boyfriend's previous sex partner moved into shared housing

[3trillium3]

Figured it might be helpful to get others take on a situation that has been bothering me for a while though the situation is in the past.

 

After dating long distance for a few years, my boyfriend and I broke up. It was starting to go that way and not sure who broke up with who, but I wasn't open to him moving to my location due to my second thoughts, though he professed his love, and he stopped talking to me, which I saw as understandable.It seemed it was on it's way out.

However, the breakup was miserable for us both. During,he moved in with an old friend and some other people in a group living situation. This old friend and he had 'shared' a certain woman and he had some raunchy experiences with her, as a side note that enters the story later.

During our breakup, he dated someone else. I know he was looking because we were in touch a few times and he told me "he hadn't found anyone yet.' That really sucked as I didn't want to know anything of it.

Next phase of story, he called me up and asked me to move to his location and said he wasn't doing well because he'd started seeing someone and regretted it and wanted me back. I was miserable also, so i moved to his city and in with him and his 3 other roomates, including his old buddy.

It was ok for a month, then one day i heard a woman introduce herself to a roomate in the hall and recognized it was the woman from by boyfriends past come to visit his buddy. I didn't think much of it. My boyfriend simply said "she''ll be here a while" and that was it. I assumed he meant all day or something. that day passed, i never saw or heard her again, and forgot about it.

The next morning i was in the common space and she came out of the buddies room and introduced herself. shock! she was in the house, young, pretty and sexy, and things she said to mewere catty arrogant and i felt condescended and threatened by her and really shock up. she was syrupy sweet with my boyfriend and had him make her and her friend, also staying there, coffee.

turns out she was going to stay a few weeks and my boyfriend know but didn't tell me. This turned into four months. She was alpha, behaved like a floozy party girl from the get go, and soon caught on that i wasn't happy with her there, as my boyfriend yelled at me with them across the hall during an arguement about it. I did not want anyone to hear, but he seemed to want to call me out for others to hear.

the next night, told all the roommates in the house (I overheard, i think they thought we werent home) about how many times she f***ed my bfriend, a good time was had by all, and what what was my problem?

i told my boy friend, and he got defensive and told me not to listen to others conversations. we'd already been fighting about it, and both were angry at each other. He thought my anger at her and him and the situation of her being there was rude and out of line. I felt I was reacting to something unacceptable and angry that he didn't let me know she was going to stay. he didnt seem to believe she was rude to me, or reacted to it barely at all.

Lets see if i can keep this from getting to be a novel. the next three months, she got involved with the buddy and had really, like really, loud sex every night for all to hear, and behaved just alpha. it was really awful to hear her uninhibited sex all the time knowing my bfriend had done the same thing with her, a lot of it beyond what we had ever done. i felt really inferior, hurt and sort of broken-hearted. and angry at them both.

my boyfriend got really sick of my anger at the situation and forbid me to mention it after a few months. It was a simmering issue of contention.

he said to get over it and the only one it bothered was me.

I didnt want to encounter her due to my hurt, jealousy and comparison to her porn-star sexuality, and also that I felt she rubbed it in my face the first chance she got after moving in, having slept with my boyfriend previously. i hid in the room, cooked in there and even peed in a jar. It was awful.

so we didn't have money to move out, but finally our time there ended and we moved out and on. we get along better now and things are mostly peaceful, and he is a kind person overall and says he loves me very much.

trouble is, every time we have sex i think of her and what they did, i'm not into our sex life and feel turned off, and i think he disrespected me.Ive been pretty angry and insulted and still hurt, but i keep it to myself as any discussions we have had have been arguements and got nowhere. I don't want to discuss it anymore. what to do. I feel tuned out and like our relationship is tainted now and i feel kind of yucky about sex with him. i just feel not as into our romance. do i move on or try to get over it, and will i? anyone relate to this or have any thoughts? thanks...

[anna121]

I think his behaviour in the house was pretty crappy.

 

If you can't talk to him about your feelings, there really isn't much point in pursuing a relationship. You'll just repress your emotions and be even more miserable.