Has NC caused problems ?

[roger136913]

What I mean to say, Has anyone here received a call, text, or email about wanting to get back together?

 

Has anyone had a fresh chance with the past being the past, you talked it out only forward to have it work?

If I got such a request, I would crawl across the Country to have a shot.

 

Yes I still Love my Wife before during and after my affair, after her affair, after EA, and her other affair.

 

Now to be fair the first one hurt real bad. The EA I did not consider it the end, the last one, hurt. They all broke my heart but I think over time I want to say I know part of the reason.

Her hysterectomy was Dec 1 month later she was different, 2 months later she had the EA, I stopped it as I knew him.

The EA was 2 weeks old, He had her believing he was leaving his Wife.

By May she was back to her self. I treated her with kids gloves, she opened up a bit then back to her old.

 

Dec 2011 she had another affair with a co-worker. May she was back to her self.

Dec 2013, 5 days after we celebrate our 24th anniv, she again went into the Fog. In between then till she moved out we were very civil. Slept together,sex the night before she moved. After that it's leave me alone. Push on with our own lives.

 

Now I personal think her hormones get imbalanced as she won't use the patch. She was on a very low dosage .10. I told the Doc We both did as she noticed the changes a bit.

She seems deeply hurt from me telling her I didn't love her. She keeps bringing it up. I know it hurt her now more so then ever. Did I hurt her mentally somehow? I did real bad

So yea if I had a fair and honest chance, no past after it's talked over, add therapy both separate and singular. It would be like going back in time and stopping the chain reaction.

[Mr.Pine]

Yes I still Love my Wife before during and after my affair, after her affair, after EA, and her other affair.

 

Brother, that's a lot of affairs. I think perhaps it's time to forget about reconciling and begin healing and moving on.

 

None of what you wrote sounds healthy or sane.

 

My head is still spinning trying to follow the insanity.

[AnyaNova]

I'm agreeing with Mr. Pine.

 

I can't say that I am thrilled at the lack of NC between me and my ex, or that we can't be friends (which I really don't get, but oh well), but in your case I think NC is the best solution.

 

That is way too many affairs and disasters for one relationship to truly cope with. Time to heal, move on, figure out how to stop yourself from cheating (and only then!!!) find someone new.

[smileforelena]

i think you should concentrate on healing and just figuring you first. i believe that marriage is a deep union between two people and if both choose to work on reconciling then it should be given a chance. but at the same time for it to be a real reconciliation everyone involved must do the work and figure out themselves before they try and figure each other and their relationship. if you want a different outcome for the relationship roger then you need a different approach a different way of doing things. you cannot expect for things to change if you just do the same thing you have always been doing and this goes for her too.

I think NC is a good start to figure yourself out. ask yourself why you see the events in your marriage the way you do. even though you have been taking all the blame fand considereing all she has done as just reactions to what you did it doesnt look like it helped the relationship because from there it just became more dysfunctional. So in my opinion you should leave the thought of reconciling with her for now and reconcile with yourself first.

[roger136913]

I agree there is a lot there, but if you could start back at zero??

 

Yea I think the reconcile should come from her. I wrote this topic yesterday. I was in a bad spot, now I look back at it and wonder why I started it.

 

I just thought out there somewhere, it's had to have worked.

 

I don't know the divorce rate ( afraid to look)....

 

Thanks for the replies..

[aMguilts]

wow!!

 

 

I`m just catching up on ALL the threads you`ve posted

there Is a reason why she had so many affairs?

maybe your bridge wasn`t big enough?

 

 

aM

[learning_slowly]

My ex wanted to be my friend, but I didn't see that as a good thing. I might have even got her back if I had. But I would have always been on her leash, jumping to her whim. As you appear to be.

 

I had an affair before because it was easier than deal with the problems. But once I did, I knew I had to either try and fix the problems or move on.

 

Your wife has done it multiple times and therefore i feel its probably unfix-able from her side. I think you feel you owe her, but really do you?

 

Its your life and your decisions, but if it was me I'd jump ship.

 

I'm sure its not as simple as I've made out, but you only have one life (which I forget and dwell on unhelpful thoughts too much, so why shouldn't you?), so do yourself a favour, be more selfish.

 

Good luck

[roger136913]

Just trying to make sense of it, Her other affairs occurred after the operation, When you was on the hormone patches she was fine.

 

I could set a watch from the time Dec to May. Her friend calls it winter depression, he she said the operation she changed.

 

If this is the case, it would explain a lot of crap

[learning_slowly]

I don't think everything always makes sense

You just need to think more about you. Imagine you were your best friend giving you advice. What would you tell him?

[roger136913]

learning

 

I spoke to her ex GF she worked with and she said ever since the hysto she went batty.

The x GF says she will be back she just needs time...Made a bet she said 2 months it's been 6 weeks told her I wanted what I won she said trust me ????

 

She knows things my wife did, I never pressed her as I- have become friends with her and her hubby. They had a fall out 5 years ago.....

 

Every time I think more and more guilt weighs me down. WTF??? Since she left it gets harder each day not better. I am going on day 3 of little or no sleep my head won't stop thinking. I am only on day 9 don't think I can go another week of this crap......