Jump to content

Did you need to plan deleting all instances of your ex?


learning_slowly

Recommended Posts

learning_slowly

I need to delete her everywhere. All emails and all photos etc.

I can imagine this will be stressful, as I will have to check emails with attachments to make sure I'm not deleting other things.

 

Did you just do it and deal with the aftermath or plan on doing it, so you knew people would be around you after?

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeartinPain

Don't self torture yourself. Just delete and move on. You are not doing yourself any favors re-reading old emails or stumbling upon old photos.

 

I don't go through old emails nor do I have a desire to. I did block on Gchat a few days after the BU. With pictures, I just put them all in a folder and tucked it away into another folder. I unfriended from facebook and deleted his phone number 7 months post BU.

 

My breakup was a really bad one. I have no regrets and I really wish I did the whole process of deleting the ex from my life sooner.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I mostly got rid of everything, though I left myself his contact info buried in a gmail folder and a couple of emails. Depending on my folder size, I probably still have all of our conversations on okcupid.

 

I should probably get rid of those, I haven't looked at them in eons. Perhaps I might print up a few and hide them in a folder in a buried box in the back of my closet. I probably will do this because it has griped me a little that I have absolutely no physical proof or anything from him that proves that he was actually in my life.

 

Perhaps that should have been a clue.

 

For a smart woman I can be pretty dumb in relationships. But it is certainly time to move on. He's moved on clearly and long ago in whatever way he was able to.

 

But yeah. If you need to, do it. Don't worry about a plan. Just make sure that you know that you have a friend that you can call after you do it and after you have the freakout.

 

I'm giving it a week. I don't know why. But in a week if I haven't heard anything from him I am deleting everything including his contact info and his address from my maps on my phone (just never got around to it, I'm sure its still in there not sure how I'd get rid of it).

 

I believe I'll do it on a Friday.

 

And then I'll be here and calling friends freaking out. Because that will be the last absolute sign that it is over and no hope of even a small friendship.

 

Yay. (read that in a sarcastic and underwhelmed tone).

 

I am just about sure that I processed as much about the breakup and relational end as I could during the vitamin deficiency and its cognitive impairment and emotional screwery.

 

Now I really get to finish it.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
learning_slowly

Thanks for the advice. I'll do it when I have someone to talk to, who can put up with it. I try not to annoy people with it really. I just wish I could cry about it more like everybody else seems to. Instead it's more of a lethargic numbness.

 

I think it's best to get rid of everything though, as who am I going to want to show it to? And keeping photos in a folder will always allow myself to venture into that pain.

 

Funny thing is, all the photos I had were just of her and hers were of us together. Don't think it means anything, but I made the observation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The ancient Romans called it "damnatio memoriae" or something like that, and it usually worked well until modern archeology came along. If you really want to keep something then put it in a .zip file and place it in a deep folder in Google Drive. Just my $0.02...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
smileforelena

this post made me do a guilty smile...i deleted everything the week after BU. and the whole thing continued...i gave away most of the things he gave me too. but it took me more than 4 months to delete a pic of us when we just got together...like anya i was thinking i needed something to prove that he was in my life...then after looking at it for a while i realized i dont need a pic to prove that he was...he broke my heart!!! thats all the proof needed. and as much as i want to deny him the spot he is in my history books. but what to do. its a good thing im not really a fanatic for history.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeartinPain
The ancient Romans called it "damnatio memoriae" or something like that, and it usually worked well until modern archeology came along....

 

I love this! Thanks for sharing that piece of information!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just moved things with her in them to another location where I won't accidentally stumble into.

 

All of my pictures of her were organized so I didn't have to go digging around to find things.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I felt the same as Anya & Elena. I kept almost everything for a couple of years after. The photos on my pc were the last to go. For proof to me, to him, & to possibly show the girl he left me for someday. Just in case.

All they were doing was making me re-live the past anytime I looked at them & keeping me from truly moving on.

 

The aftermath of not having that stuff really isn't difficult, the act of letting go is what's tough.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
learning_slowly

Cool, so to speed my heal ( if possible) up, I think it's better to delete them sooner. Thanks

 

Maybe today or tomorrow then. Tough though.

