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How are you coping today?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 5th November 2013, 5:28 AM   #1
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How are you coping today?

This thread serves like a diary for you all to pen how you are feeling and get support from each other.
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Old 5th November 2013, 5:52 AM   #2
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3rd day after break up. Random highs and lows. Randomly start tearing up. Can't eat properly, can't sleep properly, can't focus. Got exams soon and I must get my focus back. Broke up due to long distance and that she has her eyes on another guy. Didn't plead to her or beg to rethink. I just couldn't stomach the fact that the girl whom I loved and loved me has her eyes on another guy. Agreed to break up and she asked if she could contact me again and get back together in 2 years time after she finishes uni, told her no. I feel free yet lonely and I miss her. Soldier on...
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Old 5th November 2013, 7:42 AM   #3
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2nd day of nc, miss her like crazy, stressed to the max at work, ill.
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Old 5th November 2013, 8:45 AM   #4
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day 14 of NC, 1 month and 4 days post BU.

Feel terrible during days, better at nights for some reason.
I miss her, but don't want her back.
I sunk back into a depression after being OK for 6 months being recovered from a lifelong depression.

I feel life passing me by, I'm numb. I don't know anymore.
I don't attend to my college's anymore, I feel like a bother. I just want to love, but I don't think I can love anyone else besides my ex-gf at this point, and I don't want a rebound relationship.

Yeah.. I miss her.
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Old 5th November 2013, 9:08 AM   #5
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The more insulting thoughts are prevalent last night and today. The night before last I cried and missed my ex but this morning I woke up like WHOA F*CK THIS MOFO AND HIS NERVE when I remembered things he did. Especially, letting people trash talk me and having his friends family all put me down and judge me (saying things like "she never deserved you" "she has psychological issues and you can't help her") and blaming me so much. He threw me under the bus that one, and even if two weeks later his rage had subsided and wasn't sh*ttalking me anymore, still when a woman friend of his wrote him that I was horrible and she was glad we broke up and now he could finally find somebody who deserved him and appreciated he just said nothing... pfffttt. A "Hey, I know you mean to be supportive but what happened between Lindsay and I was a couple's matter, we were just incompatible but she is a great girl and we were lucky to have each other and share so much together" wouldn't have killed anybody, and would have made everything more gracious. Probably this loser will forget about things/remember the good things and eventuaaaaally put out a story like this but what's the point? The cowardly douchebag already said what he said and did what he did. I don't care if he matures or grows up or his balls drop finally, but who does that? What a lack of class, a lack of compassion, a lack of dignity and a lack of BALLS. Shaming a woman, who at the end of the day just had her normal flaws and maybe nagged and lost her temper and whatever.

F+ck thaaaat. This guy got away scotch-free with his treatment of me, with his dishonesty and stringing me along, with being so inconsiderate that I would flip out (like me crying for an hour and him just sitting there, silent with nothing to say), dealing with his passiveness and stonewalling, and all because he gaslighted me.

I don't give a rat's butt if he lied to everybody or if he actually believes he was a great boyfriend and a victim of my ungratefulness but what I will never forgive is how he gaslighted me into thinking it was all my fault, that I had 90% (if not single-handedly) destroyed our relationship and had me begging for forgiveness every. single. day.

Bad news that guy. Dangerous emotionally and as unfair as they make them.

So yeah, today I'm more pissed off with indignation, that's what. Disgraceful scumbag, seriously. I didn't cheat, I didn't steal, we had out tempers and our problems. We were incompatible sure, and had nasty fights. But dragging my reputation through the mud after I (1) had tried my best and (2) had invested everything in him. Who does that, on top of everything. That's the least gentlemanly thing I can think of ever. Ugh.

Last edited by lindsay1990; 5th November 2013 at 9:11 AM..
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Old 5th November 2013, 10:40 AM   #6
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I'm feeling a bit like lindsays post, above.

I got out of his country and came to a new place to visit a friend and her family for a bit. It was relieving and oh-so nice to be around caring people again, and to be kept super busy seeing new places and things.

But that same kindness they showed me just also made me sad and terribly hurt-that should have been how my new husband and his family treated me.

The emotional abuse I was dealt is so beyond not ok-making it out like he wasn't responsible and it was me being the inflexible, crazy one. When that's a total crock of BS.

He and his family are total mental cases-I know that and ultimately am glad I grew strong enough to leave. But man, I didn't think he was like that AT ALL and it's hard to think back on our relationship and all that I threw into it without feeling hurt and lost.

