Jump to content

in deep pain 9 months later. I need guidance.


magicmoon

Recommended Posts

Hey, I am back on this forum. I needed a break from it as I thought that I should just stop focusing on getting over him, but on getting on with my life.

And I am back, because I just need some encouragment and ''a shoulder to cry on''... since I don't get that irl.

 

I am ASHAMED of myself. Because I thought I was stronger than that, and that I will be over it by now. I am very proud and I just act like everything is okay...

 

But I am in so much pain. I still idolise my ex, our relationship lasted one year. And I had a huge chrush on him before, it was like a dream come true. I still think that he is the one, even though he has proven that he isn't. I have spent these 9 months hoping and expecting that we will eventualy get back together.

 

But now... I guess that's not happening... it hit me like a brick today. It's been 9 months, HE COULD come back, and he knows it. I have waited, but he has obviously, moved on. How could he let something like that go?

I feel so lonely, and I feel so not-good enough and pathetic. It hurts... I think that I am quite good looking, interesting, intelegent, loving and understanding person. I have proven that over and over to him. But it's still not enough :( I don't ****ing get it, I guess I will never be enough.

 

I am turning 20 in a few days. And yet I feel like I will never love again and I am soo lonely :(

 

I just had to let that out. Hopefully, now I can finnaly stop crying and concentrate on uni project :/

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
smileforelena

I think many of us here thought we were stronger before the heartbreak. I never thought I would go through a BU this way but yes life has funny way of humbling us and then building us up to be better persons. I totally get you. At one point or another we all wanted (some still want) our exes back. I think one of the more difficult pill to swallow in situations like these is the feeling of being powerless. Like you said you thought you were handling it better. But the fact is what we want is not what the other person want. Its difficult to take control of thoughts and emotions and we seem to become quite masochistic (as one of the posters said). Going back to the story playing it over and over and over. Every minute detail of that last conversation. Trying to read between the lines of the last text message or fb post or whatever whether they still wonder about us or not. Analyzing every muscle movement on their face the last time we saw them after BU. Yes. I think most of us are going through or went through this. But its just a cycle. We allow ourselves to go through all of it again and again. Then we realize we are going no where. Then it gets more painful because more often than not the ex has already moved on a long time ago while we are still on the hamster wheel..

Accept the pain but dont let yourself live in it. The sooner you accept that you have to heal and move on the sooner you can start being proactive about it. It requires effort. Physical and mental effort. And alot of it.

And you are young. Dont let bitterness take root in your heart and poison how you see the world. Consider this a really tough course in uni. A pre requisite to get to the major more challenging courses. Im not making light of the situation. But it helps alot to train your mind to put things in a better perspective.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
whirl3daway

I have no guidance, but I want to let you know that I read your post, and that I understand completely. I am coming to terms, against my will, that I will never be with my ex again either. There are few things in this world that make me hurt quite as much. But I guess we will get through this in time. *hugs*

Link to post
Share on other sites
redbaron005
I have proven that over and over to him. But it's still not enough :( I don't ****ing get it, I guess I will never be enough.

 

You should not feel that you have to prove these traits to him.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Million.to.1

You're 20. You will love again. You will be heart broken again. So much is still ahead of you.

 

I know how you feel, I was 20 and heart broken once... for months and months... it was well over a year before I could even look at another guy. I used to wake up and burst into tears because i had to be awake, without him, all day. But I did move on and so will you.

 

Give yourself a break. Feeling like crap about how you haven't moved on fast enough won't solve anything.

 

If you truly want to move forward with your life, do something new. Move to a new city, or go traveling. Work towards a major event that's just for you. if you are studying, then maybe take a year out. There are many things that you could do. you are young and your whole life is still ahead of you. if you are stuck in a head space that this is your life and you will never love again then you need to force yourself out of that by challenging yourself. Change your circumstances and new doors will open for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Million.to.1

.... and for the record, That guy who broke my heart at 20, left me fore another woman... who was handsome, kind, popular, amazing..... is now a ragged old frumpy loser who I am glad I am not with. My partner now is 10 times the man my ex ever was.

 

I wish i had known my future was much brighter then while I wasted a year feeling sorry for myself.

 

I'm telling you now, YOUR FUTURE IS WAITING FOR YOU.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Look at it this way:

 

Do you want to be tougher, and experience more in life? Then, you need to move ahead and away from this ruminating.

 

or

 

Do you want to stay weak, and waste your time on something that will leave you with nothing and in stasis while everything and everyone else is moving forward? Then, cry all you want over the breakup.

 

Going forward, I know I am all the more wiser and with tougher skin to be a better version of myself with someone who appreciates me. My ex may have or will forever be my weakness and my poison; I will never return to her or the past that we had.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I have no guidance, but I want to let you know that I read your post, and that I understand completely. I am coming to terms, against my will, that I will never be with my ex again either. There are few things in this world that make me hurt quite as much. But I guess we will get through this in time. *hugs*

 

Hugs to you too :) it really sucks yeah :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Look at it this way:

 

Do you want to be tougher, and experience more in life? Then, you need to move ahead and away from this ruminating.

 

or

 

Do you want to stay weak, and waste your time on something that will leave you with nothing and in stasis while everything and everyone else is moving forward? Then, cry all you want over the breakup.

 

Going forward, I know I am all the more wiser and with tougher skin to be a better version of myself with someone who appreciates me. My ex may have or will forever be my weakness and my poison; I will never return to her or the past that we had.

 

I do. I am really trying. In first few months after breakup I went travelling, started going to uni and got my dream freelancing job. I just bought my first car ever, and when I drive I just think, too bad he isn't here driving nexr ro me. I want to enjoy the ride.

I seem perfectly happy and having good times. But inside... I'm cracking every moment. And for the last few weeks, I am losing sight of me and my dreams... I don't even have motivation to try anymore. I didn't get any better, and all these things I do and have... I want to share them with someone :(

 

I WANT to move one. So much... and I am/was trying. But my feelings are so so messed up and hurt. I am losing hope.

And I know that I probably come across as childis and dumb... but I am hurt and I still can not accept that it's over :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...