]

Lack of sleep makes everything worse, especially your mood. It's a bit of a catch-22, since feeling awful makes it harder to sleep, and when you don't sleep well, you feel even worse...

 

I think your first step should be trying to cut that vicious cycle short - ie prioritize sleep. Did you use to have sleep problems in the past? Or is it a relatively new thing?

[Itspointless]

... one thing that has not gone away is the feeling of exhaustion. My emotions feel like they are fried. All I want to do is sleep. [...] I didn't even spend any time at all alone with a girl, and I have no prospects at all. I really wanted to make some progress with a girl this semester but I know that none of the girls I was interested care about me at all whatsoever. [...] I feel like I failed. I still want my ex back

When I read this it sounds like you continuously beat yourself up because you do no meet the agenda you have set-up for yourself.

 

The other thing I wonder about, is this really about your ex? It sounds more like you are obsessed with the idea of 'having' a girl.

 

Yeah I miss being with someone too (sounds better to me than having). I do not understand why you think 'having a girl' would be better. Having some one, does not bring as a given that you will find love.

[somedude81]

As she has been your only gf since you were a late bloomer, it isn't any wonder you are having trouble letting go. The euphoria you felt at finally landing someone to share your life with is a big deal.

Euphoria. Such a great word.

 

Yes, that's exactly what I felt being with her. While things weren't perfect, they were infinitely better than they ever have been. It was also better than I ever imagined it could be.

 

Losing her practically sent me into shock.

 

Thank you for helping to clarify it for me.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, now that she is gone, you are only hurting yourself by not letting go of her. You know now that you have whatever it takes to get a gf and have a normal relationship so instead of focusing on her, focus on yourself and getting prepared when you meet someone new.

That I'm not so sure about.

 

I think I just got really lucky with her. She basically left her BF to be with me. I know that's not a reliable method of getting women to date me.

 

I've really been trying to meet women for the past two or three months, and it just hasn't worked out. Though I'm honestly not over my ex yet, and girls can probably tell that something is a bit off with me.

 

Please don't hit yourself anymore, you are self loathing because you are angry... I imagine you are blaming yourself, overthinking the situation with her trying to figure out what you did wrong, and it is exhausting to have your mind running like that all the time.

You are completely right.

 

Though not only am I blaming myself for what happened, I'm also angry at God for allowing it to happen. I'm also very angry at her for keeping her feelings of uncertainty to herself. But in the end, I'm constantly over-thinking what happened, and I have been since she dumped me on December 4th. The same type of thoughts over and over again non-stop.

 

So maybe the reason I'm always feeling so tired is because I'm overworking my brain. I actually do feel the worst when I'm at home by myself, because that's when I have plenty of time to think about what happened.

 

Hitting myself is a form of self-punishment. Yes I know that it's not healthy. I'm just grateful that I haven't got into cutting or something else that could really hurt myself. The hitting is usually limited to when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep. My mind is just so angry during that time. I still haven't adjusted to sleeping alone Having her in my bed was just so comforting. Everything was right with the world.

 

Right now is a good time to show yourself some love, just because you don't have a gf doesn't mean you aren't worthy of having a happy life. 31 is very young and you might not believe this but most men don't even get married now until they are in their early thirties so you are doing fine just as you are...you don't need to prove anything, because you are a man who blossomed later than some but you are still right where they are as far as big life decisions....college, finding your spouse, thinking about your future.

I completely agree with you that I need to show myself love.

 

The question is how. There is a battle going on inside of me, and the negative side is winning. This battle was going on long before I met my ex. When I started dating her, she joined the positive side and I was really starting to feel better. My depression was going away, I was sleeping better, I was happy even when I wasn't going to see her for a few days.

 

Now that she's gone, I feel that I'm more depressed than before I met her.

 

I know that I need to find happiness within myself and not from being with somebody. But it's just so hard to do. I think that being with her, and being happy because of that, even more convinced myself deep down that the only way to be happy is with a woman.

Can you go to a doctor to see if you could get some time release sleeping pills just until you are through your situational depression? I don't normally tell people to get on sleeping medication, but I seem to recall from another of your posts that you are at university so you need your focus and rest.

I'm currently not working, but I do qualify for the ObamaCare thing. I really need to look into that and see what I can do.

 

My mom has suggested that I do a sleep study. Maybe that combined with some medication can be the trick I need to start really sleeping.

