Milen Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 ...and you're still single? It has been a year since my bf of 3 years, now ex, dumped me, and I've been doing fine until recently when I found out he's dating someone new. I choose not to be involved with anyone right now because I'm still working on repairing my self-esteem before I date again, and he's already onto his second relationship since the breakup. Deep down I believe what I'm doing is right, by not rushing into relationships if Im not ready, but I can't help but to feel competitive when it comes to him. He was the one who lied and cheated and yet he's getting everything he wants in life.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cpbr Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 He is not. If he did, he would still be wtih the girl he was with before. How you see it is not always how it is. You should be proud of yourself, he is the one who is now swapping chicks every few months. He is not the one working on himself; you are. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Also if you felt anything for him, try to forgive him. Hopefully he is happy and you can forget about him knowing that. Being bitter and wondering about them has always caused the process to take longer for me in the past. I hope it gets better for you soon. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 ...and you're still single? It has been a year since my bf of 3 years, now ex, dumped me, and I've been doing fine until recently when I found out he's dating someone new. I choose not to be involved with anyone right now because I'm still working on repairing my self-esteem before I date again, and he's already onto his second relationship since the breakup. Deep down I believe what I'm doing is right, by not rushing into relationships if Im not ready, but I can't help but to feel competitive when it comes to him. He was the one who lied and cheated and yet he's getting everything he wants in life.. so... you feel pathetic because your ex has someone new to lie to and cheat on and that person is not you? posts like this prove that it doesn't really pay to be a nice guy, it's the loyal guys that get left out in the cold while the cheating, lying guys have all the girls pining for them, go figure.... why do women always say "I want a nice, loyal, caring, hard working, smart man" when what they really want is a man who is sexy, has more ladies than he can handle, good in bed (with two women) and has a six pack?? wise up ladies, that's all I have to say!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 so... you feel pathetic because your ex has someone new to lie to and cheat on and that person is not you? posts like this prove that it doesn't really pay to be a nice guy, it's the loyal guys that get left out in the cold while the cheating, lying guys have all the girls pining for them, go figure.... why do women always say "I want a nice, loyal, caring, hard working, smart man" when what they really want is a man who is sexy, has more ladies than he can handle, good in bed (with two women) and has a six pack?? wise up ladies, that's all I have to say!! It's easy to get frustrated at what you see as an injustice. Maybe this man was born richer and is better looking than you? Who cares, hes not the important one here, but the person who is hurting. Why not try to help her rather than having a personal rant. I have found by helping yourself you will become more powerful and in turn more attractive to women. I didn't make the rules, I 'm trying to give you guidance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stronger14 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Yes it sucks when you find out your ex is with someone else. It hurts, it's a dagger to the heart, and you are left feeling jealous, angry, sad, etc. However, there are a few things that you need to do ASAP: 1. Cut the source of information about what your ex is up to. If a mutual friend is telling you about your exes new relationship, tell them to stop. If you found out from your ex, go nc. If you found out through Fb or some other social media, delete them and go complete nc. Z 2. Realize that this may have been a good thing. Your ex was bound to start dating someone else sooner or later, just as you are. The fact that they are with someone else actually sped up the moving on process for me. How can you possibly take someone back after they've been with someone else? This should make you no longer want to get them back, and crush any hope. That's important to fully move on. 3. Turn the focus back on yourself. Now that they are with someone else, you gain nothing from focusing on your ex and their new relationship. F.uck them, they don't know what they're missing, so stop thinking about them 4. Prepare yourself to find someone new. This can include physical actions such as going to the gym and getting fit, learning how to attract and talk to the opposite sex, mentally prepare, etc. take as much time as you need with this step. 5. Get out there and date. Your ex did, and so should you. You deserve better, you deserve to be happy. You are important. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 No, I wouldn't feel bad. We all have our own lives and each of us goes their way at a different pace. For example, a friend of mine was devastated when her boyfriend of 2 years left her. Didn't do anything regarding finding a new partner for months when she randomly met a guy at a party and he became her next BF. Turned out he was a b!tch and they broke up 5 weeks later. 2 weeks from that she found her next boyfriend (also randomly) and they've been a couple for months now and are happy with each other, despite her very own concerns at the start of the relationship because she'd found "another one" so quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 He is her problem now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I don't know. My ex who lives in a different town has been brilliant at the no contact thing. However, I think it is quite possible that I would. But try not to. Try to focus on yourself. Try to focus on how you deserve someone who treats you right and doesn't cheat on you. And how you no longer have to deal with the stress, headaches, that gawdawful feeling in the pit of your stomach when you correctly suspect that he is cheating on you. Let's do this exercise together. I read about this online and am going to try it. Let's both imagine in detail what our next partner will look like (not physically, I mean, you can if you want) but what they will be like, how they will treat you, how you will treat them and how you will be together. And imagine in vivid detail. It is much easier to let go, the author pointed out, when you have an idea of what you have to look forward to next! Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 wow. same story. broke up 10 mo ago after 3 year relationship. reached out last week to wish him happy bday to only find out he says he recently started dating. WHAT????? At first, it devastated me to think about him kissing someone else and taking them to dinner and holding her hand, but he had told me that he since our breakup he is not the same person he used to be. His heart has hardened since then. Now I just have to look at it this way. The new girl is not getting the same man I had. Thats a shame because with me he told me that he never showed so much affection to anyone in his life. That included his wife. My assumptions is that he is still hurt by our breakup even if he acts like a d**k and will be way more cautious with his feelings and affection. That helps me. Im with you in not dating. I went on 3 dates in 10 months. Ugh. Horrible. I just recently did OLD and It sucks too. Im not a perfect 10 in looks and body so I guess I get picked over. lol. In time we will find the one to be able to move on with as well. Dont let this get you down. He is probably dating just to have fun and it is not with his heart. You had that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milen Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 I'd like to thank everyone for your advice and comforting words. I don't know what I was thinking last night to feel like that, but I'm fine now that I'm thinking clearly. so... you feel pathetic because your ex has someone new to lie to and cheat on and that person is not you? posts like this prove that it doesn't really pay to be a nice guy, it's the loyal guys that get left out in the cold while the cheating, lying guys have all the girls pining for them, go figure.... why do women always say "I want a nice, loyal, caring, hard working, smart man" when what they really want is a man who is sexy, has more ladies than he can handle, good in bed (with two women) and has a six pack?? wise up ladies, that's all I have to say!! You got it wrong. Yes I did feel pathetic that I'm still single and he has someone else, but no that doesn't mean I still have feelings for him, nor does it mean I don't appreciate nice guys. Him appearing to be a "nice guy" was the main reason why I even gave him a chance in the beginning. I would never, ever go back to someone like him, now knowing what kind of "nice guy" he really is. All I stated was that I can't believe a guy who treats women poorly can get relationships so easily, while people like me who are loyal can't seem to get it right. Link to post Share on other sites
smileforelena Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 2. Realize that this may have been a good thing. Your ex was bound to start dating someone else sooner or later, just as you are. The fact that they are with someone else actually sped up the moving on process for me. How can you possibly take someone back after they've been with someone else? This should make you no longer want to get them back, and crush any hope. That's important to fully move on. . I must say not that I did not think about this I probably did but I just wouldnt listen to my mind..It is true that after the initial hurt and pain and disappointment of knowing that the ex is in a new relationship this knowledge can be used to CRUSH any hope (slim, tiny, a dot, minute, etc)..itll be one of the most painful thing you have to accept but it can really help to finally just give up all hope in getting back with the ex... we deserve better than breadcrumbs or leftovers.. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I must say not that I did not think about this I probably did but I just wouldnt listen to my mind..It is true that after the initial hurt and pain and disappointment of knowing that the ex is in a new relationship this knowledge can be used to CRUSH any hope (slim, tiny, a dot, minute, etc)..itll be one of the most painful thing you have to accept but it can really help to finally just give up all hope in getting back with the ex... we deserve better than breadcrumbs or leftovers.. I don't think it always kills hope. My ex started dating somebody else (without my knowledge) after we had split, but then chose to sleep with me (forced the issue), but has now chosen him. The only way to kill hope is for you to want something better. The problem is when you are hurting, it's hard to see better exists, as your ex seems better than the pain. So unless we are mentally strong at the time, which a lot of us aren't, the breadcrumbs appeal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yes it does, especially when you've been left for someone else. However it makes you realize that they aren't as amazing as you once thought they were. I hope to find someone one day that will stick with me... To find a partnership that will exceed the material things in life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Yeah, I felt pretty **** when she left me. Especially when she told me there was someone else. She decided that she wasn't happy, she lost her identity in the relationship. Crucially - she decided that working it out wasn't an option and not worth the effort to repair . I don't want somebody who doesn't even try to work things out. Thats not love, not to me. That's taking the easy way out. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Yes it does, especially when you've been left for someone else. However it makes you realize that they aren't as amazing as you once thought they were. I hope to find someone one day that will stick with me... To find a partnership that will exceed the material things in life. But it doesn't always as she had already chosen to sleep with me after being with her current bf, so if I wasn't strong enough to see she's not an ideal life partner, I could hope she may break up and come back to me. That's where I think it comes down to you, to see you deserve better. It should not really matter what they do. Hey, I know that's not easy and I slip every so often. But there is only forwards, and hopefully better. Link to post Share on other sites
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