Finding moving on extremely difficult.

[TylerDurdenn]

Hi All,

 

My girlfriend ended our 4 year relationship 3 weeks ago.

 

Since she ended it I have been begging her for another chance, as it was my fault our relationship went stale (I was lazy). We have been going on dates and having a really good time together, however yesterday she text me saying she doubts she'll be able to love me again

 

I love this girl more than anything in this world, I would do absolutely anything for her, and to read those words were the most painful thing ever, as I am completely powerless to her decision.

 

I can't stop thinking about her, and I can't work out how she has got over me so quickly!

 

All of my friends/family tell me to go out and have a good time with girls that will appreciate my efforts, but I don't want to do that; I only want her

 

What should I do with myself?

 

Thanks for any advise, and apologies for the poorly written thread..

[Lizrd3000]

Best thing you could do right now is go NC.

 

your situation is somewhat like mine, just that my relationship was shorter than yours was.

 

I'm currently on NC for a week and some days, my RS ended 3 weeks ago too.

[TylerDurdenn]

She hasn't changed her relationship status on FB which I think is weird? (Still says she's in a relationship with me)

 

I've been trying to NC, serious mental torture.

[sealyons]

give yourself time... they are right, go NC, as hard as it may be, it's the best option you have right now. It accomplishes two things: 1. the time for you to heal and to reflect on what's happened. 2. Time to spend time with yourself. I would also like to say time for your ex to miss you but I won't capitalize on that because I don't want to give you false hope.

 

stop analyzing her fb status, you both know you've broken up. that's black and white. She walked away from you, be man enough to stay on your ground. Time has answer to everything. be patient. Again, strict NC!!!

[TylerDurdenn]

give yourself time... they are right, go NC, as hard as it may be, it's the best option you have right now. It accomplishes two things: 1. the time for you to heal and to reflect on what's happened. 2. Time to spend time with yourself. I would also like to say time for your ex to miss you but I won't capitalize on that because I don't want to give you false hope.

 

stop analyzing her fb status, you both know you've broken up. that's black and white. She walked away from you, be man enough to stay on your ground. Time has answer to everything. be patient. Again, strict NC!!!

 

Unfortunately I think I'm banking on her missing me

 

Even when I am with my friends I still feel so lonely.. Ahhhh

[faithfully]

Darling,

 

You are not alone, NC is very hard and a mental torture, you're right there. I'm in it at the moment day 8 but as the days go on. It will get better I promise. The dumpee including myseof ive begged, pleaded, cried, not slept and not eaten. Mine bf broke up with me 4 weeks ago officially. Everyday i am getting strong. Some people are not worth our time and love. If its meant to be it will. Ive soon to realise this. Go out have fun, go see old friends you not seen in a while, go to the guy but what ever you do. Dont break NC.

 

You will be fine. Some people come in our life as a lesson, others as a lesson. Take this as a lesson and grow from it.

 

A nice girl will come, somebody who will appreciate you better than your ex

[TylerDurdenn]

Darling,

 

You are not alone, NC is very hard and a mental torture, you're right there. I'm in it at the moment day 8 but as the days go on. It will get better I promise. The dumpee including myseof ive begged, pleaded, cried, not slept and not eaten. Mine bf broke up with me 4 weeks ago officially. Everyday i am getting strong. Some people are not worth our time and love. If its meant to be it will. Ive soon to realise this. Go out have fun, go see old friends you not seen in a while, go to the guy but what ever you do. Dont break NC.

 

You will be fine. Some people come in our life as a lesson, others as a lesson. Take this as a lesson and grow from it.

 

A nice girl will come, somebody who will appreciate you better than your ex

 

Thank you for your kind words.

[AnyaNova]

No contact! Definitely.

 

Also, I have rather come to a "theory of opposites" approach to recovering from heartbreak. So if your natural tendency is to want to huddle inside, licking your wounds in the dark, make yourself go out.

 

If your natural tendency is to want to go out, make yourself stay in and spend some time introspecting on the whole thing.

 

If your natural tendency is to stop taking care of yourself, make sure that you go to the gym, eat healthy meals, do fun things for yourself that you enjoy (even if you know you won't really enjoy them right now, you will start to again).

