Does it make sense to have the feelings I'm having?

[Ethereal]

It's been 2 months since I broke up with my ex. Read my story here. He started treating me badly towards the end and it was hurting me too much to be in a relationship with him.

 

I stupidly broke NC and contacted him a few times last week and he ignored it all. I posted about my feelings in another forum. This is what I said: "I know this is bad and I shouldn’t have done it but the more he ignores me, the more hopeless, worthless and upset I feel, so I texted him looking for validation that I meant something, that he cares. I feel completely destroyed inside. I can’t even explain it. Him ignoring me is the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my 25 years. I feel a horrible knot in my stomach and I can’t concentrate on anything. I used to be a confident, strong woman. I have a good career, lots of friends and a wonderful family. But the way I’m feeling right now I’m starting to worry about my well being. Just feel absolutely rotten."

 

I got a bit upset about what someone posted. They said it doesn’t even make sense to have the feelings I am having and also that I'm being unreasonable, clingy and possessive, I need to learn some self confidence and self respect, and that they would advise me to take a hard look at myself before getting involved with anyone else. That I am way too needy and to get help.

 

It takes me a very long time to get attached to people. I don't fall in love easily, but when I do, I find it hard to let go. That's all. But reading that has made me question myself. I thought I was just a woman who was grieving over losing someone she loved and that all these feelings will pass in time... Do I really need to get help?

[lop98]

No. Not yet. These feelings are perfectly normal after a bad relationship with a (surprise) bad ending. Whether you ended the relationship or he did, the two were in a relationship that was not working, because if it doesn't work for one party, it is simply not working.

 

If you still feel like this after a year... can't stomach food and wake up in tears in the middle of the night, you definitely need professional help. But right now, come on... it's normal, it's a loss and it's rejection, pain, that's what it feels like. I used to not relate to breakups like that... until I experienced one, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, remembering the way he responded, how he ignored me, and the things he did was blinding pain... it would seriously bring back again all the chest tightness and headache... it took around 5 months to stop feeling that and 10 months on, I still sometimes get a tiny dose of that whenever I bother to think about him.... and it may or may never go away, you have to accept that... I still feel my eyes watering whenever I think of people that left my life (through death or distance) so I guess feeling like this after a bad relationship and seeing someone you love exit your life in a way you never wanted them to leave is devastating... you can close the chapter but it doesn't mean you will stop finding it sad.

 

This is the disadvantages of posting on the internet, sometimes you get some good advice and sometimes you just get people that are not called trolls because they've been trolling in the same site for years, but they're still trying to give opinions on things they have no experience about and only for the sake of attacking. Just carry on and keep on NC... trust me: it does get better, you need to implement all sorts of things to get through this faster... a calendar, reminders not to stalk him or contact him, activities, going out...

 

Good luck.

[Nubcake]

Would it have really been better if he responded and told you what you wanted to hear? Im sure if he did you would probably cling to false hope of getting back together making your healing progress even worse. Its been 2 months, of course you are going to miss him and be weak if you still loved him deeply at breakup thats normal. I feel the same way to my ex and for the past week I been staying in bed to 4pm hating just being conscious having no interest in anything plagued by thoughts of her. If you were feeling this way after a year then ya it probably would be wise to seek help. In the meantime get your friends/family to help you, I dont have that luxury and going through it alone is very rough.

[Scale]

Whatever these guys said above is true, very true. Yes, if you did love the person crazily it will be there in your life always but a little. Don't worry go out spend time with friends, try n keep yourself occupied. Watch movies, work, read, exercise. Fill your day up.

 

@NUbcake - we all r your friends here. You can chat with us anytime. Think of it as your virtual friends. I would love to simply be there to help someone if he/she really needs it and bring a small amount of happiness in to their lives.

You can at least talk with me anytime. We could have hung out haha a if we lived in the same city. May some time though.

 

Take care guys, I'm also going through my own ****. It's been 13 months for my break up. We were in LDR, I had gone to study and finally I got back home and did not even get to see her. I had not seen her since 2 years in person, not held her. She n my friend fell for each other n started dating, he despite knowing how I felt for her and level of seriousness I was into. But can't do nothing other than her to self realize. I had flings and fun until i fell for her and knew she is the one. So I will probably fall for someone only who is better than her as the bar is set pretty high and who makes me feel the same. Just someone like her. Take care guys, wish you all lots of love and happiness. Breakups shouldn't have existed some how life would be easier.!