Jump to content

Need understanding what's going on.


shobee87

Recommended Posts

Hi there

 

This is my first time posting and I am looking for advice. 6 weeks ago my boyfriend of 9 and a half years left me stating that he was no longer in love with me and had become to resent me without giving any clear explanation as to what I had or hadn't done to make him feel like this. We were going through a bit of a rough patch but we have been through worse and I assumed we would work it out and carry on, so it came completely out of the blue when he ended everything. We lived together and have a dog and we both had talked about our plans for the future with each other and they included each other.

 

During the first week of the break up he got in touch advising that he wanted to be friends and I agreed to hang out with him. We met up about a week later but afterwards I knew that being friends was something I couldn't do right now and I told him so. He got very upset and said he couldnt imagine me not in his life anymore and he thought I was making a rash decision. This made me feel like he must still live me and I have a chance of winning him back. He blew hot and cold on me for the rest of the time one minute constantly texting and wanting to see me then next nothing.

 

Yesterday he came round and told me that he was seeing another girl and after some questions I found out that he was texting her before we split up and even though nothing was physically going on with her, he left to see where that relationship would go.

 

I got very upset and tild him that I wont be contacting him again as I cant handle feeling the way I feel and seeing him with another girl. He started to cry and said he cant stand the thought of his life with out me in it and not to make a final decision about whether to stay in contact or not that night and to sleep on it and he kept hugging me. This morning I called and explained that my mind was made up and it was the best thing and he was so cold.

 

Im going nc now and I dont want him back after finding out I was left for another woman but I dont get his behavour at all. Any advice would be greatly apprecuated

Link to post
Share on other sites
keepontruckin

Go no contact, and to hell with him. He left you abruptly for another woman after 9 1/2 years. That's a long time. Many marriages don't even last that long.

 

There's not much you can do at this point, except to try to keep yourself busy and focused on the important things in life. More time will have to pass, but most likely you'll eventually discover that you don't even want this cheater back into your life ever again.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Stick to your guns - definitely go NC. He wants you there as his backup plan.

 

He was deceitful and hurtful. He does not respect your need for distance in order to heal. To act cold towards you after you advise him that you cannot hang around to watch him with another girl is nothing short of selfish and horrible.

 

NC all the way. You will heal, and you will find someone better.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you for your replies.

 

I have realised that he isn't the person I thought he was. I've found out that he is very good at lying as I had no idea that there was another woman involved even before the split. I feel that the only reason he was so desperate to keep me around as a friend was incase it didn't work out with this new girl he could go back to old reliable.

 

It's been one day of no contact and that one day has been so hard. I know this sounds silly but anytime I want to text him, I've been writting what I want to say to him and then sending it to myself. I get the relief of getting to say what I want but not actually have it go anywhere.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a great strategy - do whatever works! I think there's a thread here that you can post instead of breaking NC.

 

It gets easier...much easier! The first few weeks will suck, but soon enough, you'll have moved on to bigger and better things!

 

Keep going - stay strong <3

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Just another question,

 

To give you a bit more of a back ground we got together when I was 16 and he 18. I dont want him back, I have more respect for myself but could this be gigs?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...