 

Though I do believe that my problem is almost completely mental. I need to get my mind off of her, the failed relationship and my struggles with women.

 

 

Anger isn't unhealthy but if you aren't resting and your mind is still all over the place, it is time to reign it in and start focusing on you. You sound like a really nice guy so I hope everything gets easier for you soon. I hate not sleeping, it really is debilitating. Sorry I am not being very helpful.

For me, just realizing that you understand and trying to help is being helpful to me. The most important thing right now to me is believing that I matter and am worth something.

 

Thank you Smilecharmer

[AnyaNova]

*please forgive typos I'm on my. Ell phone*

 

I feel this way too sans the hate. I know that part of it for me is nutritional and trying to do graduate school with all these health things still to be ironed out. Though before a round of accidental glutenings from a single source I couldn't identify for a couple weeks, I thought I might have a shot at salvaging my career here, prow ably the better work I'm doing at this point won't be enough to save it, but I am pedaling as hard as I can to try.

 

If I'd known how sick I was going to get I wouldn't have started yet at all.

 

But yes. I'm burned out and tired. I'd really like to be with someone right now but still shy and still struggling in that regard.

 

I am missing the ex. And today if I am honest I want him back. The difference is I know it is t going to be happening, biut even despite the nutritional issues I still face, enough of my brain is back online that I know that I will heal and recover completely and I haven't really felt hat since October.

 

Just a thought. Everyone's advice seems good. But you might check with your doctor and make sure it's not nutritional. The first sign that my B12 dediciency was going into overdrive was overwhelming exhaustion that would hit between four in he afternoon and seven at night and I would have no choice but to sleep.

 

Take care and remember that research shows that practicing anger only increases it.

 

Perhaps look up some positive psychology techniques and are if you could sub in some of those when you feel the need to scream.

 

But I do feel you!!

 

It's been almost five months since I've been dumped, and while I'm generally feeling better, one thing that has not gone away is the feeling of exhaustion. My emotions feel like they are fried. All I want to do is sleep.

 

Every night my sleep is very poor and I wake up at 3 or 4 am, I'm in bed at 12. When I wake up from insomnia, I won't fall back to sleep if I stay in bed, so I use my computer for an hour or so, then it's back to bed around 4:30-5 am. Then I wake up for real around 8:30 with a headache and a slight feeling of anger. Mad at the world, hating my life, and the fact that I have to get up.

 

I'm fine when I'm on campus from 11am to 3:30pm. When I get home, I get a real bad headache and it feels like my brain is being squeezed or pressed down. I just get a very strong desire to sleep so I take a nap for an hour or so.

 

When I'm at home, I'm very sedentary, and I feel too drained to go to the gym or do a bike ride. I spend all my time online and playing video games.

 

The only thing I looked forward to was the dance classes that I go, though those are now over and I'm extremely bummed that I didn't even spend any time at all alone with a girl, and I have no prospects at all. I really wanted to make some progress with a girl this semester but I know that none of the girls I was interested care about me at all whatsoever.

 

I feel like I failed. I still want my ex back, though my primary emotion towards her now seems to be hatred.

 

My most common daily thought is, "I'm tired." Physically, mentally, emotionally. I just wish I could hibernate.

[Smilecharmer]

Oh, somedude, you are worth something. I just joined here not too long ago but I have been lurking here reading and you seem like such a wonderful person, full of doubt but still here trying to figure it all out. We all go through that time when we aren't sure if we will get what we need. Afraid that because of our internal stuff we might not ever get the love and companionship we need.

I had a very chaotic childhood so I didn't trust anyone. I was also very beautiful so I felt men only wanted me for sex or as a trophy. I pushed everyone away, untrusting and thinking this is my life to be eternally alone because I wanted something calm, something stable with someone I could respect and who could deal with my baggage of being from a neglectful and abusive childhood home. I thought no marriage, no one to be with, so I will just date to have fun and not get serious and I will learn to live with it because that is just my fate, it is just the way the world works. I can't be a prize to some man or not be taken seriously or treated like a cute dumb blonde. I won't be with someone who likes drama or doesn't know how to be nice to me. There, I know exactly what you mean, I thought I was destined to be alone. I could get men but they weren't men I could like or respect so I felt all alone anyway.