Now I'm staying with my friend for a few weeks trying to figure out what on earth is next. And that's just making me so so sad and angry. I shouldn't be in this position. I am a smart, capable person and he used me so very much that I've been reduced to nothing. I'm trying to come out of the hole I was thrown into, but man, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel just now. I keep thinking-where will I live, how will I find a job, will I ever find love again, be able to trust someone again, and have my own family?

Just gotta keep trying I guess. The holidays looming are glaring at me...but I guess I should just focus on today and worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.
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Old 5th November 2013, 11:27 AM   #7
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Woke up to her accusing me of trying to break into her email account. It pisses me off because I have no desire to snoop like that, she must think all I do is sit around thinking about her life. I'm a little angry today, but that just helps me realize how crazy she is.
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Old 5th November 2013, 11:38 AM   #8
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He made it seem, while we were together, that he was one of "us." One of the tribe of extremely shy people who do have incredibly deep relationships, and once you have found somebody else in the tribe, even if you aren't a couple any more, you are still friends. You are there for each other. Even if it has been months. And even he made it like after some time went by, he'd be willing to reconsider if it seemed like we could make being friends work.

But even with this, with what I just found out about myself. With needing someone in the area working through this and against this thing to.

Still not enough. And yes. I GET IT ALREADY. It is his prerogative. I know. BUT I am allowed to be upset that he portrayed himself differently than he actually was. I am allowed to be upset that despite the things he said, he is not there for me, and I am allowed to be upset that whatever stupidity is keeping two people who could be really helpful for and to each other, from being able to be so.

And I am allowed to be upset that someone else who has this as severely as I do is choosing to unleash on me, the pain of rejection which he knows all too well, is like death to both of us.

This has nothing to do with wanting him back or a relationship or anything like that. I know that right now I could not trust him to leave me again when he got afraid.
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Old 5th November 2013, 1:47 PM   #9
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How I've always coped.

Lots of reading and quoting obscure authors.

Last edited by Pfenixphire; 5th November 2013 at 2:21 PM..
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Old 5th November 2013, 4:14 PM   #10
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I'm coping ok, I hate thinking about the intimacy issues we had. I feel worthless
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Old 5th November 2013, 4:21 PM   #11
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Next week will be a month NC.

Saw his brother at the gym last night, felt like my stomach dropped out. I caved and visited his girlfriend's facebook page today and got angry.




This is so irrational. I can't stand it. I want him so badly, but I wish that I didn't. I wish so much that I didn't that I find myself completely angry with him and telling myself that if he came to me right now, I'd tell him to go kick rocks. Serves him right. But I would probably accept him AFTER telling him to go kick rocks.


Sad thing is that he knows me so well, he'd expect me to get angry, let me get angry, take it all from me, wait for me to calm down, then talk to me again the next day.
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Old 5th November 2013, 4:26 PM   #12
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5 months or so post break up nc most of the time. Small set back last week when he came to my house again. I am coping very well. I wake up excited thinking about the future and my goals. Prior to that was a good 4 months of waking up feeling nothing but dread.

This is probably weird to say, but I still have a week a month of feeling really sad about everything- the rest of the time I am absolutely fine, and pretty positive. Hormone related?
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Old 5th November 2013, 4:46 PM   #13
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Not well. Tearing up periodically through the day nothing huge. Playing video games to escape the thoughts/pain. Works until I get bored. Listening to trance music cheers me up a little.
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Old 5th November 2013, 5:04 PM   #14
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Started out by blocking him on facebook. I hope I don't hear from him as a result. (but of course a tiny part of me hopes I do.)

Been feeling the need to document our relationship lately. It meant so much to me and I am struggling with the fact that it's just gone. Up in smoke, like it never happened, and no one cares. So many memories. So I've been trying to write what it was like, month by month. The songs we played. The events we went to. The disagreements. How hopeful I was, and the moments that chipped away at my hope. I don't want to forget.
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Old 5th November 2013, 5:39 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maiden555 View Post
Started out by blocking him on facebook. I hope I don't hear from him as a result. (but of course a tiny part of me hopes I do.)

Been feeling the need to document our relationship lately. It meant so much to me and I am struggling with the fact that it's just gone. Up in smoke, like it never happened, and no one cares. So many memories. So I've been trying to write what it was like, month by month. The songs we played. The events we went to. The disagreements. How hopeful I was, and the moments that chipped away at my hope. I don't want to forget.
I know the feeling. I'm the one stuck with our memories while she has thrown it all away not caring enjoying her life as if we never met. I can't believe after all we did and said it's gone forever. I want to forget and never remember them. All they serve is painful reminders of what I once had and they plague my mind constantly and seem like they will haunt me until I die.
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