 

If your natural tendency is to bury yourself in work, then set yourself a timer and stop, and give yourself time to feel the pain. If your natural tendency is to not be able to focus on anything else, and wallow in the pain, set yourself a timer and stop and go do work.

 

Etc, You are creative and I am sure you will be able to come up with many other situations, scenarios, and what not that work for you in engaging your opposite.

 

I don't know why this works, but I am an extremely shy introvert who needs lots of alone time. When I am heartbroken, going out and flirting with men as if I were Sheila social butterfly extrovert, and subjecting myself to loud and sensory overloading places, really helps.

 

And this approach has helped others that have tried it.

 

See what you think. Perhaps conducting an experiment to see if it helps will help take your mind off of things for a little bit. :-) Probably not.

 

Know that pretty much everyone here is in the same boat. Our boats may be different sizes, be coming from different conditions on the ocean, and feel different to all of us, but the boat is heartbreak of some kind or other.

[TylerDurdenn]

No contact! Definitely.

 

Also, I have rather come to a "theory of opposites" approach to recovering from heartbreak. So if your natural tendency is to want to huddle inside, licking your wounds in the dark, make yourself go out.

 

If your natural tendency is to want to go out, make yourself stay in and spend some time introspecting on the whole thing.

 

If your natural tendency is to stop taking care of yourself, make sure that you go to the gym, eat healthy meals, do fun things for yourself that you enjoy (even if you know you won't really enjoy them right now, you will start to again).

 

If your natural tendency is to bury yourself in work, then set yourself a timer and stop, and give yourself time to feel the pain. If your natural tendency is to not be able to focus on anything else, and wallow in the pain, set yourself a timer and stop and go do work.

 

Etc, You are creative and I am sure you will be able to come up with many other situations, scenarios, and what not that work for you in engaging your opposite.

 

I don't know why this works, but I am an extremely shy introvert who needs lots of alone time. When I am heartbroken, going out and flirting with men as if I were Sheila social butterfly extrovert, and subjecting myself to loud and sensory overloading places, really helps.

 

And this approach has helped others that have tried it.

 

See what you think. Perhaps conducting an experiment to see if it helps will help take your mind off of things for a little bit. :-) Probably not.

 

Know that pretty much everyone here is in the same boat. Our boats may be different sizes, be coming from different conditions on the ocean, and feel different to all of us, but the boat is heartbreak of some kind or other.

 

Thank you, I was previously an introvert but since have forced myself out. When I am out with my friends I don't think about her, but like now when I am alone at home she is constantly on my mind.

 

I keep thinking about her with other men and it makes me feel sick!

[bedelgeuse]

Im on day 3 NC where I'm the dumpee from a recent breakup. I know how you feel. Your mind is going crazy and often feel hopeless and maybe even out of control. Just push through. NC works, I've been through a divorce as well years ago where I truly first experienced the meaning of NC. As mentioned before, exercise is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself. I was in an intense workout schedule before she broke up with me, now that we just broke up, I am resolved to workout harder to look better and feel better for myself.

 

Also try going out once a week and do something you normally wouldn't do. Maybe go to a museum, or whatever. New experiences are important in developing new confidence. Just live. I'm in the same boat as a lot of us here but you just gotta push through- good luck!

[TylerDurdenn]

Im on day 3 NC where I'm the dumpee from a recent breakup. I know how you feel. Your mind is going crazy and often feel hopeless and maybe even out of control. Just push through. NC works, I've been through a divorce as well years ago where I truly first experienced the meaning of NC. As mentioned before, exercise is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself. I was in an intense workout schedule before she broke up with me, now that we just broke up, I am resolved to workout harder to look better and feel better for myself.

 

Also try going out once a week and do something you normally wouldn't do. Maybe go to a museum, or whatever. New experiences are important in developing new confidence. Just live. I'm in the same boat as a lot of us here but you just gotta push through- good luck!

 

I would love to try new things, however I'm not sure where to meet new people to try new stuff!? (I'm located in London if anyone is up for doing anything!!)

[ponchsox]

Wow, my ex GF also broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 1.5 years. Did they all get together and conspire against us?

