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Lost In The Wild


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 6th August 2013, 9:57 PM   #16
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And boy...I'm pretty angry tonight.

Hopefully my posts will be better tomorrow...

I hope the loving, missing soul in me comes out tomorrow because I can't stand this hopeless emptiness...

And I'm kind of mad that he left his sh*t in the first place. I mean, what do I look like? A junk yard?

A junk yard full of nine years' worth of memories and such? Please...Let me put the bottle down. I have to work in the morning...

Last edited by LostInTheWild; 6th August 2013 at 9:59 PM..
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:04 PM   #17
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I cannot believe how many spelling mistakes I made, smart phones are evil.

Also, watch a movie or something similar, go occupy yourself with something. I don't know if I'll ever get to the angry stage... hmmm.
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:10 PM   #18
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Thanks Virgil, I needed that laugh. I mean just today I was texting my friend and the autocorrect came on and corrected (I don't usually spell cool this was) "kool" with "kook." It made me laugh.

I don't know why I suddenly am angry either. I've been sad and mad all day. I guess the drinking and finding out he possibly already has someone else made me very angry. But after these few minutes of venting and talking to my friend, I've cooled off a bit, I think.

I'm glad he's moving his car tonight. I'll miss looking at it wondering why he left it. I'll miss not knowing why he held onto the keys because I secretly want him back -- but whatever, this is coping. This is what it's all about. I'm learning and I feel like I can get through this still even though I broke my no contact to get him to do these things. Again, secretly, I want him to know I will treat this like business as usual. I don't want him to know I'm hurt. I don't think he will ever know that -- unless he asks me.
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:20 PM   #19
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I'm back in my own thread again!!!! >_>

Him: "Those too" (In reference to the keys)
Him: "I wish you would talk to me more."
Me (breaking my no contact agreement once again): "Why?"
Him (almost making me cry right this minute because I hate seeing him suffer): "Because I don't like feeling hated going through this. I can't stop thinking about you and it depresses me."

Okay, okay, let me stop...

WTF should I say to that? I mean, he's going to make me cry yet again! We said our goodbyes and we had our closure! WTF is he thinking already? I've learned not to divulge the details by spending a day on LS. I kept it business as usual but I slipped and asked why and he wants me to "make himself feel less guilty." No...I can't do that. He left me. I won't do the hand holding when I have none in return.

Last edited by LostInTheWild; 6th August 2013 at 10:25 PM..
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:25 PM   #20
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Thanks Virgil, I needed that laugh. I mean just today I was texting my friend and the autocorrect came on and corrected (I don't usually spell cool this was) "kool" with "kook." It made me laugh.

I don't know why I suddenly am angry either. I've been sad and mad all day. I guess the drinking and finding out he possibly already has someone else made me very angry. But after these few minutes of venting and talking to my friend, I've cooled off a bit, I think.

I'm glad he's moving his car tonight. I'll miss looking at it wondering why he left it. I'll miss not knowing why he held onto the keys because I secretly want him back -- but whatever, this is coping. This is what it's all about. I'm learning and I feel like I can get through this still even though I broke my no contact to get him to do these things. Again, secretly, I want him to know I will treat this like business as usual. I don't want him to know I'm hurt. I don't think he will ever know that -- unless he asks me.
Glad I gave you a laugh, whatever helps!

Yeah, it is still early stages for me (nearly a fortnight now) and I did have times when I wanted my ex-girlfriend back, it is only normal.

I've been upset and angry myself, but then in the end, no point to dwell in those things, instead use those energy draining thoughts to turn into some productive actions. People cope differently, so you may have to take a long walk at night, get impressed by skyscrapers or nature then reposition that energy into something self motivated empowering.
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:31 PM   #21
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Gosh, how did you guys end? I'm sitting here seething in anger right now trying not to text him hurtful, mean things. He picked the wrong day to respond...Friends? I think not. Make him feel less guilty? No. When I'm left swinging in the breeze taking on double the bills, sleeping alone, and losing my companion (for better or for worse) -- no.

