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Breadcrumb #1


ithappenedagain

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ithappenedagain

It has been 2 months since the break up..

 

The breakup was hard because we lived together.. When she told me she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me I had to move out and find a new place. I was so lost, and felt so alone. (I still feel alone at times).

 

I haven't see her or heard her voice in 2 months. I also instantly deleted my Facebook account because I didn't want her knowing ANYTHING about me.. Why should someone who basically kicked someone to the streets deserve to know anything about that person anymore.. That was my philosophy when I deleted my Facebook account. I wanted to remain a mystery to her.

 

There was light contact (2 or 3 texts) for 1 day early in the breakup - but that was just me arranging a time to have the movers come to get my stuff and figuring out a day where she wouldn't be home so I could have the movers come on that day. (There was no way I wanted to see her on moving day)

 

About a month ago, I realized that I had forgotten the power cord to my TV and also my laptop charger. So I arranged to have a friend go get it from her.. I sent her 1 text, basically asking if I could have him go get it from her. She sent me back a text saying something like ''you can come get it tonight if you want, or you can have John come grab it''... I sent her one more text that said ''John is going to come grab it from you".... Later that night, my friend met her at her place and got it for me...

 

For some reason, I felt guilty that I had sent him. I had this thought in the back of my head that she probably thought it was childish for me to have him go get it from her. So being stupid, later that night I sent her one text message telling her why I didn't want to meet her. I pretty much spilled the beans and told her that I was a wreck and couldn't face her, because it would set me back. I apologized for everything I did wrong in the relationship and even mentioned that I was working really hard on improving my flaws. I know this was the wrong thing to do. Sure enough.. She sent me back a text reassuring that what we had was over, and that while she did miss me, her heart was set and her decision to move on had already been made. I texted her ''Goodbye :( " and she followed back with "bye :( " I treated that short series as texts as the "DEATH OF OUR RELATIONSHIP".

 

Fast forward to last night. Roughly almost a month since the last serious of texts. I am with my friends, having dinner when all of a sudden I get a text message on my phone.. I am well past the stage of automatically thinking it was her, so I briefly look down at my screen, and to my surprise.. I see her name on the screen... I was shocked.. I NEVER expected a breadcrumb from her. (Read my previous posts). I was sure that she wouldn't throw me breadcrumbs. While I semi-wished I would get one, I just had a feeling I wouldnt get one.. Below is Breadcrumb #1.

 

8:55pm : "Hey...I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and I hope you are doing ok"

 

Of course I didn't respond to it.

 

Not even 25 minutes later.... Breadcrumb #2

 

9:17pm : "and I miss you"

 

Once again, I did not respond.

 

I know the drill. DO NOT RESPOND. I wont respond. But what is driving me crazing is the ''and I miss you" text. It is making me mad, happy, and everything in between.

 

I am mad because I have been an emotional wreck for the last 2 months. I have literally missed her every day for the last 60 days. While she was out enjoying the life of being a hot single girl, I was moping, posting on this site, etc etc.. Did she miss me then? HIGHLY DOUBT it....

 

I am happy because at least I know I am still on her mind, and in a way, she lost power. I now have complete control of the situation. She let her guard down. All of a sudden the girl who threw me out to the street so easily NOW misses me?!?! Please note that I did not implement NC as a way to get her back, because in all honesty, I know that we wouldn't never get back together.

 

I guess I just wanted to post my breadcrumb story here to see if anyone can offer advice. Does she really miss me? Is she really thinking about me? Or was she drunk, or was she just looking for an ego burst, etc etc. I am confused, but will maintain NC.

 

I haven't seen her or heard her voice in 2 months. Why is she sending me these texts? She has since stopped, but I anticipate more.. Based on other stories I have read on this site.

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Keep the focus on you.... look at this as you are healing..not healed. You do not look at your phone thinking it is her. This is great. You are living your life and taking care of you. Keep doing that.

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*sigh* I'm with you today, man. We can be strong together, I think.

