Thoughts on NC

[HappyxFaith]

My boyfriends dumped me last weekend in our LDR, and I chose to start NC. But I just felt that there was something that I needed to say before I continued my journey of self-focusing and healing. So I did break NC twice this week, just to do that, despite all the threads I've read on here.

 

BUT

 

I didn't beg, or plead. I just told him that 1. I was grateful for the time we did spend together, 2. I am responsible for 50% of the breakup and explained my only regret to him, apologized, but told him I worked on it and have tried my best 3. that even though I reached out to him, that I have no expectations, pressures, and no desire to wait for him and he was free to respond as he chose, and 4. told him I would be in his country in AUG and he knows where to find me if need be. 5. wished him luck in the future (the only part I probably should've left out is the fact that second chances are nice, and that it's the last time I'll contact him until AUG......... But what's done is done, but overall I feel good!) Honestly, I don't really care whether or not he replies, since it won't change the situation, but somehow I just feel less guilty.... (he didn't reply to my first one and I wasn't dissapointed)

 

So now, I feel less burdened because I feel like I did absolutely everything I could for our relationship given the time, and can finally move on and look forward without regrets, and just make sure not to repeat the same mistakes again in the next relationship, or if I happen to see him again.

 

I am resuming NC, and have no plans of ever breaking it again. Do you guys think it's okay that I did this? Do you think it'll come off as desperate? (maybe.... any contact we dumpees initiate come off as desperate even though I made it clear that its not my intention...)

[Simon Phoenix]

It's not ideal, but ultimately it's not a big deal as long as you stop contacting him now. And definitely do not contact him in August -- that'd be lame. You came off as desperate, but the breakup is relatively new, so as long as you don't keep pestering him it's really not a big deal.

[LoLWut]

You contradict yourself with #3 and #4... then again with the bolded.

 

I didn't beg, or plead. I just told him that 1. I was grateful for the time we did spend together, 2. I am responsible for 50% of the breakup and explained my only regret to him, apologized, but told him I worked on it and have tried my best 3. that even though I reached out to him, that I have no expectations, pressures, and no desire to wait for him and he was free to respond as he chose, and 4. told him I would be in his country in AUG and he knows where to find me if need be. 5. wished him luck in the future (the only part I probably should've left out is the fact that second chances are nice, and that it's the last time I'll contact him until AUG......... But what's done is done, but overall I feel good!) Honestly, I don't really care whether or not he replies, since it won't change the situation, but somehow I just feel less guilty.... (he didn't reply to my first one and I wasn't dissapointed)

 

So now, I feel less burdened because I feel like I did absolutely everything I could for our relationship given the time, and can finally move on and look forward without regrets, and just make sure not to repeat the same mistakes again in the next relationship, or if I happen to see him again.

 

I am resuming NC, and have no plans of ever breaking it again. Do you guys think it's okay that I did this? Do you think it'll come off as desperate? (maybe.... any contact we dumpees initiate come off as desperate even though I made it clear that its not my intention...)

 

Who are you trying to lie? No point lying to us, we don't know you.... we can't judge you. You're only lying to urself.

 

And yes, you sound very desperate.

 

You don't have to explain everything. Sometimes it's better to just leave him hanging wondering why you did what you did.... and then, maybe he'd be the desperate one.

 

But i'm not trying to get your hopes up.... doesn't sound like this guy wants anything to do with you anymore.

[todreaminblue]

i am unsure about no contact i do think that using it to get someone back is silly......because it is meant to heal the person undertaking it ...not repair a relationship........i think finality is important.......i know my ex is going to reach otu to me when he feels he has no one else he trusts......in which i have decided i will apologise for deleting him and his blog off my computer it needed to be done.......and i make no apology for that....but i am sorry i needed to do it....i will forgive him for being a lying cheat and just say...you arent for me......hisi lifestyle is not for me......i can never make him happy or me being with him.....i am too boring for him...not for someone else but for him yes...i ended ti suddenly he wasnt expecting me too....he expected me to be accepting of what he was saying and doing......and feel priviliged to be with him....lucky deb......lol........i learned a lesson ill thank him for that lesson and wish him well.........in the future i hoep he finds happiness.........the road he is on....there is none there.........i know it been there done that.........and i cant go back....then fi he continues to contact me i will talk to his mum about getting him some help i cannot help him i truly tried and learned that i cant change soemoen if they dont want to change....thats gods domain.....no contact isnt a game mainly a necessity to heal....forgiveness can be said in a prayer.....deb

[HappyxFaith]

You contradict yourself with #3 and #4... then again with the bolded.

 

 

 

Who are you trying to lie? No point lying to us, we don't know you.... we can't judge you. You're only lying to urself.

 

And yes, you sound very desperate.

 

You don't have to explain everything. Sometimes it's better to just leave him hanging wondering why you did what you did.... and then, maybe he'd be the desperate one.

 

But i'm not trying to get your hopes up.... doesn't sound like this guy wants anything to do with you anymore.

 

Mmmm I'm not sure how I contradicted myself as I left the choice of whether or not to reply up to him, like I said no expectations, and it's not like I was bummed when he never replied.

 

Even if he doesn't really want anything to do with me anymore, I really don't mind. Like I said, I just wanted to own up to my part of our breakup, and apologize. (I will be honest and say that I do wish we could try again, but moving on with my life)

[HappyxFaith]

It's not ideal, but ultimately it's not a big deal as long as you stop contacting him now. And definitely do not contact him in August -- that'd be lame. You came off as desperate, but the breakup is relatively new, so as long as you don't keep pestering him it's really not a big deal.

 

Of course, I have no plans to contact him in August, that part didn't filter through as I typed to him. Nah it's my final message, honestly it might sound kinda bad, but I just wanted to clear my conscience and be able to admit to myself that I did everything I could while I was in the relationship, even if there were moments of mistakes... anyways everyone makes mistakes right?

 

Yeah maybe it sounded, desperate but at least I didn't really beg. haha but when people doubt me and tell me I sound desperate, now I feel kinda bad for sending it, but at the same time, I know that without your opinions, I probably would've felt that it was the right thing to do.

 

But I think it's fine, we broke up on good terms, and he told me he has good feelings about me. Basically I treated him really well. but yeah no more contact for sure.