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Find it hard to accept that they have changed


Eivuwan

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Right now I'm doing a good job with NC. I don't even want to talk to him or get a response. But I am having such a hard time accepting that he was not who I thought he was. Yes, there were warning signs, but I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe in his potential to improve. He would sometimes say that his goal is to make a positive impact on society and that's partly what attracted me to him, but his actual actions are the exact opposite. He never volunteers out of the goodness of his heart. He never really does anything for society. He became more and more shallow over the years but I didn't want to see it. I kept making excuses for him thinking it's ok as long as he loves me and that he would change once he feels secure with his career, etc.

 

90% of our conversations involve his job or his looks. I was seriously getting sick of answering his questions about whether his muscles got bigger after a workout. His job isn't his passion and does not involve anything about helping society. He's doing it because it's lucrative. Looking back it's clear that I have opposite values from him. I follow through my values with actions whereas he is all talk but his actions show his true values. The straw that broke the camel's back came when he said he wasn't romantically attracted to me for four years (because I'm not physically attractive enough for him apparently). And that I should have made a stronger effort in sexually pleasing him because he contributed the most money in this relationship. It's nice to know that my most important function as a gf is sexual pleasure and that "physical needs are number 1 to him."

 

I am just in shock. It's so different from what he said when he initially pursued me. I am shocked that he can say such things and not realize how much of an ******* it makes him sound. After the breakup I keep analyzing him to try to understand how this all happened. How I could have been so blind to how much he has changed. I should probably stop analyzing him but it does help with not internalizing all the things he said about me. My theory is that his insecurity about his appearance caused him to nitpick on my looks and that I'm not actually a deformed person who makes everyone feels disgusted when they look at me or something.

 

I just don't know how to get over this shock. It was hard for me to give up on him because he was saying contradictory things during the breakup and said some stuff that I like to hear. Part of him wants a second chance, but I know he doesn't deserve it. Sigh, I just don't know how to accept how someone that I thought loved me can throw me away over such reasons.

Edited by Eivuwan
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mtnbiker3000

Total Douche Bag!!!! You will definitely find someone much better. Just make sure you set some boundaries right away. I have trouble with this too :D

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I am just in shock. It's so different from what he said when he initially pursued me. I am shocked that he can say such things and not realize how much of an ******* it makes him sound. After the breakup I keep analyzing him to try to understand how this all happened. How I could have been so blind to how much he has changed. I should probably stop analyzing him but it does help with not internalizing all the things he said about me. My theory is that his insecurity about his appearance caused him to nitpick on my looks and that I'm not actually a deformed person who makes everyone feels disgusted when they look at me or something.

 

I just don't know how to get over this shock. It was hard for me to give up on him because he was saying contradictory things during the breakup and said some stuff that I like to hear. Part of him wants a second chance, but I know he doesn't deserve it. Sigh, I just don't know how to accept how someone that I thought loved me can throw me away over such reasons.

 

my ex did that to me too while breaking up with me. like you i was shocked for all the things he said. it's as if he wasn't the guy i knew for the past 10 yrs of the relationship. he insulted my body and said hurtful things which he never did in the past. he's always taking care of me and see to it that i had my meal and never failed to ask if i am okay. 2 weeks after i had my operation he dumped me instead of taking care of me. he dumped me for the stupid reason that his son doesn't like me and only wants his mom for his stupid dad.

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my ex did that to me too while breaking up with me. like you i was shocked for all the things he said. it's as if he wasn't the guy i knew for the past 10 yrs of the relationship. he insulted my body and said hurtful things which he never did in the past. he's always taking care of me and see to it that i had my meal and never failed to ask if i am okay. 2 weeks after i had my operation he dumped me instead of taking care of me. he dumped me for the stupid reason that his son doesn't like me and only wants his mom for his stupid dad.

 

Makes you wonder if all the nice things they did for you was so that they can feel that they are a good partner instead of actually doing it to make you happy. Like my ex said he was proud that he didn't want to cheat on me all these years despite my appearance and that he was glad that he was there for me during the surgery... I mean... it's so clear that he is more concerned with whether or not he was a good bf to me than my actual feelings. Like when I make a nice meal for him he said "why would you want to go through the inconvenience of cooking for someone?" It's like he could not comprehend that I was doing it because I loved him and wanted to make him happy. It seemed that for the most part, when he did nice things he was just trying to play the role of a bf instead of doing it because he actually loved me or cared for me.

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