I hope I'll have something nicer to say tomorrow. I mean I guess I'm more angry with myself because I've been wrestling with my thoughts and trying to keep him out. And my job performance has suffered because of this. That makes me even more angry (although that is the only thing I can control in life).
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:36 PM   #22
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Definitely don't respond when you are angry! It'll only perpetuate the desire to do so. You'll do it, feel better... and then you'll get angry again and want to do it again to feel better. It's not a helpful solution. Try to step away from the situation and clear your mind, and then come back to the situation later.

You're going to be alright!
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Old 6th August 2013, 10:47 PM   #23
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Thank you IOU. I'm trying not to respond and if I do respond it will be in a calm manner. I do not want him to feel this way -- this is friend-zoning. "Oh, it's cool. How are you? Oh, awesome! You're great? Me, too? Want to hang out? Cool! Great. Love ya, bye!"

Nah, I'm good. But I want to be civil here. He knows I don't hate him...we've said our I love you's and such before he moved. Why is he thinking about me like this? He shouldn't be. I remember long, long ago when I dumped my ex and I didn't think about him twice.

However, part of me just wants to tell him to go get laid. He'll feel better chasing someone new in the long run. I'm the dumpee here...I'm suffering more...

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Old 6th August 2013, 11:16 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by LostInTheWild View Post
Gosh, how did you guys end? I'm sitting here seething in anger right now trying not to text him hurtful, mean things. He picked the wrong day to respond...Friends? I think not. Make him feel less guilty? No. When I'm left swinging in the breeze taking on double the bills, sleeping alone, and losing my companion (for better or for worse) -- no.

I hope I'll have something nicer to say tomorrow. I mean I guess I'm more angry with myself because I've been wrestling with my thoughts and trying to keep him out. And my job performance has suffered because of this. That makes me even more angry (although that is the only thing I can control in life).
How did we end? Hmmm ex-girlfriend said she doesn't love me anymore and wants to end it, she also said she envisioned me "taking her away" (because I have dual citizenship) and sad because that didn't happen, but you know, reality is very different than a fairytale...

It is difficult though. Don't do anything stupid like sending him an angry text message!
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Old 7th August 2013, 7:50 PM   #25
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I was feeling okay this morning. I woke up, drank some coffee and contemplated the text message he sent me. I'm just going to say I'm not proud of this. Today has been another setback for me. I decided to pry and ask him questions through text, of course. These messages took place over the course of my shift at work.

Me: "What do you think about when you think of me?"
Him: "I miss talking with you and it's really hard adjusting to you not being a part of my life at all."
Me: "I'm not sure what kind of role I'm supposed to play in your life now. It has always been a romance for me. I don't want to see you with someone else."
Him: "I'm not gonna be with anyone else...Trust that." (Can't trust you to begin with...Wait, what was her name? And the other? Oh, right...)
Me: "Do you think you've made the right choice?"
Him: "Well I'm not miserable but maybe once everything figures itself out I will be a happy person again."
Me: "Why are you confused now? You seemed sure when you left. And basically what I'm reading here is you want another chance after you work things out and figure out who you are? Am I reading that right?"

I was just curious to see if he had regretted his decision in leaving. The way it seemed to me at the time and to my friend was that he was feeling pretty low and felt he made a poor choice. This made me rather angry because not only did I view it the way I just explained, but I also saw this as an attempt from him to relieve some guilt which I was not feeling he deserved from me at this point in time.

Did he think we would be text buddies? Because he sure as hell hasn't called since he moved. I have plenty of friends I can text -- and not one of them treated me with such disrespect in all of my life. I was his doormat. Now I'm a doormat that is completely covered in s*** because I've been walked over so many times. And you know who should be feeling guilty? Me. I should be feeling guilty that I lost my self respect long ago. And I do.