So, I did what I could to figure out how to fix me from all those years of neglect and abuse and it is still a work in progress but I was adamant that I was going to prepare myself to receive love anyway. I focused on getting out of that home, graduated early and was emancipated due to the abuse. I went to uni, had a great time, felt very angry at God for my childhood, felt lost and confused but kept trying to learn everything I could and have some normal experiences. I drank too much, I hurt people because of my distrust and anger and made many mistakes but I kept going thinking I must have some worth. I must because I want so much to be loved and safe.

It happened for me when I least expected it when I was visiting my sister after graduation from college. He was beautiful and perfect, never thought he would love and want me and he made me terrified so I ran from him and he kept chasing and holding me still and assuring me and sometimes to this day, he has to do the same thing. So I know about anger and depression and not feeling worthy. But we are worthy and when I am reflected in his loving eyes, I am just enough. I healed over time and with much help, and now I am not depressed or angry or running away and I learned what trust means.

I hope I didn't over share or make you feel uncomfortable, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in how you feel. We all have something, and we all are worthy of love if we are open and willing to give love. You sound like you are loving and so be prepared for when she comes....they do come even if we aren't ready for them but it is much easier if we are. Be ready, have your education and your self esteem where you want them and live purposely...make yourself the best somedude you can so she will be attracted to your openness to love her.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Smilecharmer

[STM206]

I started Sam-E about a month and 1/2 ago and feel a difference in my mood/depression. It's costly but it's been a lifesaver... While I'm still sad, I'm not feeling hopeless. It's worth a try!

 

The lack of sleep never helps one bit, it only adds to the negative mood that you're already in. Perhaps see about getting on a sleep aid (at least for the time being) and get some rest.

[clia]

It's been almost five months since I've been dumped, and while I'm generally feeling better, one thing that has not gone away is the feeling of exhaustion. My emotions feel like they are fried. All I want to do is sleep.

 

Every night my sleep is very poor and I wake up at 3 or 4 am, I'm in bed at 12. When I wake up from insomnia, I won't fall back to sleep if I stay in bed, so I use my computer for an hour or so, then it's back to bed around 4:30-5 am. Then I wake up for real around 8:30 with a headache and a slight feeling of anger. Mad at the world, hating my life, and the fact that I have to get up.

 

I'm fine when I'm on campus from 11am to 3:30pm. When I get home, I get a real bad headache and it feels like my brain is being squeezed or pressed down. I just get a very strong desire to sleep so I take a nap for an hour or so.

 

When I'm at home, I'm very sedentary, and I feel too drained to go to the gym or do a bike ride. I spend all my time online and playing video games.

 

The only thing I looked forward to was the dance classes that I go, though those are now over and I'm extremely bummed that I didn't even spend any time at all alone with a girl, and I have no prospects at all. I really wanted to make some progress with a girl this semester but I know that none of the girls I was interested care about me at all whatsoever.

 

I feel like I failed. I still want my ex back, though my primary emotion towards her now seems to be hatred.

 

My most common daily thought is, "I'm tired." Physically, mentally, emotionally. I just wish I could hibernate.

 

I don't blame you for feeling depressed; this sounds depressing. All you do is sleep, go to class, play video games and spend time online.

 

I think it would help you a lot of you just kept yourself busy doing something. Take more classes. Get a job. Set some fun goals for yourself -- visit a different beach community every weekend. Try a new restaurant every week. Go to the movies. Read a new book a week. Catch up on TV shows you haven't seen. Learn something you've always wanted to learn about. Visit a bunch of local breweries or vineyards. Go to all the amusement parks in the area. Whatever. When you aren't busy, you have nothing to do but think about her and your relationship. You need other things in your life.

 

Also, being tired is kind of a vicious cycle. You feel too tired to exercise so you don't do it, but exercise actually gives you more energy. You have to force yourself to exercise. Sign up for spin class or cross fit. Buy P90X or Insanity and do one of those. Exercise will also help you sleep better. Also watch your diet. A crappy diet makes you feel crappy. Try eating clean. Stop napping in the middle of the day. That's probably part of the reason why you are waking up in the middle of the night. Get yourself on a schedule and stick to it.

 

I want to be like Cher in the movie Moonstruck, and whack you across the face...SNAP OUT OF IT!

[KungFuJoe]

Why are you angry at your ex? What did she do other than give you 6 months of her time and life?

 

Did she cheat on you? Use you? Treat you badly?

[AnyaNova]

Why are you angry at your ex? What did she do other than give you 6 months of her time and life?

 

Did she cheat on you? Use you? Treat you badly?

 

Even if she didn't, I think it can be natural to feel some anger towards the ex when a relationship disintegrates.