 

I went through a few days of extreme anger, unlike anything I'd felt before. It's because an had put so much time and energy into the relationship and she could just call me on the phone and tell me she wants out so u emotionally. I was pissed, but once the anger subsided I began to move forward. There are times when I miss her but I'm starting to feel good about my dating future.

Edited October 20, 2013 by ponchsox

[TylerDurdenn]

I have just woken up from a bad dream.. About her.

 

Not liking this at all.

[Reels]

I myself used to think the same for her, even though it was her fault, she cheated on me, i would still try hard to find that i am responsible, well, maybe i was in some way.

 

But she only told me more lies, and one day, gone forever.

 

Over a year now, no idea what she is doing, what she thinks about me, i even doubt if she thinks of me.. I will be ever able to meet her in future? If i meet, will she reply me, or think that i am her worst mistake who should be kept aside.

 

Such questions always bothers me, all you can do is, eat the best food you prefer, listen to songs, make your financial position ideal and read something(of your interest).

[bedelgeuse]

I have just woken up from a bad dream.. About her.

 

Not liking this at all.

 

 

I know the feel, I woke up from nap today thinking my head was resting on her shoulder, only to realize I was alone sleeping on a 2 seater couch and not with her in our bed. Everything is sucking right now, but the only thing to do is not let it paralyze you. Think about the things that you wanted to accomplish prior to the relationship. Start doing them. When you go out and do stuff, you don't necessarily need to be with someone. Just trying things you've never done before forces you to meet people you wouldn't have otherwise met. Play tourist in your home town, check out a hobby worth pursuing. The forced time alone from NC will help understand the situation from a better perspective in time. The confidence comes back the moment you live for yourself and not for someone else. Just push through-

[TylerDurdenn]

I just called her to ask if i should give up trying, and she said she doesn't know.

 

I need a long holiday.

[mikejensen3355]

Hi All,

 

My girlfriend ended our 4 year relationship 3 weeks ago.

 

Since she ended it I have been begging her for another chance, as it was my fault our relationship went stale (I was lazy). We have been going on dates and having a really good time together, however yesterday she text me saying she doubts she'll be able to love me again

 

I love this girl more than anything in this world, I would do absolutely anything for her, and to read those words were the most painful thing ever, as I am completely powerless to her decision.

 

I can't stop thinking about her, and I can't work out how she has got over me so quickly!

 

All of my friends/family tell me to go out and have a good time with girls that will appreciate my efforts, but I don't want to do that; I only want her

 

What should I do with myself?

 

Thanks for any advise, and apologies for the poorly written thread..

 

The first thing you're going to have to do is accept that it's going to hurt for a while. Accept that it's going to be one of the worst times in your life. It sucks, I wish there was something I or anyone could tell you that could make it go away right now. Most of us here have been through it, it's the worst feeling in the world.

 

I'm still working my way back but recently have started to feel a little bit better. And that little bit better means the world, I finally have hope again. You will too. You have to find some strength you don't even know you have. You're going to have to do some things you don't want to do. You're going to go out sometimes with friends or with new people and it'll be miserable sometimes. You're going to feel like you're losing your mind and that there's nothing more to live for. But it'll start to change, little by little. You just have to keep getting up everyday and try to be productive and just survive. Know that this won't last forever.

 

No-contact is absolutely essential. She's like a drug to you right now, and you have to go through withdrawal. Hearing from her or being with her, knowing she gave you some kind of attention, is probably the only thing that can make you feel good right now. But it's temporary and it's going to keep setting you back. You have to do the hard thing, right now. The quicker you do, the quicker you can start the healing process.

 

Maybe one day in the future you can be friends, but you can't think about that right now. You've gotta find your own life now. Without her. That's the way it's going to be anyway dude, keeping up friends and eventually seeing her with another guy is going to be killer. Trust me, I made that mistake. Make the decision right now that you're going to take on the pain and start moving on. You're going to have to go through it eventually, and the longer you do this the worse it's going to be.

 

Good luck man, I wouldn't wish this kind of thing on anyone but we're all going through it. We'll all make it and keep taking in all the advice the good people on this board are giving you! It is only after we've lost everything, are we free to do anything.