I had told him when he moved there would be no friendship. I will not extend that courtesy to him only to hurt myself and watch him thrive, guilt-free. Nope. And I truly do not want to see him with someone else. I mean, he says he won't but I know he will because I'm saying the same dang thing right now. If Zac Efron walked by me right now...I'd be like ex whooooo?

So back to the texting...

Him: "No...I just feel like I miss our friendship."
Me: "I will miss it too. Look it's over and I can't be your friend. Please don't contact me again."

Okay, that was my winning moment for the day, aside from embarrassing myself at work in front of half the building because I called a chassis a chastity. But to be honest with you all and myself, it was the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to tell anyone and the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He hasn't responded and I don't think he will. I almost fell to pieces at work trying to send this. I cried in the bathroom after it was sent. I know what it means -- and I meant it.

Thoughts on this? I knew I should have left it alone, but still, I was curious. And now I'm back at square one. I'm miserable and he's depressed because he's feeling guilty...And he did move his car. I've yet to hear anything about my keys.

Last edited by LostInTheWild; 7th August 2013 at 7:54 PM..
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Old 7th August 2013, 7:58 PM   #26
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You're not back to square one. You're at the square after where you took control and told him you two won't be in touch again.
Keep your word. Speaking to him only hurts.
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Old 7th August 2013, 8:17 PM   #27
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So, I guess a story is in order for this evening...What I'm hoping for is to leave the negativity in this forum and as I heal, I hope the memories become more positive. So this is why I'm starting with bad things first and will hopefully progress to the positives.

We were about a year and some change into our relationship. He wanted to go the beach with his friends. I thought to myself, let him go and see if you can trust him. We didn't have cell phones at the time so he gave me his friend's number to call. He called me the first night down there. The second night I called and his friend hung up on me. Then my ex called me back in the wee hours of the morning.

When he returned I assumed he was telling the truth about everything and things carried on as usual. He went out and bought a cell phone days before he told me he wanted one (I found out most of these things by snooping and observing). The walls began closing in on me and I saw my dreams washed away. This was when I learned I couldn't trust him. He didn't hold me anymore. He wasn't affectionate. He lied and went out with his friends all the time. He wouldn't make future plans with me for a specific holiday weekend.

He began texting the girl he met at the beach wanting to meet up with her and she only lived an hour away. He told lies about himself to the girl. I called her myself and got the full scoop. Then I called him to see if he would lie. Which he did! No surprise.

Then after he found out I called her he said he was moving out. I said, "Let me help you!" I packed his things that very day. Me and my friend had everything in garbage bags by the time he returned home to get his things. Something in me felt bad for the way things had gone. This was when I lost my self respect and he moved back in a week later. The way it was done was so messed up, looking back. He called me one night and informed me that I could be with him or he was moving on. I was in love. Madly. And I chose the first option.

Everything spiraled out of control after this point.
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Old 7th August 2013, 8:20 PM   #28
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Thank you, unexpected, it's nice to hear some encouraging words at this point. It was so difficult to tell him this. I'm just scared he knows I meant it. I'm scared he isn't hurt. I'm afraid he doesn't truly care. I want him to care, I think.

But something tells me this will be a turning point for us both. I will recover and he will have the life he's wanted. He drinks a lot which could be his downfall. I hope he succeeds at everything he does, but I hope I do, too.
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Old 8th August 2013, 10:19 PM   #29
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Cool Positivity!!!

I've had a somewhat great day. This sting is still there and I'm still a bit bitter, but it's become significantly easier letting him go since I've sent that final text message.

So, the day's events were pretty much the same as the others...But the difference was when I woke up this morning, I didn't seem to miss his presence at all. My friends at work had seen a notable change -- I'm not moping around. And my work habits have been better -- what I'm known for -- getting things done and getting them done quickly.

