2fargone Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I just need to put this somewhere I guess.... I have been NC since the beginning of November. Ever since then I'm aware that I want a lifestyle change. One that would suit my ex aswell. And I don't mean the regular 'working out go to the gym' kinda thing. She kinda knows this about me, and we didn't exactly break up in a huge fight, with her still saying she loves me and misses me (yet having someone else as I've discovered hence going NC). Basicly it's not something one can talk to everyone about, and she is already familiar with it and 'knows her way around'. So, In November, I already decided to give it untill about 1/2 january and then ask her for directions, as in where to start with this new lifestyle. It might make her think that I'm even more what she's looking for (she never said I wasn't, just that 'she couldnt be in a relationship with me right now'). She might not respond, or just give me directions. I think I'm good either way. I am hoping she will reconsider ? Not really, because I need to have an image of how that would work out. Like I always have a certain image / expectation of how a relationship with someone would be. And in this case, I can't... Basicly because of broken trust. I am a confident person, basicly deal more with facts than feelings. It won't set me back. I'm not sure if it's more the excitment of the change or 'what will happen' that's on my mind. There is much more to this. Yet it's to personal. I guess I just wish I could share it with someone. Other than my ex. Ow well... Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 dont ask her for advice, she broke your heart mate. Lifestyle change - DO WHAT YOU WANT. You are free now, have time for yourself. Do this for u Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Ye well, let's say this is a though one that you don't throw around Yes she broke my heart, but also made me realise that this is what I really want. I'm not 'gratefull' for her bringing that up to the surface, it could have happened even with us properly communicating, but I just don't do bitter or angry or revengefull or whatnot. I also don't do 'stay friends with the ex'. This is simply about my needs being met. For the past 2 months I have tried to figure out an alternative route... I can't seem to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 So I did it... Asked her what I needed to ask. She doesn't read her email daily (has a bad internet connection, sometimes none for days), so after a day she replied that yes I could ask her anything I wanted to know. Now... While I was thinking about how to formulate the question, within 5 minutes she calls. After 2.5 months NC. I was to surprised not to pick up, so I did. she said that she replied but with her internet connection she thought she better call. I said that I would look into the reply when I had the time and said goodbye. For a moment there I was off balance. And then I let it go... Am not going to analyse it. Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Ye well, let's say this is a though one that you don't throw around Yes she broke my heart, but also made me realise that this is what I really want. I'm not 'gratefull' for her bringing that up to the surface, it could have happened even with us properly communicating, but I just don't do bitter or angry or revengefull or whatnot. I also don't do 'stay friends with the ex'. This is simply about my needs being met. For the past 2 months I have tried to figure out an alternative route... I can't seem to find it. Really hard to give advice if the details of the new lifestyle are so secretive!! Are you sure it is not something you can't share on this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Really hard to give advice if the details of the new lifestyle are so secretive!! Are you sure it is not something you can't share on this forum? Yes... It would belong to a very very different forum Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Yes... It would belong to a very very different forum Ok, get it but I must say all the scenarios in my head are now very entertaining. I live in Amsterdam we are pretty open-minded here I am assuming it is a drastic lifestyle change which is a real choice. Just make sure you are not doing it for her... That it is really what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Ok, get it but I must say all the scenarios in my head are now very entertaining. I live in Amsterdam we are pretty open-minded here I am assuming it is a drastic lifestyle change which is a real choice. Just make sure you are not doing it for her... That it is really what you want. I know how people are in Amsterdam. I'm... not very far away It is for myself. Although she made me very much more aware. Something I definately want to dig into a little further Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I know how people are in Amsterdam. I'm... not very far away It is for myself. Although she made me very much more aware. Something I definately want to dig into a little further Then go for it!!! Nothing in life is permanent, if it doesn't suit you then at least you tried and will never have to question if you should have!! Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I just need to put this somewhere I guess.... I have been NC since the beginning of November. Ever since then I'm aware that I want a lifestyle change. One that would suit my ex aswell. And I don't mean the regular 'working out go to the gym' kinda thing. She kinda knows this about me, and we didn't exactly break up in a huge fight, with her still saying she loves me and misses me (yet having someone else as I've discovered hence going NC). Basicly it's not something one can talk to everyone about, and she is already familiar with it and 'knows her way around'. So, In November, I already decided to give it untill about 1/2 january and then ask her for directions, as in where to start with this new lifestyle. It might make her think that I'm even more what she's looking for (she never said I wasn't, just that 'she couldnt be in a relationship with me right now'). She might not respond, or just give me directions. I think I'm good either way. I am hoping she will reconsider ? Not really, because I need to have an image of how that would work out. Like I always have a certain image / expectation of how a relationship with someone would be. And in this case, I can't... Basicly because of broken trust. I am a confident person, basicly deal more with facts than feelings. It won't set me back. I'm not sure if it's more the excitment of the change or 'what will happen' that's on my mind. There is much more to this. Yet it's to personal. I guess I just wish I could share it with someone. Other than my ex. Ow well... I would really wait on this. I sense a lot more desire to use this to et her back than the OP is admitting. I think wait a few more months and be sure that you don't want her back at all before getting into this lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Put my life on hold more, for her? No.... I don't think so... (There's always more ways than one to look at something, isn't there? ) I would really wait on this. I sense a lot more desire to use this to et her back than the OP is admitting. I think wait a few more months and be sure that you don't want her back at all before getting into this lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
polynomial Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Why do you need to contact her in order to change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Why do you need to contact her in order to change? Let's say that she has the contacts that I need. And she knows me (wich is important in this case), so she can point me in the right direction. I need an 'in'. It doesn't matter. I did it. I asked her if she still knew the people, and she does. So I popped the question. It's all good I'm not in a hurry, but I'm not going to sit still anymore either. I get bored easily. I need to keep moving. Link to post Share on other sites
polynomial Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Let's say that she has the contacts that I need. And she knows me (wich is important in this case), so she can point me in the right direction. I need an 'in'. It doesn't matter. I did it. I asked her if she still knew the people, and she does. So I popped the question. It's all good I'm not in a hurry, but I'm not going to sit still anymore either. I get bored easily. I need to keep moving. Ok. Well good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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