[somedude81]

Oh, somedude, you are worth something. I just joined here not too long ago but I have been lurking here reading and you seem like such a wonderful person, full of doubt but still here trying to figure it all out. We all go through that time when we aren't sure if we will get what we need. Afraid that because of our internal stuff we might not ever get the love and companionship we need.

I had a very chaotic childhood so I didn't trust anyone. I was also very beautiful so I felt men only wanted me for sex or as a trophy. I pushed everyone away, untrusting and thinking this is my life to be eternally alone because I wanted something calm, something stable with someone I could respect and who could deal with my baggage of being from a neglectful and abusive childhood home. I thought no marriage, no one to be with, so I will just date to have fun and not get serious and I will learn to live with it because that is just my fate, it is just the way the world works. I can't be a prize to some man or not be taken seriously or treated like a cute dumb blonde. I won't be with someone who likes drama or doesn't know how to be nice to me. There, I know exactly what you mean, I thought I was destined to be alone. I could get men but they weren't men I could like or respect so I felt all alone anyway.

So, I did what I could to figure out how to fix me from all those years of neglect and abuse and it is still a work in progress but I was adamant that I was going to prepare myself to receive love anyway. I focused on getting out of that home, graduated early and was emancipated due to the abuse. I went to uni, had a great time, felt very angry at God for my childhood, felt lost and confused but kept trying to learn everything I could and have some normal experiences. I drank too much, I hurt people because of my distrust and anger and made many mistakes but I kept going thinking I must have some worth. I must because I want so much to be loved and safe.

It happened for me when I least expected it when I was visiting my sister after graduation from college. He was beautiful and perfect, never thought he would love and want me and he made me terrified so I ran from him and he kept chasing and holding me still and assuring me and sometimes to this day, he has to do the same thing. So I know about anger and depression and not feeling worthy. But we are worthy and when I am reflected in his loving eyes, I am just enough. I healed over time and with much help, and now I am not depressed or angry or running away and I learned what trust means.

I hope I didn't over share or make you feel uncomfortable, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in how you feel. We all have something, and we all are worthy of love if we are open and willing to give love. You sound like you are loving and so be prepared for when she comes....they do come even if we aren't ready for them but it is much easier if we are. Be ready, have your education and your self esteem where you want them and live purposely...make yourself the best somedude you can so she will be attracted to your openness to love her.

It's great that you didn't give up. It's so hard to fight that feeling of wanting to quit.

 

Still I'm jealous that I've never got to feel what it was like to be wanted. I can't ever imagine that a woman would ever chase me. That's just not my reality.

[somedude81]

Why are you angry at your ex? What did she do other than give you 6 months of her time and life?

 

Did she cheat on you? Use you? Treat you badly?

She suddenly dumped me without talking to me about her feelings, or even giving me any signs that she was unhappy. I had absolutely no chance at all to work on the relationship.

 

Not only did she keep her feelings to herself, she actually lied to me and pretended that things between us were OK. She let me go on a week and a half vacation leaving her behind when she was unsure about her feelings.

 

She made plans to stay a couple of days at my apartment when she actually knew that she was going to break up with me right after she came over. She brought her overnight bag packed with clothes to make it seem like everything was OK so that I "wouldn't freak out" when I saw that she came over without her bag, which would make me ask what was going on.

 

She completely refused to see me in person or even talk on the phone after she dumped me.

 

She tried to put the blame on me, and make me into the bad guy, because I was "bugging her" with my questions trying to figure out why she dumped me.

 

Why am I angry at her?

 

Lies, deception, keeping her feelings to herself, not even trying to work on the relationship, refusing to see me, and completely unwilling to try to reconcile.

 

The way she acted was as if I had cheated on her or did something equally as bad to her. Of course I didn't do anything at all remotely negative or disrespect her in anyway whatsoever during the entire relationship.

 

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if she did in fact cheat on me. The way she acted the last week of the relationship was completely out of character for her.

 

I had absolutely no clue whatsoever that there was something wrong with my relationship and she dumped me out of nowhere. She completely shocked me. I was absolutely not prepared.

 

What bugs me so much, is that the week and a half trip to my dad's was the first time we went a week without seeing each other since we became official and the whole entire time I was gone I was telling my family about her, bragging about what a great girlfriend I had. I was really missing her. I was so much looking forward to seeing her again when I got back. After we talked about how each of us spent the Thanksgiving week, I started to initiate foreplay, then she stopped me to talk about her feelings. And I never saw her again.