I emailed my friends all day, too. It's been a long time since I was able to focus on two things at once! Yay! But anyway, I mostly talked about my ex and if he would return or not. Some think he will, some think he won't, but one thing was for sure: I want to be prepared in case he does. AND I did this because tomorrow is the official day (I've decided and I'm GOOD at doing this) when I will no longer verbalize my frustrations, loneliness, and give out my "I miss him so much" speeches. I've said so much I've repeated myself on several occasions which means that book is closed - I've vented on everything I didn't like about the breakup. It's time to talk about positive things. However, I will still utilize this site to talk about this situation as I please.

I actually feel really great about this and exceptionally ready to just type away anything that comes to mind. It's wonderful to be able to do this.

So after work, I went to my friend's house with the box of miscellaneous items I decided he can take back. She was cooking dinner for me and her family. I was afraid pulling up to her house because he now resides in a house two homes away from hers -- great, right? It gets better. There was no parking up the whole block...Except for right behind his car. Wonderful. With no him in sight, I gather my things and grab his. I look in my mirror and there he stands, looking down at something. God **** it. Why can't I just get a break! He couldn't stay in his house for two minutes more!!! Well, it was too late by that point because he was waiting for me. I approached him with the box as he stood near our friend's house.

"OMG, I didn't expect this to happen!" I grumbled as I handed him the box. "What's this?" he asked. "Some things I thought you might want." There was an alarm clock, some important papers, some memorabilia, and a box of jello with two cans of soup. "What's with the soup?" he asked. "I don't like it and you bought it so take it back," I said.

He handed me my keys...sort of reluctantly, I thought. Then he asked for the xbox... WTF? I think my face really looked like the icon I just used. I just said, "Okay." I was trying to think, be indifferent -- get out of here quickly! Go inside now!! I tried to dash for the door. "Hey, I went to the store and I got a lot of peanut butter. Would you like some peanut butter? It's the kind you like with the crunchy nuts and everything..." he said. "Oh, no thanks. I'm good," I said and my heart started breaking. "He asked me if I was sure and I told him I would be fine. "Thanks and I'll see you around," I said, now clutching the door and flinging it open. My friend didn't even know I had arrived and there I was dashing into her house about to start yelling.

I was curt with him. I wanted him to know how serious this was. My friend went outside and saw him standing in the street for an extended period of time. He asked my ex why he was in the street looking at his phone. He told me my ex was picking out a song to listen to while he ran to the gym.

I spent the next two hours going over it in my head and my friend just kept assuring me it was the right thing to do. For future purposes, I asked her how to get in through another entrance, and she gave me the password -- this way I won't be seen. I don't want to abandon my friends because they live so close together, but hey, if the time comes and I have to -- cool. I'm sure she'd understand and get out to see me when she could.

Later on this evening I went to my parent's and picked up a DVD player. It was the only reason I used the xbox anyway. I'll give it back to him (although I didn't want to initially) as my friend said "he's probably just bored sitting at his mom's house." She also warned me to be careful because his mom is crazy "and he might come running back if things get bad with her (they did the last time he moved back in with me so soon) -- so be careful of that. I'm sure he's not happy living there."

Best, positive news I have -- I did not shed one tear. I am not hurting like I would have this past weekend if I would have seen him. I did my best to be cordial, but indifferent -- it turned out to be curt, but hey, he needs to realize the "friends" thing won't work. NO, I don't want your peanut butter -- I'll get my own.

Before I left her house, I did see him again. He walked by quickly and said "Hey, peoples." I said nothing. My friend asked him if he wanted hangers and he said he had enough. She asked him if he was sure and he's like, "to hang myself with?"

Ah, well, life is life. I'm learning to live again. The small joy of seeing my friends was fabulous. The joy I used to find in my work is slowly returning. I might just be absolutely happy by the end of next week. And all the more stronger for being indifferent and nice by returning what he asked for. Sure, I don't want him getting into trouble if he's bored. Enjoy!
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Old 8th August 2013, 10:57 PM   #30
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My ex told me "I really don't imagine myself being in a relationship with anyone else" about two months after we broke up. Four months later - he didn't see a future for us at all. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he did that in the first place or the fact that I fell for it. Don't fall for it. Learn from my mistake.
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