 

I just saw my 2 rabbits lazing in the sun. Life has it's ups too :)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Summerrose2013

I'm going through the same dilemna. I've started the process but have only been able to do it in bits and pieces. I'm chucking some, keeping some (hidden) until I'm ready to make non emotional decisions. I'm not rushing into anything I may regret later BUT I do need closure. I did take down a photo of him (and yes I did scratch his face out and that of his awful child - demonize me for this if you will but it's all about making ME feel better now and they will never know I did this.)

Things like the really nice radio he bought me...I gave it away then regretted it (got it back now). It reminded me that he did care about me for a milisecond. But it's just STUFF and actually it no longer reminds me of him. Photos are harder. But do HIDE them. You don't need to stumble on this stuff when you're having a good day and not thinking about the schmuck.

I'm struggling with texts. I've got a years worth, the good and the bad. I want to take them off my phone and store them somewhere else. Only then can I delete his phone number. Luckily I don't drink so NO drunk texting....!

Link to post
Share on other sites
roger136913

From the point of NC, how long does one wait on average?

 

I know the longer the time together plays a factor in it, but how does one delete 28 years of Pics ???

 

Summerrose2013

 

I have that blank feeling also. A sense of worthlessness, but my biggest problem is I don't know how to take care of my self after all these years. Before it was thinking for 2 now it's 1 and I don't know how to do it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Get rid of as much as you can. If need be put them in a sack with those kittens they didn`t want for xmas, find a bridge and drop them in.

 

Kidding about the kittens.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
learning_slowly
From the point of NC, how long does one wait on average?

 

I know the longer the time together plays a factor in it, but how does one delete 28 years of Pics ???

 

Summerrose2013

 

I have that blank feeling also. A sense of worthlessness, but my biggest problem is I don't know how to take care of my self after all these years. Before it was thinking for 2 now it's 1 and I don't know how to do it.

 

Wow 28 years, I have no reason to complain.

 

I deleted the emails reading tons of them, I was crying constantly as I did it. Do I feel better? I don't know - I feel a bit better , but that maybe because of the crying. I also sent a mail saying I had done it and I was sorry for the part I played.

 

Stupid I know, but it felt like the thing to do, so she knew she could move on and not have to think about me.

 

Not sure I can manage the photos today, but feel like I'm wasting time if I don't?

Crying is therapy. My head feels a little clearer.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
learning_slowly

So I deleted all the photos and her number.

 

That was easier than the emails as it was not her personality, which is what I was really in love with.

 

Feel weirdly empty now!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was with a woman for 14 years and had 3 children with her. We were separated for 3 of those 14 years, and then finally finalized the divorce. During those 3 years, we were both still sort of holding on to each other.

 

Once we filed, I cut off all contact other than texts and emails (co-parenting, so we still have to communicate a lot). Then, every artifact of our relationship that we had that was 'ours', I gave back to her. The few things that she gave me or wrote for me, the handful of pics that I still had....I took them outside and burned them. Obviously, I can't delete her contact info, but I changed her name in my contacts back to her maiden name.

 

All of those things were huge in letting go. It was hard to burn all of that stuff, and it was sad at the time, but I felt so much better afterward.

 

The only artifact of her that I have is a pic of her when she was pregnant with our first child. It's a beautiful picture. I don't look at it, but I have it stashed away.

Link to post
Share on other sites
roger136913

Ronald

 

I can't imagine the pain you carried those years.

 

Six weeks into it and I am lost....I have 37 gigs of pics...I would say about 6 gigs have her in them. I look at some each day to remind me of what I had and hope to get back.

We spent 28 years together and I can't get rid of them, not yet at least.

 

I know people have said they felt better getting rid of them, but there must be pain also..?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
learning_slowly

I only had 5 years and I have a nagging pain of the loss of love. So little compared to the breakup of a family and the loss off a life long companion.

I wish you well. At least I don't require contact after.

 

I have so much respect for your determination to find a new life for yourselves.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cool, so to speed my heal ( if possible) up, I think it's better to delete them sooner. Thanks

 

Maybe today or tomorrow then. Tough though.

 

I just saw my 2 rabbits lazing in the sun. Life has it's ups too :)

 

My beautiful kitty cat is curled up purring in my lap as I type this at my desk. :-)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...