 

I wonder if Monday is breadcrumb day....think there's some wierd "post-weekend alone" thing?

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spring is in the air (or was here until the cold front). vday just past. seasons change and people start to think/change/reevaluate everything.

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Mondmellonw

I remember reading your story when I first got here.

I don't know why she did this, but I know she isn't asking you to meet or anything, so don't respond.

 

 

Yesterday we received 3 calls when we were (me and my family) outside home for church. We got this ID caller, so we saw the same number those three times. When we arrived, they called again. My dad answered, they hung up the phone without saying anything. A few minutes passed and then they called again, my mom answered... No response, they hung up (again).

 

It was my mom's guess that my ex was calling.

I didn't remember his phone number (of his home) I only remember his cellphone.

However, we made a little research on the directory and it's him.

I also thought my ex was never, ever going to do this.

Since the BU, I saw him one day and he kept saying I was the one to blame for all.

 

 

I dunno, maybe he was drunk.

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Egh, you're my NC buddy and I hate this for you. I'm sorry.

Mine broke NC too--called me twice exactly a month after the break-up at like 1 am and texted me the following day, asking how I'm doing and apologizing for calling so late. No explanation as to why. It was definitely an emotional setback for me, but I'm so glad that I did not respond. Have not heard from her in 10 days now.

 

I dunno why they do this--it's possible (and probable) that she misses you, but that's all bull and it makes no difference at the end of the day. Like others pointed out, it's probably a moment of weakness and a need for validation. To me personally, my ex's lame attempts at contacting me are laughable at best. I have hurt too much to give in so easily and I COMPLETELY understand why nothing less than "I am sorry and I want you back" will do. Even then, I'm not sure I'd go back. Also, after she contacted me, I found myself checking my phone a lot more frequently waiting for her to call again--hope this doesn't happen to you, but breadcrumbs do seem to awaken false hope (at least for me they did). BUT, and as you mentioned, we do have the advantage of being in control once again--hang on to this, it's helped me a lot.

 

Anyways, keep trucking along and know that I am right there with you :)

NC!!!!!

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I guess she does simply miss you and want to check that you are ok, she might still feel guilty and want to rid the guilt. Not sure. Just try not to wonder about it, enjoy the power Nd peace that should hopefully follow when you do not respond. You are so strong, keep going.

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You're a credit to all of us here, you have been so strong and it really is admirable.

 

Keep the power dude, I hope I can get to where you are soon.

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ithappenedagain

Hi everyone - Sorry I am just getting a chance to reply back.

 

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still No Contact with her. I will not break No Contact over a simple ''I miss you text". It's going to have to take A LOT more than that for me to even consider entertaining the idea of contacting her. I've been down that road before, and usually it results with me going back to day 1. I feel i have made some progress, so I am keeping strong on No Contact.

 

With that said.... THIS IS TOUGH!!! You don't realize how much I want to respond back to her. My mind is going crazy. I still love the girl, and I miss her dearly. She is the type who once she makes up her mind on something she doesnt look back. When she initially broke up with me we both agreed to implement No Contact. So why did she break it on Sunday night?

 

Do you know how hard it is to receive a text from the person you have been pining over for the last 60 days and NOT respond back to it? It's one of the hardest things I have faced. I love her. I want to text her back. I really do.

 

But I wont.

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Do you actually need to be in touch with her for any reason whatsoever that you can think of?

I suspect - and hope -the response to be 'No'.

 

In which case, you must delete her number, block her on your 'phone and if necessary download an app that also blocks texts. I have one - it's brilliant - it works really well, and it's FOC!!

 

Do it now, go on.

Then threads like this will be one less thing you need think about.....(see the NC Guide in my signature.....)

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great for u to be in NC all that long. i'v been like this for 4.5 months. it feels great.

 

mate, u said u know u both wont be together anymore. so dont let such breadcrumb set u back.