 

I can't imagine anybody being OK with that situation.

Edited April 25, 2014 by somedude81

[KaliLove]

It's great that you didn't give up. It's so hard to fight that feeling of wanting to quit.

 

Still I'm jealous that I've never got to feel what it was like to be wanted. I can't ever imagine that a woman would ever chase me. That's just not my reality.

 

What makes you say that?

[somedude81]

What makes you say that?

Because it's never happened to me.

 

It seems like the twilight zone for me to keep rejecting a girl and she keeps trying.

 

Heck, I can't even remember the last time I rejected somebody.

 

I've never felt desired. And the one girl who ever really liked me, now treats me like she hates me.

[KaliLove]

Well those sound like deeper issues than just your ex.

 

I've never felt desired either, even when I have been..but that has to do with some truly effed up childhood issues and it's not really true. How about you? Could that be the case?

[AnyaNova]

She suddenly dumped me without talking to me about her feelings, or even giving me any signs that she was unhappy. I had absolutely no chance at all to work on the relationship.

 

Not only did she keep her feelings to herself, she actually lied to me and pretended that things between us were OK. She let me go on a week and a half vacation leaving her behind when she was unsure about her feelings.

 

She made plans to stay a couple of days at my apartment when she actually knew that she was going to break up with me right after she came over. She brought her overnight bag packed with clothes to make it seem like everything was OK so that I "wouldn't freak out" when I saw that she came over without her bag, which would make me ask what was going on.

 

She completely refused to see me in person or even talk on the phone after she dumped me.

 

She tried to put the blame on me, and make me into the bad guy, because I was "bugging her" with my questions trying to figure out why she dumped me.

 

Why am I angry at her?

 

Lies, deception, keeping her feelings to herself, not even trying to work on the relationship, refusing to see me, and completely unwilling to try to reconcile.

 

The way she acted was as if I had cheated on her or did something equally as bad to her. Of course I didn't do anything at all remotely negative or disrespect her in anyway whatsoever during the entire relationship.

 

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if she did in fact cheat on me. The way she acted the last week of the relationship was completely out of character for her.

 

I had absolutely no clue whatsoever that there was something wrong with my relationship and she dumped me out of nowhere. She completely shocked me. I was absolutely not prepared.

 

What bugs me so much, is that the week and a half trip to my dad's was the first time we went a week without seeing each other since we became official and the whole entire time I was gone I was telling my family about her, bragging about what a great girlfriend I had. I was really missing her. I was so much looking forward to seeing her again when I got back. After we talked about how each of us spent the Thanksgiving week, I started to initiate foreplay, then she stopped me to talk about her feelings. And I never saw her again.

 

I can't imagine anybody being OK with that situation.

 

Man that brings back memories.

 

My ex, we'd planned that Ed come over to my place and he's being the three stooges to watch (I hadn't gotten into them much and had just discovered there were far more brains to their comedy than I thought).

 

I knew something was terribly deeply sparing when he brought over Family guy instead. I don't know how I knew, but I did.

 

That was he day he broke up with me and the day I should have started NC, where getting over him would have been so much easier because he left cold.

 

I'm sorry. She what?

 

She's breaking up wih you.

 

You're ALLoWED to freak out. She'd probably be insulted if you didn't.

 

How selfish of her. "I going to devastate you emotionally, but I don't want you to freak out, have actual feelings, and make me feel bad."

 

I think that is why I talked myself out of dumping him that many times. Because I knew it would hurt him. And I knew myself well enough to know that I could not impede on him or his own needs to express his hurt in that situation and I took it seriously and wouldn't do it unless I as at least 200 percen sure.

 

But I'm sorry. She doesn't get the right to try and keep you from feeling your feelings in her presence while she breaks up with you!

[STM206]

It's exhausting but it's also crucial.

 

Relationships are 50/50, until you break up - then it becomes 60/40. 60 goes to you for putting up a fight to preserve what you had and 40 goes to them for simply being a quitter.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that you have "feelings" just shows that you're a human being worthy of finding someone to give you the same in return.

 

Dumping someone should be taken with caution, but most don't do so. Once they've emotionally checked out, it becomes all about them, they don't feel like they owe you anything and usually have no problem leaving you in shambles while they skip their way out the door to "find themselves" or better yet, move on to the person waiting in the sidelines.

 

You have heart, embrace it.

[whirl3daway]

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