 

does she really miss you? did she start to think about the whole thing again and evaluate what happened? or maybe she's just drunk. looking for ego boost? or bored and just curious to know how would u react and shes on another man's chest at that moment? not even you know the answer. no body knows. u know her very well, u lived together and still u cant be certain about it.

 

so do like former reply said. block her number to avoid such situations. dont over analyze the text u got. and remember if someone really want you they will do whatever it takes. means she will come to you and meet you and tell u that face to face.

 

great progress mate, keep it on

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ithappenedagain

Hey everyone. Just wanted to say thanks again for all of your support and advice. Without you guys, I know for sure I would have cracked. As hard as it has been to see those texts come in from her, I have maintained my dignity and have held strong to NC.

 

Another reason I am posting tonight is because I need more advice.

 

About 5 mins ago I got a text message from a mutual friend of ours (she is actually the girl who set me and my ex up).. I haven't talked to her in MONTHS but I just got this text from her.

 

"Hey! Long time no talk. How have you been"

 

I am not stupid. I know that she wasnt the driving force of that message.

 

My question to you guys is do I respond, and risk information about myself getting back to my ex? Or do I not respond back to her.. I am a ''good guy'' so I would feel guilty not responding, but one of the main reasons I havent talked to her was because I know she would relay everything I told her back to my ex. Someone on this forum once told me that as bad as it sounds, sometimes you have to cut off mutual friends until you are fully healed..

 

How do I keep things short? She is the type who will start asking me questions .... Another thing is that she is expecting a baby any time now, and I want to be the nice guy and ask how she (and her husband) are doing...

 

I just KNOW that my ex is behind this though..

 

She probably wants to know if I changed my # or just blocked her. She is probably going crazy that I havent responded to her breadcrumbs.

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If you're still feeling emotionally vulnerable I wouldn't bother responding. You said it yourself that Jessica is the driving force behind this. There isn't anything wrong with responding though, as long as you don't reveal information that you are concealing by doing NC. I wouldn't go as far as blocking her. It's silly to think that just because relationships end that you become enemies and delete people out of your life. You just need to continue doing what you think is necessary to heal. You've been given some power now, which is great. Go out and have some fun. I'm always here if you need to talk about anything.

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ithappenedagain

I love each and everyone of you so much. I just want to share something with you...

 

I had a moment tonight where I was on the verge of cracking. :( Literally text was composed, and all I had to do was click the send button. I had probably deleted it, and re-entered it 20 times.. Thinking to myself ''do i do it, or not?''... Anxiety levels were at an all time high.. I dont know what I was thinking.

 

Then...... I remembered this thread. I quickly logged in, and read everyone's response to this initial thread. Tara, Frank, SomeCamel, Iworthmore, Brightnight, Purple (NC Buddy!), MondMellonW, jphcbpa, blacknoir, MixedMingh You all shed great light into my urge to break NC.

 

One by one, post by post, that urge quickly passed. I became stronger just by reading your words!

 

I almost cracked tonight guys. Without your kind words and support, I would have. Thanks everyone. Much love.

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WordvAction

Great job on keeping No Contact! Would you do me one favor and delete her number from your phone? :) Also, ignore her friend as well.

 

 

Just to give you some hope, I went through my first serious breakup a few years ago, went through some tough times until I decided to go NC. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. When you get that text message you get that surge and every part of you wants to send that message back. Just know that the urge will eventually go away, find something to preoccupy your mind and delete any messages she sends immediately. After about 8 months NC I was able to get over her and start dating someone else. Looking back its silly how I thought she was the perfect girl, and missed the oh-so-many flaws.

 

 

I can promise you this; if you go NC you WILL get over her and find someone better for you. I can promise you as well that there are still going to be ups and downs along your path of NC; each time you feel like slipping up, remind yourself that it's not worth it, and each second you waste on her is a second removed from the person you are truly meant to be with.

 

 

Sorry if this is an illegible rant, law school doesn't permit me to sleep much.

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Heatemyheart89

Hey good on you for keeping nc you are one step closer to healing. You have done the right thing.

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